Finally Her Turn

Chapter 10: Marissa

I will say one thing about whatever this appeal thing is that has Aly here meeting with the Elders - I can’t pretend I didn’t learn anything. Because I did. I learned that her mates are twins, and that’s why she gets to have two of them. I mean, I already knew that because Alpha Kane has gone over it with the warriors, but now I know it. It isn’t just a thing that I have to brush off because it makes no sense to me anymore. She’s explained the crap out of it today.

And I don’t really even feel bad that I didn’t fully get it before. From what I can tell, the whole reason we’re even here is because she has to explain the crap out of it to the Elders. I guess the Elders didn’t really get it before either.

But the other thing I’ve learned is that having a mate is super distracting. Every little sound or move that mine makes, I can’t help tuning into it. If this is what it’s like all the time, then I’m not really sure why having a mate is supposedly such a good thing.

I mean, really, warriors shouldn’t even be allowed to have them. The defense of our packs is literally on the line, and then we’re standing there caring more about the sound of our mates sighing or the way they shift around when they’re growing tired of standing? There’s no way that’s good for the pack.

I hated having to do it, but I even had to block Audra to stay on task and pay attention to what I’m paid to pay attention to. She kept getting excited and chiming in with a play-by-play of what our mate is doing, or how good he looks, or what she thinks his scent might be. I can’t have that right now. It’s hard enough to stay focused with only my awareness of him cutting through my thoughts.

Which is why I’m glad when the really old Elder finally starts talking about taking a break for lunch. I hear him tell the other Elders to keep one of their guards in the room with them, and I can’t help both hoping and dreading that it will be my mate who has to stay behind with his Elder. Who even is his Elder? I suppose it would be this big guy at the end here because that’s who he’s standing behind, but I really can’t be sure.

Our orders are to stay together and remain in the hotel, so we’ll be dining in the restaurant downstairs, Devon informs us over mind-link. Group up into four and four formations since I anticipate that we’ll have the elevators to ourselves this time.

Easy enough. I just have to follow the same people I came in with – Alex, Billy, and our leader, Caleb.

As we’re exiting the room and fanning out in the hallway, Billy steps out from our group and switches places with Tasha so that she’s in my group now. Makes sense. We’re both supposed to stick with Aly.

“Four and four,” Devon reminds us all verbally. Then he turns and locks eyes with me, gesturing to the right where Aly is headed.

But surprisingly, she has her blonde mate with her this time, and the quiet one goes with Devon to wait for the other elevator. But my relief lasts mere seconds until I realize that the scent I can’t quite put my finger on is growing stronger, and glance back to see that he’s following me. He’s going to get on the elevator with us!

Oh Goddess, now what do I do? Get in and head for the farthest corner, that’s what I do. And thankfully, he doesn’t try to push his way over to me or anything.

“Who are you?” Aly demands, and I don’t even have to look to know it’s my mate she’s asking.

He’s the only stranger in here with us. Normally, I’d be fighting back the urge to roll my eyes at how bossy and demanding she can be, but this time I’m glad for it. Better her asking than me, and I’m also curious to know what his name is.

“John Blaine, great-nephew and personal guard of Elder Benjamin,” he introduces himself politely, and I notice him side-glancing me out the corner of my eye.

He wants to make sure I’m paying attention, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of making eye contact. I can’t. Not today, anyway.

“I hope you don’t mind the intrusion, but I didn’t feel like leaving the hotel with the rest of my group,” he explains. “I’d rather stay here with you guys, if that’s alright.”

Don’t think I missed the hidden meaning there because I definitely caught it. By “you guys” he means me. At least, I think he does. I hope he does? I don’t even know.

The elevator dings and dumps us in the lobby before I get much more of a chance to worry about it. I suppose any sane person would just talk to the guy and figure out where we stand, but I’m not that person. I hate to admit it, but the idea of speaking to this guy terrifies me, especially because I’m supposed to be working right now.

If Devon or Aly or pretty much anyone finds out that I’ve met my mate … that’s it. I’m going home, and without a guarantee that it would be worth the sacrifice. I mean, for all I know, this John guy is curious now but will lose interest quicker than I can say, “doomed to live with my dad forever.”

