Unholy Temptation: Sinful Natures 4

1 JED “How’s my baby boy?” The comfort of Mom’s voice eased some of the tension riding my shoulders. “Exhausted,” I muttered, climbing out of my car. “Renee called and told me Mrs. Jenkins passed away.” The secretary I shared with Pastor Welker enjoyed chatting about the church’s going-ons, and with her being Mom’s best friend, I wasn’t surprised by the call. Mom always checked in with me whenever the gossip mill churned up drama. “Yeah, this morning,” I managed past the tightness in my throat. The devastation of Mr. Jenkins and their three young children had hit me hard while I’d visited with them that afternoon. Blank stares, some tears, and one angry twelve-year-old screaming curses at God for taking their mommy from them. “Your Dad and I are praying for you, Jed.” I swiped my suit coat over my stinging eyes. “Thanks, Mom.” “Call me later if you need to chat, okay?” We said our goodbyes, and I let out a heavy exhale, ready to shed my suit and the heaviness in my heart. While having a high level of empathy was a great thing for an assistant pastor, some days I struggled beneath the weight of the life I’d chosen. At least the sun hung longer in the sky, chasing the gloom of winter behind. I paused in my walk to my apartment building, lifting my face for a kiss of warmth—the only caress of affection outside my family that brought happiness to my soul. Soaking in a few seconds of rays and three deep cleansing breaths eased some of the grief I’d dealt with that day. The slam of a heavy door pulled my eyes open. A moving truck sat near the front entrance a couple hundred yards away, two men conversing at the pull-down door by its rear. The taller of the two stood with his back to me, his wide shoulders and dark hair reminding me of my first and only crush. He’d been gone sixteen years but still haunted my mind. I turned toward the side entryway, not having the emotional strength to linger on the past and the last night I’d seen Aiden McNelis, my brother’s best friend. Their college graduation party had been the one time I’d hugged someone besides a family member, and I could still feel the strength of his arms that had felt so right. Like I’d been born to be his. Eighteen, and I’d known in the deepest parts of my soul that I would love Aiden and him alone until I breathed my last. Pushing aside my fondest and saddest memory, I let myself into the building’s side entrance and began the trek up three flights of stairs. With every step, I imagined shedding the cares of the day until all that remained was a worn-out single male who needed some dinner and his favorite fuzzy socks. I shuffled down the hallway, digging my keys from my slacks’ pocket while clutching my briefcase in the other hand. Footfalls sounded far behind me, but I didn’t have the emotional energy to turn and make small talk with whichever neighbor approached. The hairs on my nape stood on end as a tingle crept down my spine. “Padawan?” My heart stuttered and raced at the nickname only one person had ever called me. His voice suggested cigarette use even though he’d refused to touch cancer sticks. The perfect aphrodisiac to my ears. Surely they deceived me. I stared at my apartment door. The exhaustion of the day weighed my shoulders down, probably prompting my mind to play tricks on me. “Padawan?” The same voice—Aiden. Adrenaline coursed through me, waking my senses and sending shivers over my skin as the raspy tone had done since I was a kid. Swallowing hard, I turned, taking in the six-foot-plus gorgeous man striding toward me. The man from the truck, I realized. A tight T-shirt stretched over his broad shoulders, but more girth swelled his prominent pecs than when he’d been twenty-two. Gym shorts cradled a bulge I tore my eyes from for a quick glance of muscular thighs and calves. Aiden was and always had been an unholy temptation in physical form, a god-like being blessing the rest of humanity with his presence. His smirks while winking at me and his laughter had brought my body to life like nothing else. My one and only… “s**t. It is you.” He grinned while I stared, struck dumb. He had become my obsession from the first time I’d seen his twinkling hazel eyes and tousled dark hair. So beautiful my belly had flipped and my knees swooned whenever we’d been in close proximity. Aiden had appeared in my first wet dream at age fourteen and continued to haunt me when I chose not to masturbate for months on end. Heat flooded through me, settling in my groin and face as he closed the distance between us. Pulse pounding between my ears, I licked some moisture to my suddenly dry lips, my hands clenching my bag and keys with a death grip at my sides. “Aiden…” I coughed to cover how I’d croaked his name. “Wh-what are you doing here?” I sounded like a squeaky kid. He stepped right into my personal space and yanked me up into his arms, taking my feet clear off the ground. Easy to do since he towered over me by a good eight inches. My heart threatened to burst, but I soaked in the feel of his hard chest, every swell and dip, crushing against my much smaller one. Delicious, subtle cologne, more citrus than spice, replaced the Axe he used to bathe in as a teen. Strong biceps squeezed me while I selfishly took the moment to breathe him in and glory in his touch. Countless times, the memory of our first hug had flashed