For The Love Of Yuri

(For Erika) A Plan For Her

It was a truly lovely morning for all of them upon waking up the next day. But for some reason, Erika could feel that things around her seemed to have been a little awkward. Especially about Yuri and Wolfram when she started asking what was going on for them to act somewhat secretive around her. Though the couple denied it, Erika could feel that there was still something wrong. And then she remembered the conversation that transpired between her and Conrad last night. She could not help thinking that perhaps those two had started their own plan to "help" her. But she, too, had a plan of her own to counter those two.

But she had to do it as discreet as she could if she wanted to outwit her own twin brother. She just wished Shori, her other brother, could help her deal with Yuri's plan since both of them were already aware that once Yuri put his mind into something, it would be hard for any of them to stop him. Upon knowing that, she could not stop recalling Yuri's ordeals just to be with Wolfram--finally. Unknowingly, she could not help wishing for something similar to happen to her. At least on the part of finally finding the one she was going to love in her life.

But then, she still had a duty to fulfill as a regent and her brother's shadow in ruling Castalia before Yuri would officially ascend to the throne and rule the kingdom--just as he was destined to be. So thinking about love for herself would seem to be a far-fetched dream at the moment. Not to mention, the man she had offered her heart to a long time ago without him knowing that was already gone. Perhaps finding a way to let him go first should be something she had to prioritize at the moment.

xxxxxx

Meanwhile, the couple's plans to help Erika was underway. And yet some people could truly feel that it was a bad idea, after all. Especially when Conrad finally mentioned Yuri and Wolfram that Erika had already known the truth about the death of the man special to her. But even still, Yuri said that he still wanted to something for his sister who he knew had endured a lot when she took over the position that was supposed to be meant for him. Despite the onvious good intention that their plan was supposed to have, it did not still give enough assurance that it would work perfectly. And yet the young king-to-be was still going to do it. He said that he wanted to do something for Erika before he would start taking over in ruling the Kingdom of Castalia. Whatever would happen, he had a feeling that his plan would benefit his sister.

It so happened that Shin Makoku would be celebrating the Moon Festival on that particular week and it was one of Yuri's plan to let her enjoy it for as much as she could. But here was the catch of that plan--Conrad would accompany Erika to see the town for her to celebrate it. Imagine the surprise that Conrad felt when he heard that part of the plan. But Yuri reasoned out that he and even the others had noticed Conrad's closeness to Erika, and so the young man said that he could be her personal tour guide and chaperone for the festival. Conrad could help Yuri and Wolfram with their plan in making Erika forget her sadness even for just a while.

Then again, if Conrad had to be honest, he was not so sure about the idea. But if it would be for Erika, then perhaps he would not mind accompanying her to the festival and let her enjoy herself.

xxxxxx

Despite being aware that Yuri would start implementing whatever plan that he had for her, Erika was not in high spirits for a few heavy reasons. In fact, for a few minutes now, she had stayed in her room right after breakfast upon sensing something quite heavy around her. She could not define, however, if that feeling she had just sensed was something foreboding or a different one. But she tried making it clear that no one should disturb her for the meantime. For now, only Murata had known the fact that she had just locked herself in her room, so he could not help worrying about what could possibly happen if Yuri and the rest found out about Erika's actions. At the moment, he did not have the heart to announce it to Yuri as he knew what kind of a worrywart the young king-to-be was.

Inside the room, Erika was in her bed taking out all of those old letters she wrote a long time ago during those times she was still waiting for that man to finally come back so she could tell him her long hidden feelings to him. Her loneliness as each days had passed while waiting for that man were all expressed in those letters. Firmly making a certain decision in that moment, Erika took those letters and brought them near the fireplace. She had it lit up using her own powers (though she nearly made the fire big due to her complicated emotions at the moment) and contemplated as she read each of those letters before throwing them to the fireplace, letting them burn there one by one as soon as she was done reading them.

These were some of the letters that had expressed her pain after all this time...

There was one she wrote when she first came to Earth to visit her family who she had always yearned to see for a long time...

Strumming the guitar as the rain fell... Pretty much a boring way to spend the gloomy afternoon, huh? Not.

It was just my way of trying my best not to cry for remembering you again. Just forget the fact that I do not really know how to play a guitar and I was just strumming the strings randomly.

You did try to teach me before, but I never tried my best to actually learn how to play. I was not sure why, but I never really had the strong urge to learn how to. Pathetic, right?

