Caversham’s Bride

Chapter Eleven-2

Leaning back in the chair, she thought about this man she was now to call husband. It seemed his emotions changed each time she saw him. Yesterday he hated her. Today he was seemingly remorseful. Why? All night long, she thought about his accusations.

He said she used him.

Admittedly, it had been wrong of her to run away the other night when she should have confronted him with what she’d heard, so she could see where he might come to that conclusion. But he was using her as well, to bear him an heir. Which was worse?

He planned to use her body and discard her once he got what he wanted. His intentions toward her were more despicable. His was the more grievous wrong committed. Except to his convoluted male mind, he probably didn’t think of it that way. She didn’t see any common ground with which to begin discussion.

Her eyes fell to the thin gold band on her finger. The symbol of the sacrament and vows taken yesterday afternoon was the only thing they shared.

Suddenly a vision of the young priest, with his straight, dark hair and soft, brown eyes stood before her saying “Repeat after me…from this day forward. For better or for worse…”

Surely this wasn’t what God intended a marriage should be. Her father never treated her mother roughly or spoke to her with the venomous tongue Ren used with her last night.

“…from this day forward.” There was no pleasant future in sight for her, that much was sure. So was she now to live out her days in a loveless relationship with nothing to look forward to? Living in fear of her husband sending her away?

Another vision appeared, and she closed her eyes tight so she would not have to look at it, but still it was there. She saw Maysun cradling an infant, her face radiant with maternal bliss. In this vision her friend repeated the words she’d told her when she woke up in the harem. “You can be as happy as you allow yourself to be. Your fate lies in your own hands.”

“…from this day forward,” echoed the vision of the young priest.

Her happiness was within her own control, as Maysun had told her. She had to talk with her new husband. If she could make peace with him, it might make living together more bearable. He might never love her, and she might never love him, but she could not continue with the way things were.

When the cabin was near dark, she heard a knock at the door. Lia stood, faced the door, and called out for whomever it was to enter.

“It’s Angus, Yer Grace, come to bring ye dinner.” The door opened slowly and the stout, gray-haired Scotsman entered carrying a tray. Angus placed her meal on the table, and lit the room’s only lantern, then picked up the remains from her previous meal.

“The weather might get a bit choppy tonight, so ye might want to eat now as there’ll be no meal cooked after this one.”

She nodded at him, and the old salt left the cabin. Peeking under the cover of her meal she set it aside and settled in with a book as the weather began to worsen.

Bracing his legs, Ren guided the ship’s bow into a wave, cutting it in half. He wanted to go below to speak with Lia, but the weather had taken a turn. The storm he thought he might skirt became something he had to face directly. His new wife had to wait. The approaching squall line needed his attention. He had three ships full of cargo and ninety-six men he wanted to bring home to England alive.

For the next six hours, he held a steady westerly course through the Mediterranean, fighting a hard north wind and waves that crashed against the starboard side of his lead ship. The stinging drops pelted his exposed flesh, feeling much like the lash of the cat. He deserved every strike for the pain he caused her because the entire predicament they were in was his fault. No one else’s but his, and he owed her an apology.

Lia set the tray in the corner of the railed table and looked for something heavy to place around it so it wouldn’t slide onto the floor. She spied several, large books on the bookshelf and carefully laid them around the platter, filling the desk’s surface.

She wondered if these classical tomes were Ren’s, and if he had read them. There were works from Aristotle and Plutarch in Latin, Shakespeare, and a Bible. He also had books on architecture, agriculture and business, even some of the more current works from the popular poets, such as Goethe, Keats and Byron. She picked one up and carried it with her to the bed.

The ship began to pitch more violently now as the vessel moved deeper into the storm. Lightning streaked across the night sky a fraction of a moment before the accompanying thunder clap reverberated through her body. Giving up on the book, she blew out the flame in the swaying lantern just as another wave threw her to the floor. Lia crawled the rest of the way to the bed, where she wrapped herself in a blanket and waited for it all to be over. As she huddled there under the covers, she worried about her brother on Sea Witch, wondering if he were frightened by the storm. She prayed for his safety, and that of her husband and all his men. She prayed for the souls of her parents and Maura, and lastly, she prayed for her own.

Several hours later she was holding on for dear life to a table leg fixed to the floor when she felt the sway and pitch of the ship lessen, and within minutes, return to normal. She scurried to the bank of windows and looked up at the night sky.

Stars. Millions of little dots twinkling in the velvety-dark heavens above. They’d made it through the storm. This ship, and the two behind them. She hoped her brother was well on the other ship, and not frightened. Saying a prayer of thanks that they all had cleared the bad weather, Lia climbed onto the bed and wrapped the cotton blanket tighter around her, exhausted now that the threat of danger was over.

She lay on her side, drew her knees up, and nodded off, lightly dozing an indeterminate amount of time before the sound of the door opening woke her. Ren entered the room. Lia feigned sleep to keep his attention from her, afraid they might argue again. She heard him move about the room, then felt the mattress dip when he climbed on. He gathered her into his arms, and held her close. It was difficult to sleep with his scent and warmth enveloping her. What she really wanted was to turn into him and thank him for seeing them through the storm. But she was afraid that any words might be heard as angry and condemning, then they would find themselves back in the heat of a shouting match. And she truly was tired of fighting.

A few moments later, she heard the even breathing that told her he slept, and only then could she relax enough to get real sleep.

