Wanted: Mommy!

Chapter Five | Love Is Painful

Chapter Five | Love Is Painful

LEO KEPT staring at his phone nang maibaba ang tawag galing sa nakapulot ng ““Wanted, Nanny!”” drawing ng anak niyang si Corrine. The woman who introduced herself as Nathalia Suarez sounded very earnest and hopeful. He actually felt a little bad that he had to keep her hopes up. Because what he said about giving the woman a fair chance was not completely true at all—and he was sure she probably caught on with that and read between the lines.

Kaagad niyang pinindot ang settings sa mobile phone niya pagkababa ng tawag para i-add sa blacklist ang numero ng dalaga. But it has been a full minute since then and he hasn’t yet pressed the ““confirm”” button on his phone’s screen to successfully add the number on the blacklist.

What’s going on with you, Palmer? You can’t block a woman’s number on your phone now? Untag ng isang bahagi ng isip niya.

His finger hovered above the green button on the screen for too long until his phone finally went to sleep mode. Huminga ng malalim si Leo nang makita ang repleksiyon sa itim na screen.

Muli ay naalala niya ang yumaong asawa. There was a moment years before their marriage when Violet talked to him about how he react towards the people around him. Noon pa man, ito lamang ang may kakayahan na punahin ang mga hindi katangi-tanging bagay tungkol sa kaniya. It was also when he knew that Violet really cared for him…

““Hey, what’s wrong?”” Takang tanong ni Leo sa nobya nang makita niya ang magkasalubong nitong kilay nang humarap siya rito pagkatapos maisara ang pinto ng hotel room.

Nasa Pilipinas at may ilang araw na bakasyon si Violet. Sa isang exclusive hotel malapit sa tinitirhan ni Leo ito tumuloy. Ngayong araw ay binisita ng binata ang nobya.

Habang nasa shower si Violet ay nag-order ng room service si Leo. But the staff made a dangerous mistake and sent food to Violet’s room that would have immediately required for her to be rushed to the emergency room—may nut allergy ang dalaga at mahigpit na ibinilin ni Leo sa kausap sa telepono kanina habang um-o-order ng room service na tanggalin ang kahit anong nut ingredient sa pagkaing in-order niya.

Despite his reminder, the room service arrived and he could tell that the food has peanut sauce. Sa frustration ay hindi niya napigilan ang sariling sitahin ang bellboy na nagdala ng pagkain. ““This is very careless and I want to talk to someone in charge. You could have put my girlfriend in danger for your mistake!””

Violet had just stepped out of the shower and heard him telling the poor employee off. Sunud-sunod ang hingi ng bellboy ng paumanhin at sinabing ibabalik sa kitchen ang pagkain at magre-request ng bago, free of charge.

But Leo was even more displeased with what the bellboy said. Free of charge? Na para bang ang tanging dahilan ng pagkompronta niya rito ay para lamang makakuha siya ng isang libreng course. He was so close to pushing the poor guy’s shoulder to the doorframe and ask him to repeat what he said, kung hindi pa tinawag ni Violet ang pangalan niya.

““That man was just bringing us the food. Why did you have to scold him?”” anito nang maisara ang pinto.

““You could have been sent to the hospital right now if I had not caught it. They’re careless when they shouldn’t have. This is not what I’m expecting from a five-star hotel,”” depensa niya.

““Is there not a better way to tell him that?”” She shrugged. ““So, that’s how you want other people to remember you? A grumpy, heartless guy?”” Nakapamewang na tanong nito.

Leo was having a hard time answering. It felt like a trick question.

Lumapit sa kaniya si Violet at ikinulong ang mga pisngi niya sa malalambot na palad nito. He stared back at her eyes that were seeking his attention. ““You’re more than that, Leo. Always looking for perfection in other people and expecting everyone to not make any mistake around you is never going to make you happy. And just because someone makes a mistake doesn’t mean they don’t deserve any kind of proper treatment. Everyone is flawed, some worse than others. Nobody is ever born perfect.””

Leo sighed, staring tenderly at his girlfriend. ““Everyone is flawed? You’re really saying that after just hitting me in the face with those facts?””

Napailing na lang si Violet. ““Come on, stop it.””

Somehow, his wife turned him into the man that he is today. Of course, some habits are hard to break, at hindi niya kayang baguhin ang natural na kawalan niya ng interes sa ibang mga bagay o taong walang kinalaman sa ikatatagumpay ng karera niya o sa personal na buhay niya. But he learned to be kinder after Violet came in his life. And every time he’s with the kids, he always maintains that new side of him to try and teach their children the same thing. Umaasa siya na sa ganoong paraan ay magiging katulad ng asawa niya ang mga anak nila—compassionate, kind hearted, and optimistic.

