Lost

Monster Within ☘ Jeremiah

"There has to be a way to get rid of all the pain you are holding in." My shrink, Joshua Turner told me five months ago when Ash appointed one for me.

The idea of going to a shrink meant I was admitting my weakness which was difficult but Ash can be very persuasive. I attended his lessons for a month and had to listen to the s**t he spoke for an hour that was attractive only in theory.

But his words of finding ways to get rid of the pain twisted in my head. And I was fighting pain with pain. Getting tattoos, drinking, drugs, getting in a mess with paparazzi and one thing that media had no clue about, underground fighting.

The injuries from the fight kept me awake at night and that kept nightmares away. Or sometimes the pain was too much to bear and I had to take painkillers which induced sleep sometimes dream free. I turned into a monster in the ring, my anger and energy focused on my opponent. He was not a human for me, he was a punching bag. He was not someone with feels and emotions, he was there to vent my anger out.

Royals are those celebrities which take part in such fight clubs and like to remain hidden behind a mask as they unleash their real self in the fight.

Not to brag but I was the most expensive of the Royals. I was the Satan, the undefeated fighter of the club. The one challenging me is either mad or suicidal, people knew how I fought.

My opponent for this fight was called Wolf. I was not the least bit interested in him or how he will fight. Reappearing of nightmares made me edgy and I was all in to see some blood. A week long of overseas schedule didn't help me at all and I went through million emotions during this time. First I felt angry at the girl for being happy which was totally a jerk thing, then I moved on to the phase where I thought that why should everyone be sad just because I am.

I ended up with a conclusion in my head. Many people will have eyes like my sister and smile like her but that doesn't mean I should be so rattled. I should proceed to my path of destruction of myself.

By the time I was back home, I called the Fight Club to fix me a fight because I was a mess. Two week from now was the day my sister died and for a f*****g strong six inches tall man I was scared. I never told about this to anyone but I have never been to her grave because that would mean accepting that my sister was gone.

"Hoods down." The command came and the Wolf followed the orders.

I accessed my opponent with ease as we warmed up for the match. He had good height and built, his stance said he was no stranger to violence and his eyes focused, too focused as if he was desperate to win.

He was too easy.

After circling around keeping an eye on each other, my lips lifted in a provoking smirk. But the guy was smarter than that. He was looking for loopholes but he didn't know I had none. He made the mistake of attacking first, his fist missing my stomach while I dodged his attack and circled around him to hit him square on his back.

The sound of crack made me sneer in the pleasure of giving him pain, of another oncoming win. Wolf seems unfazed by this as he kept his feet on the ground and eyed me with a chilling passiveness like he would rather die than lose.

Your wish will be granted.

I know I was weak for doing this, using my pain for hurting other but then I was doing this because I don't really give a damn about how others feel.

The crowd cheered like they always do. My anger fueled for no apparent reason as Wolf landed a punch on my face. Sharp ache hit my jaw bone and I glare at him for hitting me. I don't get hit, and this punch made me angry. I blocked another attack attempt with my hand twisting his wrist in the process which was only allowed since this was a fight without mercy, without rules.

I jabbed my knee in his stomach and punched him hard on his side. Satisfaction coursed through me as he stumbled on his knees and blood splattered from his mouth.

I revelled in the howling of the wild crowd but it was short lived as fate just decided to screw me.

"STOP." A feminine voice yelled.

It was not the kind of voice to make the crowd quiet or kind of voice to intimidate someone. The voice was not even heard by many because it was choked up cry of desperation.

"STOP IT." Magenta was yelling through the loud crowd begging to be heard.

I don't know, I f*****g don't know what happened but for a second I stopped the celebration, the anger, the kicks and punches.

What the hell was she doing here?

***

I won, obviously I always did but like always it brings me no joy. My knuckles are bloodied, my jaw probably an ugly shade of blue and my head about to burst open in pain.

But tonight there was no peace as well. Usually, after a fight, I am so tired that I don't give a s**t about rest of the things and head straight back home. I left The Wolf on the ground in no position to fight back so it was a clear win but Magenta begging for his life was making me burn with curiosity.

Thanks to her, he did get less injured.

Two guys rushed past me with a bag of first aid as I collect my stuff from the locker. I had my mask on lest someone made a fortune with headlines that introduced me as an underground fighter to the world.

Like always they kept a safe distance from the Satan as they mended another one of his victims.

"You asshole." Definitely not her, she came shouting at me with her kitten fury.

"Excuse me." I feigned ignorance.

I was masked, I was Satan and not Jeremiah. She could curse me all she want.

"Don't act ignorant. You are a brutal, psychotic monster." She yelled at me with rage transparent in her damning eyes which I couldn't help but stare.

They were a darker shade that my sister's, I realise.

"This is an illegal fight zone, what do you expect? Unicorns and Rainbows?" I mock her because she was being too dramatic about that guy.

"No, a little heart from someone who owns a freaking charity hospital." Her words made me mutter out a curse.

How did she know?

