Finally Her Turn

Chapter 12: John

The most exciting thing to happen to me all day was discovering my mate, but the second-best moment is when I discover that we’ve both been selected to stay behind during the final part of this whole appeal process that Aly has going on here today. That means that there will no longer be anyone standing between us, and maybe I’ll actually get a chance to talk to her, or maybe even touch her if I’m really lucky.

I start to think that I am pretty lucky because for the first time all day, she looks me straight in the eyes. Not just the quick little glance that I got earlier when she was defending me against Tyler’s wolf, no. It’s a full two seconds of eye contact, and I finally get to see for sure that her eyes are green. I’ve been trying to figure that out all day, going back and forth between blue and green. My money has been on green, especially because of the hair and freckles, and I’m excited to finally get a real look and see for sure.

And then her team leader calls her away and she has to go stand behind Aly and her mates. Of course she does, and I should have seen that coming. It’s still disappointing, though, and I’m admittedly sulky about it for the first couple minutes.

At least until I start paying attention to what they’re talking about. Apparently, Matt’s wolf is a silver. That’s cool and all, but I’ve heard of silvers. Elder Gerard’s wolf is a silver too, if I’m not mistaken. They get special mind powers, that much I know. But even better, in my opinion, is Tyler’s wolf. I’ve never even heard of an onyx wolf, although I will say that it matches the description of the wolf I accidentally provoked earlier. I’m glad I got to be here to learn all of this, even if I can’t ever talk about it with anyone.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. Since Marissa is here too, I won’t have to keep these secrets from her. Granted, we won’t be able to just talk about it out in the open, but maybe someday it will make for good pillow talk.

As soon as I’ve had that thought and started to picture what it will be like to be able to cuddle with Marissa in my bed someday, my d**k starts twisting the whole thing from sweet to sexy, and I’m forced to spend the rest of the discussion trying to reposition myself to hide the evidence. I’m suddenly glad that Marissa was moved across the room from me. If she was still near me, she’d definitely notice.

What’s insane is that it only took two seconds to think of something that got me all aroused, but that arousal is still going strong the better part of a half hour later. Her scent is surely not helping things, and neither is Raj butting in with his commentary since he’s just as worked up as I am, and far more immature about it.

It’s somewhere in the midst of the third time that I’m trying to discreetly tug on my pants to encourage the fabric to fall a little differently that I hear Elder Stirling announce, “That will conclude our discussion about Miss Bentley’s appeal, and wrap up this first part of today’s proceedings,” and I start to panic.

It finally sinks in that I’m here with an Elder, and the Elders will be staying to deliberate well after Aly and her mates leave. I’m stuck here, and Marissa is about to go. What’s worse is that I don’t see any of the Elders making any move to get up from their chairs to take another break or anything. Elder Stirling dismisses Aly and New Horizon, and that’s that. They leave; I stay.

The last interaction that I have with my mate is to watch the back of her walking away from me, and the only hope I have to cling to is that I have Tyler’s number saved in my phone. Goddess knows I’ll be texting him as soon as I get the chance.

It’s not all bad, though. I do get to watch Uncle Ben in his element, and I can’t help feeling proud to share his bloodline. There’s nothing indecisive about him. He knows what he wants to happen, and he chases after it relentlessly, destroying all those who stand in his way. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but he does give some of the other Elders a hard time, especially Elder Vivian.

I’m glad to see it, though. I still resent her for making my mate uncomfortable, although I suppose in a way, I should also be thanking her for giving me the chance to hear my mate’s voice again. It’s such a nice voice, too. Lower and throatier than I’m used to for a woman, which is just another way that Marissa stands out from the rest for me. And there I go having to adjust my pants again.

The next time I get a chance to use my phone isn’t until dinner time. I think the Elders had hoped to be able to finish their deliberations today, so they weren’t willing to waste much time taking breaks, but I’m starting to think that it just isn’t going to happen. Even though Elder Stirling said he wants everyone back after dinner so they can finish, I suspect that it’s wishful thinking on his part. They seemed nowhere near close to a decision before we left.

