Finally Her Turn

Chapter 29: Marissa

“Welcome to Crescent’s Boon, Miss Carter,” Alpha William tells me cheerfully while shaking my hand.

And that’s about when it really hits me and finally starts to sink in. This is a strange place full of strange people, and I’m all alone out here. I don’t even know the area or the terrain, and the only person I kind of know is John.

John, who quite obviously expects me to be the sort of mate who perceives him as the head of household and therefore the one who makes all the decisions. But that’s not me, not anymore anyway. That’s the one thing that I’ve promised myself about this fresh start that I’ve been given. If I’m going to start over, then I won’t allow myself to get stuck in another situation like the one I had with Owen.

I’m tired of living with someone who thinks he’s the boss and owns everything about me. Owen never grew tired of reminding me that it was his house I was living in, eating his food, breathing his air. It never seemed to matter who paid for it. His name was on the deed, and therefore, it was all his. He made all the decisions, or at least tried to.

He did until I got fed up with it and finally recognized that I could fight back and had a pretty good shot at winning. I don’t want that to be the dynamic of my relationship with John, constantly fighting, even if it’s not always with our fists, but I also don’t want him to keep thinking that he can just bulldoze over me and forget that I have a voice and would prefer to use it. Even if he somehow perceives himself to be my guide or my advisor or whatever it is he thinks he’s doing, he needs to start cluing me in on these decisions that he’s going off and making on his own.

Shoving me in a closet so he could demand that I come live with him where no one else can see? That was low. All he had to do was ask if I’d give him a minute so we could talk. And all he had to do was ask my thoughts about our living arrangements, preferably before he had me cornered. I don’t think he even realizes how the implication of doing that to me in a closet is that I need to agree with him if I want my freedom back.

Thankfully, I know I can take him. He’s strong, but he’s not that strong. The only thing about him that might make him more of a challenge than Owen is that he’s sober. As much as it bothers me that it didn’t even take ten minutes of being here for him to pull something like that, I’m actually kind of proud of myself for not allowing it.

There will be no going along to get along here, not even with my mate. He’ll either figure it out or he won’t, but I’m not giving him even an inch of my new freedom when he’s done nothing to earn it.

“Thank you. I’m glad to be here,” I tell the Alpha honestly, because I am.

“I don’t plan to keep you for long because I’m sure that you and John are eager to get home so you can start settling in, but –”

“Actually, I was wondering if you might have rooms available at the packhouse,” I blurt out, cutting him off without meaning to, but I didn’t want to let him get too far ahead of himself with his assumptions.

I panic a little when I realize that I just did that to the Alpha, but this guy feels different than I’m used to with Alpha Kane. I can barely even bring myself to look at Alpha Kane let alone speak to him, and definitely never out of turn like that, but this Alpha doesn’t have that same powerful aura that’s so intimidating that it’s all I can do to stay on my feet in his presence. The Elder guy feels more like an Alpha than Alpha William does, and even John makes me more nervous than him.

“Interesting,” he comments, not seeming to be at all upset about me interrupting him.

I think he’s more amused than anything, and it’s John he’s looking at now instead of me.

“Quite honestly, Miss Carter, I wish that I could say we had a room available for you, but we don’t,” he answers me, and not in the way I’d hoped.

John, on the other hand, exhales in relief. That is, until his cousin finishes what he was saying.

“What I can do, though, at least for now, is offer you a guest suite in the Alpha’s wing,” he goes on, full-on smirking at John now.

And John does not seem at all happy about that offer. His relief has pretty quickly morphed into a frown, or more accurately, a scowl. I’m sensing that there’s more to this than meets the eye, though there’s plenty for my eyes to take in. I’m just also getting a hint of there being some rivalry between these two that I’ve somehow inadvertently stepped in.

So, I guess the question now is how badly do I want my own space? Enough to not take my mate’s side in whatever is going on here that neither of them is saying?

“Though I’m sure that Miss Carter appreciates such a generous offer, I feel a need to voice my concern about it,” Elder Ben chimes in, though I haven’t yet decided whether it’s a relief that he’s doing so. “It’s not something that you would offer to any other new packmate, and I worry about the inherent appearance of favoritism with such an offer.”

“It’s not favoritism,” Alpha William tries to argue. “I just think that she shouldn’t be forced into a living arrangement that she’s not yet comfortable with simply because our packhouse is currently undergoing renovations.”

