Secret Affairs

TWENTY

 ROWAN

As soon as we stepped out onto the sidewalk, Nate took my hand. It was a soft gesture, but I’d be remiss if I ignored the possessive undertones to the action.

I was still reeling from everything, so I didn’t fight him on it. In fact, I took comfort in it.

“I don’t live far from here, I can just walk back on my own,” I told him. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to take care of me. He was having dinner with his sisters and I doubted they cared to have their brother taken away by some stranger.

Nate’s hold only tightened ever so slightly as he looked down at me. “I’ll walk you home then.” I simply nodded knowing that there was no point in arguing. We turned around and he let me lead the way back to my home.

Looking up at Nate’s profile as we kept walking, it felt different, it felt oddly right. He was dressed casually in a white t-shirt and jeans that fit him all too well. It was a welcome sight, not saying that I didn’t appreciate him in a suit, but this, this I could get used to.

I could grow used to casual walks down the street, and weekend dinners with his sisters, with family. He’s never pressured me into being someone I wasn’t, or asked me for more than I was able to give. Granted I had only known Nate for a short period, but there was a calming element that followed his imposing nature.

I hadn’t given him the idea that there could be more. In fact, I had voiced on various occasions that we would be chaotic. He was so domineering, and I wasn’t one to submit to anyone so easily. Not anymore. Benjamin was no longer here to control me under the guise of family, it only opened my eyes to the reality that I was so blind to.

My own father was using me.

Daniel wanted me to be someone I wasn’t.

It only begged the question, why was Nathaniel Peters interested in someone who gave up their position.

“Nate, why are you still here?” I asked him without looking up at him. I feared that I would abandon all questions in preference to staring at his face. One look from him, and I’d be mesmerized by his eyes, forgetting how to string a simple sentence along.

Nate stopped in his tracks yanking me back into him. “I’ll pretend like that didn’t hurt my feelings. Here, I want to buy something?” He said as he motioned towards the grocery store we had stopped in front of.

I silently watched as he piled item after item into a basket, with occasional pauses to determine which brand of an item would be better. He held the basket in one hand as he ushered me towards the checkout counter. “If you wanted to go grocery shopping you could have just said so,” I told him. Not that I minded, this was very relaxing. I wasn’t in a rush to get home, or to get to work, and I could enjoy shopping at a slower pace.

“I’m going to cook you dinner,” he responded as he paid for the groceries.

All I could think of was that he must have seen everything, and noticed that we hadn’t even eaten. The weird thing was that I didn’t feel embarrassed, not with Nate. He didn’t judge me when he found out about my disordered eating, and he hadn’t judged me for how I was handling all my losses. If anything,

I found it comforting that he was willing to feed me. I was starving, and I was honestly just going to pick up a pizza on my way home, but this sounded much better. That was, only if he knew what he was doing. I wasn’t in the mood for food poisoning. “You know how to cook?”

“I do live by myself,” he answered with a cocky smirk.

We began to walk out of the grocery store and back to my place after I argued that I could help carry the bags. I was lucky that we were only a few blocks away, because my arms started to feel like jelly. f**k my feminist ideals, I should have let him carry the heavy bags.

I shrugged my shoulders before responding. “I just thought you would have like a personal chef and a housekeeper, and a driver.” He seemed like the type to pay to get things done. It was a reason why Benjamin and I clashed so often. He said I wasted too much time doing things on my own that I could be devoting to the company instead. No matter how much I gave up, it was never enough for him.

Would Nate be like that?

“Do you have any of those things?”

“Well no.”

“I cook my own meals, do my own laundry, maintain a fairly clean household—aside from a housekeeper coming by once a week—, but I do have a driver. My mom wanted me to learn how to cook meals. My sisters learned how to defend themselves,” he explained.

“So, they got self-defense lessons and you got cooking lessons?”

“She did all the teaching herself, something about not disgracing our Italian heritage,” he smiled, as if he was remembering the memory itself. I wondered what it would be like to reminisce about good childhood moments.

Before I could give a smartass comment, we had arrived at my place. I hesitated for a bit. The last time we were alone and away from prying eyes, he f****d me into next morning and left me sore for a week.

I was adamant that the next time I was with a man, I’d be sure that he was it for me. Therefore, I couldn’t have Nate swinging his d**k around if I was going to stay true to my word.

I stood at my door with my key frozen midair, and with a resigning sigh I turned back to face him. “You can come in on the condition that clothes stay on,” I bargained.

“That’s debatable,” he smirked.

“It’s non negotiable.”

Nate took a step forward, speaking in a dangerously low tone. “Rowan, I hope you know I would never hurt you.”

Nodding I unlocked my door, placing the bag on the entrance table so I could allow Nate in. I slipped my shoes off as soon as we were through the foyer. “Shoes come off, socks stay on,” I told him.

He only smiled in response and did as I instructed. It was an awkward ask, but the outside world was dirty, and I didn’t like feet. Besides, socks were the best, they kept your feet warm without the confines of slippers.

