Shadow of the Beast

Am I Crazy?

I stood up, as much I wanted to know more, I also needed to move around. 

'I'm getting some air' I said, and I stood outside, breathing in the cool air, while William continued to sob inside eventually, I'd composed myself enough to go back inside. 

I closed my eyes for a second, and then calmly said 'alright, tell me more.' 

He breathed heavily, composing his thoughts and stifling the sobs. 

'Alright. I've held onto this for 41 years, it's time to get it all out. But I need to give you a bit of background to what happened, and hopefully it will make more sense and help you understand my side of the story.'

I gave him his space, and allowed him to tell his story without interruption. 

'My wife and I were having a rough time, because we both wanted a baby and it just wasn't happening. You have to understand, in those days, they didn't have all of this fancy technology that can tell you what is going on, who even whose body was failing at getting it right. It caused a lot of fights, throwing around of blame, and time apart. I used to come out to this cabin alone a lot, but I always loved her and we always found our way back together.'

I started to feel as though maybe he was making excuses. He was fighting with his wife, and found solace with a teenage girl? Yuck. I felt nauseous with the thought. But still, I silently listened on. 

'Violet would come out and visit me at the cabin, and it was a welcome distraction. There would be times where we' d just play cards, times where she'd tell me her far fetched fairytale, and times where she would open up about her unhappiness, and how the kids at school would treat her like an outcast and call her strange all the time. At some point they were accusing her of being a witch, and she felt physically endangered by their taunts and threats. I used to tell her that there was nothing wrong with being different, and when she left school she could leave this little town and meet other people who od her. She told me that she never wanted to leave, and that the only person who ever understood her was me.'

His voice faltered, and I felt myself unconsciously reaching out and touching his arm comfortingly.almost immediately I pulled it back, but this small gesture seemed to give him the strength to continue. 

'I knew she had some childish crush on me, but it seemed like it meant so much more to her. She... She wasn't right. Her parents knew it, I knew it, hell I think the whole town knew it. She needed professional help, you know, mentally.' he said, tapping his temple with his index finger.' her parents had asked my advice, and confided in me that they were worried about her behaviors. She used to sleep walk and end up naked, half way across town. They were just so worried that she would be sent away if she was seen by a doctor, and back then, mental asylums were terrifying places to be. I really wish that I'd pushed back a little and encouraged them to have her seen. '

'Oh God' I thought. My grandmother was insane, and I'm doing the same things. Is this some genetic thing? Am I going crazy? The thoughts spun around in my head. Surely medicine had advanced by now and whatever this was, they could fix? I wondered if it would be better for me to tell my aunt about waking up naked and dirty...

'Anyway, one day I was out in my cabin and she came to me, saying that she had something important to tell me. She started rambling on about destiny, and how she loved me, and how we were meant to be. I.. I laughed in her face. I don't even know why, she was a vulnerable young girl telling me what was on her heart, but I just found it so absurd. She was like my child and it just sounded ridiculous. She was so angry, and I swear I'd never seen her like that. She started to scream at me, telling me that the reason that my wife and I couldn't conceive is that I could only ever have a child with my true soulmate, and insinuated that my true soulmate was her. 

I was so angry that she would bring the most heartbreaking thing in my life into her little fantasy. I.. I told her she was a sick little girl and that she needed to go. I basically pushed her out of the door and slammed the door in her face.'

The look of guilt on his face was immense. This didn't look like the face of a predatory man, and by all accounts, his story made it seem as if he was a good man, trying to help a troubled youth, who was maybe in over his head. But that still didn't answer the most glaring question, and by the look of his face and the deep breath he took, it was clear that he was about to let out the most painful truth of all.