“Yes, but have you considered the warrior dormitories?” Elder Ben questions. “She is, after all, a warrior, and it seems the most suitable placement for her regardless of packhouse renovations.”

“We haven’t actually arrived at a decision about her work placement,” John starts to argue, and I can’t help wondering if it’s because he still has it in his head that I should be going home with him instead of having my own space.

Because I am a warrior, and I can’t imagine myself doing anything else. I don’t know why that’s even a question for him.

“I’m joining the warriors,” I announce. “End of discussion. That’s what I am, and that’s what I want to do.”

“Which is no less than I would have expected from you, Miss Carter, but there’s something you should know about the female warriors at Crescent’s Boon,” Elder Ben tells me.

And despite how intimidating I find him, my eyes naturally find their way to his face now. Just the tone of his voice tells me that I won’t like what he’s about to say, and I feel like I need to see his expression to even try to understand it.

“They’re not like what you’re used to at New Horizon,” he explains. “First, there’s only one other here, and the rest of our warriors are men. But beyond that, their duties are distinct from those given to the men. Lighter fare, I suppose you could say. As a female warrior here, you can expect the most demanding aspect of your job to involve a little heavy lifting here and there. Beyond that, it’s mostly just patrolling the town. Even your training will seem underwhelming compared to what you’re used to.”

I should be rejoicing upon hearing that. That’s all I ever wanted back at New Horizon, days that were both easy and predictable. Life at home was too difficult and unpredictable for me to manage more than that at work. All I wanted was a reason to get out of the house and a way to bring in some money, but beyond that, less was more.

Yet for some reason, I’m finding this news to be disappointing. I wanted it to be different here, and I was starting to look forward to having an actual life. Working hard, achieving things for myself that I can be proud of. And now that Audra actually seems to be participating in our life, I figured that I might even be able to start learning what she can really do, and what we’re really capable of.

I never managed to achieve much back at New Horizon because every time that Alpha Kane would test me and try to determine where to place me, she’d retreat to the furthest recesses of my mind and leave me all alone, a human pretending to be a wolf. I can’t access her strength and reflexes the way she can, and I don’t have her instincts. I always managed to do passably well, and that’s it.

I don’t even know what type of warrior I am because I never managed to excel at anything. Defender, protector, vanguard, scout, who even knows? But I was kind of hoping to find out, especially since Alpha Kane said that the first thing he’d do if it was him getting a new warrior is test me. As nervous as that made me then, I’ve actually allowed myself to get excited about it since.

“Is that because of some law?” I find myself asking Elder Ben, and I don’t even know what’s gotten into me. Am I really about to go down this path?

“It’s not,” he admits, giving me a look of curiosity and interest now.

“Then I don’t want that,” I tell him, turning to look at Alpha William.

“I don’t want that,” I declare to him too. “I want a placement test, and I want to earn the spot I deserve.”

“I don’t, I mean, we don’t really –,” he starts to sputter, struggling to find a response for me, but Elder Ben cuts him off.

“There’s nothing preventing that,” he reiterates, his eyes fixed on Alpha William until he turns them on me, “but I should warn you that if you choose this path, it won’t be an easy one. It was my own son who first decided the way that our female warriors should be handled differently than their peers, and he was the Alpha here for a long time before his son took over.” He gestures at Alpha William. “The people here, and the other warriors especially, have grown accustomed to a certain way of doing things, and they may not treat you kindly for making yourself stand out and shaking it all up again. I’d imagine you can expect a fair amount of taunting and hazing from them, assuming that you manage to earn a spot alongside the men the way you intend, and even your trainers might take it upon themselves to make things difficult for you.”

That isn’t the best news, but it also isn’t enough to change my mind. One thing that all my years with Owen have more than prepared me for is being able to handle a little abuse and name-calling.

“They won’t because I won’t allow it,” John growls.

Though I appreciate his protective intent, I also recognize that I need to shut it down before he makes things worse for me. If what Elder Ben is saying is true, then the last thing I need is my mate to defend me. That’s the opposite of proving myself. Though I do have to at least give him credit for not speaking up to try and stop me in the first place, jumping right to supporting me instead.

