Crazy Love

Chapter 2-2

Outside of McKenny’s bar, Billy was chewing on a mint gum, trying to stay calm. Any minute now, Xavier would come walking up to him, and finally, he’d get to see Xavier out of that awful work jumpsuit.

That was if Xavier actually showed up tonight. Would he change his mind?

Billy rolled up the sleeves of his white jean shirt and checked his Mickey Mouse watch again. Mickey’s big gloved hands pointed to eight-fifteen. He’d won the Disney watch in a cereal box contest and had kept it for good luck ever since. Billy glanced up in time to see Xavier crossing the busy street over to him. “Hi,” he called out, that wild feeling coming over him again.

This had to be more than a crush.

Xavier paused in the middle of Saint-Laurent Street, allowing traffic to drive dangerously close to him. He gave Billy a quick head nod and zigzagged his way across the cars. He wore a sleeveless plaid shirt over a black T-shirt and his long dark hair was parted in the middle, reaching his shoulders. There were thick leather bracelets around both his wrists and his black jeans were ripped at the knees, sewn with red bandanas. Xavier was also still wearing his steel-toe works boots.

Billy loved the whole Seattle grunge look, though he knew he couldn’t have pulled it off himself.

“Hey,” Xavier said, stopping a safe distance from where Billy stood by the wall. “How’s it going?” He glanced around at the busy sidewalk, but soon his fierce eyes met Billy’s again and a little smirk formed on his lips. “Cool sneakers.”

Billy looked down at his pink high top Converse shoes and scratched his head. “I don’t know what happened. I could have sworn they were blue when I bought them.”

Xavier laughed. “Yeah, okay.”

“Let’s get a beer,” Billy said, opening the door, music pouring out of the bar. “And then I’m going to kick your butt at pool.”

Xavier walked past him and gave him a furtive glance. “You wish.” He too was chewing on a mint gum. Was he as nervous as Billy was?

As Xavier walked away through the smoke and crowd, Billy watched Xavier’s bulky thighs move under his black jeans and swallowed dryly. Xavier’s s*x-appeal was intense. He’d never dreamed he could get a guy like Xavier to go out with him for a drink.

At the bar, Xavier didn’t sit on a stool, but instead, stood leaning forward against the bar top, checking out the bottles. He shot Billy a side glance. “Whiskey or beer?”

“I think both.” Billy called the barman over, showed him his I.D., and ordered.

“So you like playing pool?” Xavier turned to look at him. The red neon lights danced in his eyes and gave his gaze a mysterious dept. He seemed always to be searching Billy’s face.

“Well, yeah,” Billy said, pulled in by Xavier’s strong presence, “I think it’s ‘cause it reminds me of home. Pool was the only thing I excelled at as a teenager, and the hall back home was a place straight guys actually treated me like a man.”

Xavier cleared his throat, something like a shadow passing over his face. “So you had it kind of tough growing up in a small town, huh?”

“I was a target, yeah.” Billy didn’t like to remember those days. He’d grown up. Made it out of there. He was proud of himself for that. “How about you?”

Xavier looked over at the barman, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, and before Billy could say anything, paid for their orders. He didn’t answer Billy’s question.

Heart pounding, Billy raised his glass up. “Thanks for paying. To, uh, new friends?”

“Cheers.” With his eyes on Billy’s face, Xavier drained his shot, then chased the whiskey down with a gulp of beer. He wouldn’t look away.

Billy held Xavier’s stare with his. Xavier was attracted to him. He could read it in his eyes. “It’s gonna be hard getting a table right away, so maybe you wanna sit somewhere?” he said, picking up his beer and feeling more confident. “By the window there?”

Xavier agreed and followed him through the people. The air was thick with smoke and the scent of spilled beer. It was a hot July night, so the window seats would be nice. Billy pulled out a chair and set his glass down on the sticky wooden table, and through the open windows, a somewhat cool breeze blew in, refreshing his face. He wiped his hands down his jeans, watching Xavier settle into the chair across from his.

