Finally Her Turn

Chapter 21: Marissa

Though all of us who have been on special assignment with Aly are completely off the hook for all duties this weekend, Tasha took it upon herself to volunteer for as much as she could today. The Luna needs help setting up for the Elders in the common areas this morning, and Tasha plans to go and assist with that. Afterward, she also signed up for guard duty during the actual event.

It’s as we’re sharing the sink in her bathroom, brushing our teeth together, that she’s telling me all this. And though it’s odd and somewhat unsightly the way that the toothpaste is going all over as she’s talking through an activity that I didn’t even realize anyone could talk through, I’m also glad for it. Otherwise, this would feel strangely intimate. With her talking and making a mess, it’s just strange, but I’m fine with strange.

“I just feel like we started this whole thing with Aly, and I want to be there to finish it, you know?” she explains, shrugging as if that should just make sense to me.

But I’m brushing my teeth too, so I don’t say anything. She doesn’t need me to anyway.

“You know, the appeal thing. We were there for that, and I want to see how it ends up,” she clarifies. My face must have told her that I wasn’t following her logic. “But if I’m being honest with myself, what I really want is to be there when she finds out what they decided because I want to be the first to know who our next Alpha will be. It has to be Aly. The thought of any other outcome has me all anxious and on edge, and I just won’t be able to stand not knowing any longer than I have to. I don’t want to wait for the announcement. I want to be there and see it in person.”

“So, you’re nosy is what you’re saying,” I summarize, finally finished with my own teeth and rinsing out my toothbrush.

“Yeah, basically,” she laughs. “But can you blame me? The future of our pack literally hangs in the balance.”

I could point out that it figuratively hangs in the balance, not literally, and she’d probably laugh if I did, but I shrug it off instead. Tasha’s sweet, and she doesn’t deserve me being so picky because I’m nervous and cranky, anxious about my mate being in the same building as me later.

“I’m about to head off to help the Luna. Did you want to join me?” she invites me.

She’s moved on from the teeth brushing and is working on the finishing touches to her outfit, which apparently involves some sort of hair scrunchie thing that matches the navy blue of her uniform shirt.

“Nah, I was thinking of checking whether Henny has any leftovers in the warmer, and then I might head into town to see if there’s any chance of repairing my phone. If not, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t have access to a car to go to the human town for a new one.”

“Here, take mine,” she offers, reaching into the top drawer of her dresser for a spare set of keys, which she holds out to me. She also puts her phone in the drawer, so she must not be planning to come back to her room before guard duty. “It’s in the pack garage, but just click the unlock button and the headlights will flash so you can see which one it is. And there’s a spare key to my room on there too, so you don’t have to wait for me to get back in here.”

“Tasha, I don’t know what to say. You’ve already done so much for me,” I tell her, and I’m not just being dramatic about my loss of words. I really don’t know what to say.

“A simple ‘thank you’ will suffice,” she teases, patting my arm affectionately.

“Yeah, thank you. Really, I’m so grateful.”

“You’re welcome,” she sing-songs at me, smiling brightly.

I follow her out of the room and wait as she locks the door behind us, but we part ways when she heads into the dining hall to help the Luna, and I continue in the direction of the kitchen.

I had a bit of a rough night and ended up sleeping through breakfast, which is unfortunate. The prices here are way cheaper than I’ll find anywhere else, but I might still get lucky if there are any leftovers. I can take anything from the warmer for literal pocket change, and I do mean that literally. Two quarters, or three if there happen to be any desserts left.

To my surprise, it’s the Alpha that I find already at the warmer in the kitchen. It just seems strange to see him digging through the scraps, and yet there he is. My eyes don’t lie.

“You don’t have to wait,” he calls over his shoulder, and since it’s just the two of us in here at the moment, I’m pretty sure it’s me that he’s talking to. “Just consider me like any other packmate who missed breakfast. I’ll even leave you a fruit cup.”

“Uh, thanks,” I say, mostly because I think it’s expected of me, not because I care all that much about the fruit cup.

And though it still feels strange, I do cautiously make my way over to stand next to him and sift through the containers of leftover food. Being this close to an actual Alpha makes it so painfully obvious that my dad isn’t anything close to one, despite what he likes to claim.

