Shadow Faerie

Chapter 19

Nineteen

The portal’s magic spins in circles around me, and I’m almost instantly dizzy. I shut my eyes, cling to Roarke’s hand, and take a few fumbling steps forward. “You can open your eyes,” he tells me as the dizziness vanishes. I open them and blink a few times before focusing on the nearly colorless world around me. The grass, the flowers, the trees and hedges—everything is varying tones of bluish grey. The only vibrant color belongs to the four guards who jump to attention at our sudden appearance.

“Would you like to explain to me,” Roarke says to them, “why I just killed an ink-shade in my own chambers?”

The nearest guard blinks. “Y-Your Highness?”

I walk slowly away from them as they stammer out apologies and Roarke threatens to feed them to his sister’s favorite dragon. I look around, trying to figure out where I was when Roarke and Aurora brought me here the first time, and which way Dash and I ran. Somewhere on the right, I think. I see more artfully clipped hedges that way, and the bench they may have sat on while presenting their offer to me. I walk on a little further and see a castle in the distance. Well, part of a castle, to be more precise. It looks open and unfinished on one side, and oddly hazy due to the wisps of a smoke-like black substance curling into the air here and there. Beyond the castle, the world fades into darkness.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” Roarke says, walking up to me.

“You told me you found a piece of land with grass next to a field when you first discovered this world. So where did all of this come from?”

“Aurora and I built it.”

I turn my gaze to him. “With magic?”

“Yes, with magic. That’s why it’s partially built. We can only do so much at a time. It depletes our magic quickly, and then we need to rest before we can do more.” He takes my hand and squeezes it as he smiles. “Do you see now, Emerson? Do you see why you are the perfect queen for this world?”

I glance down at my wrist where the ruby on my bracelet is almost completely red. A section of transparent stone on one end indicates that I have about two hours left until power returns to my voice for the second time today. “Because my Griffin Ability can build anything?” I ask, looking up again.

“You can literally speak the contents of this world into existence.” He reaches out with his free hand and runs his fingers through the silvery grey leaves of the bush we’re standing beside. A black, smoke-like tendril curls slowly around his hand and vanishes. “In addition, your magic will make it so much simpler to claim this world as our own.”

“What do you mean?”

“This world will be ours, Emerson. Officially. You and I will be its rulers.”

I look down at our entwined hands. And how, I wonder, is the woman you were whispering with in your room involved in all this? There’s no way I can actually ask him that, though, so I turn to a different question. “I assume, from what you’re suggesting, that becoming the rulers of a world involves more than just sticking a flag in the ground?”

Roarke gives me a bemused look. “That may be the way they do things in the human realm, but in the fae realm, there is magic involved in properly claiming a territory. The magic and the creatures of the land will then be bound to you. It doesn’t mean they can’t disobey you, it just makes them more inclined to act in your favor. The Unseelie Court and the Seelie Court are territories that were claimed with magic. With your Griffin Ability, we can claim this world for ourselves.”

“I don’t understand why you need my Griffin Ability, though. People have obviously done this kind of spell before without my specific kind of magic.”

“True, but I’m talking about complex magic involving royal blood and sacrifices and many specific words. With your Griffin Ability, we should be able to simply tell the world it belongs to us, and that’s all.”

“Do you really think it’s that simple?”

“We’ll soon find out,” he murmurs, looking across the land he’s already begun to shape.

I bite my lip as I stare at the tower on the completed side of the castle. I probably shouldn’t say what I’m about to say, but I need to understand Roarke and his motives. “Why not just do it now? You’ve already compelled me this evening—told me what to say when my Griffin Ability replenishes—but you could change that. You could force me with another compulsion potion to tell this world that it belongs to you. If this is what you’re really after, then why are you wasting time on a union?”

He faces me fully and takes each of my hands in his. “Firstly, this world isn’t all I want. I want to be joined to one of the most powerful faeries I’ve ever known. You. And secondly … don’t you understand yet that I’m not like my father? I don’t want to force anyone to do anything. Yes, I want this world more than anything, and I’ll do whatever I can to convince you that our union is a good idea. But if you refuse, I would never force you.”

“You’d never force me?” I repeat in disbelief. “Roarke, you compel me every day to say exactly what you want me to say each time my Griffin Ability is ready to be used.”

“To keep my father happy until the union. I compel you to say what he wants you to say. He’s the one who doesn’t trust you yet.”

“So why would he suddenly trust me after the union? He wants my power just as much as you do. He’ll never stop compelling me. He would never take the risk that I’d use my magic against him or anyone else in his court.”

A smile curves Roarke’s lips. “You’re getting to know my father, I see.”

“So you agree with me?”

“I do. My father will never stop forcing you to speak his will. But once you and I are united and the shadow world is ours, this will be our home. We’ll be far away from him and from the land and position he won’t allow me to inherit for centuries still. He’ll have to declare war on his own son in order to get his hands on you.”

“So that’s your ultimate plan? To go against your father and take over a new territory?”

“Yes. If I don’t do that, it’ll be centuries before I can rule over anything.”

“And what if your father actually does declare war on you? He has armies. Surely he’d defeat you?”

Roarke lifts his shoulders in a lazy half-shrug. “There are many in the court who are loyal to me. They would follow us here. They’d fight for us. But yes, there’s a good chance my father would still defeat me. You, however …” He brushes a strand of hair away from my cheek. “He would never defeat you.”

A shiver races across my skin. A whisper of excitement stirs deep within me. In my mind, I begin to see a vague picture of a future I never expected. The promise of power, the promise of finally being in control of my own life. Not just mine, but many others. And Mom would be there too, vibrant and healthy and advising me. This picture of my future is alluring in a way that I recognize is unhealthy. But I was born with this power. Perhaps this brand new world is what I was meant to use it for. “You may be right,” I murmur.