inside my head, my body stirring with desire until I gave myself release, then felt guilty for my sinful l**t. Same as that night, he tempted my groin to react, but Aiden set me back on my feet before I swelled fully and embarrassed the heck out of myself. “It’s good to see you, kid.” Kid. But his grin, those eyes full of laughter, made me not care so much that he saw me that way. I slid my briefcase in front of me to keep from embarrassment, stood as tall as possible on shaking legs, and lifted my chin. I was nothing more than a shadow beside the virility he emanated. With my build, slim no matter the muscle I gained, I would have been considered a twink while in my twenties. At thirty-four, I still couldn’t grow a beard to save my life and only had to shave once every three days or so. “It’s good to see you too, Aiden. What are you doing here?” I repeated, sounding somewhat normal even though my insides hurled around like a tsunami. A brief furrow lined his brow, the happiness from earlier fading a bit. “Jacob didn’t tell you I was moving home?” It would have been nice to be prepared, but leave it to my brother to forget to fill me in. “He hasn’t mentioned it, no. Wife. Kids. The job.” I offered excuses for Jacob, shrugging as though unbothered by how we’d grown apart. “Shannon and I split up,” Aiden said, his tone bland, his eyes emptier than I’d ever remembered seeing. Loneliness, I realized—and recognized inside myself. “I’m sorry to hear that.” I meant the words since Aiden would never be anything but a secret fantasy of mine, and I had wanted him to find happiness with whoever he loved. “Don’t be,” Aiden said, gesturing his hand as though he’d left her in his past with no qualms, but a shadow lingered on his face as he glanced away. “I decided to come back to the only place that felt like home to start over again.” He’s here to stay. I smiled, my insides settling somewhat from the initial shock of seeing him in the flesh. “Welcome back, then.” Aiden dug a key from his pocket and held it up. “Looks like we’re neighbors.” He tipped his head to the door directly across from my apartment. My breath left in another rush as I imagined how often we would run into each other—and what it would do to my libido on a daily basis. “Get outta town,” I muttered, that heat flushing through me again. “Just got here, kid. I’d rather stick around for a while.” His smirk and familiar teasing wink brought to life the butterflies I hadn’t felt in ages. “What are the chances?” I asked with a huff while shaking my head, wanting to faint and curse at the same time. Aiden shrugged, his gaze flitting over my button-down shirt and slacks. “Fate ordained it.” “Or perhaps God did,” I suggested and immediately bit my tongue. It was more likely the devil’s work since my new neighbor would be nothing but an enticement to the sinful nature I’d easily ignored for countless years. Why, God? How could you allow this to happen to me? After Aiden had left for California, I’d followed in the footsteps of Gramps and Grandpa, hoping He would change my s****l longings to that of a normal person. But that prayer had gone unanswered too. Even if desiring a man aligned with what I’d been taught since a child, Aiden had been like a third son to my parents, and any relationship outside platonic would have been seen as incestuous if found out. Family was everything to me, my niece and nephew the little loves of my life since I knew I would never have children of my own. Their mother Trish was like the sister I’d always wanted with her tender kindness and affectionate nature. Stepping outside the world I’d been raised in would rip all I’d known to shreds, and I couldn’t have that. “Jacob told me you became a pastor.” Aiden studied my face as though looking for something, but I had no clue what that might be. I’d always been the pious one of the Simpson boys, the quiet and nurturing to Jacob’s wild and uninhibited spirit. It only seemed right I would follow in both our grandfather’s footprints in becoming ordained. Mom and Dad telling me all the time how they took pride in their son who chose the ministry gave me a sense of having done right—even if I didn’t feel true to myself. “Assistant pastor,” I said, “at Simply Grace Church.” The study of my face continued long enough I shifted in my dress shoes, more than ready to get out of my work clothes and pull on some sweats. Who was I kidding? I wanted to escape the citrus scent in my nose, the flutters in my belly…the need to hold my bag in front of me to hide what Aiden’s closeness did to my libido. If not for Aiden, I would have labeled myself asexual. No one else had ever lit desire to life inside me, only memories of his younger face and the way he’d strutted around shirtless whenever Mom and Dad weren’t home. Palpitations fluttered my heart over memories of his chest I’d never got to touch. Kiss. Bite. “When did you move in?” I managed to get words out without revealing my arousal. “Just finished and sent the moving truck on its way.” “Do you have dinner plans?” I spewed without thought and immediately cursed in my head over the possible consequences to my poor body. His slow smirk sent another rush of butterflies through my core. Definitely a mistake. “Is that an invite?” “Pizza,” I blurted when I should have taken back what I’d tossed out. “With ham and—” “Pineapple,” we both said at the