FALLEN

[Prepare you tissues darlings, you might need it] … "How does it feels like to burn, not in fire, but in hot dripping larva... How does it feels like to be lost, with not a single sense of direction... How does it feels like to want to tear your heart out, and rid of yourself of every single s**t called emotions and feelings... How does it feels like to be lifeless and feel at peace like that is what you always wanted Not to go deep, What is the even the definition of peace? What is love? And what is happiness?... I don't know all this things, and to say I have ever even felt it was when I was a kid, you know innocent and all naïve, but now?, now it is something forbidden, and rather replaced with the feeling of been buried in a water, the feeling of drowning, suffocating, dying, even though you are living I knew it all too well... A feeling that tore me apart, broke me into pieces, and made sure there was not any single remains left A feeling that no f*****g amount of shitty "Sorry" could ever heal, a feeling worst than any kind of pain, you name it: Gunshot, stabbing...This feeling like a wolf was the "Ultima", and it was this same poisonous feeling that got mixed into my blood, and turned the remaining part of me into a living dead, a demon, anything that was bad and wrong, you name it, and made emotions become nothing to me The demons in me made love become something so far away, something that couldn't be found in my dictionary, something so unreal that the word "Love" looks like nothing but a lie...well it was, there was no f*****g thing called love [Sad huh?, I told you to prepare your tissues] But this demons in me weren't satisfied yet, Nah... This depressing self hating feeling broke me beyond repair that anyone, any freaking body in my shoes would chose to just end this ever lasting loop of suffering, and die at last....anyone but me even though I felt like I was living on hell. Yes, at first I concluded that something was wrong with my logic for still choosing to stay alive in other not to please the s**t of people that had hurt me: The bullies, the ex, every f*****g one who had broke me, but now?, now I guess the reason I was still alive and wasn't dead was because of....HIM, the one that finally crossed path with a broken mess like me