Lost in his embrace

Chapter 3.2

A second later, I feel my phone vibrate against my thigh inside my pocket before I see him thrust his phone back in his. I don't check it because I already know what he texted me. I roam my eyes around to inspect if there are students loitering around because he always tells me that before I make my way towards him, I should make sure that no one is around. When I see none, I take a deep breath before I slowly make my way to my car.

Are we going to stay like this?

He turns his head to my direction when he hears my steps. That look alone can make me freeze midway but I'm not going to let that to happen.

He heaves a sigh and smiles at me. I muster the courage to give him back a genuine smile but it just comes out as force. I immediately look away before I turn around the side of the car to open the door. I slip inside the driver seat and then unlock the other side.

I suck in and out a breath.

I put my belongings on the back seat. I rub the edge of my brow as I wait for him. I see him look around before he decides to thrust himself in.

I don't look at him still and my eyes are fixated to none in particular. A second later, he leans over before I feel something warm on my cheek; His kiss seems to dissolve the coldness inside the car.

He clears his throat. “Van...” I turn my head to him. I wish I know what's on his mind right now. I hate him for being so good at hiding his expression.

Nothing comes out my mouth. I'm lost for words. I'm lost in his eyes. I was right. His eyes seem to glow in the dark. I have seen it in close proximity a lot of times but I still can't get enough with them.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat before I muster up the courage to speak. “Do you like the ring?” I'm pertaining to what Jessica handed him earlier in our classroom. I paid someone to morph it. Too bad I couldn't give it to him directly. He told me to ask any of my classmates to give it to him, that's why Jessica was the one who handed the ring to him.

I look calm on the outside but the truth is, my heart is currently in my throat. I was thrilled when I told him I wanted to give him something I designed myself but what came after was a huge rock of disappointment when he said he couldn't receive it directly from me.

“It's so beautiful. That's the sweetest thing I've ever received in my entire life," He says while he tries to show me his finger that has the ring. I look at him but I can't figure out his expression because it's too dark in our spot and that means I can't know if he's lying again.

“A pity that you don't let me give you things directly from me.”

No one knows I'm gay at school except for Britney and perhaps Jessica, so I can't quite fathom his reasons why can't everyone see us go together.

He even forbids me from talking to him inside the school even if no one is around us. What is he afraid of? Is he ashamed of me? His parents know that he's gay for damn sake! They know and support our relationship and so do my parents. Do we still need validation of our relationship from other people? How many validition does he need because I'm ready to beg—kneel down in front of them to accept us if that what he needs.

“Van.” He runs a hand in his head and leans his back against the back rest.

I heave a sigh. “It's alright, I don't want to force you either.” I give him a forced reassuring smile.

We decide to meet every day in the parking lot and we've been doing this for two and half a year already and it slowly drains my hope—hope that maybe he will be proud of our relationship atleast once.

His arms reach me before he pulls me into his embrace. He shifts his body against the door so that our position will be comfortable. I feel his hands gently rub my back back and forth. My eyes suddenly become heavy from his touch. I long for this so much. His touch is akin to a magic. Every time he does this, I always forget that I'm upset with him.

I nuzzle my nose in his shoulder near his armpit. I hear him stifle a laugh. I turn my head up to see him daringly look at me; I can barely see the smile plastered across his face because of the darkness that completely envelopes us.

He gently pushes me off him before I see him take his shirt off. He leans over and gently kisses my forehead. I close my eyes to indulge myself in the warmness of his lips that spreads inside my body. He places his chin against my head before I hear him softly say, “Van. . . Just give me more time.” I only nod, even though I don't know what kind of time he's asking but that's his decision. I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't really want to do in the first place because I don't want our relationship to work in coercion.

We let ourselves indulge in this position for no one knows how many minutes and it feels so. . . I try to find some impeccable words but nothing surfaces in my mind. . . No words can explain what I really feel right now.

Comfortable silence reigns between us before I speak.

“Tyler,” I whisper as I settle my face on the warmth of his chest. His arms are still tightly wrapped around me. I close my eyes and feel the rhythm of our heartbeats. He puts his chin off on top of my head before I feel him prop his nape against the windowsill.

“Hmm?” He runs his fingers in my hair.

“I need to go now.”

“Why?" I don't know if he knows about the practice but I know he joins the dance club.

“We have a practice.” I imagine the face of Bryan, our class president, boiling with rage. I look at my wrist watch to see it's already twenty-four past six, The time flies so fast, I feel like we've been here for ten minutes only.

“Now?” I can imagine the creases that are forming between his eyebrows right now based on his tone.

We can only express our affection in my car or in a place where no one is able to see us. Although I hate it—loathe it even more but I can't do anything about it and our time is only limited every day since we still have obligations at home. Did I tell you that our parents support us? Actually. . . Yes. At first, It's really hard since, From what I knew specially our parents, we were not gays. In truth, not even in my wildest dream did I imagine I would choose to become gay two years ago. I was as straight as the tallest building in the world. The thought of having countless wives even surfaced in my mind when I was a child.

No one can really foresee our future because it's just an illusion we make in our mind, we create our future for what we do now, I'm gay now and I will be gay in the future because that's what I chose when I met Tyler.

“Yes.”

“One minute.”

“Okay”

“We both need to participate. You also join the dance club, right?" I see him nod. He might be the ugliest voice you will hear but he's the best dancer you'll ever see. I swear. I once asked him to teach me how to dance but when I tried to copy his moves, He would burst out laughing and make fun of me. When he felt me getting piss off, he would stifle his laugh and continue teaching me. After that incident, I never ask him to teach me again.

“I don't feel the need to practice,” He brags. A smile is tugging on my lips as I see his image in my head smiling wide right now.

Well, I'm not wrong because when I turn my head up, my eyes are welcomed with his smile that reaches his eyes. “I want to see you dance. . . I already miss your moves.” I turn on my chest and then reach his eyebrow with my index finger and play its edge. I feel his steady heartbeats match mine and it's like a song in my ears.

“Which moves did you miss?”

“The ones you're good at.” I feel my cheeks redden when I realise what did just come out of my mouth.

“Ahh. I miss your moves too.” He grins and laughs. He never misses putting a fist to his mouth every time he laughs. I find it really sexy and weird at the same time. I give him a glare and he laughs even more. My eyes accidentally catch the time on my wrist watch.

I'm doomed

“We have to head back,” I say and gently pull myself out of his embrace. I Don't feel my phone in my pocket vibrate once again, I guess my mother hasn't replied to me yet. If I had known, I should have texted my father instead.

“Stupid practice,” He says under his breath. I can hear the irritation in his tone. I also don't like the idea of us leaving in the car since it's the only place where I can speak with him like we're really dating.

“I have to go first.” I nod and sigh inaudibly. I don't know if he notices that.

He leans over and cups my face with his big palms and quickly kisses the tip of my nose before he departs. Why can't we be like this in public? Why do we need to hide like our relationship is some kind of plague that spreads sickness.