same time. Smiles rose on both our faces, easing some of the tension in my shoulders. But none from my aching groin. “Sounds good to me, Jed.” Not kid, not Padawan. My heart sang, and my pulse thrummed as my lips stretched into a full-on grin. Mistake or not, I wasn’t about to retract my offer of dinner and catch up with Aiden. I would enjoy the sight of him, hide away memories to dream about—and eventually repent after I allowed those fantasies to dictate the actions of my sinful nature. “An hour?” I suggested. “It’s a date.” Aiden winked and turned to unlock his door. My gaze dropped to his backside and the shorts hanging off his narrow hips. His a*s hadn’t changed. The round globes made me want to bite a juicy apple. My mouth watering, I spun on my heel, jamming my key into the lock—and imagining a different type of insertion. Damnit. Swallowing hard, I hurried into my apartment, shut the door, and leaned against it. My bag hit the floor, my head tipped back, and my eyes closed. Why? The only word I could whisper before God’s throne, but same as every time I prayed, I didn’t hear a peep of an answer. Living by faith was incredibly hard. Prayer didn’t give direction. The Bible didn’t work like Siri did with his sexy British accent whenever I asked him a question. I filled my lungs to capacity and slowly let my exhale leak between my parted lips, telling myself I had to calm my libido back down to its usual status of six feet under. But I could still smell Aiden. It was like his cologne stuck in my nose hairs, lingering. Enticing. And the sight of his face behind my closed eyelids…I’d thought he was hot in his early twenties. Thirty-eight looked damn fine on the man, the slight lines bracketing his mouth and the corners of his eyes making him even more appealing to me. Obsession in human form, one I wouldn’t be able to avoid. I didn’t want to. “I’m in trouble,” I muttered to myself. My groin throbbed, and I glanced over the tent in my slacks. I didn’t pack a lot down there, but considering I rarely saw the sight I observed, it appeared obnoxious in its l**t for a man. But not exactly unwanted and in my opinion, far from disgusting as I’d been taught from childhood. I slid my trembling hand over myself and let out a whimper. It had been too long since I experienced an erection—even longer since I bowed down to need and gave myself release. Aiden is coming over for pizza. Here. In my apartment—just the two of us. That thought sent me scurrying toward the bathroom, and I tore off my suit as I went, leaving pieces on the floor in my wake. Coat and tie landed in the kitchen within two steps. Shirt and belt in my bedroom doorway. Slacks, briefs, and the thin socks I hated ended up in a line leading toward the room I would hide in while j*********f. Nothing would ease the ache except ejaculating, and I couldn’t wait for the shower’s cold spray to warm up. I hopped right in, squirted conditioner on my palm, and took myself in hand, my breath in gasps as though I’d been out jogging for an hour. “Damn.” I clenched my teeth, determined to keep the other curses in my mind from escaping my mouth. My balls seized up tight against my groin, uncaring of the chilly water raining down over my shoulders. Hand pumping, hips jerking…five seconds later, I erupted without having to imagine anything but Aiden’s eyes peering down at me as though trying to read into my soul. A guttural cry ripped from me at the first shot of c*m that splattered on the shower wall. Countless others joined, every throb in my groin weakening my legs until I sagged forward, sucking oxygen into my starved lungs. Still, I came in dribbled spurts until I trembled and went limp. Knees giving in, I sank to the shower floor, thankful the water warmed on my head and face. A pleasant buzz lazed through the blood still thumping in my ears, and I closed my eyes, soaking in the sense of euphoria, the tingles racing over my skin and settling into my fingertips and toes. An addictive feeling I’d thanked God for taking away from me for so long, but with Aiden’s return, same as when I’d been younger, I knew I wouldn’t be able to set aside my desire for him. Letting out a heavy exhale, I ran my hands over my hair, tipping my head back. Hot water pinged off my face, my eyelids, and my nose, and I held still until I needed breath again. I got my feet beneath me and scrubbed before using my luffa to wipe down the mess I’d made on the wall. All evidence of my sinful spend swirled down the drain, and I climbed out and dried off on wobbly legs. I hadn’t come that hard in…years, and even though the sense of sweet release remained, guilt pricked at the back of my mind. I avoided my reflection in the mirror, thinking it might help ease my conscience. It didn’t. Sexual perversion. Two words I’d heard countless times from Pastor Welker and the pulpit I’d submitted to echoed in my head. I offered up a quick prayer of repentance, not even knowing if God listened. “You’re a man now, Jedediah Simpson, not some horny teenager,” I muttered to myself while pulling on new boxers and a pair of sweats. “You can exercise restraint and be his friend.” Eat pizza, play catch up, maybe watch a Star Wars movie like we used to do back when we were kids. It would have to be enough because I’d chosen to dedicate my life to God no matter how much my body would have preferred worshiping Aiden.