In the background, they were playing The Smashing Pumpkins’ “Tonight, Tonight.” “Oh, this is a good song,” Billy said.

“Yeah, the Pumpkins are all right.” Xavier was so tall, his legs didn’t fit under the table, so he sat sideways, stretching them out. “So…you’re a computer expert? How old are you?”

“Twenty. You?”

“Nineteen.”

“You look older.”

“I feel older, too.” Xavier moved in his seat.

“You do? Why?”

Xavier stared at him, visibly uneasy. “I don’t know,” he said. “Life, I guess.”

Billy decided to change the subject, though he wanted to know everything about Xavier. Now wasn’t the time to push for information. “The reason I got into computers,” he said, “is that I’m an only child, and one summer, just a year before a graduated high school, my uncle Dorian visited us down on the farm, all the way from Chicago, and yeah, I guess after seeing how lonely I was, bought me a computer. A big 20MB Commodore monster.” He laughed. “I spent every waking hour on that thing. And I didn’t think my skills were worth much, until I moved to the city. I had a job within the first week of living here.”

“Yeah, computers are taking over everything. Even cars.”

“That’s true.” Billy c****d his head, watching Xavier’s serious expression. “And you? What got you into auto repair?”

Xavier narrowed his eyes. “Auto repair?” He smirked a little and took a long gulp of his beer. There was a bit of residual foam on his upper lip, but Billy couldn’t bring himself to say anything about it. “I wasn’t good at anything else,” Xavier said, after a while, fiddling with the plastic menu sheet. “You leave a thirteen-year-old kid who can’t swim in an apartment by the sea for fourteen hours a day during the peak of summer, eventually the boob tube starts losing its appeal and what happens, happens. I started hanging out at the local garage where my mother’s boyfriend worked.”

“By the sea? Where was this?”

“New Carlisle. That’s in—”

“Gaspésie.” Billy smiled. “I know.”

Xavier looked over Billy’s shoulder, clearly wanting to change the subject. “Let’s see if we can grab that table over there.”

Billy quickly stood. “Sure.” As they walked through the crowd, he turned to look at Xavier. “Ready to lose?” he teased him.

Xavier threw the rest of his beer back in a deep swallow and set the empty glass on a table they walked past. “I don’t think I’m gonna lose,” he said, speaking the words right into Billy’s ear, the heat of his breath making Billy’s face sear.

* * * *

While Billy was in the washroom, Xavier leaned back against their pool table, trying not to stare at the bathroom door. He was impatient to see Billy’s face again, though Billy had left his side only a minute ago.

He had a huge crush on Billy. He’d never felt so comfortable with another person, as he had tonight. In the last hours, they’d played pool together, joked around, discussing music, films, and society, and that giant ball of steel Xavier usually carried in the pit of stomach didn’t feel so heavy anymore. They agreed on so many things. Had the same thirst for life. But the most amazing part was that Billy had been flirting with him all night. Every chance Billy had had to brush up against him or touch his hand while demonstrating one of his fancy pool techniques, he’d taken.

It felt so good to be desired and heard.

But now fear took hold of Xavier. He couldn’t be with Billy that way, could he? Was he really bisexual or merely confused?

No, he wasn’t confused. He was scared of rejection.

“Okay,” Billy said, walking up to him with a bright smile, “ready to try to beat me again?”

The sight of Billy’s sweet face flustered Xavier and he had to admit it to himself—he wanted Billy and was willing to let down his guard. He put his glass on the high counter behind him. “Hm, I think I’ve been humiliated enough for one night. Want another shooter?”

“Hm, we’re both driving home, so maybe not.”

Xavier knew Billy was right. “Okay, forget the shot. With my luck I’ll get pulled over.”

Billy looked around the jam-packed bar and back at him. “Do you wanna…go or something?”

There was a pleasant burning sensation washing over Xavier. “It’s pretty loud in here,” he said, finally sustaining Billy’s stare. “Let’s get outta here. Yeah?”

There was a blush in Billy’s cheek. “Whatever you want.”