“You will, unless you want your fellow warriors to have even more reason to resent me,” I point out, turning to look at him for the first time since our closet encounter a few minutes ago. “I know you don’t know all that much about me, so you probably don’t even understand why this is important to me, but it is. It really is. And I need you to let me prove myself, as much to myself as to everyone else. So, just back off. Trust me to handle myself, or there’s no chance that anyone else ever will.”

I watch his features soften as he looks at me, and he moves his arm as if he wants to reach out to touch me, but stops himself. Knowing this must be a struggle for him and understanding that he’s probably feeling pretty powerless about having such a stubborn mate, I decide to give him this one. I reach out and take his hand, and he smiles back at me appreciatively.

I’m also realizing that I might need to reconsider my stubborn insistence on not just moving in with him. If the other warriors are bound to dislike me, then the last thing I want to do is put myself in a situation where I’ll be giving them that kind of access to me. Right? Actually, I don’t know. Maybe it’s too soon to make that decision because I also don't want to give him that kind of access to me.

“Well, let me remind you all that I’m the Alpha here, and nothing happens without my approval,” Alpha William says bitterly.

And that’s fair, I guess. We’ve kind of just skipped over him and talked this out with Elder Ben instead, and though Elders trump Alphas where werewolf law and inter-pack matters are concerned, this is Alpha William’s pack, and he does make the rules here. He can tell me to take a hike and get in line, and I guess I wouldn’t have much choice but to obey him. It may not be against the law for me to just be a normal warrior, but he still has the final say.

“I don’t like this plan, not even a little bit,” he comments, and my heart sinks.

I guess that’s fine, though. I’m quite used to just being a patrol guard all day, every day, and at least I won’t have to deal with Owen anymore.

“But I also won’t be the one to tell you no,” he declares, frowning at me. “I’ll leave that up to Delta Eric. He’s the pack trainer, and the one who has to deal with new warriors. If he wants this headache, then so be it. Just report to him in the morning, and he’ll let you know what he’s decided.”

“And about the warrior dorms?” I remind him of how this all even started in the first place.

“Oh, right. Well, ask him about that too,” he responds rather dismissively. “For tonight, I guess you’ll have to deal with your mate, since the Alpha apparently can’t decide who to invite to be a guest in his own home.”

He’s acting a bit like a spoiled child who’s sore about his parents telling him no, but I suppose it’s not really my place to complain about that. I haven’t been acting the way I should either, truth be told. I’ve just been feeling like it’s now or never, like I have to speak up right while I’m here because who knows when I’ll ever get this kind of access to the Alpha again. Probably never, now that he’s annoyed with me.

“Thank you,” I tell him with genuine gratefulness, resolving to try to fix the disrespect I’ve been showing him. “I appreciate both your time and your consideration.”

“You’re welcome,” he responds, seeming both pleased and surprised. “And I do hope you feel welcome here, and that your life with my cousin is a happy one.”

“Hey, look at that. He said ‘cousin’ and not ‘second cousin,’ so I guess I must be moving up in this world,” John instantly jumps back into teasing him, not even giving me a chance to respond.

There’s definitely something between the two of them, some resentment or rivalry that always seems to be brewing just under the surface. I guess this is just part of all that family togetherness I’ve always missed out on by not having any family to speak of. Or none that would acknowledge me, anyway.

“Screw you, John,” Alpha William shoots back. “And get out of my office. Go home and bother your mate and leave me out of it.”

He seems to regret it a second later, giving me an apologetic look, though he doesn’t say anything more to either of us. John just chuckles and gives my hand a tug, leading me back over to the door. I can hear Alpha William and Elder Ben still talking as we leave, but mostly my attention is drawn to John, whose jovial mood seems to have already shifted back to one of concern as he gives me a worried look again.

“So, how pissed at me would you say you are on a scale of one to ten? Like, seven? Six?” he asks, and the playful smile creeping across his face tells me I was mistaken about his mood change. “Just wondering how likely it is that I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight, and just how much sucking up I need to do to change that.”

Sometimes, I can’t tell if I should make a point of showing that I’m annoyed with him or just laugh when he says stuff like that. He is amusing, but I also worry that he seems to pull out the jokes to gloss over the problems.

But I just got here, and I kind of would like to just go relax somewhere. His place, I guess, though I was trying to avoid that. It’s just for one night, and I guess I can handle it for that long.

So, instead of scoffing and rolling my eyes as is my nature when someone says something dumb like that, I laugh it off and tell him we're fine as long as he lets me pick what we're having for dinner.