Marriage For Convenience (completed)

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

F # C K No

I can almost scratch my hair in frustration…

Why why oh! why do I have to go through all this?

Every freaking day of my life….

Yes I am a Drama fest, a whole live entertainment show..

No exaggeration!!!

And I swear my house and family can have a daily soap of its own.

Don’t worry about the script there’s always something happening

Rather one can have two telecasts in a day and trust me the director would never be short of the script.

Well why am I blowing up?

It’s nothing new.

24 freaking years and I should get used to it.

But I still cant

Especially when I am a mediator

Let me cut the crap for you.

My wife; CONVENIENT WIFE and my mother and granny are having differentiated opinions.

For the first time! Yay!

Well its nothing to celebrate

Yeah you can still congratulate me because for the first time the trio is not teaming up against me..

Irony is I am not the successor in the case. 

“I want to have a relaxed sleep at night not a bother that my children are not at home around me” my Grammy award winner gran ma stated making me roll my eyes at her.

Half my life I had practically lived in hostels and I am sure above all things she doesn’t have insomnia.

“You new marry, how can you want to not be together in night? How’d you get to do the ding do..” realizing what she was about to say, goof up and embarrass herself and all of us, she tight lipped her and smiled trying to change the words “Ding dong bell

                                    p***y’s in the well

                                    who…ho.pu…t..her in?” she stuttered and paused looking at my glaring granny and disappointed me, Pari probably swallowed her own spit for she rushed towards the kitchen returning with a glass of water that she gulped sip by sip trying to calm her nerves.

“Mom?” I shouted “seriously a rhyme”

“Lol you are already turning into hand peck siding your wife.” My mother almost yelled folding her fists to her heart.

“I am not” I let out a frustrated sigh “neither do I want her to work late night. I rather not want her to work at all.”

The evil glare that I got from Pari; I wonder how am I alive?

‘Because unfortunately looks cannot kill’ you know who’d answer for me.

“I have to work. It would be an add on to my resume.” Pari looked at me and then at my Granma as she added “Again the field experience is important, a lot to learn” and then she looked square in my mom’s eye giving her excellent puppy dog face

Don’t worry it’s natural for you all know she’s a bi***

Oopsie whoopsie no wife cursing

“And I also want to contribute to the medical field in whatever way I am capable of” her eyes bleary as she finished.

“Then go in morning, no evening,” My mom losing her stand by now.

Remember she is easy to convince.

“Do one thing stop going to college in the morning instead serve as a nurse” my gran ma mocked looking at mom “can you at all rationalize?”

My mom scratched her bottom lips softly with her finger wondering what she’d mistaken with.

“Sometimes you have to be strict with children” my gran ma was on with her parental counseling lessons.

“You should love your children, give them space but a line has to be drawn” like a sports teacher who cannot be on field for training and is using his skills for theory my gran ma went on and on and my mom like a deer caught in the lights would simply stare and nod not even getting the clue of what she is trying to explain.

You want facts?

Well apple does not fall far from a tree

Because once my gran ma’s counseling session was over my mother went to Pari “child you grown big, do what you think right.” In her trademark English.

A light snap was heard but it was nothing but my gran ma slapping her forehead in exasperation.

Pari simply bit her lips and shrugged as she tried to walk away.

“Wait” I shouted.

“Hmm” she paused all of a sudden like a car driving a full speed taking a sudden brake

“Sandeep is also enrolling for the stuff?’ I asked.

“Where did he come from?” she asked back, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“How do I know where is he from, last I remember he’s your friend.” I framed another question.

My inner sarcastically applauded at me.

“I did not mean that you jerk.” Pari was quick with comeback as usual.

 My gran ma coughed at the use of profanities by Pari for her pati-parmeshwar [god like husband] ”I mean why is he in the conversation?” she changed her tone into a guilt and apologizing one.

My mom immediately changed her disapproving look with a roll of her eyes. “Not that it is fun to see you too bickering like old couples but me and Granma. Cut us some slack” my mom commented with a slight smile of sarcasm and Pari, her cheeks tinted pink.

“Is he taking up the same thingy of serving in a hospital?” I asked in no nonsense tone.

“Yes it is mandatory. Why do you ask? She eyed my mom and my gran ma keeping her sarcasm at bay.

Thanks ma, gran ma you are my savior

“I am sure that sardonic jerk would never sacrifice his sleep for studies.” I commented.

“You are so mean.” She stated before replying, “He takes the evening batch”

“You have evening batch too?” my mom asked shocked.