Aly gives John her royal permission to keep hanging around, and the next thing I know, the guy is practically curtsying to her and bending over backward to tell her how much of an honor it is to be allowed to remain in her presence. Maybe he’s just sucking up because he can sense that her ego requires it, but I still kind of hate watching it.

And then to add insult to injury, her blonde mate jumps all over him in a fit of raging jealousy.

“Are you one of the guys who’s been breathing down her neck hoping to be her mate?” he demands, that creepy aura of his oozing out.

I felt it once before, the day that Alpha Kane had him stand in front of all us warriors as he confessed that this blonde kid’s new wolf is some rare, special type and reminded us that it’s our duty to protect our packmates, including their secrets. I was close enough to the front to sense it, and it turned my stomach. I don’t know how he does it, but I do wish he’d stop doing it to my mate, who seems intimidated enough to take a cautious step back as he attempts to convince the guy that he’s no threat.

And for whatever reason, even knowing that it’s a stupid idea to challenge someone who has an aura like that, I feel compelled to step in. It happens before I even get a chance to think about it.

“Hey, back off,” I demand crossly, forcing my hand between the two men as a threatening gesture that promises I’ll intervene if the blonde guy chooses not to heed my warning.

I don’t even recognize myself in this moment, but I also know it’s already too late to take it back. If the creepy guy is coming for my hide, I suppose I’ve been training to take the beating my whole life, so I can probably handle it better than my mate could, which makes it worth being the one to stand up to him.

And somebody definitely needed to stand up to him. His ego is infuriating, and both he and Aly need to know that she doesn’t crap gold the way they seem to think she does, and not everybody is eager to hop into bed with her.

Well, of course, I'm choosing to conveniently overlook the groveling John was doing a second ago, which is what landed him here in the first place. And since I’m already screwed, I decide to double down and keep it going, driving the point home further.

“Believe it or not, there are some people who don't want Aly,” I tell him much more defiantly than I feel, though it’s something that does feel pretty good to say. But then I catch the look that John is giving me, and my momentary boldness instantly evaporates as I’m reminded that I need to be more careful if I don’t want people to catch on that there’s something between us.

I suppose there’s also a good chance that my discomfort around him is because of more than just the fear of losing my job, based on the heat I can feel rising to my cheeks. Either way, I need to get away from him. I step back and do my best to blend into the rest of the group behind us, though I can’t help continuing to watch the scene between my mate and Aly and her mate with interest.

I’m almost in awe of the way that the blonde guy suddenly walks it back and returns himself to the cheerful, talkative guy he usually is, and how John is responsive to it. I can’t hear what they’re saying from over here because of all the echoes in this room, but what I do know is that in mere seconds, they’re slapping each other on the back and smiling together as if they’re friends now.

How does that even work? How do people do that? Whenever I have an awkward moment with someone, that’s it. It’s always awkward between us after that. I’m a little bit jealous of John’s apparent talent for making friends.

By the time we make it into the restaurant, it’s clear that he’s been inducted into Aly’s little group. He’s already on a first-name basis with her and her mates, who I’m reminded are called Tyler (the blonde one) and Matt (the quiet one). Maybe I’ll actually remember that this time, but probably not. But they seem chummy, smiling and laughing together all throughout their meals, and meanwhile, all I do is sit quietly next to Tasha, munching on my sandwich.

Admittedly, she talks to me almost the entire time, but I never quite know what to say in response to her chatter. So much of it is about stuff I don’t know anything about, like shopping at the mall. I hate shopping at the mall. It’s so much walking around when it would be way more efficient to just go to a department store. They have all the same stuff anyway, and for a lot cheaper. But not wanting to say anything that will make her hate me, I just keep my lips zipped.

After lunch, the rest of Aly’s presentation feels like it flies by. I was kind of starting to expect that I’d be spending the rest of the day standing here listening to her talk, but I guess not. And ignoring John has gotten easier. Maybe it’s that I know his name now so he’s not as much of a mystery, but I think it’s more because I’ve kept Audra blocked away and have found a good spot to focus my blank stare on, allowing me to zone out.

