Undauntable

Terrified

“Hey wait up,” Calix shouts behind me, but I pick up my pace. I’m not sure I’m interested in company at the moment.

Calix was my closest friend. We clicked immediately when I began training at Crimson River and since then, we've grown to the point that he was my ride or die. He was the only person outside of Wes that I felt comfortable sharing everything with.

I’ve run the perimeter of the pack twice now. A few nights ago, rogues breached the Southern border of Crimson River territory. As the lead warrior, it is my duty to make sure my pack is safe. But I've simply added that to the never ending list of failures on my belt.

“Come on B, I owe you ten,” Calix muttered, falling in line beside me.

Rolling my eyes, I slowed my pace enough for us to jog together.

“You seem tense as hell,” Calix grunted, jumping over some fallen trees. A storm ripped through here about a month ago, and we’ve not been over here to clean up the mess yet.

I enjoyed the challenge it created for me, so I pushed Grant to leave things as they were with the promise that I would personally take care of it when the time came.

“Talk to me, B. Give me anything,” he turned his face towards me.

“What if I don’t want to talk?”

“You don’t have to talk about what has you out here running the perimeter at two am, but you can talk about something else,” he raised a brow.

“The rogues have gone silent. Not a single scent since the other night and no reports from other packs. What do you think they’re up to?”

The thought of them brings out a welcomed anger within my chest.

“Knowing them, it’ll only mean trouble,” Calix’s words came out in soft puffs of fog. The air outside was icy now that fall was almost over. Soon, we’d drop into the single digits, something that took getting used to when we finally settled here in Canada.

“I hate not knowing.”

“Bailey Graff, I am shocked,” his hand moved to his chest, mocking me, “Miss perfectionist not knowing everything. I would have never guessed.”

Swinging my foot to the side, I tripped him with ease, leaving him face planted on the ground.

A few moments later, he’d caught back up, “You’re rude as f**k, ya know?”

I flashed him a beaming smile, “Aw, you’re so sweet. Always complimenting my finest qualities.”

His muscular arm grabbed me around my shoulders, pulling me into a headlock as he ran his knuckles painfully across my scalp, “What are friends for?”

Calix and I got along so well because he didn’t treat me like a girl. He just treated me like I was Bailey. Most men cower at the thought of being an equal to women.

We are pampered, told we can’t do a man’s job. We will never be as fast, as tough, and as mean as a man would.

But me? Nope. f**k that.

If you want to underestimate me as a woman, that’s your problem. If you lose to me, it’s not because I was weaker. It’s because you didn’t use your f*****g brain.

“How is it that you sweat after running for three whole seconds?” I gagged, still trapped in a headlock while running.

“What was that?” he leaned down in a whisper, “You want me to rub my scent all over you?”

Calix shimmied his arm, getting sweat all over me.

“Goddess, you are awful,” I elbowed him in the ribs and forced him to release me.

After three more laps, I felt a sharp pain lance through my stomach. Gritting my teeth, I fought the urge to vomit up my dinner. Trees passed by us in darkened blurs and despite the air growing colder with every passing minute, sweat poured down my forehead.

“B, you’re breathing funny,” Calix sounded worried, “Maybe we should take a break.”

Swallowing down bile, I cleared my throat, “I’m fine.”

Something was wrong, but I could run it off. Everything could be run off. Redirect the pain. I'd learned that it worked like medicine. Your body would experience a single pain at a time. If I exhausted myself physically, the ache in my body would be enough to overwhelm my other senses.

Another sharp pain tore through my stomach, this time, accompanied by a burning sensation that felt as if my body had been lit on fire.

Slowing down to a halt, I bent over, unable to ignore the pain any longer. Placing my hands on my knees, I desperately tried to catch my breath.

“Should I link Wes?” Calix knelt down in front of me.

“No. Don’t. Please.”

I felt Calix’s arm link with mine, “At least sit down.”

The moment my butt hit tree bark, I turned away, vomiting.

“s**t, you know if you wanted to quit, you didn’t have to force yourself to vomit,” Calix joked, but I threw him a death glare over my shoulder, “If you don’t shut it, I’m going to make you wear this 'fake' vomit.”

I heard him scoot away as I vomited again.

Lifting my shirt, I glanced down at the injection site. It looked inflamed with red streaks spreading from the tiny bruise in my skin.

“What the f**k is that?”

Turning my head towards his voice, Calix was staring with wide eyes at my stomach.

“I think that the most recent fertility treatment isn’t agreeing with my body.”

