My burning desire

Chapter 2 - Denial

"Just get in the car Skylar." I told him. He was being unreasonably difficult this morning.

"No I'm going to drive my car. The hell with being inconspicuous." He said looking me strait in the eye. I knew I wasn't going to get him to budge so I sighed and got in my car. Everyone got in his or her own cars, except for Sam. She rides with since she doesn't have a car or a license. She's almost there just one more year. She actually grows unlike the rest of us. Who is stuck in a 17 or 18 year old body forever. Sam still wasn't her same old self.

I made the mistake of looking at her. She was glaring at me. I sped off and took my place in the parking lot. The whispers weren't as bad as yesterday, but they were still bad. I could see Syd's face looking like she was getting a headache from all the voices.

There was one kid in particular that didn't stare, but by the look of his face I could see he was curious, of me. I didn't focus on most of the other kids traits, but his jumped out at me like 3-d. His honey blond hair blowing in the breeze. I'm sure it would shine if he had some sun. A very boyish face and he had hazel eyes. Dark hazel eyes. On any other normal boy it would be standard, but his were the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. His height of 5'6 was a normal height, but still taller than me. He didn't look quite fragile. His biceps were large. I assumed he worked out daily. He walked towards his friends, looking away from me, when one of them whispered to him. He immediently looked at me. When he saw I was looking at him too he turned quickly and all of his friends laughed. Syd couldn't help, but to giggle herself until I smacked her in the arm. She stopped right away.

I was walking to class when I saw him again. He was staring at me again not looking to where he was heading. And he was heading strait towards a wall. When he slammed into it he fell down on his back, dropping all of his books. Even for him to fall it was more graceful for a human. Was he even human? He didn't smell like a vampire or a werewolf. All of the kids around him started to laugh and no one made an attempt to help him. I walked over slowly for I still didn't know what he would smell like to me. I squatted down. "You know looking where you are going can help you not run in to things?" I said sarcastically. I was smiling too. I picked up all of his books and gave him my hand to help him up. He took it and I could see the shock on his face when he felt my ice-cold hand.

"Uh, thanks. I wasn't really paying attention to my walking." He admitted.

"I can see that." I said while I laughed. Then he shook the dust out of his hair and that's when I caught his scent. It hit me light a bulldozer. He had a very floral scent to him. There was something about his blood though. Something I couldn't understand. He smelled very delicious to me, but it was also repulsive at the same time. It made me not want to kill him. He was a very lucky child. In another second I realized what he really looked like. He didn't shy away from my eyes like others did. Then I woke up and looked at my hand in his and then I let go. "I have to go." I got up and left the figure still looking at me puzzled like a jigsaw. What would he think of me eyes? More importantly what would he think of my ice-cold hand touching his? Then why didn't he shy away or cringe with fear from my eyes? There was something about this boy and I would figure out what it was. I felt strange about him. When I looked into his face I felt…..weird. I'm already weird, a freak, a monster, but this was different. It was something i've never felt before.

I walked to my class and sure enough he was sitting there, and the seat next to him was the only one open. I sighed and took my seat next to him. I got out my books while he was talking to his other friends.

"I can't believe you get to sit next to her. I mean do you know how lucky you are? Tonight I'm going to have dreams about her." That's when the boy slapped him.

"Trevor, don't talk about her like that. Yes I'm lucky, but she's really nice and sincere. And I don't think about her like that you perv." He voice sounded really ticked off.

"Ok, Jason. Don't blow a gasket. Do you even look at her face?" he whispered. So the boy's name was Jason? Good to know. "She is a goddess!" he wasn't whispering so much anymore. I sighed and they heard me.

"Trevor shut up and focus on school for once." Jason said. He was shaking his head. So he looked at inner beauty. This boy was strange. I was very glad that he-in a way- stuck up for me. He leaned toward me. "Sorry about Trevor. He just doesn't get the word shut up." He said smiling. "I hope he didn't offend you? I really am sorry about him, though. I'll smack him next time.

"You're very strange Jason. Not like most of the boys I've met. And when you live with 4 of them you get to know your kind better. You don't gawk at me like other boys do and you look at inner beauty instead of outer. That's really sweet. You have a good personality. I like that about you." I said smiling at his. I could hear his pulse just get faster and faster. I was hoping he doesn't have a heart attack. That would be bad.

