Secret Affairs

FOURTEEN

I felt lost.

Everything I thought I knew was a lie. The lies that my father told me to keep me submissive. To keep me from ever asking for my mother.

But that woman didn’t even bother taking me with her. Even after knowing that he was incapable of caring, she left me with him. As far as I knew, they both deserved to rot in hell.

Now all I wanted was Janet’s head on a silver platter, and Davis Buchanan would be the one to deliver. I was being blinded by rage and resentment, and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me. I was hurt.

These people hurt me in ways they would never get the opportunity to do again.

And whoever was stealing from the company, they would pay. Every single penny they took. Not because of what they did to my father, but because they went after me. That was their mistake.

******

As I stared at myself in the full-length mirror of my closet I couldn’t recognize the person staring back. She still had the same curly dark blonde hair, the same hazel eyes, the same lips. She had bags under her eyes, like she hadn’t slept in years. She’d gained weight, to where she almost looked healthy, like she didn’t struggle to put food in her mouth.

This wasn’t me.

Hearing the doorbell knocked me back to the present. The obvious noise of someone unlocking my door rang through the hallway and I knew that Mason and Sam were here.

We had planned to go to dinner and a movie before Mason left. I didn’t have the heart to tell them I didn’t want to leave my apartment. I also didn’t want to wallow in self-pity for the rest of my life. So, I didn’t cancel.

I could be happy. I would be happy. Even after everything that happened I still wanted happiness.

Walking out into the living room I saw them sitting on the couch arguing about the best ice cream. Mason argued it was a place called Lazy Cow back in Tennessee while Sammy thought it was Sugar Hill.

Watching my friends debate something so small and manage to have fun out a smile on my face. I could do this. I would enjoy the small things in life. Like the ice cream down the street.

“You guys ready?” I asked them.

After having dinner, watching a movie, and then heading to the ice cream shop—which Mason ate begrudgingly—we headed back to my place.

We talked about everything and nothing. It was relaxing and easy. So uncomplicated. I needed uncomplicated right now, because I felt like I was being tied down by complications. I had never felt more suffocated.

Mason had pointed out how Sam rarely goes back for a visit. I didn’t think she wanted to say it, but she didn’t consider Tennessee her home anymore. She built her business here. She built her home here. I wasn’t sure that she would ever leave.

“You should come visit, mom misses you,” Mason told me.

Simply hearing of their happy family made me jealous. I wanted that, but knowing how I didn’t have it hurt a little more than I expected. Especially after what I had found out. “You know it’s hard for me.”

“You act like she hasn’t taken in stragglers.” He was right. Mason and his twin Jackson were adopted when they were seven. I remember Sam talking to me about how her parents had promised her and her older brother a surprise. Five-year-old Samantha was expecting a pony but was surprised with two scraggly boys.

I always imagined what it would be like to be taken in by a loving family. Then I felt bad because not everyone had what I had. “I know, but that’s different. She chose you. No one has ever chosen me. I was just a burden, and seeing how much your parents love you all... it’s just too much for me,” I explained.

My father chose his mistress over his family, and my mother chose herself.

Sam seeing that I wasn’t enjoying the topic decided to change the subject. “So, what’s happening back home?” She asked her brother.

“You would know if you visited,” Mason shot back. Sam simply glared at him.

“You know I can’t leave that often; I have a business to run. You should know what that’s like, the only reason you were able to take this much vacation time was because you’re still working by attending conferences here.”

Mason ignored her remark and continued on. “Well Summer misses you; Mom hired a new girl at the bakery, and Dad is thinking of an early retirement.”

“Mom hired someone at the bakery?” Sam asked quizzically. Their mother had always refused to hire extra people at the bakery. Her reasoning was that only family worked there. My unofficial induction into the family was the summer after sophomore year of college when she let me help make cupcakes. It was a disaster, but she didn’t yell at me for being a failure. That was a win in my book.