After making it through the buffet line with Stevie, who’s been going on and on about the other New Horizon girl since the moment we left the conference room, and settling into a seat at a table with some of the other guards, I finally have a chance to pull my phone out of my pocket.

“Elder Benjamin said she’s John’s mate though,” George chimes in, so I’m assuming that Stevie has filled him in on what he’s been telling me.

“Wait, what? Why didn’t you say something before now?” Stevie turns and asks me in disbelief. “Mates trump crushes. I’d have shut up long before now.”

“Hold on, Uncle Ben told you that?” I ask George, shocked that my uncle would be so forthcoming with my personal details. “How did he know who she is anyway? I never told him.”

And then I glance down at my phone, only half-listening to the other guys even though it was me who asked the question. There’s a message from Tyler, and that seems more important.

“Well, he didn’t say who specifically, just said that you ran out in such a huff because you’d just found your mate, and she’s from New Horizon,” George explains. “And I only saw the one, about four paces over from us.”

“No, there were two,” Stevie argues. “The one I’m talking about was on the other side, closer to the Alpha’s daughter. She had that hair that’s hard to tell whether it’s blonde or brown because it’s too dark to be blonde but too light to be brown. You know?”

“I think that’s where the terms ‘light brown’ and ‘dark blonde’ come from,” another guard teases him, though I don’t see which because I’m too distracted.

Nor do I join in when everyone starts laughing at Stevie for asking, “Well how do you tell which is which then?”

Tyler said that Marissa wants my number so we can text, and that’s the best news I’ve heard in – ever, probably. That means she is interested, and her cool demeanor and efforts to avoid me all day were nothing more than her doing her job.

I quickly type out a response to him, practically begging him to give her my number and have her text me as soon as she can. Even though I think it’s pointless, we do still have our orders to be back up in that conference room in about an hour, and I want as much time as possible to talk to Marissa first.

Stevie elbows me, and I look up to see everyone looking at me expectantly.

“What?” I ask, figuring I’ve missed whatever someone just said to me.

“Which one was it then?” George repeats his question. “The redhead or the maybe blonde, maybe brunette girl?”

“Oh, the redhead,” I answer, and I both hear and feel Stevie exhale in relief beside me. “And for the record, the other girl’s hair is dark blonde.”

“See, I told you!” exclaims Darrell, the Silver Crescent guard we met at breakfast, so I’m guessing that he just told Stevie the same thing.

“Why are we sitting around gossiping about mates and hair colors like a bunch of she-wolves anyway?” another Silver Crescent guy grumbles, and it takes everything in me not to laugh at that because I think he’s serious.

Actually, I think he may even be the same one who was complaining about us gossiping like she-wolves just this morning. Seems like it might be a personality defect of his to hate when other people are sitting around talking about frivolous things, and the best insult he can come up with to stop it is to call us all girls. Sadly, it seems to be effective.

Although I do appreciate him taking the heat off me and encouraging everyone to find something else to talk about this time. I’m too nervous and anxious now to be very good company, though I am still at least trying to listen to what they’re saying.

The next time my phone dings, it’s the text I’ve been waiting for, and my heart starts acting funny just from the sight of the unknown number that pops up in the preview. I know it’s her, though.

Hey, it’s Marissa. Sorry we didn’t get to talk earlier, but I was worried because it would have violated protocol.

That’s pretty much what I suspected, although even now I personally can’t see what harm it would have done to take a minute to say hi to her mate. Especially at lunch, when I was sitting right with who she was supposed to be guarding anyway.

Although to be fair to her, I didn’t notice any of the other New Horizon guards speaking with Aly and her mates either, other than the team leaders, and it was all about plans and protocols. And from what I saw, no one from any of the other packs spoke to anyone from New Horizon all day, other than me. It’s quite possible that I was in violation of some protocols myself, although admittedly, I have no idea. I’ve never taken any of that stuff all that seriously.

Even so, I’m not going to hold it against her that she does seem to take it all quite seriously. In fact, I admire it.

It’s no problem and nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad to get to talk to you now!

