Bethenny.....
Dear Bethenny, It's been two years, two long beautiful year's with you by my side. You're the reason I believed in love, you've changed me into becoming a better person and I will forever be grateful. The love I hold for you is incomparable but, I feel I've been locked in this relationship with no way out. It's not you, you're not the problem. It's me, I just want to explore more! Knowing you, you'd say, what's more? More is, seeing and being with someone other than you. That's more! You're everything a guy needs, I hope you can understand that I love you and will always love you. But it's not my time to be with just one woman and I think you should go out and be with other guy's as well. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. We're both still twenty-five years of age, we have a lot more time before we can start worrying about marriage and children. I know that's your dream and every other girl out there, but that's not what I'm looking for now. You have it all planned out, your perfect job to your perfect apartment, to whom many children you. While I don't! You are truly what every man needs, sweet, kind, successful, intelligent, beautiful, just everything! Also you're stiff, and a bit boring at times. Always wanting everything to be perfect, live more on the wild side Beth, while you're still young and beautiful. I'm just sorry I didn't find you enough, maybe we'll see each other one day and laugh at this. I don't know what I'm saying, heh!
Take care Bethenny, love Lucas....
It was seven in the morning, I didn't sleep all night. Coming home from work yesterday, I expected to find Lucas packed and ready to go visit my parents. It was they're thirty-five anniversary and I was bringing home the man I gushed over the past two year's, only to find a letter I've read over and over all night.
Trying to wrap around my head, what the f**k was going on, what did I do wrong? I sighed ans huffed.
My mind was blank, I didn't know how to react, it's as if I felt numb, lost, hurt with myself for not trying harder, but what was it that I haven't done to make him feel loved.
Why was I blaming myself?
The ringing of my cell phone distracted my thoughts as I sat on the floor in a pile of torn up pictures I distorted last night. Getting a grip of my feelings, I answered the phone.
"This is Bethenny, how may I insist you?" I said with no amount of feeling inside me.
"Hello Bethenny! I am Charlotte s**o, I'm calling to make an appointment with you. I would love for you to show me your latest designs, the gown you made for the senator's wife was absolutely breathtaking." She rambled on.
Why was her name familiar?
"Thank you Mrs. s**o, I'm available today if you like, I'll bring my designs or if you had something in mind, we could make it come to life." I stated firmly.
"Oh, wonderful my dear, do you have a pen and paper to write down the address?" She chirped happily.
Grabbing my notepad, I wrote down the address and bid my farewell. I didn't know if I could stay in this apartment anymore, too much memories of him in every corner.
Maybe he was right, maybe I am stiff, but I wasn't going to cry over him. I gave him my all, never once put him down in any way, made him a king under my command and what does he do? He walks away from his kingdom like a coward.
I was a f*****g queen that would make him pay, no matter how much my heart is aching now, I would never fall. I've worked my ass off to be this successful and hell if I let a man bring me down.
I exhaled the ache inside me, but it wasn't going anywhere. Wiping my tears away, that fell without a warning. I stood up and took in my appearance as I stared at the mirror that hung above the beige dresser.
"You did nothing wrong Bethenny, you will NOT cry over him, you will shove this aching down your throat and man the f**k up." My chin wobbled as I stood there.
Trying to hold on tight but I knew I was breaking. My breathing was out of control, my heart was literally broken. I felt how it was, the aches wouldn't leave.
God, make them go away.
Maybe if I cried, it would ease the pain?
I laughed at the thought that crossed my mind.
What will crying do for me? Will it heal my broken heart?
No! But it will help a bit.
My god, look at me! I was talking with myself. Pulling my hair back, I stared at my reflection. My hair was a mess, my face still had yesterday makeup on, I felt physically exhausted.
Maybe I should cancel the appointment with Mrs. s**o.
Grabbing the phone, I dialed mother's number to tell her I wouldn't be coming. The phone rang for the fourth time before she picked up. "My sweet child, did you arrive yet?" She said in the most sweetest voice.
"Hi mama, I called to tell you that I'm not coming. Lucas and I broke up or more like he left me." I said laughing but my insides were dying.
She just kept extremely quiet. "You know what, I'm glad he did! He wasn't in love with you Bethenny, I could tell he wasn't and I never liked him. He wasn't fit for you, I still don't know what you saw in him?" She said. Her tone suddenly changed. "I will hunt him down and break him to pieces my dear, are you ok?"
NO!
"Of course mama, I have an appointment today, I'll see if I can book a flight after that and come spend time with you and papa, I'm just sorry I couldn't make it today." I said sadly.
"Oh my baby, it's ok to cry sweetheart." Tears misted in my eyes.
"But I don't want to mama." I replied sadly.
I can hear papa pacing around while mumbling. "What is that old man saying?" I asked as I walked over to the walk in closet.
"He said that he will make him pay for hurting you."
I loved my parents, my relationship with them was very healthy and open but when introduced Lucas. They both we're somewhat disappointed in me, they wanted me to date a man who had his future planned out. Lucas didn't have one, he was a laid back person that never gave it much thought about the following day. There was no "save it for the rainy day", he just took life one day at a time. While I had everything planned out, we would sometimes argue about his carelessness but then he would listen and do what I say.
