Strike One

Chapter Two - Clearly Overthinking

Whitney’s Point of View

“If you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late,” the quote rang through my brain as I left the Library this afternoon heading to the softball field for my first day as a Michigan Softball player. It’s ironic, the quote is from my father. He is the specific individual that actually got me to this exact point in my life walking towards this field.

My father, Matthew Brown, was the best part of my life. He taught me everything I needed to know about softball/baseball. Every Saturday morning, we would do catcher's drills, then head down the road to our local batting cage to get some hitting practice. He dedicated his spare time to helping me achieve my dream of being on the USA Olympic softball team. This is a step toward that.

As I walk toward the field, I put on my head buds and listen to a little Crime Junkie podcast in order to clear my head. True crime is a major passion of mine and, honestly, I get that from my mother. My mother is a district judge in the State of Wisconsin and she is why I want to proceed with my education in the criminal justice area to become a deceiver/lawyer someday. Not exactly sure which avenue I want to embrace, but I have a couple of years to play softball and get my pre-req’s out of the way to decide which way i want to proceed.

My junior year in high school, I was being looked at by multiple different colleges from all over the United States and my father couldn’t be more proud. Coach Hutch offered me a full ride and flew my father and I out for my junior year to see the Ann Arbor campus, which is The University of Michigan. My dad was giddy as he had also been to Michigan and played baseball himself. He was an amazing pitcher. He was drafted by the Detroit Tigers his senior year but ended up having a career-ending Tommy John Surgery on his shoulder. Still, he did play for the tigers for a year before that happened, so it’s one of his claims to fame.

Coach Hutch walked us through the campus and showed us all around to make me more comfortable being so far away from my family. She truly did make me feel at home and the girls that I met the day we were there too, made me feel very welcome. I signed that day. My father and I decided to drive home and sight see Michigan for the weekend on our drive back to Green Bay. My dad was going to pull over and get us a hotel but thought he could continue for a bit longer that night and it was a night I will never forget.

A drunk driver swerved into our lane and hit us dead on. Killed my father on the spot and I broke my collar bone and was knocked in and out of consciousness. The last image I have was my dad grabbing my hand as the car came at us. When I opened my eyes, we were both dangling upside down and I looked over to see blood coming from my father's nose and ears and he was still holding my hand. The next thing I remember was being woke up by my mother in a hospital room and finding out my father hadn’t made it.

Coach Hutch arrived at the hospital and offered to help pay for hospital bills, funeral expenses and also insisted on getting me my own physical therapist to help me get back to myself. She also offered me to be a red shirt my year if I wasn’t ready to move away from my mother and to take time for myself.

I declined. I wasn’t just doing this for myself anymore, I was doing it for my father now too. I brush away the couple of tears streaming down my face as I prepare myself to not just meet my new team/family, but also to meet the baseball team. The baseball team knows who my dad is - he would come down every couple years to put on benefits/camps etc. My goal here is to prove that I’m not just here because of my dad's legacy, but I’m here to build off the legacy and to create my own future -one my father would be so proud of.

I ended up going to the library before meeting the team, honestly, just to relax and read for a minute. I moved into the athletic dorm - and the fricken football team is so loud, I already know I will be living in the library if i need quiet time. During therapy over the last couple of years, my therapist and I tend to share books with one another and “Girl wash your face” is good for anyone's soul. It’s just allowed me to feel more confident in myself while reading it - so I try to re-read it at least every couple months as a mental pick me up.

As I walk up to the softball field I am still laughing at myself for giggling out loud while reading in the library. I’ve literally read that book more than 10 times and yet it still makes me laugh out loud. I pulled my headphones out and took a mental note that I’m going to have to re-listen to the podcast later because I was too side tracked to really pay attention and realized that time had been away from me, so I would just re-start it up later.

Hutch's dog came barreling toward me and of course, my arms wide open! I am such a dog lover and have considered becoming a zoo keeper or vet a time or two in my life, but Hutch brought her dog the couple times we of met, and Maize (her dog) and I became quick friends. Maize brings me her ball and I let it loose onto the field and she takes off toward it.

Hutch greets me with an enormous hug and has already become such a solid part of the foundation that makes me the person i am. She has embraced my trauma and helped me cope through it. She isn’t just a softball coach, she truly is an inspiration - and I will forever be in debt to her and her hospitality she has shown me over the last year.

