A Damaged Heart Still Beats

Chapter 5- I Can’t

Catori POV

At this moment in time my feet cannot carry me fast enough. First of all, I’m a werewolf?! A f*****g werewolf and I had nooooo idea until today. How is that even possible? It does explain in bits my need for being in the woods and also my speed and what seems like heightened senses, but seriously? A werewolf… “I am a werewolf.” Saying it out loud makes it so much more real and even still it’s hard to wrap my brain around it. In a weeks time, I’m supposed to be graduating high school in hopes of a bright future. Positive things on the horizon and all that. My evil stepmother is finally gone, and my beautiful baby sisters can finally be happy without her hiding them away. I am going to be free of high school hell… Here I am in one of the literal happiest times of my life, and I now get smacked in the face with the fact that I can morph into a giant freaking dog. This takes me feeling like a mutt to a whoooole new level. Hold on. Can I change into this thing willingly?

Yes.

“Woah what the s**t was that?!”

You asked a question and I answered.

“And who in the actual f**k are you?? Wait. Did you read my mind?!”

I hear a slight chuckle somewhere in my head.

No dear Catori I didn’t read your mind. We share a mind. I am Waya. I am your other self. I am the half of you that has heard your cries over all the years and in a subtle way I have been the voice of reason to keep you going. I have sat back and watched you grow and mature. Only when you turned 18 could we truly meet, but you had to need me.

“I had to NEED you? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

You were losing control completely. Cali has hurt you in many ways over the last 13 years but to see her hurt your father and then blame you was the, how do they say… ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’? You let your rage take over without even realizing it and were going to kill Cali and Toma, what you did not see was that the twins were sitting in the window watching the whole thing in total panic and I couldn’t let you hurt them by destroying their mother in front of them. It would have been horrific for them even if she is an awful human. So, in the deepest moment of upset in your life I stepped in. I took over and helped you. With me, we put a new level of respect and fear into their eyes, while also allowing you to salvage the purity within your soul. The problem was solved without spilling blood.

Holy crap, if anyone were to see me right now, they would think I’m psychotic. Me staring blankly into space, mouth agape while conversing with someone OUT LOUD who they clearly cannot see. I can see it now. ‘Cat’s finally cracked! She’s hearing voices and talking to herself. Send her to the nut house! We knew she’d break from all the pressure and eventually be headed for the looney bin!’

Catori, please. You are in the middle of the woods at night and have the speed and stealth of a predator. You also have sensitive hearing and smell, and no one could sneak up on you to even question this encounter. No need to panic my dear. We will get through this. And circling back to earlier if you were to sense any danger you can always give me control and we can shift.

I have no idea what to say in this moment. I mean should I even be thinking out loud right now? I’ll just stick with “holy shit.”

“Wait. Waya? Are you always going to be in my head now?”

Another chuckle rings through my mind.  Cat dear. I will always be a part of you as I always have. But if it makes you uncomfortable you can always build a wall in your mind between us. Then if you ever need me or want to talk, you just have to call inwardly.

With that my mind fell into silence. What is everyone going to think? Did I scare the twins? Crap! The twins! I can’t handle leaving them alone after what they must have seen. I guess this run is going to have to be wrapped up quickly in the midst of my scattered mind.

Now that my focus is back on reality, I look around me to realize that I’ve been standing in the clearing where I met the doe and her fawns just over a week ago. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I also realize it is 2:05am and the precious twins must be asleep. Oh well I think maybe I could use some rest myself. I stretch and can feeling the exhaustion of all of the excitement trying to take over. Turning back toward the house, I start to jog at a steady pace. At first, I feel the need to fear my surroundings while running through the dark, only to hear that melodious chuckle at the back of my mind. Rolling my eyes, I relax knowing I have Waya if any mountain lions try to attack. A lone wolf normally wouldn’t beat a mountain lion, but I recall before passing out that on four legs I stood a solid foot taller than my dad. He is what… 6’2”? Damn! “Let’s see a mountain lion attack a 7’ tall werewolf! No takers? Dang…” I look around for any sign of movement. Well, my humor seems to be resurfacing after the mental tornado I was in today. And just in time, I can see the house from here.