I escorted Nate into the kitchen and helped him find what he needed. He simply picked me up and placed me on top on the kitchen island. “Sit back and relax,” he said. “I’ll take care of you.” I very well and truly wanted to melt into a puddle.

As I sat on top of the kitchen island, it was an absolute honor to watch this man move through the kitchen. He was truly god’s gift to women. Nate was cooking Gnocchi in Tomato Cream Sauce with bacon; my mouth was watering just thinking about it.

With a light whistle, he had Stanley sitting on his hind legs waiting for a piece of bacon. Did this dog listen to everyone but me? Tossing a small piece, Stanley caught it and happily trotted away, completely ignoring me.

As soon as Nate placed the dish in the oven he turned around and strode right to me. He took his place in between my legs, his hands resting on either side of me. I felt like I was choking on air. It was so thick with tension.

I wanted to lean back and create some space, but my traitorous body was not listening to any of my commands. I simply sat there staring into Nate’s golden honey eyes waiting for his next move.

There wasn’t one. He just stood there with a perfect smile marring his perfect lips, accentuating his perfect face. “What do you want from me Nathaniel Peters? I thought I was clear the other day, I don’t have much more to give,” I spoke, breaking the silence.

Nate leaned in and held my chin in between his forefinger and thumb, I might have been hyperventilating. At this point I couldn’t tell. I was hyper aware of his touch, and how warm and reassuring it was. “I want Stanley, and you, and maybe in a few years...”

I shut my eyes afraid of what else he might say, because I was terrified that this would become another Daniel situation.

Please don’t say kids. Please don’t say kids. Please don’t say kids.

“...we can get another dog,” he said with a soft kiss to my jaw.

I was trembling in my own skin, I could feel it deep within, right down to my core. How could he see a future with me when I couldn’t even see my future clearly. Everything was up in the air at the moment. I didn’t know where I would end up, but it wouldn’t be as someone’s housewife.

Was I finally going crazy? Was this just a figment of my imagination? Or was the universe finally giving me a break?

“Why are you really here Nate?” I asked him, not completely convinced with what he had just said.

Nate chuckled, obviously knowing that I hadn’t believed him, or at the very least, that I was questioning his honesty. “Would you believe me if I said I just wanted to see your pretty face?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s true Rowan. I haven’t been able to get your too pretty face out of my mind. This hair. These eyes. These lips,” he replied as he dragged his thumb over my bottom lip.

This man knew what he was doing, and he was damn good. A tiny whimper managed to escape my lips only causing his smile to grow. “Nate—” I let out of a breathy whisper.

He shook his head, closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on mine. “Tell me what you want Rowan and it’s yours.” I was ready to crumble to the floor. No one had ever asked me what I wanted; it was always how much more I could give.

But this man, this man right here, he asked. Was I giving too much credit for the bare minimum?

“Nate we—we started off fast.”

“And hard if I do remember correctly,” he tried to lighten the mood.

He had me smiling even though I felt like my heart would pop right out of my chest and land on the floor in front of him. “That too, but I’m trying to do things the right way now. And jumping into bed with you when you give me the tiniest bit of attention wouldn’t be right,” I explained.

I had to let him know what I was thinking. I didn’t want him to think that he could just f**k me whenever he wanted. I had to work through my issues first, or at least try to.

Nate lifted my chin up so that I would look at him again. “You have all my attention. I can understand where you’re coming from. But you need to understand this, all of you will be mine. Every sweet, beautiful, mouthwatering inch of yours,” he declared.

I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. I’m g...

“Understood?”

My mind went blank, and all I could utter was a measly, “Mhm.”

“For now, I’m content with this. Let’s simply not fool ourselves and ignore the inevitable.”

Before I could even attempt to reply, the timer on the oven went off and Nate turned away from me. He pulled out the dish, and began plating the food. I just sat there dumbfounded by his directness.

He sat the plates at my dining table, one that I couldn’t remember the last time I used. I was still numb sitting on the kitchen island when Nate came and pulled me down leading me back to our dinner.

Nate sat me down in a chair, placed a glass of wine in front of me, and leaned down to give me a soft kiss on the lips. “Eat.”

Nodding my head, I started to eat. It was pure deliciousness, and I would eventually have to thank his mother for blessing him with her cooking skills.

“Your little gathering is set for this weekend,” Nate told me after he swallowed another bite of his food.

“Thank you. I appreciate you doing this,” I responded, finally able to speak.

“Are you planning on telling me what this is all about?”

“No,” I smiled. The less he knew, the better. Davis and I could handle everything for now.

“Fine. Then I’ll take you being my date for your silence.”

“Let’s not kid ourselves by pretending this isn’t a way for you to keep me in check,” I shot back.

He probably just wanted to make sure I didn’t crash the company’s stock value considering how all the company’s executives would be there.

“I’ll pick you up on Saturday,” he said, completely ignoring my comment.

“I didn’t say ye—” He had me trailing off with one look.

I needed to call Davis. The sooner I could get all this taken care of, the sooner I could move on with my life. I wouldn’t be anchored down by my father’s past mistakes. I could let go of everything holding me back and give my future the opportunity I deserved.