Boys Love Boys

There's something wrong with him

Will

I take a deep breath as I lay my head on my pillow. My night was intense. It started with an amusing moment during dinner, and ended with a very unpleasant situation in Nate 's room .

“What's going on here ?”, that sentence sounded so accusatory, as if we were doing something very bad. Okay, that I was caressing your face, but I guess friends can do that, or can't they? I know I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him, but I didn't. The problem is that we were surprised by someone I didn't know was still a part of his life. Your girlfriend.

Her presence took us by surprise, I quickly removed my hand that was caressing his face, and we both sat on the bed, the girl looked enraged, burst into the room like a rocket. Nate got up, and then looked at me quite embarrassed by the girl's attitude. Seeing his reaction, I got up and stood there not knowing what to do.

— Do you need all that desperation to get in here? — Nate spoke as she gave me a very nasty look.

— Since when do I need an invite, or measure the way I get into my BOYFRIEND's room? — She put a lot of emphasis on the word boyfriend, and made a point of looking at me as she spoke.

— You're so wrong, that's not the way to get into my room, and you're still screaming, doing this whole scene in front of Will? You are wrong, yes!

Before she could answer him, Nate's mom came into the room to try to defuse the situation.

— What's going on? Mali, I told you that Nate was texting Will, did he need all that? — hearing this, the girl stares at her mother-in-law with an unfriendly look.

Nate 's girlfriend was unusual, I didn't expect to meet her, in fact I always thought he had ended the relationship, he never mentioned her. The way she looked at her mother-in-law, and me, was not good at all. I left with a strange feeling, as if I had lost something.

[...]

The road to the recording set is long. Memories of the night I had come to my mind. The anger on the girl's face, Nate's embarrassment , and the confusion of feelings that invaded me from my departure, until I fell into a deep sleep. My mind is confused, I feel something very strange, I don't know what it is, but I know I didn't like seeing him with his girlfriend. We spent part of the day filming at Chulalongkorn University , which will host most of the series' scenes. I feel like there's something with Nate , he seems to want to talk, but we haven't had a chance.

The days went by, he didn't bring it up, and I didn't. But I've noticed something about him, he's always sleeping around corners, he sits anywhere and he sleeps, even if he's uncomfortable. I decided that I should present him with something so we could forget the awkwardness that had settled between the two of us. As soon as I got to the set, I looked for him. He was lying under a small mattress, very uncomfortable, in one of the rooms at the university.

Approaching him, he sleeps soundly. It looks so fragile, so innocent … His mouth is once again inviting to my eyes. I bite my lips as I watch. What is it? I shake my head in denial. I move even closer, and I bend down, I lightly touch her face, her skin is so smooth. I lightly caress his arm in order to wake him up, but to no avail. I swing your arm and call your name.

— Nate , wake up! — He continues to sleep. — Nate , wake up! I call louder, and swing his arm harder.

— What is it? — he asks, and slowly opens his eyes, gets up, sits down and looks at me without understanding what is happening. — Oh, is that you? We're only recording in an hour, why did you wake me up?

— Sorry, it's because I wanted to give you something... — I say, and  I deliver the package to my side.

— What is it?

— Open it... I think you'll like it!

He opens the package, and stares at me confused.

— I know it seems strange, but I see you always sleeping here in the corners, at least now you will have a collapsible chair, which you can assemble to sleep wherever you want, and it will be more comfortable...

— Wow… I liked the present! He quickly gets up , sets up the chair and sits down, and looks at me with a smile on his lips. — I really enjoyed it, thanks!

— I'm glad you liked it! — I say, I get up to let him sleep some more, but he holds my hand. Something so silly, but feeling your hand holding mine makes me a little apprehensive. I meet his gaze, which seems to be pleading for something.

— Will, wait! I need to talk to you. — he says, lets go of my hand, and I go back to crouch and sit next to him. — I think I owe you an apology, since that day I haven't been able to talk to you, and I haven't had the courage to bring it up either...

— Alright , I understand...

— It's not alright. I felt very embarrassed. I don't think you deserved that whole scene, and I barely had a chance to accompany you to the building's parking lot, and I also thought you were mad at me!

— Nate, I wasn't mad at you. I thought you were upset, so I thought I'd give you space. Don't worry, I understand your girlfriend, her reaction is normal, I think it can't be easy for her, you don't have time to see her, but you walk with me to different places, and...

— No, but even so, Mali didn't need to make all that fuss. We weren't doing anything, and besides , long before everything else, I asked for a break...

This is one of those news that takes you by surprise, I don't know why, but I wanted to smile.

— Wow, what a good ... I mean, what a pity! But what happened? Was it because of the series? I ask, even though I know I don't have the right to ask about it, but I need to take advantage of the fact that he's available to talk about personal matters.

— No. Our relationship was frayed, so I asked for some time to evaluate how I feel, but it hasn't helped, I think I'm more confused...

— Confused, why? — My question was too direct. He looks at me in a strange way, as if he's afraid of something, or maybe he doesn't want to say the reason for his confusion. — Sorry if I sounded intrusive!

[...]

During the rest of the day we shot a lot of scenes, we had a few breaks, but Nate didn't say anything else about what we talked about, or what was causing the fuss. So I thought it best to leave it all alone.

Confused, confused, confused. That word doesn't get out of my head, as soon as the day's recording ends, everyone heads to the parking lot, I say goodbye to everyone, and I stare at Nate who looks at me in a strange way, he seemed to want to tell me something. I turned around and opened the car, and I heard his voice from the other side of the vehicle.

— Will, can you give me a ride? — His request takes me by surprise, but I nod.

Along the way he doesn't say much, he only answers what I ask, and asks me to turn on the stereo. The music that coincidentally plays speaks of someone who is lost in feelings, and doesn't have the courage to admit what he feels.

Try to find yourself before it's too late,

If you think he's the one,

Don't keep this feeling kept just for you,

Maybe you found what you needed so much...



The lyrics make me hum. I stop at the light, and I'm not alone, Nate also sings along with me, I look at him, I smile, and the last part of the chorus makes us uncomfortable , because, we both look at each other, and consequently lower our eyes, she seems very suggestive about what I'm feeling. I no longer have the courage to face him. He doesn't say anything to me either, and just looks out the window. I am extremely grateful when I arrive in front of your building.

— Will, thanks for the ride! —  he says and tries to loosen his belt, but there is something wrong with him, he seems to be confused by something so simple. I smile, approach to help him, but Nate looks at me in a scared way, and speaks a little desperate. — No need , I can do it!

— Let me help you… — I say and I take my hand to try to loosen the belt, and that's when our hands touch, I look at him, his face is very close to mine, and I find something I didn't expect, and the intimidating look de Nate is not there.