“Don’t worry Pari” my gran ma added, “I will tell Golu”

Did I mention Golu was my dad’s pet name really Golu meaning round like a ball, “he’ll arrange the evening batch for you too”

I coughed uncomfortably wondering if it was a good idea.

Not that I was jealous.

You are over reading into this. 

Using influences for favors was what I meant.

My inner; douchebag as ever disagreeing with me.

“No no! no need for that I did get the evening schedule but I voluntarily picked the night shift.” Pari clarified.

I gave her the most annoyed ‘are you out of your mind look’ while my mom worded my thoughts “What your problem?”

“Ssssssshhhhhuuu English bomber.” She gave a disgusted look to my mom and then directed towards Pari, “why aren’t you opting for evening batch?” gran ma asked Pari politely.

“Umm..” Pari hesitated “I have other chores in the duration and I am fine with night batch.”

“And can you enlighten me what are your chores?” I asked clearly annoyed at her antics.

Her eyes were digging the ground like they would emit certain rays and soon a circle would form and rip off the layer of ground and swallow her.

“We are waiting,” I barked and she shivered scared of my rage.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I can actually hear the applause!

 I know that’s an achievement; Miss feisty scared of me.

“Evenings I am busy” she looked square in my eyes.

“Exactly we are waiting to hear what the f##k is keeping you so busy in the evening that you are pushing the important session of your studies to later one” if I was barking earlier, now I roared like a dinosaur.

Well you can have a good laugh but I screwed between lions roar and grunts of dinosaurs but I was angry 

Shit happens

And it was in my head, so I am COOL

*Whispers* Pari would never know

Only if you guys excuse me *coughs coughs*

 Ignore that my granny is coughing

at the use of F word.

My mom, sweetheart that she is might not even know what does that word mean.

I am not loafing. Honestly my mom was angry and she started shouting ‘beep beep beep at the person who’d banged her car once while she was driving.

When I asked she answered that she was repeating the curse words from The Big Brother or Big Boss[Indian television reality show.]

She is so cute’ my inner cooed hugging her and sleeping on her laps like a small baby.

“Pari” my granny acknowledge and her tone said she wanted to hear what kept her busy in the evenings.

Well she is not the candidate for next prime minister of the country

 “I have to cook and then tutor Sia and I enjoy doing both the things.” Pari finished in a single breath.

“Such a sweetheart” my granny cooed.

While my mom ran to hug her

Here the b***h steals the show!

“My baby. You don’t have to worry sweetie. I’ll cook and Sia, her studies are never a bother. You take evening batch, not night.” She smiled wiping a tear that never existed but I know she was overwhelmed with the gesture “problem solved”

“No mom” Pari shuffled out of the hug “Sia needs a lot of help in math and statistics. I cannot give up giving classes to her.”

“Oh Sia’s tuitions? You don’t have to bother” mom said easily “Kabir my sister’s son you remember Sia” who responded with a mild nod. I met him at Raj’s wedding and he was asking about you and more than ready to tutor you.”

“I am good” Sia said immediately “I will manage. Neither do I need Pari nor Kabir” her voice clipped by the end.

Probably she was disappointed that Pari teaching her wasn’t important for either of us.

I’ll talk to her later

“You do” Pari insisted and I am ready to help “Please I enjoy doing that”

“No Pari. Its okay.” Sia added in a friendly tone and I visibly relaxed.

“Sia, Kabir is a great teacher. Last time a year and a half ago when you failed in stats and he volunteered to help remember you scored an A+ in your tests and you were so happy with his classes and due to some reasons he had to leave the job. Now when he is more than ready to help I don’t want to miss that opportunity.” My mom explained.

“I am fine mom. I promise I’ll manage. I managed before Pari too. You don’t have to worry about me.” Sia denied flatly

I wonder why?

‘No Sia you have a crucial year, the subjects you get to chose next year will be based on your grades this year, I don’t think you should take any chances, especially when this Kabir guy is as good as mom says.” Pari explained.

“He is indeed good,” my mom added.

“And I would feel less guilty.” Pari continued “I honestly enjoyed our session but…. I don’t want to create disturbance in the .. uh.. family because of me.” Her voice laced with guilt.

