Second Time Around

My Own Mess

*Seth POV*

Man, I have screwed my life up so badly. I never should have broken things off with Katrina. She had a way of keeping me in line without realizing she was doing it.

When my mom left me and my dad to be with her boss, something inside me snapped. I no longer gave a s**t about anything or anybody, well except for Katrina.

I started to self-destruct, and started drinking. I met Matt Walker at a local pub that was known around the school for serving underage kids as long as they were at least 18. He told me about his group of friends, and how they liked to run the streets at night finding things to get into.

Little did I know then that hanging out with them would ruin my life.

Today I was sentenced to 6 years in prison for contributing to arson attacks. I take full responsibility for my role, and will do my time. I just hope the love of my life stands by me, at least until she leaves for college. I can't and won't expect her to stay with me. Not now.

I have been here for close to 2 months now. Katrina graduated from high school with honors, and came to visit me after the ceremony, still in her cap and gown. She told me all about how boring it was, and was just happy it was over with.

She started to tell me how guilty she felt gloating about her achievement since I wasn't able to do the same.

"Kat, babe, don't you ever f*****g apologize to me for succeeding in life. Girl, I got my own damn self here, and it's my own damn fault that I couldn't accept my diploma right alongside you. I love you, and thank you for thinking of me. However, it's time for you to move on, sweetheart. Go get that college degree, and open all those fancy boutiques you always dreamed of. Do it for you, no one else. Show these mother fuckers in this godforsaken town that no one can hold Katrina White down," I lectured her.

She started to bite the inside of her mouth, and I knew I had said something to piss her off or hurt her feelings. I knew Kat like the back of my hand, and I was about to get my ass chewed out.

"Seth Michael Davis! How dare you tell me I have to move on. That isn't your choice! It's mine!" she bellowed. One of the guards started to move towards us, and she lifted her hand to apologize. "I'm sorry, sir. I'll lower my voice," she said with a shaky voice.

He moved back to his position, and her and I continued our conversation.

She let out a sigh and I could see her frustration. Her cheeks had gone pink, and I could tell she was fighting back tears.

"Listen to me, and please listen close. I will not abandon you here, Seth. The visits may get fewer and further between when I leave for school, but I will still put money on your phone, and extra on your books when I can. However, I am not leaving you alone and moving on. Promise me that you will not shut me out like that," she begged.

I wanted to pull her close to me and reassure her that everything would be alright. That when I walk out of here, we would be together. I just couldn't give her false hope.

"I will make that promise as long as you make a promise for me. When you get to college, you only worry about what you need to do. I will make due with what I can. I was told at the intake orientation that after 6 months, as long as I had good behavior, I would qualify for work detail. They put the pay on my books, and it would help me buy things I need, plus little extras. I was also told that after 6 months, I could do online classes and finish high school. Get an actual diploma, and not just a GED. I'm going to make the most of the time I have here, Kat. I'm going to keep my nose clean, and just do my time, but I promise, as long as you hold up your end of the deal, I won't ask you to walk away," I told her.

She agreed to what I said, and even though it may not seem like it right now, she will see in the end that I'm only looking out for her. A prison is no place for a girl like Kat. I hate that she is even here right now, but at the same time, happy that I can see her beautiful face.

Since the day I met her all those years ago, I have thought she was the most beautiful female I had ever seen. She hates her freckles, but I love each one of them.

I have told Kat a million times that I love her, but I have never told her exactly how much I was IN LOVE with her. Until I am a free man again, she won't know.

So, until that day comes, I will value any time I can have with my best friend.

"When are you leaving for Knoxville?" I asked her. She started to fidget and wring her hands. I don't know why she felt like avoiding any questions about her leaving, or school, but I didn't want her to avoid it because she was worried I would get upset.

It was to the point that I wanted to touch her face, hug her, whatever I could do to get her to understand that her happiness was honestly all that was important to me.

I started to attempt to touch her hands, and the guard gave me my last warning.

"No touching during the visit, inmate. You know the rules, let's obey them, so you don't lose your visitation privileges," he said.

He wasn't a d**k about it, but I knew he meant business and would suspend my visits. I couldn't risk that right now, not until she left for school.

She got us some snacks and sodas from the vending machines, and we enjoyed the time we had left for the day. She told me about how Matt's girlfriend had already moved on with his brother, Jake. I had to laugh at that one, because Matt always said he felt she had a thing for his brother.

She then told me how one of the cheerleaders who gave her hell all the time found out she was pregnant by Theo Stockton, the head jock of the school. She said as soon as Theo found out, he dumped her right in front of everyone.

She continued to fill me in on the school and town gossip and events, and before we knew it, the guards were yelling the dreaded words, "Times up!"

I stood, so she could come around and hug me. We were allowed a quick hug and a peck on the lips. Nothing more. As I hugged her tightly, I made sure to take in deep breaths of her smell. The way her shampoo smelled, her perfume, whatever scent I could take in, I needed it like fresh air.

I cupped her cheeks to give her a kiss, and I heard her whisper, "I love you, Seth." Tears started to flow down her face, and I kissed her forehead and hoped that I didn't get reprimanded.

The guard saw it happen, but instead of yelling at me, he just waved me to go on before I was late getting back to count.

"I love you too, Kat. More than anything. Please, remember that. I'll call you later, "I yelled at her as they ushered me back.