My Boyfriend's Bestfriend

F O U R T E E N

Monday.

Devin is in the hospital, binabantayan ni Sunny. Later, he'll be out at sa bahay na lang daw nila magpapagaling. Ako naman, nandito ngayon sa office.

For a nice twist of coincidence, nagsabay na naman kami nito ni Ren sa elevator. He looks just the same as I remember.

"Files had been forwarded to the Projects Department. I'll not be around for some time."

Narinig ko 'yung sinabi niya pero hindi ako tumingin.

"Actually, for some really long time."

"What are you thinking?" walang lingon na tanong ko. Not that I care after he attempted to murder me in the same elevator but, hey, he's still my brother.

"I'm taking a year off. I'm not mentally and psychologically fit for this job as of the moment."

"A YEAR?!"

The elevator pings and he quickly steps out, as if trying to avoid me. Hindi ko na siya hinabol. Diretso ako sa office ko to call Dad and inform him about this ridiculous excuse na sinasabi ni Ren. Ayokong maiwan sa 'kin lahat ng responsibility. Like what the hell?! Alam kong masarap magpayaman pero ayoko namang dito na lang umikot ang buhay ko!

"Well, it shouldn't be that hard now, should it? After all, you cancelled the rest of your projects to focus on a lone LLC. Which brings me to that subject. What have you been up to?"

"Dad, do me a favor and pass this call to Tita Amanda."

"Rain, you are not dragging your step mother into this. Ren deserves this time off. I'm sure you, of all people, can understand that."

"Why do you keep on blaming me for Ren's downfall? It wasn't my fault he had a restraining order from his ex-girlfriend. Kasalanan niya 'yon. He's a psycho. May kapatid siyang babae at nagagawa niyang mamisikal ng girlfriend niya? Why? Because of love? Screw it. Kapag mahal mo ang tao, hindi mo sasadyaing saktan. Which, need I remind you, is almost the same thing as what he did to me the last time. I'm his twin sister, for goodness' sake. What kind of a monster physically assaults his own blood?"

"Watch your words, Reai Narrine."

"No, I better watch my back for what that monster could do to me."

Hindi ko na hinintay na makasagot si Daddy. Binaba ko na 'yung tawag at nag-umpisang i-dial ang number ni Tita Amanda. Hindi naman ako nabigo pagkasagot niya.

"Uuwi si Antonette. That's next week. Naaalala mo pa ba siya?"

"Of course, Tita. How could I forget? Kawangis na kawangis mo ang batang 'yon."

"Well, you talk like you're just of the same age. She's a year older than you, Rain. And she's no longer a child."

Natawa ako bigla. Kapag naaalala ko kung paano ko away-awayin 'yung kawawang anak ni Tita Amanda noon, napapailing na lang ako. Paano, kababaeng tao, laging nakadamit panlalaki. Ang dugyot tuloy tingnan. Siguro naman, nagbago na ako ngayon. "And you're certain she's gonna help me here?"

"If you have any other choice, just let me know. Pero please lang, Rain. 'Wag mo nang aawayin ulit ang anak ko, okay?"

"Tita, that was ages ago. Nag-mature na lang lahat ng buhok ko sa katawan, nagwo-worry ka pa rin diyan? Akong bahala kay Antonette."

Pagkagaling sa office, diretso ako sa ospital para sunduin si Devin. Ready na rin siyang umuwi, nauna na raw si Sunny dahil may aasikasuhin pa. But I highly doubt it. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's trying to avoid me. Partly nalungkot akong hindi ko siya nadatnan. The talk we had yesterday didn't end up so well kaya gusto ko sanang mag-sorry kahit papaano.

'Wow. An apology. From Little Miss Insensitive,' Aego scoffs after long hours of sleep.

I know, this is very unusual of me. But for Sunny, I'm willing to make an exception. She's done a lot for Devin. The least I can do is be civilized.