Still, his enormous trust issues are always getting in the way of his thoughts. But his hesitation to completely ignore the woman’s request for fair treatment for her unorthodox application may be a good place to start. Isa pa, wala pa rin naman siyang balitang nakukuha mula sa employment agency kung saan siya naghihintay na makahanap ng bagong nanny ng kambal. At least for the time being, this can be a good way to distract his attention from the failure that the agency is turning out to be. And it could take away some of his guilt, too, for treating a helpless, desperate person the way he did. Saka siya pa rin naman ang mag-de-decide kung sino ang iha-hire niya. All he gotta do is nitpick on things if he is ever going to meet the woman, and find any possible reason about why she is not fit for the job na sigurado siyang hindi naman nito seseryosohin.

Leo tapped on the screen of his phone and it lit up. Muling tumambad ang confirmation to add to blacklist sa screen ng cellphone niya. He cancelled out of it and called Aria.

““Hey. Is there a problem, Leo?”” Bungad ng kababata sa kaniya.

““Not yet.””

““What do you mean?”” Halata sa tinig ng dalaga ang pagtataka.

““Sasabihin ko sa’yo bukas. But I need you to cancel my morning.””

COFFEE—black, no sugar, made from premium roasted coffee beans…

Leo could not have mistaken the smell that filled the air in the room and stirred him awake. Nang dahan-dahan niyang buksan ang mata ay natagpuan niya ang sariling nakahilig sa desk ng kaniyang home office. At nang mag-angat siya ng tingin ay nakita niya si Aria na tahimik na isinasara ang pinto. May hawak itong isang maliit at bilog na tray kung saan nakalagay ang isang tasa ng kape.

May maliit na ngiting sumilay sa mga labi niya. It’s just what he needed—a cup of hot coffee.

““Hi, gising ka na pala.”” Bahagya pang nagulat si Aria nang makita siyang nag-uunat ng mga braso nang maka-ikot paharap sa kaniya mula sa isinarang pinto. ““Sorry. I was supposed to leave this on your desk and let it wake you up.””

““It’s alright. It just did.”” He smiled. Nang makalapit si Aria ay kaagad niyang kinuha ang tasa bago pa man nito mailapag ang ceramic coaster sa ibabaw ng desk niya. ““You really make the best coffee, Aria. I can’t live without you.””

““’Wag mo na nga akong bolahin.”” Napatawa lamang si Aria sa komento niya. ““Kung nandito si Violet, baka inaway ka na ng asawa mo.””

““I’m sure she won’t mind. First, Violet never steps in the kitchen,”” paliwanag niya. ““And second, wala namang masama kung i-compliment kita. Para na kitang kapatid.””

Nakaiwas sa mga mata ni Leo ang bahagyang pagkalungkot ng mga mata ni Aria sa sinabi niya nang sandali siyang pumikit para i-appreciate ang caffeine na pumapasok sa sistema niya. Nang muli niyang ibalik ang tingin sa matalik na kaibigan ay buong tamis itong ngumiti. ““Sasabihan ko na ba si manang na maghanda ng almusal para sa kambal?”” Tanong nito.

““Give them another hour, maaga pa naman.””

Tumango lamang si Aria. ““Okay. Well, I’ll leave you alone with your mistress in a cup,”” nakatawa nitong saad.

Hahakbang na sana palabas ng pinto ang dalaga nang tawagin niya ito. ““Hey, Ari.””

““Yeah?””

Ibinaba niya ang tasa ng kape at hinanap ang mga mata ng matalik na kaibigan. ““Can I talk to you for second?””

““IS THIS about what you were supposed to tell me last night? Tungkol ba ‘yan sa kambal?”” Aria guessed. Kahit na wala siyang katiting na clue kung bakit biglang ipina-cancel ni Leo ang buong morning schedule nito ay may hinala siyang may kinalaman iyon sa mga bata. After all, almost every single one of Leo’s decisions are hugely related to the twins.

Bahagyang nagtaas baba ang mga balikat ni Leo nang humugot ito ng malalim na paghinga. ““I guess you know me a bit well,”” sagot nito.

Bumuka ang bibig niya. There was feigned hurt all over her face. ““A bit? Leonard Jacobson Palmer, I have been friends with you for over two decades! I know you better than you do,”” pagtatama pa niya rito.

