Find His Way Home

Chapter 1: December-1

Chapter 1: December

“You’re a good man for not leaving your friend all alone during the holidays, Mick, but bring a girl next time. You’re what, thirty-four?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Time for you to meet someone, start a family. You won’t do that with a buddy tagging along all the time, trust me. You don’t want them to think you’re gay, right?”

“N-no, sir.”

The words rang in Elliot’s ears, and he winced as he remembered the abrasive laughter that had followed the gay remark. It wasn’t the first time his lover’s boss had made snide comments about gays, but it never ceased to surprise Elliot. In this big city and with same-s*x marriage finally legal in the entire country, he was flabbergasted that a highly-educated lawyer was so homophobic.

He sighed and leaned his forehead against the panoramic window overlooking the streets. Mick had promised things would be different this time, but Elliot had hardly seen his partner since they entered the swanky apartment of one of the senior partners at the firm.

It was the annual Christmas party. The entire staff mingled, and everyone had fun. Except for Elliot. He should have turned around and gone straight home as soon as Mick had pulled his hand away and put more distance between them when they stepped on the elevator. But hope was the last thing to die—as the old saying went—so he’d attended as Mick’s friend, feeling like an outsider since everybody else brought their partner or spouse.

The wailing of a siren pulled him out of his thoughts, and he looked down on the street. Not even this far up, on floor double-digit-something with the constant buzz of a party in full swing and boring piano renditions of Christmas classics, could he escape the cacophony of the city. The ever-present hum of the traffic, interspersed with squealing brakes, was like an entity of its own, impossible to avoid. A bloodcurdling scream echoed between the houses, making Elliot shudder. He let his gaze drift upward as if he was afraid of seeing the reason behind the horrifying noise.

But, as usual, there were no stars to soothe his ruffled feathers. Even the waning moon was just a pale sliver, almost completely drowned out by the light leaking from this enormous urban area.

He missed the stars and the quiet. As a kid, he always used to sneak out in the backyard and gaze up at the heavens. There was no light pollution to speak of in the small town where he’d grown up, and the sky was sprinkled full of bright flecks of light. He’d learned to point out all the constellations and had even learned the Greek mythology associated with each one. In the city, he was lucky if he could make out the Big Dipper.

He sighed again and took a sip of the dairy-free eggnog, grimacing as the overpowering taste of nutmeg hit his tongue. He needed to rejoin the party, hide the disappointment of being introduced as a good friend behind his best smile, and mingle.

But when he turned his back on the window and the busy streets, he saw his lover in deep conversation with a blonde. She wore a pretty red dress that hugged her curves in a conservative way, and her hair was swept up in an elegant chignon, revealing a long, delicate neck. Her manicured hand rested on Mick’s forearm, and he listened intently to whatever she said. A few feet away, his boss regarded them with a smile, nodding in approval.

Elliot wanted to scream. He understood this was the reason for Mick’s reluctance to introduce him as his partner, that his life at the firm would become difficult if his boss found out he was gay. But Elliot needed more. His coming-out process had been painful, to say the least, and he resented being shoved back into the closet.

The blonde took a step closer, and Mick’s back stiffened. His smile lost some of its genuineness, but she didn’t seem to notice. Maybe it was only apparent to Elliot, who’d spent hours mesmerized by the way Mick’s mouth quirked up more on the left side, and how it curved down the tiniest bit in the right corner, giving his smile almost a question-mark shape.

But even though Mick was blatantly uncomfortable, he didn’t attempt to step away. Just like that, Elliot knew he had to get out of there before he caused a scene or said something he’d regret later. Despite his unhappiness with Mick’s actions, he didn’t want to screw up his lover’s life.

He put the eggnog on a small marble-top side table with gilded legs. He wrinkled his nose and tapped his lower lip with his index finger, knowing his lover wouldn’t be happy about him leaving. In the end, he decided to just get out and text Mick later.

He made it all the way to the door without anyone noticing him, as if he were invisible to the bigwigs attending the party.

Immediately after stepping out on the sidewalk, he managed to flag down a taxi. As he sat in the back of the car, watching the chaos of the city whiz past the window, he started to question his decision. Mick would be understandably upset, something he could have avoided if he’d acted like a responsible adult and let his partner know he was leaving.

“s**t,” he muttered. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and middle finger so hard, he made tiny flashes appear in his sight. Being reduced to a friend, despite Mick’s repeated promises to tell the truth, stung more than Elliot wanted to admit.

He’d suggested Mick attend the Christmas party by himself to avoid awkward introductions, but Mick had been adamant.

“I want you by my side,” he’d said and silenced all objections with wet, open-mouthed kisses until Elliot had surrendered and agreed to come.

Why hadn’t Mick taken the out Elliot had offered? Would he ever acknowledge their relationship officially? They’d been together for almost two years and recently started talking about moving in together. How would that work if Mick couldn’t admit his sexuality?

Elliot shook his head and forced back the guilt. Yes, it was petty to leave without saying goodbye, but he couldn’t go on being Mick’s dirty little secret. Something needed to change.