2. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
1322 Words
AUBREY’S POV
Everyone was waiting for me to react. They all wanted me to say something or rather do something. From my parent’s facial expression, I knew for a fact that they felt sorry for me. It is not their fault though, I was the one who was too in love with Eli and I hardly saw this coming. How comes I not able to read in between the lies?
“I want to go home,” This came out as a whisper from my tight chest after a few seconds of contemplating on what next.
“Okay baby,” My mother signaled the driver to start driving away. I believed that she would explain the details of the wedding being called off later on.
What matters right now is how I am feeling.
I didn’t say any other word as we drove home. My mind was very far away. I started recalling those incidents when we were on vacation and Victoria and Eli could get lost for a couple of minutes and then show up with an excuse.
I wish I knew that that was the time that he had been making love to her yet I was in the dark. Why could he do this to me?
What did I ever do to deserve this?
He should have had at least have the decency to break up with me instead of cheating on me with my very best friend.
All this thoughts made me choke on my tears and my chest was suddenly heavy. I wished that I had not told Victoria about Eli and I. But anyway come to think of it, that would be impossible since I considered her as my best friend and therefore I told her everything.
The thought that she had stabbed me in the back hit me once again making me feel so much hurt. I started sobbing loudly and my parents didn’t know what to do? How would they console a person with a heartbreak while they themselves have always been happy with each other since they met and started dating? They never knew what heartbreak feels like.
The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. My heart felt as if my blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. My melancholy mood hung over me like a black cloud, raining my personal sorrow down on me each and every time.
Even the colors of the spring day were drab to me now and the birdsong was like so much noise on a child’s glockenspiel, granting my nerves.
Our servants were shocked to see me back home in my wedding dress as I rushed upstairs to go and lock myself up I my room. I wanted this day to come to an end. Eli not only broke my heart but also brought me this embarrassment that this town would never forget.
People will call me names and they will spread rumors about me that I was left on the altar on my wedding day. I will never erase that from the people's mind.
Victoria, let me not start with her. Honestly, even if I am a peaceful person, I don’t think I will ever forget what they have done to me. I don’t ever think I will heal from all these feelings that are killing me ever since I started reading that note.
I thought that being locked up in my room and pretending that this day never happened would make me feel better but that was far from what really happened. My heartache still felt like a wolf eating at my chest, tearing its way to my trembling heart.
It threatened to devour me, eat me and leave me nothing but scraps behind. I started crying. I threw myself on my bed and screamed hard to let go of the pain as I hugged my pillow tightly.
However, that was cut short when I remembered that I was still wearing the wedding dress that he would marry me in.
Angrily, huffing and puffing in rage, I struggled to get rid of the dress off my body. It took me time but in the end, I was free of the dress. I wore my sweatpants and a black crop top before I went to the balcony of my room to throw the wedding dress. I was done. I am not going to kill myself for this. I was not going to hate myself for what he did because he is the one with the problem, not me.
I walked back to my room and stood in front of the mirror. I tried smiling but that was far-fetched. I was sad, let me agree with that.
My mascara had formed two black lines on my face. My eyes were swollen and they were red. I had bugs under my eyes and this made me feel bad about myself.
Why did I allow myself to get to this point of my life? Why was I so blinded by his love not to see that he was a cheat who in the end decided to run off with my best friend Victoria?
Why did you allow this Aubrey? I asked myself this and went back to sit on my bed. Feeling too tired to think of anything clearly, I decided to lie on my back.
I started at the brilliant white ceiling and before I knew it, I dozed off.
I was walking down the aisle and he was standing right in front at the altar. He smiled at me, making me feel happy to have said yes when he proposed to me. Love wins and I was happy that our relationship finally ended in marriage.
My best friend Victoria who was my best maid was also there happy for me that I finally found love. I walked to the front of the church in the company of my parents who left me with him after they had respectfully handed me to him.
Eli was so happy to see me. Looking into his eyes reminded me of how deeply I was in love with him since the first time that I saw him. I had never loved anyone the way that I loved him and I was happy that we were sealing our love with a sacrament of marriage.
The priest started reading the vows and before he could say that I do, I woke up from my sleep.
I looked around and I saw a piece of the wedding dress. How come I didn’t toss it? Anyway, the reality creeped up that Eli stood me up and everything I had been dreaming about was a lie.
I could not take pain anymore. I quickly got out of my bed and ran to the balcony. At this point in time, my heartache was like a red hot coal placed in my chest, it glowed and burnt me at the same time but it didn’t cool quickly like a coal in water, it throbbed and tortured me and I didn’t find any relief.
I couldn’t take this any longer. I was going to throw myself from the balcony and hopefully I was going to die. I wanted to hit my head and die. I cannot feel this level of pain over and over again.
I didn’t think twice about this. At this time, I was crying. I never knew that I was suicidal till this moment. I could not take it anymore. Enough was enough.
I closed my eyes tightly and I kept telling myself that once I was down there, all this pain would go away and I would have all the peace that I have been craving for, for the longest time since the ordeal happened.
I was going to throw myself on a count of three and that is why I began counting.
One…Two…
- Writer