"Grabe, babe. Muntik na 'ko kahapon. Ikaw agad naisip ko no'ng nasa kritikal na sitwasyon na 'ko, e."

Napasulyap ako saglit kay Devin habang nagmamaneho. "Next time kasi bitbitin mo 'yang common sense mo sa labas. Kapag hindi ka pamilyar sa lugar, kotse mo lang ang kaibigan mo kaya 'wag mong iiwan 'yon. Pasalamat ka, hindi ka na-carnap."

"I know, babe. I'm sorry."

"Muntik ka nang mamatay na virgin."

Hindi nakasagot si Devin. Ako rin, nabigla sa sinabi kong 'yon. What was I thinking? Sa lahat ba naman ng aalalahanin ko sa kaniya, 'yun pa?

"I have to go, babe," paalam ko kay Devin. "If you need anything, just give me a call. Long week ahead of me. Ren will have an indefinite leave and I'll be handling the office alone."

I kiss his cheek but he pulls me in for a deep kiss. "Why don't you just stay here instead? Let's talk about that virginity you're worried of." Halos umapoy ang mukha ko as he says this against my lips.

Nandito lang kami sa tapat ng gate nila, hinihintay ko na lang siyang makapasok para makaalis na ako, tapos magpapahabol pa siya ng ganitong awkward moment.

"Hmm?" he follows up and gives me a chaste kiss.

"Devin, I don't know what you have been taking, but lately, you're becoming a p*****t," I utter in his ear.

Hinalikan naman niya ako sa leeg. "Babe..."

"Well, what about the oath? Did you suddenly forget that after being stabbed?"

"We're not gonna have s*x. Just pure fun."

I pull slightly away to look at him. "What?"

Ngumisi siya. "I don't know. First base? Second base? Third base, perhaps? Just something to turn it up."

Nginitian ko lang siya. "You don't need to do that. Trust me. Your wholesome persona is one of the reasons I fell for you."

Niyakap niya ako ulit. "Can you at least just stay with me tonight?"

Wala na rin akong nagawa kundi samahan na lang siya. Pagpasok sa kwarto niya, nakatulog na siya agad. Ako naman, nag-stay pa sa living room kasi kung anu-ano naiisip ko.

And since hindi ko na siya nakausap mula kahapon, I compose a message for Sunny.

Rain: Hey.

Sunny: You need anything?

Rain: Why am I getting this impression that you think so shallow of me? Nagte-text lang ba ako sa 'yo when I need something?

Sunny: If you don't need anything, quit bothering me.

Naisip kong ibalik sa kaniya 'yung sinabi niya kahapon...

Rain: Don't respond if you don't want to talk to me.

This is so nice. Talagang ginawa niya. Nakakaasar 'yung ganito na parang wala siyang paki. Thirty minutes after, I send her a follow up message.

Rain: Look, I just wanna say sorry for how I acted yesterday. Sa mga nasabi kong hindi maganda.

Still, wala pa rin. Hintay ulit ako, mga thirty minutes ulit. Ang paghihintay pa naman ang pinaka-ayokong gawin sa lahat, kasunod ng pagbaba ng pride. And right now, she's making me do both.

Rain: Sunny, I'm sorry. Okay? Believe me, you were everything I never thought you'd be. You're better.

Sunny: Oh, I'm charmed. Don't worry. It's not like I'm not used to your accusations. Six years. Was there actually a time that you said something nice about me?

Napasandal ako palikod. Nilapag ko 'yung phone ko sa couch, sa tabi ko. Biglang parang may kung anong kumurot sa puso ko. Sunny's right, nothing nice ever comes out of my mouth so why bother? Kahit kung ako si Sunny, I wouldn't want to be friends with myself.

Magre-reply na sana ako ulit. But there's another message.

Sunny: That's what I thought. You know, for someone who's jealous of her boyfriend's best friend, I suggest you stop acting nice with me. It's annoying. If you don't like me, that should be the least of your worries because I don't wake up everyday to get you impressed.

