The billionaire's lost love

Moving on, or not

Jaxon

I am fuming, at myself for believing that my actions wouldn’t change how Carina feels about me, and my best friend for having his hands on her. I want to pull him into a corner, demand what is going on between them, but I don’t want to make a bigger scene than I already have and more than that, I don’t want anyone to know how affected I am by her.

I really thought I could do it, just walk away from her and never look back and I was doing fine, I didn’t constantly think about her, I didn’t wonder if I did the right thing by walking away from her, but then I saw her coming out of that stairwell with Carter, laughing at each other’s joke and I wanted to smash my best friend’s face in. When she didn’t even spare me a second glance, I tried to do the exact same thing, but f**k, she looks good, so damn good and I couldn’t look away even if someone tried to turn my head away.

Footsteps heading my way makes me turn my head and the fucker that was placing a possessive hand on my girl’s back less than two hours ago is walking right past me. I reach out and stop him, and he turns to look at me. “Yes, Jaxon.” He asks with an eyebrow raised.

“What is going on between the two of you?” I ask him and he pulls his arm from my hold and crosses it over his chest, feet spread apart. He looks at me like he is ready to break my face in and my anger goes up a notch.

“What is it to you? You left her, no explanation. You have no right to know what is going on in her life.” He says and my fist clench, the need to hit him is almost unbearable.

“So now you are happy with going for sloppy seconds?” I ask him and before I can blink his fist is hitting my jaw. I am knocked back a step and my jaw feels like it is on fire, but I laugh, the pain far better than the rage I am feeling inside.

“There is nothing f*****g sloppy about Carina.” He growls and damn, don’t I know that. Carina is the definition of perfection and innocence and all I wanted to do the second I met her was ruin her, make her dirty and make her mine. That is why I ran, because I knew I could never keep her. “You better get your f*****g s**t together Jaxon or you are going to end up getting your ass handed to you. Archer might love us and respect us, but if any of us ever hear you say a bad word about Carina again, you will be digging yourself an early grave.” He growls as anger burns in his eyes.

“Yeah, I hear you. You know I didn’t mean that.” I say as I rub my jaw.

“I know you don’t. Anyone with eyes can see the way you look at her, f**k you looked like a starved puppy the way you have been staring at her for the past two hours. I know why you left, I know why you feel like you have to push her away, but I am telling you now that you are an i***t for ever leaving and if I were you, I would chase that girl down and beg her for forgiveness and then I would drop down on one knee and get a ring on her f*****g finger before it’s too late.” He says and I flinch at his words. There is no way that is ever happening.

“It is already too late. You heard what she said, if I follow her, I will lose my balls and I am very attached to my balls.” I try to joke about it, but there is no humour in my voice.

“We both know your balls haven’t been working since you left her bed three months ago, you really don’t have anything to lose.” He says, but once again he is wrong. I have the most important part of myself to lose when it comes to Carina and I’m not willing to put my heart on the line. “Whatever man, it is your loss. Just don’t come crying to me when she finds someone else, because that is bound to happen.” He says and then turns around, leaving me to deal with the images of Carina with a faceless man’s arms wrapped around her. I want to vomit at the idea of it, but I know it’s for the best. Carina deserves better than a man that refuses to get his heart broken.

I leave the hospital, making my way to my car when I see Carter opening the passenger door for Carina. She doesn’t look at me when his head turns to look at me. She says something to him, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek before getting in the car. Carter smirks at me when he sees me fuming a few feet away before he closes the door and then jogs to the driver's side of the car, flipping me off as he gets in. I know what he is trying to do, and I hate him for it. I don’t know if Carina even knew I was standing here, looking at her as she kissed my best friend, but I take it all as my sign that she is moving on and I should do the same.

Instead of heading to my hotel room, I head to the gym, my fist clenching and unclenching as I make my way to the nearest punching bag. I don’t care that I am standing in my jeans and t-shirt in a gym full of shorts and wife beaters, as I start hitting the punching bag, imagining every male that might try and touch what is mine. I shake my head at that thought. Carina isn’t mine, she stopped being mine the second I walked out of her life, taking every piece of myself with me.

“Hey there, handsome.” A female voice says from somewhere behind me, but I ignore her. “Seems like you have some steam to blow off. I can help you with that.” She says and I stop punching, turning to look at the woman.

