The Wayward Axe

MARCHING DOWN THE AVENUE-1

MARCHING DOWN THE AVENUE

Farley woke before dawn and listened wearily to the woods around him. It was cool now, the oppressive heat and humidity of the day had not set in and if he did not have to go on this road march today, he might have just enjoyed this bit of respite.

“What the hell time is it anyway?” He wondered and turned the ignition key in the car on and saw the radio time of 3:45, that’s a hell of a time to be up, he thought to himself. Can’t see s**t in here, so I’m not even messing with that pack this morning. I’m tired of packing and unpacking! He declared to the world as he exited the driver’s side noisy side door to his van and grabbed his gear and studied it for a moment.

What the hell am I missing? I know I’m missing something! I know I’m going to get halfway down this road and some damn thing that I probably got four of sitting here I won’t have one of then but Bullshit! If it isn’t in this pack or on me it ain’t going so...Ready, Set...OH, Your left, right your left...” Farley began to sing marching cadence to himself as slung his pack and set off on his journey.

The sun began breaking the dawn of the forest as he walked along and he began seeing the land’s dark features a little bit better. “Well, it looks like I’m heading towards the lake. This would be a royal b***h if I was headed in the opposite direction,” Farley thought ominously.

“Why is it I can’t remember a clue about how to orient myself with one of these damn button compasses?” he thought as a squirrel skittered through the leaves and underbrush, giving him a start.

“Hey, squirrel, if you are kin to that scruffy heathen up the road that was throwing leaves and branches at me all day, I already done told him I was moving on!” Farley said joking with the animal that he had definitely snuck up on or didn’t care as he scuffled along in the dirt. Hey, that’s something I should be thinking on, I need to be making me some noise getting down the road so snakes and animals know I’m in the woods. Of course I shouldn’t be doing it too loud, it’s not like I’m in Alaska shouting at the bears.

That reminded me, it’s pretty dang crazy what they can sell to people and its pretty dang crazy what will work but...bear bells! Yup! Some people attach tiny little cow bells from the supply store so they could sound like Tinker Bell going through the woods! Farley always thought such shenanigans might ring the dinner bell for some critters that didn’t understand Wall Street advertising and he dang sure didn’t want one of his hunting buddies calling him any names, so that notion went out the window.

But singing softly or loudly in the presence of any critters he wanted out of his way that might be listening to his frog-like voice sometimes made sense to it. “Going down that dark, dusty road, singing my song...” he began singing and humming softly just to raise his spirits and just in case it did scare off a snake.

Now what in the hell is that? Farley said to himself spotting a bit of white paint in the distance. Somebody’s got them a house way out here in this neck of the woods after all, I gather, he thought to himself squinting into the distance.

He slowed his step and readied his axe that was now his critter getter in response to any chasing car dogs that might think it was funny to put a scare in him. You know them sons of bitches that wait right until you get close to them and then all of the sudden start racing alongside causing you to freak thinking that you’re going to hit him.

As Farley got closer, he noted that the bit of paint that he had seen and the glimpses he got through the woods evidenced a long abandoned ramshackle house of a bygone era that he wished he knew the story or history of.

See, Farley, all you have to do is go right down here and you have a ready-made house you could salvage or move into! But no, we’re going to the lake, right? He knew the place hadn’t seen habitation in Lord only knows when, but he still kept an eye on the place like some ghost or zombie horde was going to rush out after him and he was happy when he finally cleared it.

He thought how foolish that was and how he used to love to find and explore old, abandoned places, but to find this one here so close to his stash was something to consider as he stopped and reconsidered exploring this place. But that place had something dark and ominous about it that just didn’t feel right to him, gave him the creeps you might say. He thought about that feeling and decided to proceed on his way. Besides, its green mossy roof shingles laid decades ago was caving in over one section and the wet looking broken down porch had the same aura about it that told him there was no welcome here.

Funny, he thought, any other time I’d be snooping around that place like no tomorrow if it seemed safe to do. But today is for the living and not visiting the dead and I got miles to go before I probably have to sleep in a place like that tonight. Farley walked along this old piece of God forsaken road about another three miles and the sun was getting high, it was about 10:30 in the morning when he arrived at his next point of consternation.

“Aw hell, boy, somebody’s living over there. I wonder what’s going on? That yap-yap dog up ahead hadn’t had a chance to see me yet, I guess he’s barking at something else.” Farley considered, slowing his pace.

“Oh, the axe I got in my hand. I ain`t putting it up, I’ll just have to lower it.” He said to himself going off the on-guard position. Damn, it sounded like a good idea to tote the thing but walking down the road trying to say Hi to a neighbor with it in my hand now just doesn’t seem right.

That’s probably a damn Chihuahua or some damn designer peek-a-poo dog that they make these days yapping at a squirrel or something. They run around yapping at everything thinking they’re doing their job! There are definitely some people living over there, though ...maybe they got some gas to sell or trade for and that would be cool!

Maybe they’ll give me a friggin’ ride back up the road a few miles with some gas and that would be even cooler! Maybe they’ll shoot my ass and that wouldn’t be cool at all.” Farley considered as he crept up to get a better look at the place.

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