Rain: I'm on my way. Tell me where you are or Devin will wake up worrying where I've gone.

Sunny: You're not leaving Devin just to make amends with me.

Rain: Try me.

Naiiyak na 'ko. Hindi ko pa pinababa ang sarili ko sa ganito, and here I am practically begging for someone to forgive me.

"Cha, if Devin wakes up, ask him to give me a call. Gigising siya bandang 11:30 for his medicine. If I'm not yet back by that time, just let him know I went out to get clothes back home."

Tumango lang si Cha at nag-umpisa na akong magmaneho paalis.

'You lying btch,' Aego spits at me.

Wala akong paki. If I have to start from Shang to find her, so be it. Binuksan ko 'yung phone ko to see if she decides to tell me where she is o kailangan ko talagang maghanap.

Sunny: Your apartment. Thirty minutes.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Akala ko, matitiis niyang paghanapin ako lalo't madilim na. Thirty minutes after, I make it to my apartment. Napansin ko agad 'yung sparkling orange na Lamborg niya sa harap ng apartment ko kaya do'n na lang ako nag-park sa likod no'n.

And there she is. Leaning against the wall, standing next to my door, with arms crossed over her chest. Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya hanggang sa nakatayo na ako sa harap niya. Nagtitigan lang kami. Matagal.

"What?" she finally says.

Saktong-sakto lang 'yung tama ng front porch light sa kaniya. Kitang-kita ko 'yung mukha niya. The impassive face, the compelling eyes, the intimidating aura... She's the definition of dark. The sexy kind of dark. Right now, she's wearing black casual skin-tight pants, white shirt with black stripes, and a black matching leather jacket. Nakalugay rin ang buhok niya. Yep, darkly sexy, indeed. I can honestly say na maganda talaga siya. Walang halong insecurities o kung ano pa man. She's beautiful.

Yumuko ako. Narinig ko 'yung kalansing ng susing hawak niya. "Rain, you can stand there doing nothing or you can start saying what I came here to listen to. What is it?"

"I'm sorry."

"You already established your interests in making amends. What is it that we have to talk about in person that we can't talk about over the phone?"

I look up at her. Her thumbs are hooked onto her pockets now as she stares at me. "Sunny, I'm sorry. I said a lot of immodest things and believe me, that wasn't my best behavior."

Napa-snort siya bigla.

I continue, "I was being paranoid and overwhelmed. My emotions have an ugly tendency to eat me up. I know, I hurt you and—"

"Dear goodness, no," she cuts off.

Natahimik ako bigla. Ang lamig kasi ng tingin niya.

Lumapit siya sa 'kin, sa mukha ko, and I can almost taste the marshmallows in her breath. "You don't know, Rain. You just assumed. Again. And I guarantee you, your words from yesterday or any days before that?" Mas lumapit pa siya para bumulong, sa tainga ko mismo, "They meant nothing."

Tumayo siya nang diretso at iniayos ang cardigan ko. Nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya, sa mukha niyang walang reaksyon.

"Nor what of your pretentious actions have any capacity to hurt me."

Tinitigan niya ulit ako. Naramdaman ko na lang na may mainit sa mga pisngi ko. No, I'm not crying. I'm sweating through my eyes. And I can only guess it's the result of her solid words. Naglakad na rin siya paalis.

"Why are you like that?" sabi ko bago pa siya tuluyang makalayo.

Narinig kong tumigil ang footsteps niya.

I turn to face her. "Why do you keep on concealing it everytime you're almost close to showing me another side of you?"

Humarap din siya sa 'kin. "Rain, I'm not a two-faced son of a b!tch. I only have one side to offer and whatever you see, that's all you get."

"I didn't—"

"And if I ever had any other sides, what makes you think you're that special to see them?"

Hindi ako nakasagot. Wala naman si Sunny talaga sa 'kin, actually. I'm sure, ganoon din ako sa kaniya. She just happens to be my boyfriend's bestfriend. That's why it's a wonder, bakit ang sakit? Bakit ang sakit-sakit ng mga salita niya?

