Hot Love Alexithymia

Where is this place? I ask as I try my best to control my heavy breathing. he looks at me and doesn't say a word, continues forward and closes the room door... now this room is having dim lights so it looks really dark, maroon walls, the walls are textured like some soft cotton material that is covering the walls, the bed has slightly brighter lights around it and as I stand besides this bed that looks even bigger than a king sized bed, the bed is the only thing in this room. I walk towards him and say where are we? I wanna leave. he suddenly grabs my jaw as he lifts my head, pushing it backwards. at this point my heart skips two or more beats but I am still trying to conceal my lack of air and try to remain calm while looking him in the eyes to show him that I am not scared. he looks me deep in the eyes and starts laughing and he says if you could only feel the way your heart is tripping! did I startle you ham clean girl? I give him a sarcastic laugh, quickly grab his neck, move closer to his ear breath warm air in it and whisper don't provoke me, I will put you at your place don't think I am the kind of woman you can handle. then I pull away and the look on his face is priceless he looks so lost and I tell him if you could only feel the way your heart is tripping... he takes a deep breath and smiles saying well played. he gives me a serious look and says if you wanna play then lets play, just when I was about to reply he pushes me against the bed and starts to remove his clothes, for a moment I am distracted and watch as he removes his clothes but at least he leaves his underwear/ boxers on or else... I don't know!, he looks at me and I quickly look away. he jumps on the bed, I try to roll away, he places himself on top of me, places my hands on top of my head while holding them down and kisses me just on the corner of my mouth looks at me and gently bites my lower lip pulling it and lets it go. I try to get myself out of b*****e, so he forces me down a little harder and kisses me forcing his tongue in my mouth, pulling and sucking my lips ohhh my goodness I thought and before I know it I am kissing him back, mimicking all the things he was doing to me and just when I was really getting in to it he pulls away with a smile and says with a soft and husky tone you are a really good kisser for someone who has never kissed or are you just a fast learner ham? and he is moving to my neck with small kisses and now he is holding my two hands with one of his hands and the other one is under my shirt moving up toward my chest and then down again to my waist. without intending to, I moan. he stops, looks at me and he is like already? he lets go of my arms, I sit up feeling super embarrassed at what just happened. he crawls at me and he is legs apart with my legs in between his legs, he pulls my bola downward and starts kissing me again and I remove my leg from between his while I kiss him back and put my legs around him, he turns around and he is siting on the bed and I am top of him, he removes my blouse and I help but as we continue to kiss he tries to reach his hand on my cookie area. when I feel that he is trying to get to the "area" I quickly react and push him away and he is like wait don't, I am sorry as he holds me by the arm and I tell him to let me go. how can I let you go if I know you want it just as bad  as I do? I don't want just let me go! you are wet, do you know that? so why are hiding the fact that you want me when I already know that you do? I sit besides the bed so that I can wear my blouse back and when I look up after my head came out of the blouse he is standing right in front of me and his "thing" is just there in my face, centimeters away from my mouth and he says, touch it. honestly I almost did cause I really wanted to do it but I got hold of myself and told him, I want to leave now! he steps back and says why cant you just give in if you want it too? I just stand and he says wait! I will get you out in a minute, grabs his clothes and we walk out of the room... Wait lets hold up a little bit, I was just giving a little taste of the heat that is waiting ahead but before we get there let me introduce myself first just to show some manners so that you don’t think I am that type of teenager, that is rebellious and into s****l things since I started already with the hot stuff, I didn’t really make a nice impression and since they say you only get to make a first impression once, I don’t know if I will be able to fix that. But don’t worry its not going to get too hot like the 50 shades type of hot but its going to be hot. Moving on my name is Inesh, I am 17 years old and….. ham… I am guessing this is all I have to say for now but I will make sure you get to know me better as I continue to tell you more about myself and hopefully you enjoy it as well because I am a very interesting person, I hope so! lets get started from the beginning.   