Humsafar .

fifteen

Chapter 15.

Say what you feel and feel what you say.

Anaaya.

"And I think it's extremely important to have a perfect balance, you know. We can't write about lifestyle and fashion all the time, we need change. I actually have a draft written about how harassment is not gender specific and I have a strong opinion that it should be our front page article."

I explained, my new work colleagues focused completely on each and every word that I was saying. Either they were really intrigued or either they were just waiting to point out any flaw. It was hard to judge what they were thinking because of their blank faces.

The chief editor of the Lahore Branch, looked at me, questioning my ideas.

"So you want to drift away from lifestyle and write on social issues?"

"No, I'm just someone creative. You know? I can write on anything, as long as I'm aware about it." I replied, I had to make an early impression on him since he was the boss here.

"Now Anaaya, things here are done differently as compared to Islamabad. What we need here is fresh concepts that we can send back to the HQ. Its great that we have you here with us, so we can have a few pieces written here directly but we need more effort from you." He told me, making me gulp.

I knew that the HQ had told him about me and how I got things done, but it seemed like he wanted more effort from me.

"Ofcourse anything, Infact I was thinking that we should do a character story, sort of a biography-" I was in the middle of this when my cell phone, which was placed on the table started to vibrate, the vibration in the rather silent room echoed and I quickly held the iPhone.

Hassan.

I hadn't talked to Hassan ever since his departure, a few texts here and there but not a proper phone call. When he called, I was either busy ot asleep and when I called, he was doing the same.

I shot him a quick text, rejecting the call.

Busy. Can't talk right now.

I went back to talking.

"Sorry about that, so yeah, biography. We can take international, national, even local artists and write on their lives, dedicate a page to them."

Apparently he liked my idea and stood up, happily.

"That sounds great, let's wrap this up. Come Anaaya, show me the new draft."

We started to walk towards my office as I welcomed another hectic day with open arms.

It was almost six in the evening when I finally got home, several yawns escaping my mouth on the way back. I wanted deep slumber for a while, I just wanted to go to my bed, lay under the duvets and sleep.

I entered the house and saw my mother in law panicking in the foyer. The maid was cleaning the already clean living room, which made absolutely no sense to me.

In my tired and confused state, I greeted her.

"Salam, aunty." I murmured, standing in front of her. She exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Anaaya, thank God you're here. Go and change quickly, get out of these skimmy clothes, we have guests arriving."

Skimmy clothes? Excuse me?

"What's wrong with these clothes?" I questioned, looking in the mirror adjacent to us and observing my clothes.

I was dressed in some cigarette pants with a flowly white shirt, an attire suitable for office. I had actually worn something modest from my perspective since I knew my mother in law wasn't the most open minded person.

She sighed at me, shaking her head.

"Just go change, Anaaya. Koi kaam wala jora pehano, nayi dulhan ho. (Wear something fancy, you're a new bride)"

"Aunty, I'm comfortable in this." I tried to protest.

I was already too tired and I had no courage to even change. Infact I didn't even want to meet those guests.

"Well, I don't want my relatives to look at you in these clothes. Now stop arguing." Her tone was soft but it was firm enough for me to remember my own mother.

But she wasn't. This wasn't my mother, this was my mother in law.

"Alright, I'll go change." I said, moving away and walking upstairs with lazy steps.

"And wear a dupatta!"

I heard her voice from behind, I just rolled my eyes.

Ugh.

I changed into a white embroided Zara Shahjahan dress, and didn't bother doing anything on my face since I already had make up on from earlier.

I walked downstairs after almost half an hour, even more tired than before.

"Come Anaaya," My mother in law called out to me as I glanced at the women sitting on the sofas.

There were about four of them, all looking at me like I was the fresh meat.

I mustered up the sweetest smile I could and walked towards them.

"Arey, MashaAllah. You're so beautiful," One of them greeted me, air kissing both my cheeks. I moved on to the next one and then the other two.

"How are you, Anaaya? And bhabhi Hassan kahan hai? (Where is Hassan?)"

I responded to one of them, saying that I was doing alright while my mother in law started to talk about my husband.

"Hassan has gone to London for a while, work and all." She stated and one of them gasped.

What had he done? Committed a murder? This lady really needed to stop over reacting.

"Haye Allah, Anaaya ko chor kay? Bechari, kya karti ho poora din?" (And he left Anaaya all alone? What does she do all day without him?)

I frowned. So it had come to this? A woman is a bechari without her man?

"Actually, I have office and all so it's pretty busy." I responded, looking at Hiba who was busy scowling too.

"Office? You work?" She interrogated calmy, I nodded. My mother in lqw gulped.

"Yes,"

"You know, beta..I can understand this generation wants to work, my own daughter says she will. But then ghar kese base ka tumhara? (How will your relationship prosper?) You know most of the divorced women are working ladies."

I wanted nothing more but to tell this lady to leave, to just buzz off and take her narrow thinking with her, but instead, I inhaled a deep breath, replying to her in the most mature way possible.

"No, aunty. Most of the divorced women are the ones who understand their rights and know that their husband might not be giving them what they deserve." I answered, my sister in law gave me a wink, as if she was proud of me.

"Kya baat hai bhabhi, aap ki bahu ke toh bauhat oonche khayal hain. (Wow, your daughter in law has such incredible thoughts.)"

Sarcasm dripped from her voice. I always thought that the whole bitchy relatives thing was just a myth. Especially relatives of the in laws. But turns out, it wasn't a myth.

Hiba stood up, taking a plate of biscuits and serving them to everyone. She smiled.

