A Heart Still

10 Drunk and stupid

“So, this should be it. Is it right? Did we forget something?” I asked after we finished the project.  

I couldn’t deny I was getting more comfortable around Ethan. He seemed cold and distant at first, but the more time I spent with him, the more approachable he was.

“Calm down, it’s alright. The project is fine.” He said, snatching the papers from my hands and putting them beside him on my bed so I couldn’t go and rewrite the whole thing.

“Ok, you’re right. We checked the whole thing twice, it’s ok.” I tried to reassure myself. The downside of me getting comfortable around Ethan was that my OSD tendencies started to show.

Ethan chuckled and leaned back on the wall, looking out of the window. It was already dark outside.

I took the helmet in my hands and looked at the stickers again. “Why do you have this girly helmet? And who would destroy this black beauty with these stickers?” I asked, finally getting my mind off of the project.

“It was Amanda’s.” I snapped my eyes up at him and raised a brow. “Who’s Amanda?” I asked curiously. I swear, I was too nosy for my own good.

“This girl from where we used to live. I used to drive her around a lot so I bought her her own helmet and she just had to decorate it I guess. She doesn’t have a bike so she gave it back when we moved.”

“Oh, so it’s your ex-girlfriend’s,” I said and couldn’t help but feel less happy about the helmet. Why?

“She wasn’t my girlfriend. We were just hanging out and having s*x sometimes.” He said it like it was totally normal speaking about those things.

Maybe it was but I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to other people about my s*x life like this.

“Isn’t that what dating looks like?” I asked, not really getting the difference.

“No, not at all. I would call us bed buddies. We were definitely not dating.” He said and lied down on my bed, his feet dangling above the carpet.

“Oh.” That was all I said. Why was I so interested in this Amanda?

“Hey, Becca.” I heard Jake call from the hallway. When did he get home?

I stood up and went to the door, but Jake beat me to it and his eyes widened when he saw Ethan on my bed.

I guess my little brother didn’t expect to see the new guy on my bed, even though it wasn’t like he would think it was.

“What is he doing here?” He asked and eyed him suspiciously.

“We had to finish a project.” I quickly said and Ethan winked at Jake, making me roll my eyes.

“Right… so I just wanted to ask if you are going to the game tomorrow,” Jake said, looking at me again.

“Yeah, I’m. Mom made me.”

“Come on, I’m sure they’ll let me play this time.” He whined and I forced a smile.

“You’re right, I can’t wait to see you kick their asses,” I said and Jake hugged me. “Thank you, Bee. I’m going to bed, tomorrow’s a big day. Good night,” He said and smiled at me, leaving, but not before he threw one last glare at Ethan.

Closing the door, I turned to Ethan who was smirking. “What’s up with him?” he asked and I sighed.

“He just didn’t expect to find a guy in my bed I guess.”

Ethan laughed and I frowned at him. “So you never had a guy in your room?” he asked and I shook my head.

I was always kind of scared of how mom would react. “Oh, I feel so honoured.” He joked but I threw him a glare.

“Your brother is in the team?” he asked and sat up on the bed, looking quite interested.

“Technically but he’s awful. Don’t tell him I said that.” I added hurriedly and he smirked. “Sure Grayson.”

I sat down next to him on the bed and wondered if he would leave or not. It was late but I also liked talking to him.

“Why did he call you Bee?” he noticed? Oh, fudge. “He called me that when he was little and it just stuck to me I guess. No one else calls me that though.”

I explained, looking out of the window. “Did you read the diary?” he asked and I averted my gaze to the drawer it was in. I didn’t have the courage to do so yet.

“I didn’t have the time to,” I said and he nodded.

“Where do you think she is?” I asked him and he shrugged.

“I’m not sure. From what I read she could have just run away with the guy but… I don’t think so. I just hope she’s ok. She was always the good kid from our family.”

He said and I looked at him. He looked kind of solemn and sad. I was sad too, thinking about Claire. I too hoped she was alright, but I knew she didn’t run away with that stupid Honeypop. I knew she would tell me, but for the first time, I hoped she wasn’t a good friend and just didn’t care enough to tell me.

“Ethan, why did you move here?” I asked the question I was wondering about since last week. He looked in a good mood today and I didn’t want to waste my chance to ask him.

“My dad had some problems and thought that moving to aunt Melissa’s town would solve our problems. He thinks she’ll save him just because he’s her brother. I think she would, but uncle Frank isn’t that loving towards us.”

I could see he didn’t like talking about it and decided not to pry any longer. I was surprised he told me this much.

“Do you have some booze?” he asked suddenly and I just stared at him for a moment before nodding. There was an old bottle of vodka, that I got from Ray, my ex-boyfriend, in one of my cupboards. Ray was older than me and bought it for my birthday and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t drink strong alcohol, so it was just sitting behind the pile of clothes I never wore.

I would never drink it so I could as well give it to Ethan. I kneeled in front of the cupboard and took it out, handing it to him.

“Thanks,” he said and immediately opened it, drinking some of it. He didn’t even grimace.

“I’m going to head outside for a bit. Do you want to come with me?” He asked and I was more surprised with each second. First, he’s so talkative, then gulps down vodka like nothing and now wants to go out?

“Why?” I asked and he sighed. “I don’t know. I like talking to you. You don’t need to go if you are too scared of your parents.”

I glared at him and moved to wear my sweatshirt. “Ok, come on.”

