My Laughable Fate

17. How disappointing

LEIA POV

“What the hell is going on Sian?!” I couldn’t hide the panic in my voice, especially since I was talking to my wolf out loud. The second I walked into my cabin, and I was alone, all these different thoughts and emotions flooded my head. Like, why did my coochie purr at the thought of Herc making compromises to be with me?

She’s purred before, all appropriate times I might add. This was not only appropriate, but beyond confusing! Especially since she's never wept like that before. What a traitor! She knows the rules. “Gatita mala (Bad kitty).” I growled before finally taking a seat in the small kitchenette that’s near the front door.

Sian finally showed signs of life but the whining sound she made was not comforting. “What the hell was that? Are you dying?” It’s honestly the last thing I needed to hear. My wolf sounded pathetic and hurt. “I’m…. Very… very confused.” She was just as panicked as I was.

An alarm went off in my head when I realized that both my wolf and I were panicking. Usually, one of us manages to keep our eyes on the prize. “There are too many things happening right now. We need to break things down and go from there.” It was the only way I knew how to handle things.

The first and most important thing is completing my mission. It will get me closer to finding Onyx and killing him. Priority number one. I can handle the re-training and restructuring, but there is no way I’m doing the Alpha’s job. No, but I am going to teach him several lessons before I leave here.

That brings me to my second priority. Getting rid of this stupid bond. I might need to bite the bullet and reject him. He will feel pain and I will too. Then he will reject the rejection, so his pain will lessen, mine will remain punishing me for rejecting him. Then I wait for the full moon.

All of that would cause a spectacle that would distract from priority one. Which brings me to the other distraction, the one in my pants and.... somewhere else. When did I go from thinking Herc was a fine piece of meat, to thinking he was sweet and sexy? Shouldn’t that be impossible considering the bond that’s still very much intact?

“It’s weakening. It only grows stronger if you nurture it. If you ignore and disrespect it, it dissipates. Though the attraction is harder to get rid of.” She said sadly. “I know that sounds horrible, but it’s actually a good thing. Except for the attraction thing.” It is. “Why?” She asked, a bit irritated.

“Because it will make our rejecting one another much easier. Which will happen before the next full moon.” That I would make sure of. “It also makes it possible for us to find other wolves appealing. For a new attraction to grow and the one we have for him to fade.” She sounded as if she was just realizing that herself and explaining it to me. “It feels odd.” She confessed.

It feels like hell no! “We don’t have time to grow anything, Sian. Besides, Herc is not only part of my team but he is my second in command.” I shook my head because a small part of me was considering it. “There are no rules against it.” She reminded me. “I have a rule against it.” That’s enough for me.

TWO HOURS LATER

If I could only get my wolf to stop gripping at me. With all the what if’s and could be’s. That’s why when Delta Oscar called to invite our team to the pack bonfire tonight, I accepted. There was no way I could sit at home, listening to Sian’s theories. Which she’s had many… too many.

She wasn’t pushing me to reject Paul or go for it with Herc. The poor thing was so out of sorts that all we both knew for sure was that we were frustrated and irritated. As his scent drifted in my direction from where he was approaching behind me, I debated if I should walk away. I got stuck comparing their scents. One was musk and spice and the other mint and pine.

“I think we’ve done enough walking away.” Sian mocked, breaking my thoughts. She as right, we’re not used to walking away, not at all. That’s probably why I stood my ground and faced one of my… troubles? Was he really trouble? “I came in peace, boss lady.” He spoke and very slowly walked around so that he could stand in front of me.

The good thing about this situation, which is not at all like our last, is that there are crowds of wolves here to dampen any lustful thoughts. “Never stopped mom.” Sian chortled. Eeww. “You came here to drink and relax, just like I did.” It was said as an order and not an observation.

He did as he was told and took a beer from a huge barrel that was surrounded by wolves several feet away and then proceeded to sit next to me. I'd found a nice flat rock that had a perfect view of everyone at the party and didn’t allow anyone to sneak up behind me. Unless I let them, like I did with Herc.

We were far away enough that the music and sounds of chattering didn’t allow other wolves to hear our conversation. That’s unless they shut everyone and everything out. At this point, most of the wolves were too drunk to do that. That didn’t mean I wanted to chat.

“Why did you leave? I wasn’t done talking.” He asked, then took a sip. “I was done talking.” I stated simply and continued to wolf watch. It’s hard to let my guard down when I don’t trust half the high-ranking members in this pack. It also gives me a reason to ignore Herc.

He grunted and narrowed his eyes at me. I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel his dark eyes on me. Instead, I scanned the room for threats. “You think he’s coming?” Sian asked. “Don’t care.” That was a lie, and she knew it. He was a threat, or sorts. It was obvious that I was also scoping the place for him and his chosen mate.

