His Unidentified & Untouchable Mate

Uncomfortable Feelings

Zahraa POV

I don’t know how long I slept, but when I woke, the sun had set. I realized I’d never seen Rowan’s room before – and he wasn’t here, far as I could tell, so what better time to snoop?

He had two wall-length, floor-to-ceiling windows taking up the entirety of his south-facing wall. It was covered by curtains, thick and heavy, that were affixed to a rod, so they slid very easily away, letting in the moonlight.

There was a balcony – I was enchanted.

I stepped out onto the balcony, opening the door as quietly as possible and leaving it cracked behind me. The balcony had plants – something red and flowering, a cactus, a fern, and some kind of ivy that spilled over the railing and trailed a good foot below. The view was spectacular; from the balcony I could see the central pack house, a few offices near the top still had lights on. Below was a carpet of buildings, some dark, some lit. And beneath my feet, a fountain.

“Beautiful view, isn’t it?”

I jumped, tightening my fists on the railing when I spun around to face Rowan. “You scared me!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckled. “I heard you were up, is all. I wanted to check on you – you’ve had a rough day today.”

Rough didn’t feel like it covered it, but sure. Instead of being snarky, I replied, “Sure.”

“Do you know what you’re going to do yet?” he asked, then hesitated. “About Jacob, I mean?”

I knew exactly what he meant before he’d even said Jacob’s name. I shook my head, my throat suddenly feeling very tight. I hadn’t had time to think on it for one, but when I did, it all felt like a blur – or a nightmare.

And what made matters worse; I couldn’t tell why I was this upset. We hadn’t known each other long. We hadn’t spent much time together, but for some reason I just got this haunting feeling that this was something I’d never expected – something that I never thought he’d do. As if we’d been together for years.

But I suppose betrayal works in funny ways.

Rowan put a hand on my back, rubbing circles through the soft silken fabric of my shirt. “Take your time. You’re always welcome here.” A silence fell between us, and I couldn’t help but notice the pensive look on his face. When I was almost done with the lights below, he continued: “I do mean that, Zahraa. If it doesn’t work out with Jacob…” he swallowed nervously, “You could have a home here.”

It was as if the balcony fell out from under my feet. The shock made me feel like I was falling, tumbling, lost in a series of thoughts I’d never be able to properly untangle. I swallowed the lump in my throat, suddenly reminded that I’d had a crush on this man for years. “I… could never impose.” My words came out a mere whisper. I was afraid to break this silence between us – afraid to continue where this was going.

“You’re right,” he said, with a smirk. “You could never.”

My mouth moved wordlessly, my heart racing. “Rowan…”

He pulled something out of his pocket – another handkerchief? And raised it slowly, keeping eye contact with me. He pulled the fabric over his lips, then leaned in and pressed his against mine.

I was frozen.

Obviously, I’d never been kissed by a boy before – I admit there was a time in early high school where I experimented with another cute bi-curious girl, so I couldn’t say it wasn’t my first kiss. It felt like an eternity, with his lips pressed against mine, my back pressed against the railing. I realized that, in some instinctual urge to run, I was leaning most of the way over. Rowan’s strong arms were to each side of me, and they snaked around me, pulling me close against his body.

Rowan was known for his intelligence and overwhelming kindness, so I didn’t expect the firmness of his body against mine. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, I felt myself growing damp between my legs, my belly constricting with unexpected and unwelcome need.

He parted from me, but kept me in his arms, careful not to put any of his bare skin on mine. “You could always be mine,” he whispered, and then the handkerchief was on my neck, over the faded mark I’d always worn. He kissed it, and his breath was hot and heavy on an already sensitive place.

I was hotter. More uncomfortable.

I didn’t know what to say to make this end.

I put a gentle hand on his chest, pushing him away. He didn’t look bothered or confused, which somehow bothered me. “Rowan… I’m sorry, but I just…” I shook my head. “I don’t think now is the time?”

It was weak, with unneeded added inflection that only showed my panic.

His lips curled into his usual graceful, gracious smile – as if he were doing me a favor when he replied, “Of course not. How rude of me – I’m sorry, Zahraa.”

He didn’t sound sorry. He didn’t look sorry.

In fact, it sounded like a spider talking to a captured fly when he replied, “Take all the time you need. I’ll always be here for you.”

A threat. It felt like a threat.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped back and away from the railing, beelining for the door. “I’m – I should go. Thank you for letting me stay with you for a while, Alpha Rowan, I really appreciate your kindness.”

But was it really kindness?

I ducked out the door, leaving him on the balcony as I ran inside. I picked up my phone and shot Ingrid a quick text – coming over – before opening a Door, using my power to wrinkle reality just enough for me to step through out of Rowan’s apartment and into my own.

My heart was still pounding from the interaction with Rowan – my crush. My idol. I should be happy about this, shouldn’t I? Why did it feel so wrong?

I slid down my apartment door – I’d only intended to be here long enough to get a change of clothes and a few toiletries before staying the night with Ingrid, but in the silence and solitude of my own home, I needed a chance to unpack everything that had happened today.

Just as I was starting to feel overwhelmed by emotions, consumed by everything that had happened in the span of just 24 hours, I heard movement in my kitchen.

I was on my feet again in an instant. I turned my back on it, reaching for the doorknob. The spaces between the door began to glow softly golden, but I hadn’t had a chance to turn the doorknob when a familiar scent fell over me, and an arm – not as thick as Rowan’s, but still stronger than me – reached past me, holding the door firmly closed.

I could feel his heat on my back; he must’ve been just inches away. I didn’t turn around before heaving a heavy sigh and asking, “Jacob, what are you doing here?”