He smirked and I just realized he knew I would go after he said that, but I couldn’t change the answer now! Fudge.

We headed out of the house and went down the street. “Is there someplace we could sit?” he asked and I nodded, leading him to the playground. It wasn’t optimal, but it would work. It was too late for anyone to be there.

We stepped from the road and he frowned. “I didn’t know there was a playground.” I wasn’t surprised. It was in the opposite direction to school and he did live here for just a little while.

“Yeah, there is. Jake and I sometimes go here when he needs to train.” I said, sitting on a bench and Ethan sat next to me, offering me the bottle.

I didn’t really know why I took it. Maybe because of the whole Claire thing or I just didn’t want to seem soft, but I gulped it down the best I could.

My face distorted, thanks to the awful taste but the burn in my throat was worth it. I handed him back the bottle and he sat it next to him on the bench.

“Do you do this often?” I asked, wondering if he was used to drinking because it looked like he was.

“No, just from time to time. Don’t worry though. I am used to drinking. It runs in the family.” He said and took out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one.

He dragged the cigarette and let the smoke come out with a big sigh. He looked more relaxed as he leaned back against the bench.

“Why do you smoke?” I asked and he sighed, looking back at me. “It calms me down. Do you ever stop asking questions?”

I didn’t answer and just leaned over his lap and took the bottle. If I was going to drink, I was going to do it the right way.

He chuckled at seeing my face, when I drank some more of the alcohol, and offered me his cigarette.

“I’ve never had one,” I said and he frowned. “Well, do you want to?”

I nodded and took it between my fingers. “Just put it between your lips and breathe in, but not too much.”

I did as he said and started coughing the second I started to drag the air to my lungs.

He patted my back but still chuckled at my discomfort. “Don’t worry. That happens to everyone. Just try again.” He said after I calmed down and I tried one more time.

It didn’t feel so horrible this time as I smoked the cigarette. Just a small cough came out this time and he took the cigarette back.

I was starting to feel more relaxed, but I wasn’t sure if it was the cigarette or the vodka. Maybe both.

“Are you going to the game tomorrow?” I asked. I didn’t want to go and maybe seeing someone suffer as much as I would, would make me feel better.

“Nah, but I might go to the party afterwards.” He shrugged, having some more vodka.

“Are you going to the party?” he asked and I sighed.

“I don’t know, probably not.”

“Are you afraid your mama would be mad?” He asked in a mocking voice but he wouldn’t get me so easily this time.

“Or is it your dad?” he pushed, but his expression changed when he saw the face I made.

“My dad’s not really the problem.” I spat and gulped down the vodka.

He put a hand on my thigh and leaned in a bit. “Sorry Grayson, I didn’t mean to…” he said but I raised my hand making him shut up.

I took the cigarette from him and finished it. “You know, my mum isn’t around either.” He said and I looked at him.

I couldn’t say I was surprised, because I knew that when people said he moved here with his dad, it meant that the mom wasn’t included. It still surprised me he told me just to make me feel better.

Leaning back against the bench, I let myself lean to his side and it looked like he didn’t mind. He threw his arm around my shoulders and it felt good on this cold night.

“She isn’t dead though, or I hope she’s not. Just…gone.” He clarified and maybe for the first time in my life I didn’t have the urge to ask any further.

“Sorry to hear that,” I said and snuggled against his side. He certainly felt like a cuddling dream.

I don’t know if it was the vodka I kept sipping, the way he pressed me to him or if I just yearned to know what was happening in this guy’s mind, but when I looked up at him, he looked like a beautiful mystery I needed to solve.

I don’t know how long we were sitting there. The vodka and cigarettes made me a little dizzy. He looked like he was enjoying himself as well. He talked from time to time, I didn’t care he talked about how cold it was here and how stupid basketball players were. It was nice just listening to his voice.

It was when I moved to have some more vodka and there was nothing left that I looked up at him and it surprised me how close he was.

All I could see in the dark were his lips moving and I found myself leaning in bit by bit until he stopped talking, his lips pressed against mine.

He tasted like booze and cigarettes but I still melted to the kiss. I felt his hand slide to my waist and he yanked me up, so I was straddling him, my lips never leaving his.

I moved my hands to his hair and ran my fingers through it. His hair was so soft and he groaned when I pulled at it, his arms bringing me closer to him.

I felt his tongue slide to my mouth and I couldn’t deny how good it felt. He certainly knew how to kiss. It was after I had felt his hand slide under my jacked and he touched the skin on my lower back, that I realized what I was doing.

I didn’t know the guy and we were both drunk. I leaned back and broke the kiss. Ethan moved to kiss me again, but I put my hand on his chest and he looked up at me.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” I said and waited for him to be mad, but he smiled.

“No worries Grayson. I get it, you are drunk. Come on, let’s get you home.” He said and lifted me off of his lap.

We headed back in the direction of my house, well I headed in the opposite direction, but Ethan made sure to get me home.

I didn’t get the guy. Why was he suddenly so sweet? Or was he always sweet and I just now realized?

It took us longer than it normally would, thanks to my drunken state, but we stood in front of my house.

“Can you go by yourself from here?” he asked and I nodded, my head spinning a little in the process.

“Alright, see you tomorrow Grayson.” He said and I headed to the door. I went inside and tried to sneak to my room quietly, so I wouldn’t wake anyone.

I managed to get to bed, not caring I was still in my clothes, I was too drunk and tired to deal with that s**t. All I cared about at that moment was getting some sleep.