Natawa na lamang ang kababata sa kaniya. Tama naman siya sa sinabi. Ilang beses na ring nabanggit sa kaniya noon ni Leo na walang ibang mas nakakakilala rito tulad niya—bukod sa asawa nitong si Violet.

““But seriously, bakit mo naman biglang naitanong?”” Kapagkuwan ay tanong ni Aria.

He shrugged. ““I just need your opinion on something.””

““Okay.”” Lumapit muli siya sa desk nito. ““What’s it about?””

““Remember Corrine’s drawing? Someone found it. Tinawagan ako ng nakapulot ng drawing kagabi.””

““Hold on—what!? Bakit hindi mo kaagad sinabi sa`kin?””

““I just didn’t feel like I had to. This person—Nathalia Suarez—wanted to be my kids’ nanny and—””

““No way!”” Napamulagat si Aria sa narinig. ““Leo, have you lost your mind?!””

Itinaas ni Leo ang mga kamay para awatin siya sa napipintong paghihisteriya. ““Ari, listen to me. Hindi ko naman siya tinanggap. I just said she told me that she wanted to apply for the job. But, as you know, I can’t just trust anybody with the kids.””

Tila nakahinga siya ng maluwag sa sinabi ng kababata. ““Well, it’s good that you know that. I was so close to taking the twins to Tita Susan’s house kung sinabi mong h-in-ire mo ng taong `yon—whatever her name was.”” Ang tinutukoy niya ay ang maternal grandmother ng kambal.

““Something’s been bothering me, though.””

Bahagya siyang nag-alala. ““What is it?””

““Well, I kind of feel like a jerk for turning the poor woman down so blatantly.””

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ni Aria. ““Are you actually considering a stranger to be your children’s nanny?””

““No, it’s not that.”” Tumayo si Leo sa swivel chair. ““I just kept thinking about Violet last night.””

Bumagsak ang mga balikat ni Aria. She felt like her heart constricted. Oh, so it’s about her again…

Aria did not want to be the villain in Leo’s life. Naiintindihan naman niya kung gaano kahalaga si Violet sa buhay ng matalik na kaibigan—she was his wife, the mother of his children, so of course, he loved her dearly. But their vows were only until death. And Violet’s gone now. And as much as she hates to say it, Leo should stop clinging to her memories or he will never open his heart to someone else.

Not even to her, no matter how obviously and desperately she begs for it.

““Leo, please, hindi puwedeng palagi mo na lang hahayaan ang mga alala ninyo ni Violet na diktahan ang mga desisyon mo. You are the twins’ father. You know what’s best for them. So, what if your decisions are against the moral philosophy that Violet followed? You are Leonard Palmer; you are capable of making great decisions on your own.””

““I know that. But I also know that Violet knows me the same way that I know her. We want the same things. And every time I’m at a loss, I just think about what she would do, or what she would say, because more often than not, it’s the same thing that I want—””

““But Violet’s gone, Leo!”” Hindi sinasadya ni Aria ang bahagyang pagtataas ng boses niya nang sabihin iyon. Kaagad niyang natutop ang noo nang ma-realize ang ginawa. ““I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to be in that same situation again. You were so miserable after she died. You’re out of that place now. And as someone who really cares so much about you, I can’t let you go back to that.””

Because of Violet’s unexpected death, Leo was in a depressive state shortly after his wife passed. Dahil alam niyang kailangan siya ng kaibigan ng mga panahong iyon higit kailanman, inignora ni Aria ang sakit na nararamdaman sa tuwing makikita si Leo sa ganoong kalagayan. He was hurt. It was all just pain. He failed to recognize anything else but that. Even her own.

Because she was there through all of it, alam niya ang lahat ng pinagdaanan ng kaibigan. At sigurado siyang alam ni Leo kung bakit ganoon na lamang ang reaksiyon niya. In different ways, Violet is a trigger to both of them.

““I know. I get it. And I’m sorry for making you worry. I swear, I’m fine. It’s just really hard to completely set aside what will always be a part of my life,”” ani Leo.

Tumitig si Aria sa maamong mukha ng kaibigan. I was a part of your life, too. But did you ever stop to think about me?

She just smiled and pretended like it did not hurt her.

““You know what? Let’s just forget about the drawing and the person who found it, okay? Just forget about anything I said.”” Hinawakan ni Leo ang magkabilang braso niya. ““My morning is free anyway so do you want to come with me and take the kids to breakfast? Matagal na din naman noong huli silang pumunta sa paborito nilang breakfast place.””

““Sure.”” She nodded. ““Of course, Leo, I would love that.””