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself. As you probably already heard me say." He laughed. Then he turned away. Another first for me. Usually if I start a conversation, guys always want to try to keep it going. Very poorly I might add. He was just so different. I really did like him. He was a strange creature to me. Too bad he didn't really know what he was talking to. A vampire, a monster. The class just flew by and I didn't bother to take notes. I already knew what the subject would be on. I was sure I knew more about it than the teacher did. The bell rang and I was off to my next class.

Most of the day flew by and we were all at lunch sitting around our table, the table everyone else was afraid to approach because of who sat in it, but for all the wrong reasons.

I found myself looking at Jason again. He was sitting next to Trevor and another boy. Trevor wasn't skinny, but yet he wasn't fat either. He looked like a regular boy. His black hair looked glossy. Either it was really greasy or he put in way to much hair gel. The boy that sat on the other side of Jason had a light brown hair. His was put up in spikes. That look actually worked for him. Syd was reading my thoughts, I could tell.

"So it seems like Claire made a new friend." She said while grinning. I fought the urge to grab her neck. To my surprise I was laughing. The others looked at me shocked.

"Claire met a guy!" Nick said being melodramatic. My family always wanted me to be happy. Some of them were actually getting worried that I would never find anyone. Skylar just grinned at me.

"It's not like that. I can't be friends with a human. I'm a vampire for crying out loud." I whispered towards the end a lot more. "Yes he's nice, but I just can't. I would be too much of a danger to Jason." I said. Oh no. I slipped.

"So his name is Jason?" Skylar asked me. They didn't seem too worried that I could kill him. And I didn't want to. He was too sweet.

I tried to fix it. "Yeah. Syd could have told you that." There was no way out of this. I had to try to stay away from him. As much as I could.

"It won't work, Claire. You can try all you want." She said laughing. And that's just what I'll do. I can try and this time I will succeed. Syd could hear my challenge and I could feel a bet coming on.

"How about a bet?" Taylor asked. I hardly remembered she was there. She was strangely quite today, just like Sam.

"No." Syd and me both said at the same time. "Let her figure this out herself. If she falls in love with him, we don't want a bet to be the foundation of it." Syd finished. She was so right in so many ways. Since when did she become so smart? After she said that she put her head down trying to hide a smile.

"What is it Syd?" I asked seeming to already know the answer. I was a mind reader of my own at times.

"Jason," she empathized his name. "is looking at you. I can hear his thoughts. He wishes you would look at him again. He doesn't want to admit it, but I think he in love with you, just like you are with him." That was the biggest speech I've heard her make today.

He wished it, so he'll get it. My thoughts were a little smug, but really I just wanted another excuse to look at him. I turned and there he was looking at me with those beautiful, dark hazel eyes. He didn't turn away and I didn't need Syd to tell me what he was thinking. I know what he was thinking. He wished he could come over and say hi. Syd nodded beside me. He was in love with me. If he only knew he was in love with a monster. I smiled at him and even from this distance I could hear his heart stutter and his pulse quicken. I was about to go over to him when the lunch bell rang. Shoot! I thought to myself.

I walked off and went to sit down in history class. He wasn't there so I frowned and I took my seat. Most of the guys in this room were still whispering. The girls weren't very happy with me either. They think I was stealing their guys. Skylar walked in and took the seat next to me. I relaxed knowing Skylar, of all people, could help me get through this. Normally it was Sam, but since she was acting weird I could settle with Skylar. I smiled at him.

"Do you like him?" Skylar asked. He was just simply curious.

"I'm not really sure. I would have to get to know him, but I think I do." I answered. Skylar just nodded. That was the good thing about him. He didn't ask question after question.

"Listen if you like him we won't stop you. You helped us and were gonna help you." He said. I knew he was just trying to help. I just couldn't concentrate when I was thinking what was bothering Sam. She was hanging out with Keith a lot….

"Thanks, Skylar." I really was thanking him so I leaned away hoping I could listen to what the teacher had to say, but I never liked history.

The bell rang and it was time for chemistry. I walked to my class in a hurry hoping Jason would be there. I knew it was ridiculous to want to be near him. Do I actually love him? I sat down at an empty desk and then Jason walked in with a sour face till he saw whom he was sitting by. He stood up right away and almost half ran to the desk.