“So do you see now?” I hear the enthusiasm in Roarke’s voice. “Do you see the endless possibilities of this world and your power within it?”

I nod. Look around. “So the tear in the veil is that way?” I ask, pointing to my right.

“Yes.”

“You know the Guild is planning to close it, right?”

“I do know that, yes.”

“What do you think will happen to this world then? What if it ceases to exist? All your plans will be for nothing then.”

Roarke shakes his head. “I don’t think it will disappear. Closing the veil won’t restore each world to the way it was before. It will close the gap, that’s all. If, however, the veil were to be opened further …”

I frown, following his logic. “Then this world would grow bigger?”

“I believe so. It’s limited at the moment. Very small. We’ve tried to push at the edges, but we end up building into the complete darkness of the faerie paths. We need more space here. We need to extend this world.”

“But if you tear the veil open further, you’ll destroy more of the human and fae worlds in the process.”

With an unconcerned twist of his mouth, Roarke says, “Those worlds are big enough already. They can survive getting a little smaller.”

Like a slow chill creeping on as evening falls, my body begins to grow colder. “Parts of those worlds will be gone forever. People will die. Or … or they’ll become part of the shadows of this world. I don’t know, but either way, we would be killing them.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” he says with a chuckle. “Besides, your world is overpopulated already. Mine is heading the same way. We would be helping those worlds by using them to extend ours.” He walks forward in the direction of the castle, pulling me along with him. “I’ve taken a closer look at that monument on Velazar Island in recent months, and my spies have told me all they know about this veil restoration spell the Guild will soon be implementing. I think we can interrupt it. Shatter it. Blow that gap wide open. We just need to know when it’s happening so we can be prepared. And then, my lovely Emerson, we can continue building this world.”

The chill that crawls across my skin is no longer a shiver of excitement. I can hardly believe what he plans to do. What he plans for me to do. Does he really think I’d be happy with that? Have I painted such a bleak picture of my old world that he thinks I’d gladly destroy parts of it? I look away from him, my heart sinking rapidly. For a few moments, I thought I may have discovered my purpose, my future. The home I’ve always wanted for Mom and me. But I can’t do what he’s suggesting. I can’t destroy worlds. I can’t kill people.

And I can’t let Roarke do any of those things either.

But how the hell would I stop him? It would be almost impossible. I’d need to have control over my own Griffin magic, and I’d have to command him and everyone else who answers to him. And this would have to happen after he heals Mom; there’s no way he’d do anything for her if I first ruined his world domination plans. And Mom and I would have to be ready to escape as soon as I’ve commanded Roarke not to tear the veil any further.

It’s too risky. There are too many things that could go wrong. Who am I to try and stop a prince anyway? I’m nobody. I need to just focus on getting Mom and me the hell out of here once Roarke has healed her. Whatever he does on his own after that will be on his conscience, not mine.

I’m not brave or selfless. I’m just doing what I have to do to get by.

My feet stop moving as my words from yesterday come back to me in a sickening rush, followed immediately by Dash’s response: You can tell yourself that lie all you want, but I know you’re more than that.

“I’m not,” I whisper.

“Hmm? You’re not what?” Roarke looks back at me. “Not helping those worlds?”

The shadow world comes back into focus around him, and my fleeting aspirations of bravery vanish back into the recesses of my imagination. “Sorry,” I say with a forced laugh. “I ended up on my own train of thought there. I only meant that … that I’m not currently making a difference to anyone or anything. I’ve only ever seen myself as insignificant. But now, with my power and this world, I can make a difference.” I stare boldly into his eyes, hoping I’ve covered my blunder well enough. From his smile and the way his gaze roves hungrily across my face, I see I’ve given him exactly the kind of response he was hoping for.

“I knew you would come to understand. I cannot wait for our union day.” He tugs me closer and presses his lips against mine. I’m so shocked I almost shove him back. RELAX, I scream silently before I can give myself away. I force my eyelids shut. Entwining my arms tentatively around his neck, I try to meld myself against him. I try to pretend I’m enjoying the foreign sensation of unknown lips moving against mine.

When I’ve kept up the kissing act for as long as I can stand, I pull away. My words are appropriately breathless as I say, “I’m excited too. Shall we return to your suite and continue practicing the vows? I want to get them exactly right. I don’t want a single thing to go wrong on that day.”

Roarke looks at me as though he couldn’t have asked for anything better. He puts an arm around me, and we head away from the castle and back toward the portal. “Is there anything you want to ask me? About the shadow world?”

The woman you were speaking with in your room, I want to say. Who is she? How does she fit into your new world? “No,” I say instead, because I’m not brave enough to risk his anger. “I don’t have any other questions yet. I’m just looking forward to trying out my Griffin Ability on something useful, like bringing plants and buildings and creatures into existence.”

“So am I. We can try tomorrow. I’ve already compelled you to say something mundane later tonight when your Griffin Ability returns; may as well leave it at that. You can get some rest, and we’ll come back here tomorrow to try something exciting.”

After returning through the portal, I spend another half an hour or so practicing the vows with Roarke’s assistance. Fortunately, he doesn’t try anything more intimate than resting his hand on my knee. When I get back to my own room, I remove Bandit from my pocket. He shifts into a cat in my arms, and I hug him tightly as I stare through a window at the winter night.

Dash’s words come back again—I know you’re more than that—and I wish I could explain myself to him. I didn’t grow up the way you did, I would say to him. I’ve never wanted to save anyone except my own mother. Saving Stanmeade was just a fluke. I’m not a hero, and I can’t stop Roarke.

Before getting into bed, I undress and sink into a hot pool filled with steaming water and silver bubbles. I slide down, letting the water cover my head, hoping it will wash the shame from my body.