But sometimes Aly will do or say something that snaps my attention back to her still over there going on and on about her twin mates, and I’m certain that my face betrays my true feelings somewhat because I notice one of the Elder women watching me more than a couple times. Why me? Shouldn’t she be paying attention to Aly like she’s being paid to do? Wait, do Elders even get paid?

I honestly do not know the answer to that, and searching through my brain for all the stuff I remember learning in school pretty much takes up the rest of the time that Aly spends rambling. By the time the Elders are applauding the end of her presentation, I still haven’t thought up the answer to whether they are even getting paid to be here, and I almost feel bad for them if they aren't.

Even though she has finished her presentation, Aly keeps talking up her mates to the Elders, arguing that their relationship is solid and well-balanced and definitely will not pose a problem for her leading the pack. And for once, I don’t mind it. She’s going to be Alpha after her father, that’s just how it works, and she’s been prepared for it her whole life. Should the Elders choose to deny her here today, it won’t be in the best interest of our pack, I can guarantee that.

Just off the top of my head, the only other options I can think of are her slacker cousin, and less than a handful of people who are probably too old. I guess her uncle could do it, but that would be taking a step back in the family tree, and then it would end up going to her cousin anyway. Or even worse, they’ll choose someone who no one saw coming, and who probably has no business being Alpha because they have no idea what it takes and aren't prepared. It has to be Aly. I may not like her, but even I can see that.

But that Elder woman who keeps looking at me is smirking now, and then things quickly get uncomfortable for me.

“I have an idea. Since we have the rare opportunity to be face-to-face with some of your packmates, let’s ask them their thoughts,” she suggests, and a cold shiver of fear shoots down my spine because I have a sneaking suspicion of where she’s going with this. “I’m sure they have observed your interactions over the past weeks they’ve been assigned to guard the three of you and might have their own opinions of how ‘solid’ your relationship is or isn’t.”

“That’s quite unconventional,” another Elder argues. I’ve actually seen this one before today, and I might even remember his name. Elder Gerard? He’s the quiet, serious one.

“As is their relationship,” the same Elder woman shoots back at him, a hint of her smirk still evident. She’s enjoying this.

“May I?” she turns and asks the really old one.

He nods and waves for her to go ahead as if he’s impatient for her to just get on with it, and I already know what’s coming.

She turns and locks eyes with me, and I have to suppress the urge to vomit on the spot.

“You there,” she says, beckoning for me to step out of line and come closer to the Elders.

And she’s an Elder, so I have to do it, but I can already feel my face turning red, and I dread what she is about to ask of me.

“You may be wondering why I have selected you, and the answer is that I’m rather observant,” she applauds herself, and I’ve never had to fight harder to suppress the urge to scoff or roll my eyes.

No, lady, you’re not observant. I’m just easy to read. And no, I’m not at all wondering why you’re singling me out. I have no self-control, and I stand out as the weakest link.

“I’ve noticed that most of these guards seem at least passively reverent toward Miss Bentley, and I would go so far as to describe a couple of them as outright fans of her, but you don’t seem to be particularly fond of her,” she publicly calls me out.

It’s not hard to see that she wants someone to stand here and trash Aly’s entire argument, and she thinks that because I can’t control my face, I won’t be able to control what I say about her either, so that someone is me. She’s hoping anyway. Joke’s on her though because even as much as I hate being around them, I know Aly isn’t lying about her and her mates. I’ve seen it.

“Because of this, I feel like you’re the one we should ask,” she continues her unnecessary explanation in her haughty tone filled with self-importance. “I’m not suggesting that you allow your personal feelings toward Miss Bentley to influence your answer, however. It’s the truth I seek.”

And again, the joke’s on you, lady, because I’m a horrible liar, so the truth is all you get with me. But the problem is she hasn’t really asked me anything, so I don’t know what to say. She’s done so much talking that I’ve lost track of her point.

“Um, so, I’m actually a little lost as to what exactly the question is,” I’m forced to admit to her.