“Oh okay.” Sia finally agreed and gran ma waved her hands throwing them away from her, her gesture saying, “Matter solved”

```````````````

“Whoa this is the latest macbook” my eyes bulging out like a person hungry for days has just been offered a double cheese margarita pizza.

No s**t man, this is the latest macbook, touchscreen holy f##king touch screen, not been launched in Indian markets, 15’screen, force touch pad, OSX operating system, thin, light , powerful and battery life of f##king 10 hours who could believe it.

My next to buy gadget list…

Yay I am super excited to even look at it.

But how is it that the Royal B*tch excuse my profanity is carrying it and staring at it like it has all the answers to depleting resources of the world.

“You need something?” she asked lifting her face from the space-silver screen, a pencil between her teeth that was almost chewed with her teeth.

She widened her eyes probably interrogating my stare.

“Nice laptop” I commented.

She smiled heartily, I guess for the first time at me “Yay it’s really cool I know. I borrowed it from Sandy”

And my eyes saw red

And yes I am JEALOUS

Not with the d!ck of her friend 

But with the model of macbook he owns.

‘Keep bluffing’ my inner commented as he caressed the laptop with his hands probably giving the tool a lap dance.

Yes kill me I am obsessed with the latest gadgets.

But my rage has other reasons.

 “Why did you borrow from him?” I asked furious at her “You should have asked I would have got one for you. Remember its mentioned in the contract that I will incur all the expenditure related to your studies.”

It was her turn to snap “YES and NO” she blurted and went back to work.

“Yes and NO?” I was full on yelling now.

Harshly she flipped the screen shutting it down.

Yes its cool to flip it, the cool macbook stores all the changes automatically. 

So relax with your tits

“You want a discussion I guess” she folded her hands.

Yes!!!! I am alive

Because the smiley Pari is gone and we are back to arguments

So normal[note the sarcasm].

“Yes I meant I am sure you’d have mentioned in the contract.” She stated and continued accusing at me like I had snatched a kidney out of her body “No because No thanks I don’t need it. I am good and again sorry I left my contract back in Mathura and I don’t need to read it.”

She looked me direct in my eyes her dark browns challenging my darker grays, no one ready to back down

And before I could process the words I realized what she ‘d said

“You f##king left the document of the contract at home? How could you do that? Do you have any freaking idea if your parents see it or my family comes across the papers what hell is gonna loose?’

If I was seeing red earlier I was now blue and black, my anger getting better over me.

She sighed, “You expect me to carry it along nicely decorated in a basket with ribbons and bows for everyone to notice. How’d I know that no one would check into my stuff.” She was also loud now “and if you remember my stuff was unpacked and arranged in the cupboard even before I arrived here.” She folded her hands waiting for my anticipation.

Exasperated I might have ran my fingers into my hair a lot too many times and she noticed

I know I am the b*tch oops dog, d!ck, i***t , jerk>>> the list is endless here.

Shit!!!

“Don’t worry it isn’t signed and nobody is going to look at the thing from where I have left it.” She tried to calm me.

“It’s still risky?” I stated the fact.

“If it bothers you so much I might go and get it back. I am sorry I should have thought about it earlier” she apologized.

Did you notice SHE apologized?

I actually wanted to wear a cheerleader dress and dance

As on cue my inner dressed in white crop top and pleated white skirt barely crossing his butt with glittery pim-poms in his hands dancing up and down and giving me THE LOOK, he commented ‘MAD’ at me and stripped the skirt away.

Don’t worry pervs the nude colored underwear is still there.

“I’ll go to college and return Sandy’s laptop, skip classes and go get the documents.” She said and the mental image of her mother abusing her came alive in front of my eyes.

“NO” I shouted

‘Huh’ she was stunned

‘Its okay if you think it is out of reach to anybody in the house, I think it’ll pass.

“I am positive it is safe. Nobody would bother to enter my room, I wonder if they’d ever clean it either” She smiled like it wasn’t a big deal, melting my heart.

````````````````

Did I mention ever earlier that my house is an entertainment bonanza and you can make a daily soap out of it?

Okay for a change the source of drama isn’t my mom and granny, this time it’s my dad.

And no prizes to guess that this problem too revolves around Pari.

I could really wear a tag on the collar of my shirt “stressfully married”

“I am going on a business deal damnit!” I shouted exasperated.

“You remember you are dealing with your dad here?’ my father pointed out and I held my head down ashamed.

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have.” I apologized honestly. With all that he has done for me over the years I should really be spanked for talking to him like this but he is a forgiving person.

The best human being on this planet!

“So you are taking Pari along with you to Singapore.” His words a declaration with no room for argument.