"What?" I managed to ask my volume a bit louder due to the shock.

"You thought a petty mask will hide you?" She was mocking me now.

For past five months, it had.

"What do you want, Magenta?" I hiss out angry at being discovered.

"I don't want anything. You hurt my friend quite badly. Why?" Her lips were turned down in anger and displeasure.

I struggle to find words which are not often with me.

"This is a f*****g fight!" I snap at her for making me struggle.

"Yes, a fight not a death cell." She yells back keeping up with my temper.

"Get lost," I said in a strained tone as I couldn't vent my anger on someone as naive as her.

I turn away and zip my back. Slinging it on my shoulder I was about to walk away when she caught hold of my wrist. Goosebumps rise on my arm and I rudely jerk my hand free from her touch.

"Do you want to die?" I snarl at her courage to stop me.

"Probably." She said the word with defiance but there was intensity behind it that made me scrutinise her.

"You want money to treat your friend? Here take this." I throw a bundle of notes towards her and started walking away with a faster speed.

"An apology would have sufficed Filmstar." She yelled at my running back.

The nerve of this girl.

"I won fair and square in a fight, this is not a holy worshiping place where I need to observe manners. Be grateful that he still lives." I retort and glares at me with hate so pure that it made me feel uneasy.

I am hated by many but it doesn't bother me much.

This time she takes few quick step towards me and throws my money on the ground right on my feet.

"For you, these fights must be thrill and fun but some of us are fighting to survive." She dares judge me.

"You don't know what I fight for." I take a step closer anger rolling off me in waves but it crashed when it came to her.

She was not scared when she looked straight into my eyes and said, "I know, I can see. You fight for destruction. I don't if it is to destroy the opponent or yourself."

Leaving me seething in fury, hitting the sore spot she left me standing there with my money thrown back at me.

***

"Fell down in shower." I gave a pretend apologetic smile to my make-up artist who was having a hard time hiding my injuries.

She nodded not believing me at all but not prying either. My temper was quite famous around for being on the nastier side. After the shooting today, I had decided to visit the hospital.

Why? Because I could not take being insulted.

Fuck you, Jeremy, stop giving lame excuses.

Because honestly, Magenta annoyed the s**t out of me. The scene with the lead actress spoiled my mood as she uselessly flirted with me. I would have taken her offer and brought her home but my body was still marked with too many fresh injuries and I do not want actress like her asking too many questions.

I politely declined, as politely as I could manage anyway.

It was half past eight when I reached the hospital I visited once in a blue moon. Shawn was shocked to see me but he was courteous nevertheless which annoyed me for some reason. Nice people ticked me off because most of the time I know it is fake.

"What brings you here Jeremy?"

"I need to look around at this place," I answer shortly but he waited for me to elaborate.

"I am spending all this money on this hospital, least you could do if to show me that my money is being spent in the right place." I wasn't prepared for all this and now I was making excuses.

Shawn seemed to buy my shitty excuse and actually took me for a round. But I realised this was torturous. Sick kids, dying people, smell of medicines, the rush of nurses was all too familiar and haunting.

I needed to step out and remember to breathe. I throw my head back and inhale sharply trying to get rid of the images.

Magenta was not here and I was a fool to have walked in this hell.

I was about to turn around and tell Shawn that tour was enough and I was leaving but I saw her pleading to him. She had dishevelled hair, tattered clothes and tired posture.

"Jack needs medicines, Shawn. You know him and his fights." She was trying to make small talk.

So Jack was the name of the guy I beat out cold.

Shawn handed her a brown paper filled with medicines probably.

"So, you give out medicines illegally as well." I walk up to them and Magenta froze.

She blinks once, twice and licks her lips as a gesture of nervousness but being the guy I am, my eyes trail there for a moment.

"This is a charity isn't it?" Shawn was defending his actions.

"For people actually in need," I said but this time Magenta answer back.

"And that is why even a dying person can't afford the treatment." She makes a snide remark and that surprised me.

"This is not true."

"Is it not, Filmstar?" She taunts me with that nickname that makes me even more exasperated.

Honestly, I had no idea what my charity did and how much of it was actually good. I couldn't care less for other human lives.

Catching me off guard, she started walking away with the medicines.

Let her walk away Jeremy, she is a mess.

But when did I ever listen to good advice and I followed her?

"I can report this as a theft and Shawn could lose his job." I threaten her like the Satan I am but without reason.

She stops abruptly and looked at me with passionate hate.

"What do you want now?" She asked mirroring my question from a day ago.

What do you want Jeremy?

"I would like to know in this century, Filmstar." She asked impatiently shaking her one foot waiting for my answer.

"Come to all my fights for next month." My answer surprised her but it shocked me.

"Is this your way of tormenting me?" She looked at me with a certain amount of disbelief as to how brutal I was.

"It is my way of showing you how far I can go." I wanted her to be scared of me.

"Deal." She said with too much ease for person who hated violence and was yelling for mercy in a fighting arena.

What the hell was I doing?