“What is the nature of Miss Bentley’s relationship with her mates? Is it peaceful as she says, or have you observed discord between the mates that we should be made aware of?” she spells it out for me, probably already regretting that it’s me she called on since I can be so slow. “Keep in mind that we ask only because of our concern about the suitability of such a relationship for leadership positions within your pack. Discord and strife between mates tend to detract from an Alpha’s ability to remain effective and in control.”

I exhale forcefully, trying to think of the right words to say. There’s a lot I could say, like how she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about because what seems worse to me than an Alpha with two mates is an incompetent Alpha, which is pretty much anyone they might try to throw in there instead of Aly, but I have neither the courage nor the eloquence to pull that off, so I decide to stick to answering her more directly. Even that’s going to be tough, though. Talking always gets me in trouble.

“You’re right that I’m not a huge fan, and I don’t really know how to say this the right way. I’m not well-spoken like Aly is, and I tend to offend people,” I decide to lead with what feel like necessary disclaimers about who exactly she’s chosen for this. “But the truth of it is their relationship is so peaceful and perfect that it’s disgusting. I haven’t seen a single piece of evidence to indicate even a hint of ‘discord’ as you say, and I’ve been looking.”

She looks a little taken aback by that, but I can’t help it. It’s the truth. If she was as observant as she claims, she would have known better than to ask me a damn thing.

With a shrug, I step back to my place along the wall, exhaling with the relief of no longer being in the spotlight. I can’t even bring myself to look at John’s reaction though, not even out of the corner of my eye, so I turn my head and look at Aly so that I won’t even be able to see him. I can't stand the thought of seeing the look of disgust I know I'll find there. Those are his new best friends I was just complaining about.

“Well, I suppose that answers your question,” says the big Elder that John seems to be here with, and the quiet, gray-haired Elder woman adds, “And I suppose that concludes our discussion.”

Thank the Goddess. But apparently, I’m celebrating prematurely because there’s still more. The old Elder announces one final part he has planned and tells everyone to pick a “trusted” guard to stay with them for this “private” part of the conversation. John gets picked by the big Elder guy, confirming their connection, but to my utter shock, Aly picks me. Devon and Caleb also get picked by her mates, no surprise there, but I don’t think anyone can fully wrap their heads around her picking me, especially not after that Elder woman called me out for being her least supportive guard here.

Even the old guy seems caught off-guard by it, asking Aly, “Are you sure? I’m wanting to address what I feel is the most, ah, sensitive development for your mates.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she doubles down on her choice. “She doesn’t have to like me to be a good warrior and a trustworthy packmate, and though it may strike you as odd, I actually appreciate her blunt honesty. It’s how I know I can trust her.”

That’s … actually a fair point. I’m still surprised because I know I don’t have the best reputation around the pack and trustworthy is probably the last thing most people would call me, but I can’t disagree with her. After all the moaning and complaining I witnessed from Billy earlier, who outwardly always seems to be a pretty reliable, stand-up guy, there’s no telling what sort of loyalty she can expect from some of these people. But me, I’ll keep her secrets, even if I don’t really like her. I don’t have to adore her to not be a blabbermouth.

I’ll blame my complete and utter surprise for it, but I actually slip up and make eye contact with John for a split-second. He’s smiling at me, and I can tell he’s excited that we’ll be here together for whatever is about to happen. I have a momentary urge to throw caution to the wind and go talk to him for even just ten seconds as we’re waiting for all the extra guards to leave the room, but luckily my better judgment kicks in and I stay rooted to my spot.

And then Devon rescues me a moment later with an incoming mind-link.

Come and stand behind Aly, he directs me.

And though I think John was about to close some of the distance between us, he pauses in his tracks and gives me a questioning look. I don’t really know what to do, so I just turn and slide over to where Devon has directed me. John seems to get the message though. We’re working, and that means it isn’t time for a chat, or even to silently stand next to each other feeling infinitely awkward and distracted when we’re supposed to be paying attention to our charges.