“You need a doctor,” he started, but I cut him off, “No. No more f*****g doctors. I’m so tired of doctors and treatments. Meds and injections. Just.... stay with me for a while. I can’t go home like this.”

Calix scooted closer to me, “Of course. When are you going to tell him?”

“You know I can’t,” I sighed, “He would hate me.”

“He’ll never hate you as much as you hate yourself if you keep lying to him...” l leaned my head on his shoulder, “When did you get so wise?”

“I’m offended that you are suggesting there was a time that I wasn’t,” he laid his head against mine.

“This sucks ass.”

“Do you even want it anymore?” Calix’s question threw me off guard, but if I could be honest with anyone, it was him.

“No,” I choked out, “That’s the sad part. I don’t even want to try anymore. Everything feels so... transactional. Every conversation turns back to trying, medication, doctors, exc. I’m just tired.”

“Please, for the love of the Goddess, if you ever see me putting my mate through this kind of hell. Smack me. Punch me square in the nose. Anything,” he chuckled, but his words only made the pain worse.

Does Wes see what this is doing to me? Or have I mastered the art of the mask.

“Thanks for being there,” I whispered, attempting to push myself up from the log, but Calix held me in place, “You need to rest for a few more minutes. Don’t try to push yourself too hard.”

Placing my head back on his shoulder, I sighed, “Tell me something I don’t know about you.”

The burning pain still lingered, pulsating from the injection spot, and I was thankful that Calix was here to keep me safe from myself.

“Hmm. That’s hard. You’ve basically pulled every core memory out of my body by force,” he chuckled, making my head bounce, “When I was just a pup, I was never interested in being a warrior. I thought I’d do something safer. I was really nerdy,” I felt his head fall back, “And so goddamned scrawny. There wasn’t an ounce of muscle on my body until I was sixteen. f**k, I even had acne,” Calix shuddered.

Lifting my head to look at his perfect skin, I pointed at his face, “That face had acne?”

He dramatically rolled his eyes, “I know. Impossible to believe, right? Looking this perfect didn’t come easily,” he winked, “What about you? Any secret stories?”

“Probably. I don’t know...”

Calix was someone I could rely on no matter what. Hell, he'd come out here probably because Grant linked him that I was running again. He knew I had trouble sleeping. He knew about the nightmares. He knew everything that I couldn't tell anyone else.

What I loved about our friendship is that he didn't judge. He didn't push me in a different direction. More often than not, he simply offered me an ear and logical advice.

“Come on, B. Give me something,” Calix nudged me with his elbow.

“Okay, fine. When I was younger, like, thirteen. My sister was dating Grant,” Calix stopped me, “Wait, like Alpha Grant?”

I nodded, “That Grant. Well, as you know, Grant used to train me in secret. And I may have sort of developed a crush on him. The only problem was that when I was thirteen, he was eighteen. Also dating my sister.”

“Pretty normal to have a crush though. I need something more than that,” he started but I cut him off, “I’m not finished,” I raised a brow, scooting away from him and sitting cross legged on the log as he mimed a zipper over his lips, mirroring my position, “One day when he was training me, dumb, thirteen-year-old horn-dog Bailey thought it would be a great idea to kiss him.”

“Like a peck on the cheek?” he asked, but I shook my head, feeling my cheeks heat furiously, “Like, shove my tongue down his throat thinking that was the way men wanted to be kissed. When he pushed me away, I was mortified. But to be honest, I think he was more than I was. We never spoke of it again, still to this day.”

“So watch out for flying tongues around you. Got it,” Calix laughed at his own joke, “I’m also definitely not going to start calling you horn-dog.”

“I regret ever meeting you,” I muttered under my breath, snarling at him.

“But I’m your prince charming. Don’t fight your secret love for me, horn-dog,” Calix fell backwards from laughing so hard.

“You are delusional," I narrowed my eyes, feeling that itch in my brain again. The words tumbled out of my mouth like vomit. Like they needed to be released to someone. Anyone.

"I found a letter from the Elite addressed to me."

Calix shot up from where he'd fallen, "The hell, B. When?"

"A little over two weeks ago. I haven't opened it yet."

Blood coated my tongue as I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. Calix was staring wide eyed at me, his face a mixture of shock and intrigue, "Why the hell not?"

"Because I'm terrified. What if it's not real?"

"What if it is? he gasped, reaching his arm out to grab my hand.

"Then my entire life changes," I sighed, "I think I'm more afraid of it being real than not."

"When has Bailey Graff ever been afraid of anything?" Calix c****d a brow, pinning me with his gaze.

“Bailey, what the hell are you doing out here at three in the morning?” Wes looked between Calix and I, “With him?”