“And what makes you think you can handle what I want to give?” I ask her, sweat making my shirt stick to my back and chest.

“I can guarantee you satisfaction.” She says as her eyes roam over me. She bites her lip in a way that should be seductive, but it looks ridiculous from where I’m standing. When Carina bites her lip, she has that shy and hungry look in her eyes and there is nothing sexier, but when this woman does it, she looks like she is trying far too hard to impress. Why the f**k am I comparing this woman to Carina?

“Your place or mine?” I ask her, it’s time to get Carina out of my system. She smirks at me, her eyes lighting up with lust. I really don’t like that but at least she is beautiful. Her body is slim and hard, her breasts a bit too large to be real but I have never complained about that before. Her hair is dyed blonde, but at least her eyes color seems real. The green is nothing like Carina’s smooth brown eyes, but still pretty. She has high cheekbones and a straight nose that looks like it has been worked on, but it still suits her. f**k it, she is just a body to get lost in, I will prove to Carter that my balls work just fine. “Well?” I ask her, already regretting my choice and if she keeps looking at me like I am a happy meal she can’t wait to devour, I might just back out.

“My place.” She says with a coy smile as she turns around, picking up her gym bag and starts walking towards the door, not checking to see if I will follow. f*****g woman has an ego on her far bigger than my own. Normally I would drink that s**t up, but I have had a taste of the shy in public and animal in the bed kind of woman and now this just turns me off.

I am doing this to prove a point. I need to show to myself that Carina doesn’t have a hold on my balls as much as I want to prove it to Carter. When we get out the gym, I put my game face on, picturing this woman, whose name I don’t even know to be just another nameless woman that I f**k and leave. I have done it before, this shouldn’t be any different. I get in my car and follow the woman to her apartment, the entire time I want to shout at her, tell her she is reckless and stupid for inviting a stranger into her house without even knowing his name. How often does she do this if she doesn’t have a care in the world about her own safety anymore? Better question is, why the f**k do I care. I am just here to use her to forget about the woman who has her claws in my heart.

When we stop in front of a luxurious apartment building, my anger climbs up another notch, clearly this woman has no issues with money, yet she invites strangers over who might just end up robbing her or kidnap her for ransom. Is this woman alright in the head? I stop behind her and turn off my car before getting out. I follow her to the lift and as soon as we get in, she is on me. Her scent is sweet, and I nearly gag as it overwhelms my senses, but I kiss her back, pushing her against the metal wall. She moans like a porn star and I want to tell her to shut the f**k up. I have barely touched her, and she is making those noises, what is she going to do when I do put in some effort? I am not so sure I want to find out.

 By the time the lift stops at her floor, her tongue is down my throat and I nearly push her off me just to get out and away from her scent, but I keep telling myself that I have to do this, just a bit longer and I will sink into her heat and get it over and done with. Instead of pushing her away like I want to, I pick her up and carry her to her door, only to realize that I don’t know which apartment is hers. She pulls away from the kiss and I want to sigh in relief until she f*****g giggles, not the sweet giggle that Carina use to do, but an annoying giggle that grates on the last of my nerves.

“The third door is mine.” She says, wiggling her ass for me to put her down. “s**t, we forgot my bag in the lift.” She says and I want to groan in frustration. My d**k isn’t even hard yet and now I will have to wait for the lift to come back up so that she can get the damn key.

“You know what, this was a mistake.” I say and I wipe my mouth and take a step back. Her mouth falls open and she looks offended.

“It didn’t feel like a mistake when you were rubbing your hard c**k against me a second ago.” And she is delusional as well. Yeah, no I am booking it out of here.

“It’s not hard darling. In fact, it deflated even more if that was even possible. Sorry, but you’re just not worth it.” I tell her as I turn around and start walking back to the lift. I see the stairs on the other side of the hallway and decide I will rather take my chances with the stairs than wait for the lift to come back up. No way in hell do I want to be standing here longer than I should.

“What the f**k is your problem?” She shouts after me, but I just wave a hand at her, not even bothering to turn around. Carter was right, Carina has my balls in her hand, and I will just have to learn how to survive with my hand wrapped around my junk for the rest of my life.