"Hey." I said casually. No need to over play it. I thought I was going to try to stay away from him? That promise was broken before I even tried. I laughed at myself and he looked and me confused.

"Hi. I never got to introduce myself last time. I'm Jason Greenfield." He was smiling, but in a way he wasn't flirting with me. Just being polite and saying hello. His perfect white teeth were absolutely gorgeous. He ran his fingers through his hair pushing that scent towards me. It smelled better than last time, but there was still an edge to it.

I smiled-being very careful not to show my teeth-and held out my hand again. What was I doing? "I'm Claire Renée Emerson." I don't know why I said my middle name. It seemed right to say it all together. My name just flowed like a river.

He just looked at me thrilled by the new information. Now he could say my name. "That's a very beautiful name." He trailed off thinking. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I really didn't want to find out.

"So how long have you lived in Oregon?" I asked. It was a stupid question, but it interrupted his train of thought and that's what I wanted to happen.

"Most of my life. My dad and me moved here after my mom died from an animal attack. They found bite marks everywhere." She shook his head. Poor Jason. By the sound of it, it didn't seem like it was an animal attack.

"Where did this happen?" I asked with some concern in my voice. This vampire almost killed him. I would find out who did it and when I do I'll kill him or her.

"In Colorado, about 7 years ago. My mom loved to hike. She went out one Sunday and never came back. They found blood everywhere, but no fur. They couldn't figure out what animal did it. She was very pretty. Brown hair and green eyes. It was so strange that the animal just came out of no where. No prints to fur and no DNA." He finished.

I froze. I remember being in Colorado during that time frame. I even remembered killing a woman of that description. She was a hiker and it was a Sunday. What have I done?

"Claire? Are you ok?" he asked. My muscles were still locked and I couldn't move. I murdered this boy's mother. Truly was a monster.

"Yah I'm fine Jason." I looked at him. My expression looked tortured on his eyes. My blood red eyes were getting darker each day. I would have to hunt soon.

"Listen I have a basketball game Friday night. And I was wondering if you would like to come? I know it's later this week, since today is Monday, but I really would want you to see our basketball team." he asked hopeful.

It was wrong to lead him on. If I ever did tell him my secret he wouldn't love me anymore. He would surely hate me to death. And that's what I would be wishing for when he wanted me to leave. Death.

"Sure." I said. Skylar and me should be back by then. Shopping for a new house.

"Do you want me to come and get you? At your house I mean." He didn't sound hopeful and that's what hurt me. I did love him, but I can't risk killing him. Jason is too important to protect. I will protect him, even if that means protecting him from myself.

I smiled. "Thanks Jason. That's really nice of you. I would love to get a ride with you to watch your game." I winked at him and Jason smiled.

"So I'll pick you up at your place?" he asked.

"That sounds about right." I said quickly. Technically we still didn't have a house. That's what our trip was about.

"Ok I'll be there around 4:30. I'll be finished with dinner and then we can still get there early for my warm ups." I saw his eyes light up.

"Sure, sure I'll be waiting. I wouldn't miss it for the world." I felt bad for saying this, but at the same time I meant it. I don't know what I was getting myself into, but I did love him and no longer will I be in denial of it.

I walked out as the bell rang before he got the directions to my house.

I groaned in the morning when I realized the sun was shining. I didn't know how long these rays would last. I hoped not long, for they were keeping me from seeing Jason.

I could almost see his face now. Disappointed as only Sam showed up for school.

A werewolf doesn't sparkle like we do in the sun.

During the whole night I was day dreaming about Jason and me together. Forever.

Now those dreams seemed silly knowing that they could never be. I can't be with a human. It was dangerous.

Sam still refuses to talk to me so I don't know how long this sun will last. How long could these rays hold me prisoner before I've gone mad?

A since Sam is technically an animal she can sense when sunny warm days are coming and when the clouds and rain came back. I welcomed the clouds with such heart I couldn't understand.

I sat next to Skylar, who for once wasn't sitting next to Taylor. I looked around the campsite and didn't see her.

With my rare gift I could sense her life around here, sitting with Syd, Ben, and Keith. They were just out of distance for easy hearing. I knew I was the topic of the story for sometimes I heard them whisper my name.