Hutch came to my last senior game in Green Bay and brought the softball team to cheer me on. They all had signs and it made me feel so loved, and I just knew this was supposed to be my home. I know the majority of the already existing team, but today I meet the other freshmen that will become the rest of my family for the next 4 years.

Coach has us all enter the stands and sit behind the catchers' plate. She begins her year with, “This field, these people around you, this will be your home. Together we will get to the stage we want, but that’s only if we work together. If you want a NCAA championship and to go to OKC to win the World Series, we can. But, that is only if EVERYONE here is willing to put in the hard work. That’s not just on the field, in the classroom, that’s building relationships and it becomes family. Will we fight, absolutely? We will work through it. You had better believe it. Will we win? You are damn right we will. Will we lose? Yup. Will we learn? Yup. Will you run till you vomit. I am willing to lean toward yes. But, there is no one here that wants you to succeed more than me. I want it on the field and every other part of your life. I will be your biggest cheerleader, but i will also be the one to tell you when there is an error in your process. I do these things, and treat you like adults because I do respect you. I hope you know at the end of the day no matter what, I want you here. I want to be your coach and, more than anything, I want YOU to succeed.”

We all started clapping and cheering. She tells us today is just brief introductions, tell me your name, where your from, why you’re here…give us the synopsis of you.

We go through the seniors, juniors…. And finally getting to the freshmen and Coach Hutch, looked at me. “Hi, I’m Whitney Brown - I’m from Green Bay, Wisconsin but cheer for Detroit everything. My father did play for the Tigers, so I promise it's in my blood. I consider myself a Michigan girl because I know no different. I’m a catcher and I’m here because it was always on my dream board. I’ll be studying Criminal Justice and hope that we win games, but mostly I hope to find a group of women I can build life-long friendships with, because I truly believe that is what will help us win games.”

Everyone cheers and the seniors come up and hug me. Everyone kind of looks at me. Coach looks at me and I give her a nod, letting her know she can share. Coach Hutch shares my story of last year and explains that this senior/junior class has wrapped their arms around me in ways to help me cope with the loss I have endured. She says I am just like everyone else here, I will earn my spot just like the seniors will earn theirs. This is a safe place for me, and she wants the girls to understand that this place is my home and that she, too, will help anyone get through tough times just as she and the team have helped me over the last year.

Tears stream down my face and Maize comes up and places her head on my lap looking for pets. The other girls all get up and come and hug me and offer me support and comfort - allowing me to know that I am still in a safe space. It means the world to me to know I can come here and work my ass off and still have these girls support me mentally - it is everything. Coach Hutch breaks up our minor comfort session and asks everyone to grab some chairs and head to the area between the baseball and softball fields for our meet and greet.

Coach Hutch brings me off to the side, gives me a hug and tells me - “he would be so proud of you.” I nod and we both walk off to the area where we meet the baseball team.

I am sitting with the freshmen and Maize is perched right next to me, and there seemed to be a lot of guys staring at me - probably because of the dog. Everyone loves dogs.

Hutch has us introduce ourselves, where we are from and what position we play. We get through the entire team and end with me. I introduce myself and notice a couple of guys take extreme interest in what I’m actually saying - I believe they must know my dad was a former player or something, but they are just staring at me. A guy from the sophomore area and one from the freshman's side.

They then introduce themselves too. I find out the sophomore is from South Lyon and his name is Chandler. He is also a catcher. The other gentleman was Suchy, which I found to be a strange name - he was cocky for a freshman and the fact that he was looking at me like i was something he could eat truly made me want to vomit.

We go through the meal and the coaches are telling us game plans for the fall. We share the same classroom for “study” - we all need to put in 8 hours a week in there and that is to go do homework and get caught up in anything we are late on. We are told we too share a weight room with the baseball team and that we need to spend at least 1 hour every day in the room during the fall season and in the winter.

They had this meeting to get us acquainted and to know that we would be seeing these people daily. It will make it less awkward in the future.

Coach Hutch ends our meal with, “Let’s all go win some national titles, okay wolverines!” We all clap and cheer and break back off to our respected areas.

Before I completely turned around, I catch another glimpse of the sophomore catcher staring at me yet again…along with the black-hair drooling monster, Suchy, I think.