The eerie light of the full moon off the water reflected in the cabin, creating a faint blue glow in the room. Turning over to face Lia, Ren heard her deep, even breaths through her parted lips, and watched the rise and fall of her chest, covered only by her thin chemise, leaving the blanket twisted about her waist.

He’d been warned that Lia was spirited. But she was also brave, strong-willed, stubborn, vivacious, expressive, and… honest. Just days ago she’d enthusiastically thrown her naked body into his, happy to be so close to rescuing her brother. That emotion was as genuine as she was. How could he believe Lia was cut of the same cloth as Margaret? That devious wench had played the innocent miss, pretending to want marriage to him, all the while she’d been having an affair with his cousin, Thomas, and conceiving his child. Ren thanked the fates that he’d been spared a marriage to her because he likely would never have known until it was too late.

But Lia was different. How could this slip of a girl, willful though she may be, evoke such emotion in him? In sleep, she appeared an innocent angel. Her long, dark lashes cast shadows on her cheeks. How well he knew the unique shade of green hiding behind those lids. It had haunted his every waking moment from the first time he saw her.

It wasn’t going to be easy, but he had to apologize to her. At least he had to if he wanted again what they’d shared before.

The next morning, Ren returned to the cabin after he’d breakfasted, heard the damage reports, and checked their coordinates and speed. He found the table had been cleared, and Lia sitting in a chair under the open windows, an open book of poetry in her hands. She stood immediately and closed the book.

How was he going to open a conversation with her? How could he tell her he was truly sorry for what he’d done? He sat on the edge of the bed, unable to look at her. With his elbows on his knees, he dropped his head in his hands and covered his eyes, wondering where to begin. Lia spoke first, relieving him of his ice-breaking burden.

“Thank you for saving us last night,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded, still unable to meet her direct gaze or speak the words he wanted so much to say. Instead, he said, “Lia, I wish to apologize for my behavior.”

“It is forgiven.”

His head snapped up, shocked that she would so readily forgive when he’d behaved so boorishly. “Why?”

“I’ve had a lot of time alone here. Time to think. I know my actions were partially to blame for your anger.” She lifted her eyes to his. “But, Your Grace, there is much I do not understand.”

He nodded. “Myself as well. I’ve never been in this situation before, so we both are treading new ground here. My head tells me I’ve made a horrendous mistake in forcing you to remain with me, but,” he looked away and heaved an exhausted sigh. “I can’t let you go.”

“Seeing as we are now bound eternally,” Lia said, “I would wish that we have an amiable relationship.”

Ren stood and paced the expanse of the small cabin, he glanced at her and nodded, agreeing with her assessment for the future, but still he needed to explain. “A part of me knew this wouldn’t work,” he said. “I was admittedly taken by your looks, so much so that I was willing to hope you might…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to stop the headache that was building. “They do things differently in Morocco, and I cannot blame my friends for talking me into keeping you.” He met her gaze directly, hoping she might see the remorse in his heart. “In actuality the decision was, and always had been, mine.”

“I see.”

He held up his hand to silence her, wanting to complete his thought. “I don’t think you do. Please, hear me out.”

Lia leaned against the carved head of the bed, and took a deep breath. She lifted her gaze to meet his, signaling him to continue. He asked her a few questions to see what she remembered. Upon realizing she had virtually no recollection of anything prior to waking in the harem, he decided to fill her in about their first “meeting,” the events which followed, and his reasons for doing what he did.

“Thank you for caring,” she said. “Not very many people would involve themselves in something so dangerous.”

He nodded, accepting her gratitude. He began to pace the width of the cabin, trying to find the courage to continue, worried he was just going to anger her as he had before.

“The night you were released from the harem, when you appeared educated and refined enough to pass as… as… a proper wife to someone like myself, and you said you were a gentleman’s daughter, and that you had a brother… Well, that’s when I conceived our arrangement. Regardless of what you believed, or heard, I never intended anything other than marriage, as it is the only way to have an heir whose legitimacy will never be questioned.”

He stood again and walked to the bank of windows and stared at the watery horizon.

“The reasons I purchased you and married you are still the same. I need an heir, and yes, I considered sending you back to your country after you gave me that heir. But that was only if we did not get along.” He stopped at an open window and sighed. He searched her face for understanding, forgiveness, and thought he saw a glimpse of something to grasp and nurture. “There are moments when I think there is a spark of something that a relationship might be built upon.

“What I did was wrong. Never, in any of this plotting, did I consider your feelings, or think that I might come to care about…” Ren broke off unable to continue, wondering what she was thinking. When she said nothing he turned to continue staring out at the water, and one of his ships behind them. He was willing to turn the boats around and head back to Italy if she asked.

Lia came to stand next to him at the bank of windows. “I keep thinking about something Maysun told me when we were in the harem.” He felt her hand on his back, and the warmth of her heart seeped into his skin to soothe his troubled soul. Her touch was a balm to him. Her forgiveness could heal him. “She told me that I could be as happy as I allowed myself to be.” He couldn’t respond, still somewhat afraid of what she might say. “I have accepted my fate because now I have made a vow before God, albeit unwillingly, to have you as my husband.

“I know you do not love me, but is it possible for us to live out our days in a companionable partnership? I will bear your heir and any other children you wish. Just don’t take them from me. Because even though they are yet to be born, I know I will love them.”

He swallowed past the lump in his throat, nodded, then quickly left the room.