After I send that back to her, I don’t get a response, and then I realize I didn’t really give her much to respond to. Okay, I can do better.

Are you on duty now? I decide to ask, not wanting to be a problem for her if she is.

Yes, she sends back a split-second later, and my heart sinks.

If I’m going to respect her dutiful nature, then that means I won’t be spending my mealtime talking to her like I’d hoped.

When is your next break? I decide to ask.

Quite honestly, even if it happens to be when I’m on-duty, I’ll find some way to talk to her, even if it gets me dismissed from this assignment. The money is nice, but it just doesn’t seem all that important anymore.

I’m on-call, so I don’t get one, she says.

Oh, well that’s different. I think. I have no idea what an on-call guard even is or how that works, but I figure it must mean that she’s technically on-duty but actually has some free time, which is why she’s even texting me. I’ve never given so much thought to something like this before in my life.

I wish she’d say something to put me out of my misery. This feels so awkward and forced, so formal. I guess it’s probably because, like me, she’s being careful. We don’t really know each other yet, so we don’t know what sorts of things are okay to say and what might be upsetting.

And for me, I’m terrified to overstep and scare her away. There’s also a weird sort of pressure that I’m feeling from knowing that I only have so long to talk to her, but not knowing what exactly to say to her. I feel like I’m squandering my chance with every second that goes by.

I haven’t yet figured out my next move when another text from her comes through, leaving me feeling both concerned and amused.

This is stupid. Hi, I’m Audra, Marissa’s wolf. It’s been me this whole time because she’s too chicken to do it herself, and I couldn’t let her waste all the time you had to chat with us. But I’ve been trying to only send what she approves of me sending, and I’m sick of it. She worries too much. So, tell me something good. Something real. Who are you really, John Blaine?

I’m glad she was the one to bust through the veil of politeness we had going on there, but it does concern me that Marissa still doesn’t want to talk to me herself even now that she’s free. What is she so worried about? Rejection, I guess, which I can relate to. If talking to her wolf helps with that, then I guess I’m on board. Audra’s technically my mate too.

No, she’s technically mine, Raj argues. Get out of the way. It’s not fair that you’re hogging my mate.

Hush. I’m not going anywhere because I don’t trust you to actually return to the conference room on time if I let you out.

I resent that.

Because it’s true.

He doesn’t seem to have anything else to argue with me, but I can feel him sulking. I’d be an i***t to give him access to my phone, though. Returning to Uncle Ben on time would be the least of my worries.

Having wasted too many precious seconds on him, I get right to typing out a response for Audra. And Marissa, who I know is paying attention even if she isn’t in control.

Hi, Audra. I, for one, am glad you took the initiative, and so is Raj, my wolf. Otherwise, I’d just be sitting here biting my nails and doing too much worrying of my own. That’s not to say that I’m not looking forward to speaking to Marissa when she’s ready because I absolutely am. Emphasis on when she’s ready, though. No pressure. Now, who am I really? Way to start with the easy stuff! Do you want an itemized list of my likes and interests, or are we going deeper than that?

I’m about ready to just block Raj once he chimes in with a dirty joke about going deeper. Who could have predicted that he’d turn into an adolescent boy again as soon as we finally met our mate? Well, honestly, me. I had hoped for better though.

And then I get a text that makes me groan out loud. It’s Serena, and I don’t even bother opening it because I can see from the preview that she’s just cussing me out for not bothering to call or text since I left. I did plan to last night, but I guess I forgot, and then with the day I’ve had it just hasn’t been a priority in the little free time I’ve had. That, plus I know she’s going to be upset once I tell her the news.

So, for now, I hide that text without opening it and focus on the new one from Marissa. She wants details, which I can’t help chuckling about. Perhaps a little too loudly because the other guys take notice of me again.

“Uh oh. He’s got ‘the look,’ so I’m guessing that he’s texting a certain redhead,” Darrell teases me.

“Ask her if she can get me a certain blonde’s number,” Stevie chimes in, apparently still obsessing over Marissa’s packmate.