A long, long time ago a beautiful, cute, chubby, dark brown skin girl with short curly bushy hair was born (well at that time the skin was not really dark yet it was light because you know babies are always born light and with time the prettiness disappears and soon pretty babies become not so pretty adults if you get me.) on the 6th of June of 2000 (what a pretty date, 6 of 6.) in a fun, hot , and humid African country called Angola and the official language is Portuguese. I am the last born of a mother of six children (that remained cause my mom had lost some kids and also my dad separately but we are not suppose to talk about this or even mention it cause its a big deal but yeah we are six siblings that survived, I hope my mother never reads this). The first survivor is a female called Suzana but we call her Suzy, she is tall and would like to be a model even though my father forbids it so she sneaks out with my moms clothes to go model, the next survivor is Gilberto we call him Gil but before we use to call him Paizinho but he doesn't like being called like that anymore so no one mentions it... he is also tall very controlling of his sister and he will become one of the biggest troubles my parents would never imagine, the next one is Hilario we use to call Cabú but also didnt like that name so we just call him Hilario... he is also very crazy and likes to tease every one but no one can tease him cause he is going to make sure he will get you but physically, then we have Clementina we call her cleu but before it was Tina but she also doesn't like that name anymore so we dont mention it... she is very bossy and mean and she is my sister only from my father side her mom was my mother's friend but we also don't talk about this we just avoid it like every unpleasant thing... she grew up with us so basically my mom is her mom and she will become also very troublesome, then comes Flaviano whom we call flavix but before we use to call him Gingongo which means twin, he is a twin but his twin which was a girl died in labor so we also don't talk about this... he is the gamer and very competitive he is not going to be troublesome, then we have Jacinta who we call Jaci she is the least interesting of my siblings so I will just jump her to get to the juicy one, finally we have ME the last born, Inês pronounced enesh but at home they call me Ina and I am the one we will focus on.  my mother and father have been together since ever but only got married 2 years ago so basically I was born outside a marriage which I think makes me and the rest of my siblings “bastards” but let me not think of it in that way… my father was a business man, chief general of the city’s emigration office or something like that, I just know he is a general cause every time I ask him to tell me exactly what his profession is, he just answers me back with a question or more of an exclamation “Ina (that is my house name by the way) you don’t know what your papa’s job is?!” and then he wont tell me. He is a “rich man” so my family was the rich family of the community which was a humble community in which neighbors were just like family. We owned a little mall?! But I cannot say mall because its not even a mall or close to be a mall, It was a building that had a small bar, had a wedding venue, small grocery store and a kitchen that delivered food to security guards and stuff like that so the whole building was called Firmex and it was where the party was at night in that bar and so everybody called our family Firmex since we owned it. Now my mother was a house wife even though she was not a "wife" and she was the mean one and my father was the good one, he never hit any of my siblings but my mom on the other hand, used her hand, shoes and a cooking stick if necessary to put as in line, but over all my parents are the best, my mom would make sure we were in church on Sundays and my dad didn’t like church stuff so every Sunday he would want to take us out for ice cream just so that we don’t go to church. And we had a lot of fun as a family, my our house was big so we lived with many cousins and aunts (a little like the mexican people but they are worse, no offense). We enjoyed good music, mostly Kizomba and Kuduro and we would dance, eat big meals while they spoke for hours and mocked each other so bad you would want to cry but if you cry its even worse so you had to be strong to make sure you wont cry. So I grew up having to show I was tough. We had great attributes of a family but one thing you will never hear in the family was someone telling someone else “I love you” , like never ever not even my parents would say that to each other or us their kids and we also just never spoke of love, I don’t know why I guess we just never thought it was important. I have always been a little big, not fat just a little chubby and I was always the boss in my group of friends, gladly I always had true friends and people around me, really liked me for whom I was. My BFF was called Aidinha and we were friends since we were learning to talk around one years old and she was my neighbor just next door and also Querinho who liked me but I didn’t like him only Aidinha liked him but he didn’t