The Safety's Sideline Obsession

Noah's Thoughts

Noah

Sean’s hand claps down on my shoulder but not roughly. “You alright? Mama said your dad had an appointment for a checkup this afternoon. He’s ok I assumed when she didn’t call and give me any news.”

I see his worry. Liam sits right behind him and I notice both Eli and Chad freeze too.

This is the wonderful and terrible thing about having friends who all grew up connected like family. They are as concerned for Dad as if he’s theirs.

I look at them grateful for that concern. “Clean bill of health thankfully. Another year down.”

They each have their own look of relief. Liam nods taking a deep breath. “I was pretty sure when Mama didn’t call crying or anything. Still relieved to hear you say it.”

I nod. Aunt Sof would have lost her s**t if something was wrong with him. She cried as much as Mom when he got sick. I won’t ever forget that day. I was seventeen and it was at the end of our senior football season. Coming home and finding him and Mom sitting on the couch, that image burned into my brain. Mom had made chocolate chip muffins that morning and now anytime she makes them, I relive that day as the smell hits me. Him with his head leaning forward and her laying her head on his back eyes closed crying. I was tickling my sister, Beth because she had teased me about how big my feet were becoming. All the laughs died instantly. Aunt Sof and Uncle Webb standing behind them. Uncle Webb was holding her tight. He’d been crying too.

Little did we know that everyone had already been at the house. They left when it was time for Beth and I to get home from school. My whole world shattered that day. I’d almost collapsed when Dad said he had prostate cancer and it was already at stage IVA. Meaning it had spread already. In his case it was in nearby lymph nodes. Beth had run and jumped into his lap just like when she was a little girl. I had stood there hoping and wishing that it wasn’t real. My dad is one of the best men you’ll ever meet. Loving and happy unless you messed with his family. He was always behind us one hundred percent and was my hero as cheesy as that sounds. He’d calmly explained they would do surgery to remove it and then he'd have chemo to stop the spread hopefully. My mom sat there nodding her head with him.

They made it sound so simple. Like he’d have surgery, a few treatments and be back to himself. If only we knew that the next six months would be absolute hell and we’d almost lose him twice.

And me once…..I push that away not wanting to think about that right now.

Beth and I pretty much moved in with Aunt Sof and Uncle Webb at the lowest point. All of my parents’ friends took care of us from feeding us, getting Beth to school, extracurricular activities, and in general loving on us. I can remember Aunt Claire and Uncle Manny staying up late one night with Uncle Clint and Uncle Baylor to make scenery for Beth’s school play when Mom couldn’t make the volunteer sessions and none of the other parents did either. Uncle Bennett and Uncle Jared going up to the school about some kids picking on Beth. Yeah that never happened again.

They were our village like the saying goes. I pushed them away unable to deal with reality but they never let me get far. Aunt Sof especially. That little woman is tough and she brooks no s**t that’s for sure. She’s the one who saved me and I will never forget it or be ungrateful to her. Or Uncle Webb who literally saved Dad’s life twice. I can never repay them.

Eli hands me a soda before they start setting up the game system. I’d driven over to Liam’s apartment for the weekend so we could have our usual game night. Won’t be long before this will be impossible with them playing in the pros now and I’ll have game nights each weekend too.

“The welcome banquet next weekend still Noah?” Chad asks.

“Yeah, Friday night. Should be as boring as always.” I say dryly.

“You taking a date?” Sean asks.

“Why would I take a date to that nonsense? I mean I can barely survive it without gouging my eyeballs out. I guess I could take a girl I want to lose, some clinger who needs to get lost.” I joke.

“Thought you might try something new since it’s your senior year.” Sean watches me.

“Nope.” I take a gulp of my drink. I’d thought about it, but I’ll never admit that. That’s what I was going to ask Caylee; if she’d like to come with me. Not as my date since she has a….boyfriend. If that’s what you want to call Joey. He’s more like a male succubus. But she knows all the seniors this year and coaches and they all ask about her especially with Sean and Liam gone. They’ll watch out for her like honorary brothers.

Then my brain had finally stopped malfunctioning and I realized that was a terrible idea. Something stupid I came up with in some type of desperation. I should be glad Joey interrupted me yesterday. I wanted to punch him at the time. I have no idea what Caylee sees in him but then again, that shouldn’t be surprising. He’s the polar opposite of me and she’s never given me a second glance. I rake my hands through my hair hoping to push her out of my head with it.

“You have a class with Caylee, don’t you?” Eli asks as he hands me a controller.

“Mom’s creative writing class.” I keep it short. Talking about her is dangerous around her two brothers here. And not because they don’t want me to go after her. Quite the opposite.

“Joey still hanging onto her like cling wrap?” Chad asks with a grimace.

“When he can. She mentioned they don’t have any classes together. But Vi says he’s getting nuts again.” Sean mutters.

Liam “Mama swears she won’t stay with Clingbot Clanton and Dad bows to her wisdom.”

We all lose it at that one. Aunt Sof gives some creative nicknames to people she doesn’t like. I wondered if they liked him or not.

“I am so glad she loves all of us.” Eli snickers.

“I really can’t stand that guy.” Sean says fiercely. “Especially after the way he ensnared her.”

They all cut their eyes to me but I ignore it. “Come on Noah, admit it. You want to walk up and knock his front teeth out.” Chad prods me.

“She made her choice.” I say quietly.

“Wrong. She never got to make the choice. Can’t when there’s only one question.” Liam tells me with a bit of frustration.

“Like you are any better.” I give him a pointed look and he sits back sorta nodding.

“She’s been with him almost an entire year. Like I said, she made her choice. Now can we move on from this conversation?” I don’t want to talk about her anymore. It makes me think about her and that hurts too much.

“We could talk to her Noah.” Liam offers and I shake my head.

“I don’t need you to be my voice anymore. Let’s move on.” Not many know but I had a horrible stutter as a kid until I was about nine. These two used to make sure no one at school got the chance to make fun of me; talking for me when I was self-conscious. And helping me to not be embarrassed about it when I was with them. Again, more reasons to be indebted to the Jameson family.

Sean has mercy on me. “Let’s play boys.” He’s the one most likely to keep needling at something but he’s also the most protective in the group, though he plays it off with humor. I give him a grateful look and he nods. Liam nudges me with his shoulder and I push back. Sean does the same and I can’t stop the grin that comes over my face. Sandwiched between those two like when I was younger.

I welcome the distraction even if it’s only a few hours worth. Being in love with the one girl who has never given you a second glance hasn’t been easy for more than five years. And I imagine it’s only going to get harder. I’ve gotten too close to her a few times lately. Being my senior year and knowing I will be moving away at the end of it; possibly not seeing her again after this year has been messing with my head and my resolve to put my feelings behind me. I’ll make it though. If I can resist for this many years, I can make it through one more. And then hopefully I’ll meet someone who can make me forget all about Caylee Jameson.