“If she was your mate, you’d know,” George reminds him almost scoldingly. “She spent most of the day in the same room as you.”

“She doesn’t have to be my mate for me to appreciate her,” Stevie argues.

I don’t even feel the need to say anything because they seem to have already forgotten me. Instead, I turn my attention back to my conversation with Marissa, answering all her questions and even sending some of my own for her to answer. To my relief, she doesn’t ask whether I’m single or if I have a girlfriend or anything that would make me feel a need to tell her about Serena just yet. I will tell her eventually, but it isn’t going to be right now.

As our dinner break is wrapping up and everyone is getting ready to head back upstairs, I reluctantly say goodnight to Marissa and put my phone away, not knowing how long it will be before I’m dismissed for the night and not wanting to miss out on the chance should she decide to head to bed while I’m still on-duty. As I predicted, the Elders do eventually come to terms with the fact that they won’t be making a decision in only one day and plans are made for us all to come back the next morning, but it is pretty late before they finally decide that.

After that, our days become more structured. For Uncle Ben’s guards, it’s early morning workout, breakfast, shower and change, guard duty until mid-morning, brief break, more guard duty, lunch break, guard duty, break, guard duty, and then we’re released for the day just before dinner. I find myself texting Marissa every chance that I get, and unless she’s busy with her own guard shifts, her responses come pretty immediately. It becomes an easy, familiar routine for me rather quickly.

I only wish I knew what to think about my mate. I can’t figure out where I stand with her just based on our text conversations. I can send her entire six-message-long stories, and she’ll reply with a single sentence. I really can’t wrap my head around it because the fact that she doesn’t make me wait long to receive her responses tells me one thing, but the fact that she doesn’t ever seem to have much to say to me tells me completely another.

I mean, honestly, I’ve responded the way she does to girls before, and it always means one thing: I’m not interested, but I’m trying to be polite. Is it possible that she just isn’t all that impressed with me and would rather I leave her alone? I’m almost tempted to resist the urge to text her for a night and see what happens. She should know my schedule by now. Will she even notice that I’ve gone quiet? Will she finally text me first, or will she be relieved by my silence?

But instead of doing that, which I feel would be taking a trick out of my younger sister’s playbook, the Guide to Being Immature and Petty, I decide to ask an expert. But not knowing any, and only having the number of one person who knows Marissa personally, I decide to call Tyler instead.

Though it’s Tuesday, which is probably a school day for him, it’s also after dinner. I figure that he’s probably done with classes for the day, and I hope that means he’ll have a minute to chat with me.

“Johnny boy!” he answers enthusiastically on about the third ring.

But there’s a lot of noise going on in the background, and not anything I would have expected. It almost sounds like he’s in a machine shop or something.

“Hey, Tyler,” I chuckle, and then unable to fight my curiosity any longer, end up asking him, “Where are you?”

“Oh, I’m just at the shop beginning work on my final project for this sculpting class I’ve been taking,” he explains. “I’m sure you can hear all the commotion in the background. I decided to go with metal work this time, even though I’m probably in way over my head with it and there’s little to no time for any mistakes. But I mean, you only live once, right? Might as well get your money’s worth.”

I still kind of have no idea what he’s even talking about, although metal work would fit the sounds I’m hearing. That’s so far outside of the point of my call that I decide to just drop it, though, and move on.

“Right, yeah. Makes sense,” I lie, and now it’s him laughing. He can probably tell that I’m still just as confused as when I asked. “But hey, listen. I’m actually calling about Marissa.”

“Oh, yeah. How’s that going?”

“Honestly? I have no idea, and that’s kind of why I’m calling. I’ve only talked to her through texts so far, although I did offer to call her the other night. She told me that she didn’t think it was a good idea because her roommate was sleeping. Fair enough, but it’s just that her texts … I mean, I can’t really tell where I stand with her. She barely says anything, and meanwhile, I’m telling her anything and everything that pops in my head.”