But you know, I have always come to love you playing it. It had the ability to fade the gloomy feeling away for some reason. I really hoped it would still have the same effect once you truly decide to come back here.

To come back to me...

Or was I wishing for the impossible?

It had been years since you left. It had been that long as well since my life felt so blue. I had been longing to see you which was enough to complete my day, to talk to you when I could not get enough of just looking at you, to laugh with you whenever something funny happened, to cry on your shoulder the moment you offered it, to smile at you when this amazing happiness would well up within me...

I missed you for all that.

I missed loving you for all that.

I was still hoping, you know? Still hoping for you to finally give me the answer I have been desperately looking for.

One day... I hope it would happen...

There was one that she wrote while she was suffering from high fever and would keep calling out for that man even in her nightmares, hoping that he would come and would be there to comfort her... but never did.

Though at times I deny it, there was a hidden part of me that tells me nothing was really over. That you are still in here, in my heart. A part that still holds on to something that will never happen anymore.

Nothing like that will happen at all no matter how I wish for it to happen. You might have known it before, but perhaps you chose to brush it off and think of it as a joke. Not once have I thought of it that way.

Now I know. I held on to you even though it was hopeless. I kept you here in me all this time for inspirational reason. I let you remain in my memory because I want to relish those moments no matter how sad they always make me, no matter how foolish they let me end up.

We have not met again in a long time since the last I saw you. I know you are happy now and somehow, I can see it in my mind. So I think it is about time I do the same. I am not sure when will it happen.

But perhaps if fate will allow it, let it happen soon. Let the rain falling down at the moment wash away this senseless longing I have in my heart for you. You will never come, anyway. So please, release me from your memories.

...and there was the last letter she wrote days before she discovered that he was completely gone and would never return to her side at all.

I died when it came to an end. Or at least it felt that way. But you will never know that, right? You left. You ended it. All on your own. You never asked me what I thought about it.

You just ended everything.

I was supposed to resent you. But even after what you did, I could not bring myself to hate you completely. Foolish as it sounded, but that was the truth. Should I blame my heart for this?

Well, I could not say that I just... loved. Or could I? This has already confused me alongside the hurt you gave to my heart.

But as I said, I need to move on. I can not just stay like this. I can not let it remain like this. You had your laugh (or at least I imagined it that way) when you left me as you ended it. Now it is time for me to have mine.

This is my life that you broke. And you are not here to help me fix it. But should I even expect you to do so?

No.

As I said, this is my life. And it is up to me to make it brand new again. I will face the world one day－sooner, if you would like and if I can, whole and alive once again.

When the final letter was thrown and finally burned it all down to ashes, it was when Erika heaved a heavy (but strangely relieved) sigh as she stood up. It was like a heavy burden had finally left her chest that had troubled her in such a long time. And at the moment, she considered it to be for the best that she was feeling that way.

She could finally move on. But then again...

How would she be able to do that?

xxxxxx

Erika remained in her room even after she had burned all of the letters she had written specifically for the man she had always considered special to her. But just as she was supposed to have done a long time ago, it was just about write that she should have already let him go at the same time he left her without saying a word. At one moment in her life, she must have really thought of him as the man that might have held her heart a long time ago.

And then she recalled a certain battle that she secretly participated into in which she ended up saving someone from a monster attack ー one that someone among Ryuuji's league could have possibly caused. That monster was not supposed to appear in Shin Makoku at that time. But for some reason, it caused terrible damage to the country that further escalated the casualties of that war.

Until that moment, Erika was trying hard to recall the face of the person she saved. But because she was wearing a hooded cape at the time and she was busy dealing with the moment, she could only recall a slightly blurred memory of that injured soldier. Her reminiscing of a terrible past was put to a stop upon hearing several knocks on the door of her room. And then she remembered that she told Murata not to let anyone disturb her for the meantime which, of course, would cause Yuri to go on a worrywart mode again.

She opened the door after a few moments of contemplating. Though she had an idea on what could Yuri possibly want from her, she hadn't expected that her brother and the Castalian Kingdom advisor would actually ask her to have a day off in conjunction of her allowing her to celebrate the Moon Festival of the kingdom. Erika originally doesn't want to do as Yuri wanted her to do. But then, after several convincing involving "puppy eyes" and pretty nice words as to why she should take a day off that he wanted for her, she bregrudgingly agreed only to make him happy. She couldn't really do something to disagree with or deny her brother of his happiness at the moment even though she already knew that this was a part of whatever plans he had in order to help her.