“Morning, Marissa,” Alpha Kane greets me cheerfully. “Good to see you. You disappeared so quickly yesterday that I didn’t even get a chance to welcome you back.”

I guess I didn’t realize that he paid that much attention to me, or I would have stayed, even if only to throw off suspicion.

“Yeah, I uh … I wanted to get home to my dad,” I explain awkwardly.

“I’m sure he was glad to see you.”

I scoff, though it’s not intentional. It just sort of slips out, and I kind of panic. But when I look up at him, all I see is curiosity and concern.

“How is he doing these days?” he asks me, and it seems like a genuine question.

I’ve always kind of wondered whether Alpha Kane is even aware of Owen’s existence or of their distant relation, and sometimes I even find myself feeling resentful that someone so powerful who is responsible for the welfare of this pack and all its members always goes on as if he’s oblivious to what my life has been like. And in moments like these, I tend to believe that he might actually be that clueless, but not because he doesn’t care. More like because I’ve worked my ass off to make sure that no one suspects anything. So really, it’s not even him that’s to blame.

And in this moment, I realize that running into Alpha Kane here this morning might just be the answer to all my restless tossing, turning, and dreaming from the night before. I despise Owen, but he’s also my father, and something in me still feels responsible for him. I want to wash my hands of him, but that doesn’t prevent my worrying for him. He doesn’t take good care of himself, and the sight that I walked into yesterday is the horrific proof of that. With me gone, there’s no telling what will become of him.

If I can only work up the nerve to say what’s on my mind, perhaps there is a solution that will allow me to walk away from Owen but also make sure that he’s looked after.

“My dad is … he’s …” I start to say, but I already feel out of place talking to the Alpha like this.

I’ve never even carried on a conversation with him before, and this one will turn out to be so incredibly personal if I actually follow through with what I started. But the same something in me that feels responsible for my dad also won’t allow me to tell the Alpha anything other than the truth. I’m worried what will happen to Owen if I allow myself to just run off to Maine again.

“He needs help, Alpha,” I finally force out, though bringing myself to look at him is impossible now.

Alpha Kane has been casually leaning against the counter and eating with his fingers, but now he straightens up and fixes an intense gaze on me. Not the intimidating sort of intense, or at least not the intentionally intimidating sort, though all his gazes are intimidating for me. I’d much rather that he never look at me at all, which is why I hate that I feel a need to start such a personal conversation with him now.

“What sort of help are we talking about?” he questions gently, and when I finally look up, I see that there’s concern written all over his face.

“I, uh … I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it before now, but I just … I don’t want to go back there, but I don’t want to leave him alone to rot either.”

He regards me quietly for a moment, and I can’t stand the scrutiny. I’ve never been more grateful for a little cardboard carton of reheated food to focus my attention on.

“So, it sounds like you could use some help too,” he says, and I can still feel his eyes on me.

“No, I’m good. I think I’ll be able to afford an apartment after the special assignment is over. My dad, though. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe it’s therapy he needs, or rehab or something. He doesn’t have a job, and I honestly am not sure if he’s capable of holding one down anymore.”

“Okay, this sounds like something we’ll need to discuss in more detail soon,” he decides, nodding and crossing his arms as he looks at me. “I regret to have to push it aside for now, but today is a busy day, and I’m actually supposed to be meeting with Beta Christopher and Delta Percy right now to talk security. I can free up some time for you tomorrow, though, Marissa. Will that work for you?”

It was silly of me, but I was really hoping that I could just mention my dad to him, and he’d take care of the rest. I don’t want this to turn into a long, drawn-out ordeal, and I already regret starting it.

“It’s really not necessary, and I didn’t mean to be a bother,” I tell him apologetically. It was selfish of me to bring this up now, knowing all that he has on his plate today. “Actually, just forget I said anything. It’s not that important.”

“Marissa,” he reaches out to grab my arm, but not in a threatening way. “I get the sense that it is important, and that you probably should have brought it up much sooner. But that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you come to me tomorrow so that we can talk this out. I want to help, so please let me.”

“Okay,” I sigh. “I’ll be there. Just … don’t tell Owen that I said anything.”

He gives me one last long, thoughtful look before agreeing, but I can tell that he isn’t going to let this go very easily. I’ve really gotten myself in over my head now, and I only hope that I don’t come to regret it more than I already do.