“Well, if I’m being completely honest, I don’t really know her all that well. I don’t think anyone really does, though. She mostly just keeps to herself. She’s quiet and reserved from what I can tell, so somehow, I don’t find it surprising that she’s like that even with you. But I will say that I suspect there’s a lot more to her than what meets the eye. She keeps a lot locked inside, and I’d imagine that you’re not really going to get to those parts of her until you start getting to know her in person.”

“Yeah, makes sense,” I agree without really knowing what else to say.

It’s nice to know that he doesn’t seem to think that it’s anything about me specifically that has her acting so distant and holding back so much, but it’s also concerning in its own way. I mean, I’m her mate. If there’s anyone out there you should confide in, it’s your mate. But he makes a good point about meeting her in person. I’d love to, but she’s been resistant about that too.

“Well, it feels like it would be a shame to end up heading back home without getting an actual chance to meet up with her, so there wouldn’t happen to be anything you could do about freeing up her schedule a little or something, would there?” I ask him hopefully, figuring that since he’s close to the Alpha’s daughter, maybe he has some pull. “The Elders break for the night before dinner and that leaves us guards free to go do whatever we want for the rest of our evenings, but she seems hesitant to agree to anything like a dinner date or even just meeting up to talk. She said something about not wanting to lose her job over it.”

“Whoa, wait, the Elders are still going at it?” he exclaims in disbelief.

“Yeah, they are, and yeah, I know. Crazy right?”

“No kidding,” he comments, but then starts making a clicking sound that kind of sounds like he might be tapping his face or something. “If I had to guess, she probably said that because she and Tasha are always ‘on-call’ for Aly in case she needs them for females-only stuff. I don’t know much about all the rules around it, but I can tell you that Alpha Kane doesn’t mess around. If she says she could lose her job over it, it’s probably true, and I feel like it’s not my place to try to intervene. Besides, I was standing right there when the Alpha basically told Aly that the rules apply to her too, and her guards are her guards, and that’s that. I don’t think he’d budge even if I did speak up.”

I’m about to make a comment about how I’ve heard that about Alpha Kane, but I hear him carrying on a muffled conversation with someone for a minute, so I wait while he finishes with that first.

“Actually, Devon was just telling me that one of the requirements for even having this job is to be unmated because of how long they’ll end up being away. So, she might even be worried that people will find out about you.”

Oh man. That feels like the piece of information that I’ve been missing this whole time. Now that I know that, pretty much everything makes sense, and it’s almost a relief to hear it. Almost, at least until it sinks in what just happened.

“Wait, this Devon guy –,” I start to ask, but Tyler jumps in with the answer before I even get the question out.

“Don’t worry. He won’t say anything to anybody, at least not unless her relationship with you starts to affect her work. Just make sure that it doesn’t, and it will be fine.”

“And Aly?”

“Is a hopeless romantic and would never do or say anything to make it harder for two young people in love to be together. Just don’t tell her I told you that because she’ll deny it to her grave, and she’ll punish me for it the whole way there.”

“Alright,” I agree, finding myself laughing again for like the second or third time now since the start of our conversation.

I can tell he’s only joking, about the last part anyway, but hopefully the first part is true. I’d hate to be the reason that my mate loses her job. Although now that I think of it, part of me actually hopes she does, and I want to be the reason. Not by getting her fired, though.

I realize that I got what I needed from Tyler, so it feels like time to let him get back to his project.

“I appreciate you taking the time to talk me through this, but I think I’ve got it figured out now. I didn’t realize all the rules about this job of hers, and everything you’ve told me kind of has things making more sense now.”

“Yeah well, I’m really glad I could help,” he tells me. “Call me anytime, man, even just to chit-chat.”

“Will do.”

And I really might. I like Tyler, and he seems like a good friend to have. But now that the wheels are turning in my mind, I can’t keep myself from fantasizing about ways that I can help Marissa get dismissed from this job before it’s over, but in a way that won’t look bad on her record. I don’t think I can wait for over a month before I finally get a real chance to talk to her, and she won’t need it anyway if I have my way because she can just come live with me.

As soon as this whole thing with the Elders is over, I need to talk to Uncle Ben and see if there is any way that I can actually make this happen. The sooner, the better.