I turned my head back at Skylar. His expression frightened me. His eyes weren't the same. They weren't full of fun and laughter, but they were dead and in no way welcoming. He was frowning for once. I never knew Skylar could frown. Every time I saw him he had his smile on that I loved. He was looking at me like he knew some secret I didn't. He did know something I don't. That something I'm sure had to do with Taylor.

The next day was still sunny and I didn't confront Skylar about his troubles hoping he just needed some time to think. I was wrong.

He was worse today. He wouldn't look at me or anyone-not that the others hung around us. It was the same as yesterday. Whispers coming from the forest concerning me.

All of a sudden Skylar jumped up from his seat, like he had been burned. "Let's go." Was all he said as he grabbed the keys and hopped in his car. I knew we were leaving to go get a house.

As he drove off I saw Ben pop his head out of the trees and wave a goodbye. There was something about his face though. It was off. Not smiling like I'm used to see him do.

"Ok guys pick a room and start putting it together." I said. And before I finished the sentence they were off, already bickering on whom gets what room.

Everybody seemed back to normal-however normal a house full of vampires could be.

Sam seemed pleased that I haven't been to school for the past few days. Luckily she let it slip that tomorrow, Friday, I would be able to go to school. Just in time to see Jason go off for his big game. I smiled in anticipation.

It only took a few hours to find a house and for that I was grateful. It was close to the school, and far back enough into the woods where we could be ourselves and not worry about humans walking near by.

The house was very open and light. It had a light tan shade to the outside. Windows filled every room to get a good view. Two stories in height gave it a fairy tale feeling about it. Too bad my fairy tale was a horror story. Five pillars came down from the roof in a spiral giving us the feeling that we were rich- which we were. There was a fountain in the middle of a dead garden-Skylar and nick roared with laughter at the irony of it.

Inside, there was a lot to look at. There were two staircases at each other side of the wall leading up to most of the rooms. There was a large living room already full of furniture like couches; a TV-Ben and Taylor would have killed me if I didn't get a TV for them to watch sports. The kitchen and dining room-that we would never use-was left to the door. It had everything a normal family would need. Too bad we weren't a normal family.

Skylar was better, but still not the same. He seemed to do better to hide his agony from me, but sometimes he slipped.

Sam seemed to always be surrounded by Ben, Syd, Keith, and, sadly, Taylor. They never are separated from each other for more than 10 minutes. That scared me. I couldn't understand what they were planning.

From the looks of it Sam was the leader of their little group. Half of my family was separated.

Nick, Angel, and Skylar were all that is left of my other half. I hate separating my family like this, but it seems like were forming teams.

Skylar and Taylor had a room that was right across the room from me, but Taylor stayed in Sam's room leaving Skylar alone. Mine had a big white bed-that I will never use-in the middle of it. I covered some paintings and picture across my walls and put furniture that I probably will never use either. I don't sit around like a couch potato.

Syd, with Ben, Had a room on the bottom floor. They had it all to themselves. The rest of us can't really stand being near them at night. All luvy, duvy, mushy stuff like that. We can't really stomach it well.

Keith, like Sam, who didn't have a mate, lived by himself.

They all seemed to get rooms without killing each other so for that I was very grateful.

I decided to not take risks, and since I was going to see Jason again and spend all night with him I should hunt. I went out hoping to find another scent of a hiker.

I was out for almost 5 minutes when I caught a scent of a hiker out farther east. I followed it hoping I could get lucky.

When I got there I froze. Yes the scent was delicious, but I recognized this face. It was the face of Jason's other friend.

I looked at his face and I panicked. He doesn't deserve to die. I shouldn't even exist and then he would be fine. Truth be told I should be dead. That vampire was supposed to kill me not change me. I don't even know his name. I haven't even got to know him. Maybe he is sweet like Jason is. I hope he is better than Trevor. He just never seems to speak. I was fighting with myself whether to get him or not. What would Jason think of me if I killed him? I would never be able to live with myself, but his blood sings to me. Calling me closer as I got down into a crouch.

Out of no where I was knocked to the ground with a big crashing noise. The kid heard it was very close to him so he fled. That was great that he got away. Now who tackled me?