Herc turned his body to face me, our knees pressing together. I forced myself not to look down or flinch away. “Why does it feel good… not sparks kind of good, just.... amazingly good.” I asked Sian, who was little to no help. Her logic ends in accepting our mate and marking them. This gray area is not her business.

“I know you feel something, I can tell. Not just attraction either.” He examined my profile, but I managed not to choke on my saliva as I forced it down my throat. “Doesn’t matter what you think you can tell.” Not right now, not in the situation we are in. The situation I’M in.

When his big, calloused hand landed on my cheek and gently turned my face in his direction, my mouth dropped open to curse him out. But I couldn’t. He had the sincerest and no bullshit look on his face. Why was is so hard for me to ignore it and tare him a new one? “It does.” He asserted, his eyes searching mine.

Of course, it mattered that I trusted him and admired him. That I respected and sought out his advice, not only for work but in personal matters. That he makes me laugh and gets my jokes when everyone else says I’m not funny, just mean. He gets me… and it matters. Right?

Our eyes were locked and I couldn’t help admitting that he and Luke were the only two people who made me feel at home when far away from home. “I’m not going to knock you over the head and drag you into my cave. Unless you want me to.” He grinned. I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Herc. I can’t.” It hurts to say that because, honestly, I kind of wish we had been each other’s first mates.

The grin slipped off his face but the thumb, connected to the hand that was still holding my face, caressed my chin. “Master Sargeant Leia.” I had been so enveloped in Herc and mine’s stare down that Alpha Paul had managed to creep up on me! That is why mixing business with pleasure is a NO NO!

The way Alpha Paul growled my title and name, it was beyond glaring that he wasn’t pleased with my proximity to Herc or the fact that his hand was now slipping down my cheek and landed on my knee. Really Herc? Paul’s eyes were pinned on Herc’s hand, which is why I didn’t shove it away.

“Unless you’re here to have a drink with us, I’m off.” I stated and turned my attention back to Herc, who had his eyes narrowed on Paul. They were both more focused on each other than me! Good. I'm not at my one hundred best right now and they both have my hormones out of wack.

A low grumble came from Paul before he stepped closer and pulled me up by my arm. It was so unexpected that I didn’t have a chance to react. How dare he! “What the hell is wrong with you!” I hissed and shoved the hand he had wrapped around my arm away.

His eyes were black, and he was baring his teeth. Not at me, at Herc. “Down pup.” Herc said darkly, his canines extending. “Sian, is it wrong that I think this is hot?” Even if she says yes, who cares? “Not at all.” I love her. Now I won’t feel bad about drooling a little when I should be kicking their asses.

“I am the ALPHA of this pack. You will respect me!” Paul growled, effectively getting everyone’s attention. Herc was already up and ready to face the Alpha head on. The music was still on but without the chattering and all eyes on us, there was no hiding Herc and Paul altercation. Not good.

I finally got back into Master Sergeant mode and pushed Pual back and stood in front of Herc, startling them both. Everyone gasped because I pushed the “Alpha”. “That’s enough. Do you have business with my second in command? Or me?” I asked as whispers began.

Paul looked around before glaring at Herc. It seemed like forever before his eyes darted at me. It looked like he had a lot to say but... “No.” He snapped and shook his head. “How disappointing.” Sian sighed. I guess we both thought that maybe…. Just like that he turned and stormed away. “Were you expecting more from the Alpha?” Herc’s gruff voice brought my eyes back to him.

Yes, I’d watched the asshole leave. Because stupidly, as Herc pointed out, I had expected more. “I thought for sure he would make it harder for me.” He said in disappointment. Hadn’t I explained there couldn’t be anything between us? “Lamely, sord of.” Sian muttered.

Before I repeat myself, with more conviction and less lameness, he rushed forward and pecked my cheek. His soft warm lips were only on my skin for seconds, but the heat that spread from that spot and all the way down to my core remained long after he turned tail and walked away. “I’m going to hurt you tomorrow.” I said through gritted teeth.

His retreating form had a slight skip in it, one he won’t have tomorrow. “Worth it!” He had the nerve to chirp back happily. As if he hadn’t just kissed me in front of several wolves, and at least one high-ranking member. That Gamma was around here somewhere earlier. What is Herc trying to do?

“Same thing he did yesterday.” Sian said in amusement. “What?” I was more curious about her cheekiness than anything. Wasn’t she all mopey a few seconds ago? “We felt something. I can’t explain it, but you know we did.” She was saying something that shouldn’t be possible. You can’t start having feelings for one wolf while you still have a fated mate bond with another. It's impossible.