BREAK ME. HEAL ME

CHAPTER 2*I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE*

||ALEXIA*||

I picked up the envelope Judy brought, reading over the content again while Bel excused herself to the bathroom. She thinks I should wait to discuss with Tobias, but what would I be waiting for? He's been gone for three days and I don't see how his presence would change anything. He was in his father's office that day and he did nothing, so what difference will his presence make? Rather than remind me why I have to deal with this mess.

When I left Australia, to come study here I didn't plan for any of this, all I wanted was a change of environment, to know more about things outside Australia, to meet new people and learn new things. Getting pregnant wasn't part of my plan, nor did I plan to attract the attention of someone like Tobias.

I've always known what I wanted, I had a goal, a dream of my dream career, finding my one true love and building the perfect home, but my first mistake was coming down to this country. All my goals and dreams went down the drain, I lost my family and now I am nothing more than this spineless weakling at the mercy of Tobias and his parents.

A lone tear slid down my face as I read over the benefits and the shares my child would get if I sign this, I don't care if my child is a boy or girl. What matters is the life I can give them, if I sign this, their future is guaranteed, with or without me, they won't lack anything, but do I want to make my child experience a broken home? How do I raise a child for three years with his father then suddenly file for divorce? Won't the back and forth with custody affect my child? Then what about me, why do I have to endure three years of living with a man I don't love as his wife, and he is not just any man but my rapist?

I have to live each day, seeing his face and being reminded of what he did, even if I know I can tolerate his ass, I've only ever tolerated him because I knew I would leave after Uni. I won't have any business with him again, but this..... This contract will bind me to him for another three years.

"Why are you crying?" I raised my head up, as Bel wiped the tear stain on my face and I smiled bitterly.

"Why won't I cry, Bel? My life is messed up, I have no say in my life anymore." I murmured. Bel shakes her head, coming to sit beside me and she cleans more teardrops from my face.

"Don't say such a thing Alexia, your life isn't messed up, these are just challenges and obstacles. It doesn't mean your life is messed up." Bel preached, and I shook my head.

"How is this just an obstacle, Bel? I am an orphan, because of this pregnancy, I lost the only family member that cared about me. Bel, this isn't just any challenge, I have to live with a man I don't love for three years, a man I can't love. His parents are powerful, the mum is a judge, and the father is the mayor, what's to say they won't take my child away from me after those three years." I wept. How is my life not a mess, when I have no one? There is no one for me.

"What makes you think you can't love him? You were roommates, and this child might be the connection you need." Bel muttered and I let out a bitter laugh.

"Would you love your rapist?" I asked, and Bel gasped.

"What!!!" she exclaimed, and I smiled.

"What do you mean, rapist Lexx, I thought you were roommates, and you both made a drunken mistake or something?" Bel asked and I sighed.

"It's a complicated and long story, he was my bully, then he became my roommate, at some point we tried being friends. He was changing, and we were learning to live together as humans, I was in a relationship, turns out the asshole was his best friend who wanted to use me to rile up Tobias. Tobias found out before I did, had some arguments with his friend and I got the brunt of their altercation, he came home that night and raped me." I shared a brief narration, and Bel clasped her hand over her mouth.

"And you still lived with him, why the hell did you not move out?" Bel cursed, while I wiped the tears on my face.

"I wanted to, but my aunt had some financial issues, that's why I got a roommate because she couldn't pay for the flat anymore, after what he did, he was gone for about three weeks and he came back home bloodied. Turned out he sometimes hurt himself, I was still scared to be in his presence, but my heart couldn't take seeing him like that, so I helped him. Even when he tried to overdose, I got so mad, because I don't want to live with the guilt of his death. It's been rocky and got more complicated, I can't fully hate him because I know he has demons, I've tried getting him professional help and he's doing better. But I don't think I want to stay with him for another three years, I don't know Bel, some days I don't hate him, there are some days where I just want to protect him. There are days where I can’t stand his sight or breathe the same air as him. I told him to vanish, and he did, he’s been gone for three days now and all I can do is worry, is it even right that I worry over my rapist?"

I asked, as Bel wiped the tears on my face and she pulled in for a hug. I don't even know what's right from wrong anymore, the kindness in my heart won't let me think straight anymore.

Should I worry about myself and my future or about this child that might get taken away from me in the future? Would Tobias's family even give me the space to pursue my career? Where do I begin after three years?

"You worry because you care about him, maybe there's a part of you that loves him, I didn't know he did all this and honestly I am not sure what to say exactly. However, he seems to care about you as well, I know there is no excuse for what he did, but if he doesn't care, I don't think he would even bother to look after you or try to take responsibility for the baby. I know you're worried about your future and that of the child, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, trust him a little."

Bel advised, as she rubbed my back, and I sighed. To trust him? Is it reasonable to trust him, my rapist? She's right, a part of me cares about him, but is that even sensible?

"There is nothing he can do about this though, we would just be prolonging the inevitable." I muttered, pulling away from Bel's embrace. Even if I don't sign the contract now, whenever Tobias comes back I'll still have to sign it, that's if he even comes back.

"Alexia..." Bel called as I stand up from the couch to get the pen on the television shelf. Waiting won't change my fate.

"Lexis, don't sign the contract yet." Bel said, trying to stop me and I sighed.

"It's the Mayor Bel, I cannot win against them, this is better than nothing." This is really better than nothing. I turned the pages of the contract, and I put my signature in the required places, I turned to the last page, ready to pen my signature again, when suddenly fingers gripped the contract file, dragging it out of my hold.

"Come on, Bel, I don't have a choice." I groaned out in a croaky voice, raising my head up, but instead of finding the contract with Bel, I turned to see Tobias standing before me as he tore the contract to shreds.

"Tobi....." I let out in shaky voice, seeing as the shredded sheets dropped to the floor, when did he come in?

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I sincerely apologise for the late updates. I don't have an excuse and wouldn't want to lie to my readers.

I am just trying to complete two or three ongoing books so that I can focus on this one. Right now I won't promise any update schedule because I don't want to disappoint you all. I'll update randomly so please bear with me. BITTER PILL will end soon, and I can fix BREAK ME, HEAL ME into a schedule when I complete the book. Please don't hate me.