life isn't f*****g easy

So this day i was on scrolling in social media and i saw some guy that looked just like Steven so i looked him up that sounds weird now that i say it out loud anyway i sent him a message saying we should meet up He wasn't very fond of the idea at first because i stood him up the first few times..we agreed on a date the 16th of September but i had a boyfriend at that time thought i was in love with Cebo my boyfriend The day came that we agreed on and he ditched me guess its payback for all the previous times i stood him up he had a tendency of making me feel so special especially the fact that i was in the process of grief my grandfather passed away a month ago that time everything felt just right Anyway we made another date the 22nd of September i was so nervous i could barely bucket the fact that he asked me i felt special i saw him for the first time i blushed and it wasn't always that i blushed for a boy but this niggah won my heart over in just a few minutes. We decided to go get to know each other in the little time that we already have he hugged me ,the hugging part was understandable because he is sexy as hell He felt so warm damn i thought this dude was my dream guy he ticked off all my boxes besides one course not every guy is perfect but he was perfect in my eyes thought i was blinded by love cause Damn he is way to good to be true We arrived by his friend i wanted the earth to swallow me whole i hate to much people around even though there wasn't alot of people but i just hated meeting new people he came to the rescue with his golden brown hazel eyes looking right into my eyes i never felt so helpless before We spent two hours there felt like a few minutes then his sister called my uncle is about to take me home as we walked to his house we were talking about what we would do if i ever fell pregnant so we decided to agree that i go on birth control seeing that we were planning on having s*x in the future damn i had to be really blinded by love because i would have never agreed to having time to on birth control because i was scared i pick up weight and i was already insecure about my body We got at the end of the isle that was across his house and he asked me to be his gf he kissed me and i said yes man right then and there i knew this was my dream guy well at that moment i thought he was perfect i thought of no other guy i saw no other guy but him i did not even want to leave his side because i was scared he would leave damn im still love with him I refuse to feel the same way for another guy even if i spoke to another guy it felt wrong i of course told my mother about him thinking that this was going to be different from all my previous relationships but I was wrong We planned that i come to him again i went obviously i would say yes to everything to try and keep him happy and if u ask me i would do it again but i lied to my mother and said that we were going to the mall just so that i could hold me in my arms one more time just so that he could make me tremble to my knees We for sure did not go to the mall ,we ended up in his room he closed the door now we both knew what was about to happen i knew that we we're going to have s*x He put some music on and he let me lay on his chest i never laid on a guys chest it felt so warm he took on my t-skirt and i knew i couldn't say no to him his my dream guy the time i took my vest off he was already half undressed and i was nervous because i didn't have s*x in a long time but i went with the mood he took my pants off and i knew that he was officially going to have s*x there was not a problem because i wanted it as well i knew that i wanted him he kissed me and put his warm body onto mine i went his hands go down to my hips he was a teaser at the start but he had no choice but to give in We started to have s*x it felt like he owned me at that moment i gave in to him i gave everything to him i think the other details are way to much That s*x was the most amazing s*x that i had till the point where i could barely say no i mean of course i could say no but how .... Since we lied to my mother we had to make it believable he came to my house my mother met him for the first time and she liked him and my momma don't like no one my momma barely like me she said "his a nice guy but how old is he" i never lied to my mother this much me and him both agreed that we would say that he is 19 so he said "im 20" that wasn't the age we agreed on but he said it so while my mother and Steven were talking outside i decided to dress in something more comfortable my pajama pants because damn things happened in the jeans couldn't keep it whole night on So my mother and Steven got along well in that few minutes i got surprised because my mother never liked any of my boyfriends ...he stayed for dinner and stood with me while i washed dishes his dude stayed with me while i Washed dishes i mean wat guy would do that By this time me and my "boyfriend" cebo already broke up he hated my guts for cheating on him damn he even we wanted me dead b***h like i was going to die that dude could not stomach my face after i cheated on him well it was understandable we all have been through this before As time went on things between me and Steven changed i started to feel like he didn't want me anymore but i still tried was i wrong to hold on to him so much or was i the only one being honest in the relationship because i felt like i was being loyal to myself