Lost

Second Chances ☘

I lacked good memories. Even when I lay around in the dead silence of the night I couldn't get my brain to think of some good memories made. The only thoughts that haunt me are of my dreadful past and my dark future.

My hands pressed on the side of my stomach, one of my bad memories. I was six and I spilt juice on my step brother's shoes. He was very angry because it was some big day at his school and he ended me kicking repeatedly making me cough out blood. I cried that night, sobbing silently into my pillow. My white cotton pillow was the only holder of my secrets, my pains and my tears.

The wound was faded now but it was still there as a memory.

Struck by the lighting of an idea I got up and pulled out my blank white sheet and wrote down with a broken pen, Create one good memory.

That was the first thing on my list of things to die. I don't know how this list thing worked and how will it be fulfilled. But I did it just because I have no idea what to do before I was no longer breathing.

"What is wrong Reen?" Sam was awake now and I hurriedly ruffled the paper and kept it in my jeans pocket.

"Nothing, just can't sleep," I answered her with a small smile.

"I had a bad dream." She said and I realised she was a little paler.

"Same?"

"Yeah mostly." She nodded and we sat in silence.

Almost every other night she would dream about the night when she and Jack went on run when their father killed their mother and was about to kill Jack next in drunken anger. She mostly wakes up crying or shaken up like she was looking now.

"Only this time I killed him." She said with a tremble in her voice.

I don't answer because I know she required silence to calm down.

"Jack is thinking about another fight." She finally spoke up.

"We can't let him."

"But does he never listen?" She sounded tired and looked at her sleeping brother.

"He wants to give you a better life." I told Sam and she looked at me funny.

"what?"

"Nothing." She said completely hiding something.

"So is Dr. Shawn a total hottie?" She asked off the topic and I looked at her with agape mouth.

"May be I need to injure myself a little." And with that we were chuckling together slowly at her absurdity to seduce Shawn.

And I realised how a human mind works. We are my nature pesimisst. We all look around and find the things we don't have or can' have and feel broken and sad about it. But we never look towards those who are suffering so much more.

It is not that I had no good memories, I had plenty with Jack and Sam. No girl is as sheltered as I am on street and I realised life has a way to pan out, you just need to keep your thoughts on the brighter side. How will be know? Because there in a stark contrast to light you will have a dark side of life as well.

As Sam lied back down still wide awake I got up and walked out with an excuse to get fresh air at four at night. I reopened my list and scratched off my first to-do wish. And replaced it with Create one beautiful memory.

Now I just needed help someone to categorize this.

***

I almost collided with Shawn as I was running to stop my nose bleed.

"Sasha, you don't look fine."

"I am fine, just over worked." And them I immediately corrected myself, "Not because of you."

"Your condition worsens day by day and you are living with this while no one knows."

"Go ahead, feel the pity." I laugh lightly but he is staring at me intently with surprise.

"You need help." He said.

"Of course I do, who doesn't?" And I walk past him in case he started taking more interest.

No matter how painful my situation was I hated charities, being indebted to someone.

"Where are you rushing off to Magenta?" And I shouldn't have felt that excited to hear his voicce but I was.

"Not you again."I grumbled.

"That is no way to talk to a star." He said dryly.

After a week, he did look better, his inuries on mend but leaving a ugly hue of yellow and purple over his cheek and jaw. And maybe I was from the slumps but he did seem handsome even now.

I hid the tissue with my blood behind my back. I don't need another charity.

"It was nice meeting you, I have to go now." I said and started to walk but his callous fingers wrapped around my wrist and I saw goosebumps rise all over skin.

I have never felt this before.

"Tonight is a fight." He said looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"I will be there." I said and waited for him to let my hand go.

"And I might need help afterwords, getting back home."

He was asking for my help?

"Are you sick somewhere, Jer?" I said unintenionally calling him Jer.

His eyebrows reacted instantly by shoting a notch up.

"I meant Jeremiah."I corrected myself, "How come you are asking me for help?"

He glowered at me for this.

"Fine, then don't come." He grumbled in annoyed tone..

"I never refused." I said feeling positive about this.

"Do you not get any more movies?" I asked.

"Why? Because I look pathetic with all those injuries." He asked with a deadpanned look.

"No you still look stunning it's just that you have lot of free times on hand." I realised my mistake as soon as I said it.

He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"What do your directors and co-stars say when they see such injuries?"

"I am not that foolish. I don't find while I am shooting for a movie."

"Then when do you fight?" I prodded him further but he ignored.

That was my idea of knowing why he was the way he was.

"Because it's my f*****g life and I can do whatever I want."

"Exactly, it's your life you can do whatever you want. And what is it you want?" I asked spinning my words tactically.

"That no one nags me about how I live it." He bluntly asked me to mind my own business.

"Remember the question deal?" I asked and he nodded.

"My turn to ask one."

He seemed stiff with my words but he didn't refuse.

I carefully thought about a question to ask him and looked at him, the raw pain around him so strong that it made him broken.

"What are your thoughts when you fight?"

We kept walking silently and it was not until after we open the gate and walked out, he answered, "I have no feelings, no thoughts just my opponent and red fury as I harness every nerve in my body to hit him, see him bleed and knock him down to the point his body is broken."

He said to words with a calming sense of explanation and it was kind of scary how he talked about giving pain with so much ease. Fighting might not give him pleasure but in some twisted sadistic way it gave him peace.

"My turn Magenta." He said trapping me this time.

I nodded.

"What are your thoughts when you see someone as brutal as me in a fight with no value for life?"

I saw that coming somehow.

"I have only seen you fight first of all, I avoid going to fights." I waited for him to respond to this.

I went to a few but mostly zone out the violence. It was not pleasant for someone like me who had suffered from some violence herself.

"I feel that the person is trying to be a monster."

"what if he is actually a monster?" He posed an important question.

"Then he will not be in a fighting ring, he will be a murderer."

"What if he is a murderer?"

My heart stopped at his question, I don't know if this was real or hypothetical now.

But so was Jack when he killed his father to save Sam.

"Then we see if he needs a chance at redemption or not." I still felt a little uneasy.

Jeremy gave me a dry cynical laugh at this ," Redemption really Magenta? Not everyone deserves second chances."

"I really wish they did though, I really wish someone get second chances." I said unable to hide the wishfulness in my voice.

"See you at the fight, Jer." I said walking away.

"You will come?" He sounded unsure and as if I was insane.

I guess I was, I was hiding a huge secret of my life obviously I had issues.

"You don't want me to?" I asked pretty sure he wanted me there but was it to scare me or test me was his choice.

He sighed as if feeling lost, "I want you to be there."

And just like that I pulled out my list and added another point.

Help a broken person. There might be no chance for me but maybe someone deserves a second chance and I was putting Jeremiah in that category because he like the rest of the needed help.

☘ ☘ ☘