Mason nodded his head. He then pulled out his phone and showed us a picture of the new girl hugging their mom in front of the bakery. “Yeah she’s really good actually. She makes this bread called pan dulce that is so f*****g good.”

“It sounds like you want her pan,” I joked.

He threw a pillow at me hitting me in the face. “It’s not like that, she’s really sweet, went through hell and she deserves a little compassion,” he explained. “Besides, she’s not my type. Might be Christopher’s though,” he said with a smirk, talking about their older brother.

“So, who’s got my little Rowboat’s attention?” Mason asked me with a mischievous smile. He already knew something was up, or he wouldn’t ask. This was his way of opening up the conversation to allow me to tell him what I was doing. Either that or Sam had already told him and he just wanted confirmation.

“You can tell him. I know you’ve been dying to,” I told a giddy looking Sam.

“Oh, thank goodness!! So, there’s this man, his name is Nate...” she began.

After retelling everything that had been going on lately—skipping over the more intimate details—I found myself sinking into the seat with a pillow hugged to my face. Hearing it being retold I didn’t know what to feel. Everything was an utter mess.

“You don’t s**t where you eat Ro,” Mason scolded me. I was expecting him to go all big brother on me for having s*x, but it seemed he was more fixated on the fact that I worked with these men.

“I know. I know.”

“As much as I agree with Sam that Daniel is a good guy, I told you it was a bad idea with him, and it’s a terrible idea with this Nate. With the lack of good men in your life, you’re easily susceptible to form emotional attachments.”

I rolled my eyes at his assessment. He was definitely right, my therapist said as much, but I needed a friend right now, or a brother. “I thought you were a surgeon not a therapist.”

“I did a psychiatry rotation,” he quipped with a wag of his finger.

“Of course, Mr. Perfect did.”

“It’s Doctor Perfect to you.”

I was in the kitchen getting more drinks when there was an unexpected knock at my door. “I’ll get it!” Sam yelled from the living room.

Walking back out of the kitchen, I saw Daniel standing on the other side of the door. He looked as gorgeous as ever. His hands were stuffed into his coat pockets and all I thought about was feeling those hands on me.

There was something seriously wrong with me if I was thinking of him like that, right after it was made very clear that I made terrible choices.

“Daniel. What are you doing here?” Sam asked him.

As I walked up behind Sam, Daniel locked eyes with me. There was an unspoken request being made, or more like demand that had my walls crumbling further. “Leave.”

“What? Ro?” Sam turned to me confused.

“Samantha. Leave.” He repeated himself a little smoother without looking away from me.

Mason came up behind me and took the glasses of wine I forgot I was holding. “James.”

“Winchester.” As much as Mason cared, I knew he wouldn’t interfere unless I asked him to. So, with one look, he knew he could leave knowing I would be safe.

“Sam let’s go,” Mason told his sister.

I nodded at my friend letting her know that it was okay for her to leave. “It’s okay Sam. I’ll call you.” With a small huff, Sam turned around to get her things.

A few minutes later, Sam and Mason were gone and I was standing in front of my door staring at Daniel. I didn’t know why he was here. I thought he was done with me.

Crossing my arms over my chest I waited for him to say something. Seconds passed that felt like hours so I finally decided to speak first.

“What are yo—hmpf,” before I could finish my question, his lips were on mine in a frenzied panic. Daniel lifted me up in his arms pushing me up against the wall. I didn’t stop him. I melted into him like water seeping through cloth.

There was a tenderness to his kiss, yet it demanded everything from me. He had me drowning in him but I wasn’t going to stop just for a measly breath. My fingers tangled into his hair; my legs wrapped around him not wanting to let go.

“I need you,” he whispered once we finally broke apart.

Resting my forehead against his, attempting to catch my breath, I already knew what my answer would be. He knew what my answer would be. As much as I tried to deny it, I was a sucker for pain.

So, I allowed him in because I was more broken than ever and I needed someone to hold the pieces in place before they scattered across the sevens winds.

I let Daniel in because I needed something familiar. Something that made me feel like myself again. Someone that loved me.