Rock Bottom

6

Haiden's POV

"Jake, can you just -" A long sigh escaped my lips as I watch our youngest member absentmindedly play with a stuffed toy our fan sent me as a gift, the very same stuff toy I sent a photo with to Lisa.

It's been months since Rosie and him last talk. And ever since the girl left, Jake had never been the same. All of us had been sad about her departure but with Jake, it's different.

They were inseparable.

They love each other.

And I know the two have issues between them, not mostly with their relationship but both have restrictions and walls they need to break free with.

I glance at him with worry when he didn't even realize that I called his name.

Like how it has always been, Jake is fine on our performances, on our fan meets and concerts but once he turned his back to those cameras, to those people who knew would be worried for him, he's almost dead, or maybe almost a robot.

Even to us, he tried so hard to show that he's fine when he's not. If we don't have schedules, he spends his time practicing, almost killing his body.

And it's wrecking us.

It's wrecking me.

It pains to see our youngest, the most playful one building his walls in front of him. And we can't break through. It's sad to know that even though we know what's bothering him, we can't do anything about it, because it's something only him and Rosie have to deal with.

So on times like this, I can't really do anything but support him.

"Hey guys, we'll start with the V-live in two minutes! I'm excited to talk our fans!" Vash came bouncing, and like always, unaware about the current situation. And we're glad. Sometimes, all we need is someone like Vash so we can temporarily forget what's happening, what's hurting and bothering us. Besides, even Josh hyung just recently came back to his usual self after Samantha and her finally made up.

This team is in a total mess these days and my insides felt so heavy because I can't fix it. I can't fix everything.

I shifted on my seat when Jason cme running towards me.

"Aistt!" I snickered and he just grinned at me. Sometimes, Jason and Vash is too much to handle. Usually, it's the three youngest but given Jake's situation, it feels like nothing had change because taming Jason and Vash is almost taking care of us seven.

And then there's Lisa.

A smile came across my lips upon remembering the girl I had been communicating with. She had been nothing but a sweetheart. She's so sweet and fun to chat with. And though we haven't met each other before, I feel like I already knew everything about her. She's that transparent.

And I love it about her. With her, I can be me. I can be sweet without her being offended or anything. With her, I can joke around comfortably and she's the same with me.

I'm glad she's open. She tells me her concerns and she lets me help her feel better.

And moreover, she's beautiful.

I bit my lower lip upon remembering our previous conversation.

The girl has serious working issues. She's so workaholic to the point that she always forgets it every time I tell her to watch our V-live so I can finally introduce myself to her.

To be honest, I could have told her I'm Jung Haiden.

But I'm not sure why I can't seem to just tell it directly to her.

Am I afraid she won't treat me the same? I don't know, Maybe.

Even I have insecurities of my own.

I know she's not a fan but I can't help but be afraid she won’t be the same once she found out it was me.

I mean, everyone the rest of VOELEVARD first except me. And I felt it even more when I did a V-live before.

They don't want me. They want somebody else.

To be honest, it's the boys, the fans who continuously shows their appreciation towards me and my love for what I am doing is what keeps me going.

It hurts.

It f*****g hurts to be neglected.

It burns like a hole when people don't give importance to you or appreciate you even after you gave your all. What hurts the most is, I can't even tell it to them. I can't say that I'm hurting.

Because I'm Haiden.

I'm their Haiden, their angel. I'm their sunshine.

Haiden can't be mad.

Well f**k, I should have named myself something else instead. Maybe then I will have the right to tell people that I'm hurting too.

"Hyung!"

I was startled when Jason nudged me on the shoulders, his hand pointing at the camera.

Oh s**t.

I was spacing out too much, I didn’t even realize that the V-live had been on.

"Hi everyone!" I greeted, a huge smile showing on my face.

My eyes snapped on Jake's direction when he greeted our fans and realized that he still has my stuffed toy in his hands.

Should I get it?

Lisa said she might not see the V-live anyways.

With that in thought, I decided to let Jake play with it.

It should be okay right?

Of all the days, it'll be really weird if Lisa would suddenly watch the V-live after she missed it multiple times and even confirmed that she's busy.

Yeah, it should be fine.

With that, I faced our fans with a huge grin on my face.

They are here to see VOELEVARD anyways. And Haiden is part of VOELEVARD.

Right now, I'm Haiden...