“But papa my studies, I cannot miss classes.” Pari said sweetly.

Someone get me a bowl I’ll collect the dripping honey from her mouth.

My inner; eccentric that he is; was ready with a bowl for me and when I did not pay him heed he picked the pop corn from the same bowl and popped it in his mouth.

Jerk!

“I have thought that through child. Raj will be going during winter break of your college.” My dad said as he switched to the most interesting part of his life; newspaper.

“Dad I have my meeting scheduled this week.” I pouted like a stubborn child keen on having his Lego toys that he’d never play for more than a week.

And my dad; his anticipation’s the same.

“I had a word with the manager at our Singapore branch, he’s already rescheduled the meeting to next week” my dad smirked at me as he took another sip of his now cold dark coffee hiding behind the paper again.

I am sure he’d got the flight and hotel bookings done too.

Shit hotel bookings!   

````  

“You are the biggest jerk I have ever come across in life” Pari abused verbally.

“Don’t worry feelings are mutual” I said as I concentrated on my laptop. Since the meeting was postponed I could think of few more innovative ideas to be presented that could help me seal the deal.

“I know we aren’t good in each others company.” She said 

And I replied in “hmmm’ simply ignoring her babble.

“I have never travelled out of India.” She said

My answer “hmmmmm”

“You have to think something” her voice pleading.

“Hmmm” I repeated engrossed in my work.

“Singapore, we together… it’s inappropriate. I have my ass…..ignments to complete.” She probably stuttered 

I stuck to my “hmmm..”

“And I’ll give you a HOT seductive lap dance one night with music blaring from your iphone 11.”

“Huh” I was disoriented, distracted, my libido almost dancing in excitement,  “What did you just say?”

With her hands on her hips, eyes protruding from her sockets glaring at me angrily, her stance antonym of words she’d spoken earlier

Urgggh!!! vibrations under my V line.

My inner in a shiny underwear and black suspended over his nude six-pack abs started performing a pole dance pouting seductively trying to match the mood.

“Did the cat return your tongue now?” she asked still angry not before addressing “Rascal” to me.

“I am trying to convey,” she said slowly like a two year old trying to read for the first time pausing at every syllable, her toes twirling on the ground.

No she is conscious about the words she’d said out of aggression.

Ha! Good.

I simply made faces of hmmm. Hmm.. hmmm. Acting as if I was still avoiding her

She made an action to scratch her hair in aggression and frustration before walking away from me.

“Wasn’t it mentioned in the contract that you’ll cater to my emotional requisitions?” she accused before walking away.

‘Uh huh. I cannot let her go, not after what she quoted about the lap dance; I need to have some fun too. 

My inner encouraging me as he wore his baseball short and tee holding the ball and said “Games on” getting a basket

So I stopped her holding her wrists.

Shit!

She stiffened with my touch.

The feisty and confident Pari was now gone and was replaced by scared and vulnerable one.

Guilt engulfed me and I quickly retrieved my hand apologizing humbly and stating the truth

“I cannot say no to my dad,” I confessed honestly. ‘but I can promise you your comfort there. I can even manage a separate room for both of us.”

“And how is that helpful?” her hands back on her hips. She sure is dominating.

Dominating.. dom… sub…Flashes of fifty shades clouding my vision but I push them away.

But I was glad the feisty and stubborn Pari was back.

And I was more than happy about that 

“I am really sorry I cannot avoid taking you. But think it the other way, we don’t have to share a room, you have all the time to yourself, you can complete all your assignments and projects and then we can always go sightseeing if we have time or are bored to death or are at the verge of killing each other.” I offered earnestly.

She gave a thinking nod trying to assess the pros and cons 

“Please Pari Singapore is indeed a very nice place a very amicable place for holiday.” I tried to convince her.

“But…” she hesitated.

Uhhhh I know her buts and ifs and they were surely going to raise my temper 

Still I waited patiently.

“The tickets and accommodation it all would be expensive? I don’t think I can…” she stuttered.

So she cares and is definitely scared of my temper.

Doesn’t that give me an upper hand?

Yay!

“Don’t start” I stopped her “I normally accompany an assistant on company expenditure. This time I can accommodate you in. Happy”

Happy I guess the word is antonym to her life.

But I intend to change it.

Slow and gradual

And something in my gut says Singapore is the place.

Singapore we are coming.

My inner curves his hand into a plane and sways it from left to right like flying 

‘Woo hoo’ I add my sound effect supporting him for something