"Yes aunty, our bhabhi is very nice. How about your elder daughter? I heard she separated from her husband?" Hiba's tone was as bitchy as the older woman's. I wanted to laugh.

The woman said nothing and started to talk about expensive clothes instead, leaving Hiba and I to just simply giggle quietly.

When the relatives left, Hiba and I were sat in front of the television, eating popcorns. I beamed at her, bringing up the earlier conversation.

"Hiba, thanks yar."

I murmured, she looked at me.

"For what?" She questioned, feiging an innocent face.

"You know for what." I stated, she chuckled. She sat closer to me, her hand touching my shoulder as she engulfed me into a side hug.

"Bhabhi, we're family. Ghar pay koi kisi ko kuch bhi kahe magar bahar ka koi banda aa kay humare family member ko kuch nahi keh sakta. (We are family, we can fight all we want but nobody from outside can come and say anything to any of us.)" I wanted to reply to her, my heart warming at her words.

She considered me family. Before I could tell her that I had her back too, that if she ever needed me, I would be there for her, my mother in law came and sat beside me.

She made me look at her.

"Anaaya, listen to me beta."

I gave her my full attention.

"Listen honey, don't take anything she said to heart. Okay? People get divorced for a reason, hmm? And I have seen the understanding that you and Hassan share. He has been so happy with you, and you seem happy with him. So just ignore whatever she said."

I had a very confused mind when it came to my mother in law. Sometimes she understood me and other times, she would look down upon me. But nothing trumped this.

Her words were encouraging and heartwarming. I felt happy at the fact that she was kind and understanding about this.

"Yes aunty, thank you." I replied chuckling as both my mother and sister in law sat around me.

I wasn't used to people being so close to me, but this felt good.

She made a tch sound from her mouth at hearing me call her aunty.

"Aunty nahi, mama. I'm as much of a mother to you as I am to Hassan."

I wasn't going to call her that, not yet anyway. I had a mama already. She was Hassan's mama. My mama was in Islamabad. How could I just call her that, I hardly knew her.

I lied to just not make her feel bad, mumbling an "Okay, yeah."

"When are you going to Islamabad?" She questioned, standing up and picking a few plates and dishes.

"I have a flight tomorrow morning," I stated, a yawn creeping it's way out of my mouth.

"Hassan's coming back on sunday, subah baat hui thi, keh raha tha Sunday evening ko ajayega. (I talked to him this morning and he said he will be home by Sunday evening)"

Anaaya nodded. He had said the same thing over text.

"I'll be back on saturday, probably. At first they weren't giving me a few days off but then I told them that I'll work in Islamabad office for three days instead of here." She explained, Hassan's mother nodded.

"So you're gonna go work there too? You and Hassan have so much in common." She said with an exasperated sigh, Anaaya laughed.

"Ahan? Like?"

"Like work passion, he's as crazy about his work as you."

She smiled. Okay maybe that one was true. But that was the only thing common in them that she had found so far. He liked tea, she liked coffee. He liked burgers, she liked pizza. He was a game of thrones kind of person, Anaaya was a novel enthusiast.

She yawned again, knowing she needed to go rest now.

"Acha aunty, I'll go pack my stuff now," She excused herself.

"If you need any help, call Rania or Hiba."

"I will," 

I changed into some comfy clothes and laid under the duvets, contemplating about calling Hassan or texting him.

I opted for the second one, sending him a text and waiting for a response.

Hey, so you called and i was busy and now I'm calling but you're busy. I'm totally free for a few hours now so if you get time off, call me.

It was almost an hour later that my phone rang and in my drowsy half sleepy state, I picked it up.

"Hello?" I heard my husband's voice.

"Finally." I mumbled, plugging in the ear phones so I wouldn't have to carry the phone in my hand while talking to him.

"Miss me that much?" He asked with a tired chuckle. His voice was soft and lazy, as if he hadn't slept for days.

"No." I replied and heard him let out another sigh.

"Okay then, maybe I should hang up." His tone was playful, as if he was just teasing me. I liked his playful and gentle side.

Ever since Rania had told me about his anger, I had been a little hesitant. 

"Okay.." I dragged out, knowing that he just wanted an answer out of me, that I was missing him.

"Okay.." He mimicked me. We stayed quiet for a while, none of us hanging up.

I heard shuffling on his side.

"How are you?" I enquired, knowing that I hadn't even asked him that basic question. He let out a deep breath.

"I'm knackered, just came back from a meeting and now I might go out for lunch." He responded and then questioned me the same. "What about you?"

"Well, I came back from office and your relatives were here so I was busy with that." I told him leaving out the part where his relatives were absolutely and unnecessarily rude to me.

He groaned at hearing their mention anway.

"Ohh, alot of them are nasty bitches." I giggled at his outburst, That was one way to put it.

"Ah, I adore your laugh." His sudden compliment caught me off guard.

What was so special about my laugh anyway? It was weird. Dude, tell me I'm smart or I'm beautiful. Even am I adore you would have been sufficient. But my laugh? He was into some weird things.

It still warmed my heart though.

"You do?" I asked, I could imagine him nodding his head.

"Yeah, you doubt it?" He shot back, his tone gentle and soft.

I didn't doubt it, not one bit. He was reserved and only said the things that he felt, I had known that much.

"No, I don't."

Another moment of silence prevailed us and I looked at the left side of the bed, his side. When he slept, there was a certain relaxation in his face, a content smile. His inhale and exhale woke me up at times but seeing him asleep was a beautiful sight anyway.

I sighed.

"Hey Hassan?" I said through the phone.

"Yes wife?" He instantly replied.

"I do miss you, you know.." I stated quietly, letting him know how I felt.

"I know, I'll come back to you soon."