Second Time Around

Trying to spare her

*Seth POV*

I was livid. I didn't mean to lash out like I did, but my girl had just been raped, and there was nothing I could do for her. I thought for sure I would be sent to the SHU for my violent outburst, but thankfully, I wasn't.

The correction officer in charge of monitoring calls saved my ass on this one. Her name was Gloria Martinez, and on this day, she was my saving grace.

She kept me up to date on what was happening, and told me that Ms. Millet, our school guidance counselor, was with Katrina.

Her mom, rapist and many others had been arrested for what went down at Kat's house, and all I could think about was that it was about time her mom got what was coming to her, finally.

I called my dad, and told him what happened. He said he was wondering what was going on, but didn't go investigate. As much as I depend on my dad, he is honestly no better than Kat's mom when it comes to parent of the year.

When Kat's dad died, her mom became the town pump. When my mom left my dad and me, he became the town's alcoholic. In my eyes, both worthless, but in the end, the only parents we had left.

When I was taken back to my cell, my cellmate, Marty, questioned where I had been. I wasn't about to tell him what happened to my girl, nor was I going to tell him that I was permitted to sit in the phone monitoring room with the guard who helped Kat. It was honestly none of his business, so I made up a story.

I told him that it was an issue with my dad, and that he was sick. He said he hoped my dad felt better, and I thanked him. I didn't know him well enough to trust him with that kind of delicate information, but once I did, I would come clean. I hated lying to people, especially when they only meant well.

About 3 hours later, one of the guards came back to my cell to take me to an office to accept a phone call. When I answered the call, I heard her sweet voice, and knew she was crying.

"Seth?" she whispered. "I'm here babe, I'm here," I said. Her tear floodgates opened, and she sobbed in my ear as she told me everything that had happened from the second I lost it, until she arrived at Mr. Darnell's house.

I was happy she was staying with Mr. Darnell. He was like the grandfather she never had, and he loved her like his own granddaughter. I knew he would see that nothing happened to her, and that she would stick to her dream of college.

"Kat, listen to me babe. You just take care of what you need to, and get the hell out of this sorry ass town. Pineville has never been kind to either of us. Follow your dreams, and never look back. Even if it means leaving me behind. No, do that in spite of leaving me behind. I only want the best for you, and right now, it's not me, baby. It's definitely not me," I whispered.

She started to protest, but I wasn't going to listen. I had to do this for her. Even if she didn't realize it, this was for the best. My heart shattered as I disconnected the call.

I felt as if I had let her down and abandoned her again, and maybe I did, but this time I knew that if I didn't, she would be stuck in Pineville forever. She would never have left for college, and I would have ruined her life.

Truth is, Katrina White is too good for a loser like me. I ruined my own life, and I wasn't about to do that to her. Never again.

I looked up at the guard, and asked him to take me back to my cell. He tried to talk to me as we walked, but I just shook my head and he got the hint.

As he opened my cell door, he patted me on the back and shut the door behind me. I lay on my bunk thinking about everything that has happened today.

My life changed forever. Worse than it already was. When I came here, I at least still had Kat to come see me, and to talk to. Now, I have walked away from her on the worst day of her life. Not because I wanted to, but because I f****d up my life, and wasn't going to f**k hers up worse than it already was.

I didn't sleep at all, and before I knew it, the sun was rising. We were called for a count, and then released for breakfast. After looking at the slop that they had fed us this morning, it made me miss Kat even more.

Today we ate powdered eggs, toast, some kinds of mexican rice and a slice of bacon. Rice for breakfast was an odd thing for me, but I still ate it. I wasn't in a position to purchase anything from the commissary yet, so it was eating this crap, or to starve.

"DAVIS!" one of the guards yelled. "SETH DAVIS!" he called again. I put my tray away and approached the guard, telling him I was Seth Davis.

"You have a visitor," he said, and led me to the visitor's room. I stood staring at my visitor, and when our eyes met, I felt worse than I did last night.

"Katrina, what are you doing here?" I asked. She stood to hug me, and I pulled away. I could see the devastation in her eyes, and I heard her whisper, "Please, don't do this right now. I need you."

I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to turn away from her. I pulled her back to me and gave her a quick hug, and sat down to talk to her.

She looked as rough as I did, and I knew she hadn't slept either. "Seth, I knew eventually I was going to have to walk away. Just please don't make it any quicker than it needs to be. I have almost 3 weeks before I have to leave. Most of that time is going to be tied up in court and investigations. Please don't make me face this without your support," she begged.

I hadn't thought about it that way, and was only trying to spare her in the end. However, she was right. I couldn't abandon her completely.

"I'm sorry, I keep trying to do what's right by you and I keep messing up. I'm tired of hurting you, Katrina. I love you so damned much, please, just tell me what you need," I said quietly.

"Seth, you aren't messing up. You messed up getting yourself in here, but you haven't messed up with me. I'm still here, aren't I?" she asked.

I nodded and wondered how she could still be so understanding while going through what she was going through.

"Change the subject please," she asked. I laughed and asked what she wanted to talk about. We started talking about everything other than the crisis that had happened to her less than 24 hours ago.

We spoke about her college classes, and if she had decided on an apartment or dorm. She said that she had rented a room off campus with 3 other girls, and that it was cheaper than dorm costs.

"I rented an attic bedroom off, but near campus with 3 other girls. It is almost $400 cheaper a month than dorm costs, and utilities are included. I just have to figure out my food and other expenditures. I think I have a job in a coffee shop, but I won't know for sure until next week. I just wish you had been going with me," she said.

I hung my head and whispered that I wished I were too. Maybe if I had listened to her a little more, I would have been.