This part of the meeting doesn’t take long. It’s mostly just the old guy droning on and on about the stuff that Alpha Kane already told us about the wolves of Aly’s mates, though he does go into more detail about it. It almost sounds like the guy is on Aly’s side, because mostly what he is doing is chronicling the history of wolves like theirs in leadership positions or assisting their leaders in important roles.

And then he dismisses us. Not all of us, just Aly and everyone from New Horizon. That means John is staying in there, and we’re leaving, and I’ll probably never see him again. I don’t know how I feel about that.

But for pretty much the entire ride home, he’s all I can think about. Of course my mate, the thing I’ve simultaneously yearned for and dreaded my whole life, has to be someone connected to this whole situation that Aly has going on with the Elders. Of course I had to meet him on a day when I was on duty for the entire day. And I’m going to be on duty for over a month more, so what am I even supposed to do about it?

What if he doesn’t want to wait around for me to have a chance to actually talk to him, away from our guard duties? And oh Goddess, what if when we do, he wants me to move and join his pack? Or worse, what if he wants to join mine?

I don’t know why, but somehow it feels like all my choices are bad choices here. I want him, but I’m terrified of him. He’s handsome, strong, funny, seems to be outgoing and people seem to like him, but I’m none of those things. He’s kin to an Elder, so his family is probably old and important, and they obviously won’t want him to have anything to do with me, someone whose only family is an abusive, alcoholic outcast in our own pack. I have no business even bothering with someone like John, and yet I can’t seem to stop thinking and fantasizing about the life I could have with him.

And now it’s all over, and we’re driving back to Aly's school and back to guard duty, guard duty, and more guard duty. Meanwhile, my mate is still back there, and I never really got a chance to talk to him. Sure, I had some opportunities, but the context was all wrong for it. All I know is his name, though Aly probably knows what pack he comes from, and I think one of her mates got his number. The blonde one, Tyler. He proved to be infinitely better at cozying up to my mate than I am, despite their rocky start.

Crap. I think I just figured out how I can learn more about John and keep in contact with him. Aly. But for that to work, I’ll have to talk to her, and I really don’t want to do that. I’d rather just keep avoiding her and her mates as much as I can until forever if I can manage it, except now there’s John to think about. Something in me won’t let me just walk away and push him to the back of my mind like it never happened.

Don’t ever do that to me again, Audra suddenly cuts into my thoughts, finally fighting her way through my mental block and protesting the way I’ve treated her all day. If you’d have let me out sooner, we’d already have his number, but since all you seem to know how to do is self-sabotage, now you’re going to drag your butt over to talk to Aly and get it from her. Suck it up, princess. We’ve been through a lot together, but I’m not doing this whole song and dance with you. You’re being stupid, and you know it.

“Ugh, can you please go back to not ever saying anything?” I mutter, and when Tasha pauses mid-ramble, I realize that I must have said it aloud instead of responding in my mind.

“Not you, my wolf,” I hurriedly explain, and I can already feel my face turning a bright red from embarrassment. “Sorry, she’s being a jerk, rambling on and on about that witchy Elder woman who called me out.”

If I’d tried to lie to pretty much anyone but her, I don’t think it would have worked, but Tasha has been pent-up all day and has too much energy oozing out of her every pore to be paying close attention to anything but wiggling and talking my ear off. I know she’s technically an adult now, but there still seems to be a lot of pup left in her sometimes.

“For real though. Can you believe her?” she questions in outrage, and now the topic of her chatter seems to have shifted to that Elder woman, my outburst almost instantly forgiven and forgotten.

I’m only half-listening to her the rest of the way home, thinking mostly about what I know I’m going to have to endure to get John’s number from Aly. But I can’t say that Audra is entirely wrong. I am prone to self-sabotage, and that’s probably what I’ve spent a lot of the day doing, trying to convince myself that I was just preserving my job.

Ugh. Fine. I’ll go see Aly as soon as we get back. That will mean letting the cat out of the bag, and hopefully I don’t end up losing my job over it, but I guess it’s a risk worth taking. It’s either that, or spend the rest of this assignment kicking myself for being such an i***t and having to endure Audra’s endless whining and moaning about missing out on her chance at a mate, so I guess she has pretty much decided for me if I want my mind back.