I turned over to see Skylar breathing hard. He knew it was very close and if he was one second late that is the life and death of someone in my terms.

"Sorry." I breathed.

"It wasn't your complete fault." He said smiling again. I was so glad that he was here to help.

"Yes it is and you know it." I said looking down. I sighed and stood up.

"I know I'm just trying to make you feel worse. You know that's my job right?" he teased. And it worked. I smiled.

Skylar and me walked back to the house and changed our clothes. I didn't get to hunt and the others had already left.

I got in my car and drove off to school. I parked next to Skylar's car and leaned against the back waiting for Jason to show up.

Jason drove in with a gold Mustang. He parked about 10 cars away from me. When he got and saw me I heard his breathing stop. I waved at him and, for some strange reason, he didn't smile. When the bell rang I rushed to my seat eager to talk to him. Wanted to know why he didn't smile at me.

I sat down and moved my books over giving him some room. He walked in with a confused face. When he sat down he didn't even look at me. Did I miss something?

I turned toward him wondering what could have caused him to be mad, at me.

"Jason? Is there something wrong?" I asked. He turned his head toward me. His dark topaz eyes were smoldering.

He didn't answer. He just looked back at the teacher and didn't speak again.

Math, science, and biology passed in a flash. Lunch seemed even faster. Jason just talked to Trevor and the other one, who's name I never knew, who I almost killed.

"Did you hear about Mr. Harker's murder?" Trevor asked. "They found his body in the woods. They said his wife put up a missing person's report saying he went out for a hike and never came back."

I felt guilty at once. I never thought about if he had a family.

"His little daughter isn't even born yet and she'll never know the face of her father." Trevor finished. "They found bite marks everywhere, they said it must have been an animal, but there were no prints." I saw Jason shudder at the memory. It's just how his mom died. That's just how I killed his mom.

The rest of lunch I just stared at the wall. Even Syd was having a difficult time trying to undo my confusing, and tangled thoughts.

I walked to chemistry in a daze and sat down. I knew I wasn't going to get any information out of him today so I'm quitting. Is he still gonna take me to the basketball game? If he doesn't should I show up on my own?

"You were gone." A familiar voice said. I knew it at once. Jason, my Jason.

I turned to look at him standing right there. "Yes I was. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you. Skylar and me had some things to do." I smiled apologetically. Two of those days it was sunny and I felt so bad that I couldn't just tell him.

Some secrets are better if they are kept safe.

"Where did everyone go on Wednesday and Thursday? Only Sam showed up those days."

I was shocked. I wasn't prepared to answer this at all. I decided to play dumb. "I didn't know that. I guess with us being gone they decided to play hooky. I'll get on them for that later." I didn't know what else to say.

"Oh, well you didn't hear it from me." He with a wide grin that made his eyes light up. How could this god-like creature be human? He is absolutely gorgeous.

I was forgiven. "I'll make sure they don't find out. So are we still on for the basket-ball game tonight?" I asked. This was something I needed to know.

"Sure, but I still need your address so I can pick you up. You didn't give it to me last time." He smile got wider as hope filled every corner of his eyes. He waved his hand through his hair and I fought the urge just to reach up and touch it. His collar was messed up though.

I reached over and flipped the collar that was messed up and fixed it right. "Much better." I smiled. I wrote down the address and passed it to him. I looked at his glorious face one last time and then-unwillingly-turned back to the teacher.

When I the bell rang I got up and instead of walking straight to my next class I waited for Jason to walk with him. Since I had my next class with him too, why not walk with him? As we walked we were quizzing each other. People were staring, but he didn't care. He didn't take his face off mine.

"Favorite color?" he asked.

"Purple. Favorite animal?" I retorted.

"Wolf, yours?"

"Same." I smiled at that. We had something in common. "Favorite sport?"

"Football, and yours?"

"That's not fair your just asking the same ones I am." I laughed. He just looked at me so I continued. "Ok don't laugh, but I really like football too. We make teams at home. My team is still undefeated." I laughed again. I could be-almost-myself around him. I still couldn't tell him all about me, but I can scratch the surface.

"Food?" I asked. I know I wouldn't like it, but I still had to ask.

"Hmmm, I would say pizza. It's the best." He answered. Then he smiled. "Yours?"

⚠️To be continued...