like Aidinha( so basically early in life there was already some love triangle going on, you see its already getting hot... I am just kidding) but then a new kid came to the area, they had moved recently and they were light skinned and also a little fancy with some money and that kid’s name was Charinho, he started hanging with us and he also liked me and this time I actually liked him as well but I didn’t know and even if I did of course I wouldn’t tell him and we were just kids like four years old but they had made us kiss in Charinho’s birthday party to which I actually didn’t want to go cause I knew something like that would happen and there would be a lot of attention on me so yeah … as a kid I was very smart(I started reading at the age of 4), very talkative, extremely energetic and funny as well. Then in 2004 my father sent my brothers to a neighboring country in which the official language is English. And the rest of us moved to a new house, that was in a fancier area of Luanda, the city and that house was one of the most amazing house I had ever seen, it was a six bedroom, with pool, double story, had a garden, and an aquarium next to the garden with water sprinkling and running down some stones, inside the house was all painted in white and there was a lot of lights, so the house looked really bright and it was just amazing… and when we moved I never actually told my friends I was moving, I kinda just moved and when I got to the new place I also never really missed anyone from our old place, but maybe it was just because I was young, I guess! I use to travel with my mom a lot, we use to go to Namibia where my brother were schooling to visit but sometimes we would go to Dubai as well, my mom's favorite place and also Brazil where my father use to go to have his teeth done... now my dad had a lot of mouth problems but one of my dad's biggest problem was that he had diabetes and so most of his food was prepared separately from ours and he just ate different things that we were not suppose to touch now for me it was so cool that my dad had different foods and he always had weird biscuits and also yoghurts that he would always be snacking on, I loved everything my dad ate and the fact that we were not suppose to touch them just made them even more tasty. I never really realized  that diabetes was a serious sickness cause my mom always acted like it was a secret but they never really explained to me what the sickness was all about so I just use to think diabetes is cool... we are now at this place where neighbors barely greet each other but the neighbor just opposite our house had a daughter my age, they were more friendly and would greet us when they would see us and she had a daughter that was very bubbly and she liked to make friends, sooner then I know, we are friends and she is coming over to our house to swim and we use to play together but then I was enrolled in a new school when I was six years old and we were not really seeing each other that much anymore cause of school and we were never really that close cause she was too bubbly for my liking but she was nice, I liked her. I was a bit more reserved when around new people so I was slightly antisocial  but very friendly and fun when I am with people I know or just feeling comfortable. I always wanted to go to school but I was considered to young and my siblings would all go to school and I would just stay home and play with Aidinha in the street so when got the chance I would follow my older sister, the one that just comes before me, she is 3 years older than me and her name is Jaci and she is just my main "hater" to say, we have always been together, wherever I am there also would Jaci be and vice versa. I would always get a book and follow Jaci to her school which was a terrible school by the way it was called "Tio Chamata" that was the name of the owner and teacher, HOD the everything of the school, it was not even a school, it was just a house and the men in that house decided to make his backyard a school and he would teach and people would come with their own chairs or cans anything at all to sit. He use to give extremely harsh punishments like kneeling in hot stones and beat very, very hard anywhere in the body if you don't know how to read or not do your homework ( now that I think of it that Tio Chamata was suppose to be reported for abuse but anyway he helped a lot of people learn to read hahah who wouldn't in those conditions). so I would always want to go to school even though I use to watch the horror in Tio Chamata's school. when I finally heard that I was going to school, I was so happy and they bought me a beautiful pink Barbie bag, with books and nice stationaries to fill my pencil case ( I love buying new stationaries even till now but just as soon as I get to school everything disappears cause I was/ am very careless with my stuff). then they took me to fit in my uniform, now Jaci and Cleu were in this same college/ private school. so at this point its 2006 and I am six years old and its gonna be my first time in school.