"Unless there's a logical reason," she adds. "Say for example..."

Naglakad siya palapit, I take safe steps back. If her words alone can cut through me, what more of her presence?

Tumigil lang kami nang maramdaman ko na 'yung dingding sa likod ko. Ako naman ang sumandal habang nakatingala sa kaniya at naghintay sa sasabihin niya.

"You like me. And you're guilty NOT because you think you'd hurt Devin's feelings. You're guilty because..."

She stares into my eyes, my nose, and now, my lips. She places her arm next to my face, on the surface of the wall. Lumakas lalo ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Paulit-ulit kong sinabi sa isip kong umiwas na ngayon pa lang. Even Aego is not responding. So helplessly, I let her continue...

"...you're not gonna do something to prevent that from happening."

Hindi ako nakagalaw. Konti na lang, mahahalikan na niya ako. I feel conscious and it's overrated. 'Yung boses niya, 'yung amoy niya, 'yung itsura niya, everything about her is a sexy wonder.

'You know she's right. I disgust you, Alonzo,' Aego says.

"How dare you accuse me of that?"

"What does it feel like?" she asks, disregarding my sentiments. "To keep an enormous amount of hatred for someone you don't know and suddenly you meet her. Now, you're confused."

"You know what? You're right. I'm confused. For years, I'm a hundred percent certain na si Devin lang ang gusto ko. Ang mahal ko. Kaya siya lang ang iintindihin ko and if anyone gets in my way, I'd put them in their rightful places."

Tahimik lang siya. Napahinga ako nang malalim.

"Suddenly, you happened. You showed up and made me question everything that I feel for Devin. I tell you, it doesn't feel okay."

Ngumisi siya bigla. The kind of smirk that makes you think she has something evil in her mind. "Perhaps, because you hate to admit that you like me. Not in the way that Devin would hope for, but in the way that would make Devin question your feelings for him, too."

Ako na naman ang hindi nakasagot.

"You wanna know what we talked about yesterday? We met for different reasons. But one of them is the fact that you denied him of the only thing he never thought of asking anyone else the night before."

Tapos naisip ko agad 'yung pag-iwas ko kay Devin no'ng muntik nang may mangyari sa 'min. If that's what Sunny's talking about, then I have every reason to consider Devin's doubts about me.

"I was wondering, if that happened before we met, ibibigay mo ba kay Devin?"

I snort in disbelief. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Oh, I always enjoy affection, alright."

For the second time, may nakita akong hint din ng confusion sa mga mata niya. Kagaya no'ng nakita ko sa kaniya no'ng unang beses ko siyang nakita sa personal, during breakfast with Devin and kuya Darius. At kagaya rin no'n, mabilis niyang naitago 'yon.

Dumistansya siya nang konti. Tumingala siya, pumikit saglit, huminga nang malalim tapos tumingin ulit sa 'kin. In a low voice, she says, "It's the fact that you are my best friend's girlfriend that makes it difficult this time."

"Sunny..."

"You wanted to see me. Was it really for making amends? Or you wanted, for once, to simply put your confusion at rest?"

"I don't know." I look straight into her eyes and honestly say, "Perhaps, both."

Napasinghap siya. Now, I can say that I ruined every bit of connection I have with her, from that day she came into our lives. Not because she doesn't like me. But because she would never choose to compromise her friendship with Devin just because of a girl. I wanted to see her with the means of putting my confusion at rest. But this talk made me even more confused than ever.

"Well," she finally says, looking away. "I hope I answered everything to your satisfaction."

Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang tingnan na lang siya habang naglalakad paalis. Kasalanan ko 'to. I shouldn't have made special appointments with her from the start. I should have known, that eventually, it would make me want to make special connections with her, too. And it's unfair.

I'm being unfair to Devin, to Sunny... and to myself.