Wilted Roses

… Sometimes what we see is also a deception… There was pitch darkness everywhere, I could feel the tingling sensation of pain and fear surging in my body. Cold breeze embraced my trembling body as in this apprehensive atmosphere, my blue eyes fell upon my hands. Gasping, I fell on the ground in pure appall to see my hands were tainted with blood. Staining my past and memories. "Ah!" With a hitched breath, I woke up with an extreme headache from the constant nightmare I had been receiving for the past decade. "Damn.." Murmuring, I ruffled my black hairs before getting out of the bed and going to freshen up. "Who was it?" I asked myself when cold droplets of water soaked my skin. Putting my hand on the wall, I closed my eyes to think about it but nothing but blankness consumed it. Why was I there in the first place? What was it? Why were my hands bloody? Shaking my thoughts, I turned off the shower and got ready for work. Wearing my suit jacket, applying cologne and setting my watch. I was about to leave for work but my Father called, “Raizel, you up for dinner tonight?” He asked casually over the phone. As much of a serious person I am, my Father is my complete opposite. “Yeah. I will be there.” I replied sternly, not having time to make unnecessary conversation and left for my work. What.. was it? A question aroused in my mind once again. The more I try to subdue it, the more it entangles my mind. Same damn thing over and over again. It wasn't the first time I am dealing with this s**t then why is it stuck? I sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of my nose, staring at my hands with a compassionate gaze. Why were my hands tainted? I thought, nibbling on my bottom lips with tension but shaking my head I tried to work on my work but my assistant I knew I would fire very soon entered. "Carrol? What are you doing in my office?" I asked, breaking my rhythm of thoughts and turning to her, "I... was just checking up, Sir." She smirked, coming closer. "I don't think that's part of your job." I said impassively but she smirked, putting her one hand on the table and leaning closer, "Coffee?" She offered sweetly. "Sure." I humed, going back to my file, not trying to pay heed to her. "Come on, Sir. Too much work will affect your health." She whined, leaning more closer as I didn't look up, trying to maintain my posture. "Hmm?" She hummed and I am not here to be seduced by the ones I work with. Frowning, I shut my file close and looked up at her. "You know what, Carrol?" I asked, getting up and walking to her with my hands resting in my pocket, curling my lips on one side. "Yes, Sir?" She asked seductively, leaning on the table, taking my tie in her hands as I bent to her level and whispered temptingly in her ears, "You are fired." Her amusement faltered as I smiled wickedly, moving back from her. "But-" "Leave." I ordered dominantly, going back to my seat and sat down and continued working again. "I am sorry, Sir, I won't do it again. Sir-" She tried to plead but I simply gave her a glare to seal her mouth and not argue with me anymore. She wanted to plead so I could hear her request but all of it is meaningless. She should have thought before. Did she truly think attempts like these would work? "Before you leave, Carrol, An advice" I said, glancing at her, "Don't f**k around in my office." I hissed. She made an almost crying face, looking down but she is a beauty, she knows she could seduce any guy and work for him and will do it. Scoffing, I brought my attention back to my work and called my receptionist to let her know to open an interview for another assistant. "And yeah make sure. If she turns out to be like the others, you will lose your job. I am not paying you to play around." I warned her before cutting the call and continued to work. After work, I went home to have dinner with my family. "Ah Raizel, how are you, love?" Mother asked, kissing my head. "I am great, you?" I asked, giving her a side hug. "I would be happier if you would pay me visits often." She mumbled but I chuckled, shrugging her thoughts off because we both know I can't stay in this place. This place is nightmarish for me. I know how I have spent my days here. "I will try." I smiled, trying not to talk about it, this topic never ends smoothly. "You say this always." She muttered but I went to see Father, ignoring her. "My, a prince descended today." Father beamed, hugging me tightly. "I think that's too much." I said nervously but he laughed, "What? I am right! You are my Prince!" He cheered, I sighed at his behavior as we sat down to have dinner. "So, how's everything?" Father asked casually. "Great. How are you guys?" I asked, wanting to eat my food in silence. "Just an elderly couple waiting for our son to settle down." Mother muttered from behind, wiping the smile off my lips. "What? You're twenty-eight. I want my son to settle down so I can die in peace." She scoffed but I didn't react. "Oh, come on, Honey! He is a young man, let him enjoy his life! Don't blackmail him using your old age." Father laughed and I sighed and Mother glared, "You heard him." I shrugged. "Oh hush you, What life does he have apart from work? He stayed at his apartment all day, never went out, didn't have friends. Do you call it life?" There she goes again, going on about my inability to interact with humans. "Oh it's fine. If he indulges in his company then so be it. let him enjoy his peace." Father defended me to which I am grateful. "Well.. yeah.." She trailed off. "Ah my, I guess my son loves being the Prince of Darkness." She chuckled but my heart clenched, sometimes under the name of love they say what I cannot bear. I curled my hands in a fist. I know they are chill but I am too sensitive. "I am done." I said rudely, getting up immediately. "Raizel?" Father called me but I exhaled and left for my room, running my hands in hairs, taking sharp breaths, pacing around the room, my hands were trembling. I didn't know what happened to me until my eyes fell upon a picture of mine, grinning while hugging my parents. "Was I... like this too?" I asked myself, staring at the picture. I don't even remember when was the last time I smiled purely. I don't know what happened to me but ever since those nightmares entered my life, I have lost my own identity. I don’t know who I am anymore, who I should be anymore. All of it is slipping out of my grasp. "Raizel." The door knocked and Father entered, putting his hand on my shoulder, turning to the picture. "Father..." I called him, turning to him, "I didn't mean to be rude." I said softly, lowering my gaze. "It's okay, pal, don't worry about it." He smiled, patting my shoulder and moving back. "I.. just don't know what happened to me… I can’t control myself…" I breathed out, holding my forehead and sitting down. "You just think too much. Empty your mind or let it out, this will help. Or else stagnating will immerse you in darkness more. You have to do something about it. " He smiled, sitting beside me. His advice is right but what can I do? I felt powerless before my feelings, they have turned me into an unbeating piece. "I can't believe I was even like this." I said sadly, looking at the picture. "Time changes people.." He shrugged, nonchalant about my distress, thinking this won't enhance it. "I guess." I hummed, lowering my head in dejection. I called him again after a prolonged silence, "Father..." "Hmm?" He hummed, walking around my room. Closing my eyes, I held the sheets firmly, "Why are my hands stained red?" I asked feebly as my lips began to quiver, curling my hands firmly, "Why do I see the same sight over and over again?" My voice faded in woe, pressing my teeth together to bear the stumbling ache stacking inside, "Am I a murderer?" I asked, voice breaking in agony but Father smiled and pat my head, leaving with an unconvincing answer he is saying all these years, "No. You are not."