"Tell papa not to waste his time on him, I just wished I listened to you both, you did warn me about him." I declared as I grabbed one of my pants suit out.
"We love you Bethenny, just know, we're here for you." Mama said.
I didn't know how I will manage this appointment but I had to get out of this place. Dressed and ready to go, I grabbed my sketchbook and my designs in another book, heading out my apartment as fast as I could.
"Mom, I'll try to book a fight after I'm done with my client. I need time off work and I miss you guys, I'll talk to you soon, bye!"
"Bye dear!" Mama hummed lowly.
Don't think about him, just forget him!
Hailing a cab, I entered and gave him the address. I checked my appearance one last time in my mirror, on my phone as I took the makeup remover wipes and washed my face clean. Apply liner and mascara, I shook off my feelings, I masked them as I always did.
Thirty minutes later, the cab enters a gated two-story home that was absolutely elegant. Paying the cab driver my total, I exited and walked up the steps. The door was open as people walked around like mad people on a mission. A maid caught me staring at them and walked my way. "How may I help you?" She asked.
"I'm Bethenny, I have an appointment with Mrs. Sago." I said looking at her very provocative clothing. I look around and noticed that all the maids were in short tight black dresses that reached mid-thigh. I frowned a little as I found it very disturbing. "Ah, yes! Mrs. s**o is waiting for you, please do excuse the mess." She said leading me into the very interesting house.
Sago, where have I heard that name before?
I entered a very chic living room where two ladies in their late forties chatted away. "Mrs. s**o, someone is here to see you."
Both heads turned my way, eyeing me up and down. "Hello Mrs. s**o, I'm Bethenny!" I said as I walked over and shook her hand.
"Welcome dear and please call me Charlotte, this is my dear friend Clara, please have a seat." She offered nicely.
"What would you like to drink my dear." I stared at the woman with a smile. "Coffee will do, thank you!" I replied.
"Three coffee and see if there's any sweets on your way as well." She told the maid.
Taking a seat as gracefully as ever, I knew that she was from the upper class but why was her maids dressed like that?
"Please excuse the mess, this is my son place. I came to visit him, since he doesn't." She stated answering my question.
Figured!
~~~~
5 hours later....
I was growing tired, Mrs. s**o was really giving me a hard time. She didn't know what design she wanted, stating that they were all "missing something", I mean, I've had worse than Mrs. s**o but I couldn't take it anymore.
"I don't know Bethenny, you must have some other designs you haven't shown me yet." She said.
I just wanted to go home and sleep, I didn't know why she was stalling.
"Maybe you can find another designer Mrs. Sago." I said looking down at my watch. "It's getting late and I must go, I'll try to bring your design to life, if possible but I highly doubt that what you asked for can be achieved."
This crazy woman wanted wings on her dress, this ain't no Victoria's Secret.
Yes I was bitchy at the moment but I just wanted to leave, I knew I should have just cancel this appointment.
"MOM!" A voice yelled which I remembered. I turned around to face who spoke, only to have a smirk plastered on his lip.
"Ah, Alexander! Where have you been?" She gushed as she got up to greet him.
What was he doing here?
"Alexander, meet.."
"Betha", He said before his mom did, she gave him a confusing look.
"I could have sworn I knew that last name, how are you tats?" I said calling him by his nickname I gave him in high school.
Alexander Sego...
He was the guy all girls fell for, his bad boy look and deep brown eyes that took one's breath away. Not to mention that he was tatted up from head to toe.
"Do you know Bethenny, Alexander. " His mother questioned.
"Of course mother, who doesn't know Bethenny Michael Bank's? Her father owns half of New York." He said. The shock on her face was priceless, I never give my last name out due to father. He was well known and the second richest person in New York, I didn't want people hiring me for that I was Mr. Bank's daughter but for my hard work and dedication.
His eyes roamed over my body, not like that was odd. He always did that in high school for four year's, my heart started to pick up the pace as I remembered old memories.
Falshback...
January...
"Hi! My name is Alexander, but you can call me Al." He said with a smile on his face
"Bethenny!" I said.
February.....
"Psssss, hey! Go out with me" He whispered from behind me.
"No"
"Please" He begged.
"No"
March......
"Why do your parents let you get inked?" I asked curiously.
"Because I'm a badass", He said with a smirk.
April....
"Please Betha, go out with me", He said for the tenth time that day.
"No! Your the biggest player in this school. Why would I say yes to you?" I shouted loudly.
May...
"Pssss" He whispered.
"Leave me alone, can't you see we're having a quiz?" I said annoyed.
"Psssss", he said again.
"Bethenny and Alexander, out of my class, now!" Mr. Nell said.
"But, I didn't" I stuttered.
"I said now, both of you!" He demanded.
Heading out the classroom, "Look what you did, it's all your fault" I yelled.
"Calm down, It's not the end of the world" He replied.
"Let go of my hand you i***t", I said pulling it out of his grip.
He pushed me against the locker as his arm's caged me in place. His eyes stared at me intensely, as if he was looking for something. His lips skimmed my forehead gently, my nerves were out of control. I dare to look up at him and I wish I never did, his hands held my face gently, kissing me into another dimension.
End of flashback....
"Never thought I see you Betha, you look shitty." He stated while laughing.