Lost

Unrealistic Dream [Maureen]

I have always envied Cinderella. Not because she got a Prince Charming or because she had a fairy godmother, it was because she got a chance to get out of the hell hole she lived in. My life did not offer any chance like that.

And now I was lying to the two most important people in my life, Jack and Sam. Doctor Shawn, the one who diagnosed me with brain cancer allowed me to work as a helper in the charity hospital. He said if I can't afford the treatment, I could at least be around doctors for half of my day and he even agreed to pay me.

This was my chance to repay what Jack did for me, to earn and stop being a burden.

Naturally, I accepted the offer. Frankly saying there was nothing new about me. Of course, I had an impending death feeling and everything but brain cancer didn't change how my life went. Headaches were common for me and lack of food made many of us weak so fainting was also not an issue.

It was kind of scary to say that I was hoping for my condition to worsen as soon as possible. It has been two weeks since I found about the disease which I called as an issue in my head.

There was nothing special about that day I swear. I got up on the cold floor beneath me and an unevenly sewn up quilt in patches. Next to me was Sam, who was curled into a small ball because of the cold. Spring was hopeful weather,although the nights got cold there is always the morning sun.

I got up making no noise and rushed out to warm my muscles in the sun. The warmth of the rays on my face almost managed to make my lips lift up. There was an unusual silence around since it was still early in the morning and most of us were either drunks or stoners. Waking up early was not their thing.

I, on the other hand, preferred to enjoy this peaceful time as long as it lasts. I took a quick bath in the nearby construction building where we all used the bathroom built for the head of constructions. I had three t-shirts, two jeans, a shirt and one jacket to myself. I have been working in that clinic for two weeks but today I chose the gray and blue check shirt for some reason with ice blue jeans so tattered that it looked almost in fashion.

I tied my hair in a neat ponytail or as neat as I could manage.

By the time I was back, many people have woken up. I left Sam still sleeping not in a mood to talk with anyone. But as I was walking out, Jack caught up with me. He still had sleep eyes as he rubbed them to get back his senses.

"You look bad Reen." He muttered in his sleep tone.

"Wow, thank you for encouragement Jack." I gave him a dry laugh truly getting what he meant.

My eyes lacked life, I had dark circles too ugly and the pain in my head reflected on my face.

"You know what I mean." He said giving me a concerned look.

"See you later, I will be late for work." He knew as well as I did, I was avoiding the situation and running away.

***

My today's task included babysitting two kids who were destined to leave the world soon. I guess the bright side of the whole thing was that they will be safe from the brutalities of the world.

Kaden was playful while his friend Terian was mischievous. I have dealt with many kids living on streets so it was no big deal to handle these bad boys in making.

"Come play with us, Sasha." They called me out by my fake name.

I hesitated at first but then I thought, I should have fun since my breaths are numbered.

And for that moment splashing colors and waters at each other, just at that moment, I forgot what my life is or will be. You know such a moment when your brain is clear of everything and you are just living in that moment. My innocence and childhood were all shattered but with those two kids, I was a child as well.

But what I didn't know that I just collided with a man too tall and attacked him with color just in reflective defense. I should have apologized, that is what normal people do but I just laughed because that moment my mind left my body.

"Excuse me." He yelled and my laughter came to an abrupt stop.

"I am sorry, it was a mistake," I mumbled backing off a bit.

I saw the man in front of me, I have seen him somewhere but I couldn't put a finger on it. He was the kind of man you are attracted to immediately, everything about him a little too perfect. He had a virile aura around him that could send any girl's heart racing.

His fingers raked through his night black hair and his forest green eyes frowned at me from the sockets. I realized I was staring and immediately look away. No matter how handsome he was, green eyes were a treasure filled with pain.

"Do you think this place is about fun? People are dying here." He was reprimanding me.

Dude, I am dying as well. But of course, I don't tell him that.

I have learned to deal with scolding and speeches in my own way, I ignore the person in front of me and start singing my favorite song in my head. I heard his first few words but rest was all a buzz in the background.

"Are you deaf or just mannerless?" He was closer to me now and I realized others seem a bit too much interested.

"I have seen you somewhere." I blurt out curiosity eating me up like when you can't remember lyrics to a particular tune.

I heard a few chuckles around me including Terian.

"Are you kidding me?" He asked with a dry look.

"No seriously, I have seen you somewhere."

He looked seriously stressed at my words as if I committed a serious crime.

"Jeremy, calm down." A man put his hand to this guy's shoulder who was apparently named Jeremy.

"Just sign this and your work here is done." He handed Jeremy a file of papers.

He looked away and with the same hardened expression, he signed the sheet.

Bad attitude guys, I have seen enough and it was wise not to poke their egos so I turned around and started walking away.

"Listen, Magenta." The guy named Jeremy called out.

I turned to look at him for some reason as he called me the name of color I sprayed on him and he gave me a cold look, "Jeremiah Westall."

He introduced himself with an unexplainable air of arrogance.

And as he walked out, the realization hit me of where I have seen him; on the movie posters since that was all I could afford to watch in my life.

***

"You are shittin' me, Reen." Sam was obviously over excited about the whole deal.

It was not daily for us street people to meet a movie star, let alone spray paint on them. We were sitting on the grass in an almost empty park, the evening spring breeze a little on the cooler side. My toes crunch the greenery under me as I observe the ostentatious people crossing the road in front of me.

"He is better looking than on posters," I answered her unasked question and she let out a giggle as she puffed out rings of smoke.

That was one habit of Sam that bothered me. She smoked but then again I was no one to speak. People deal with stress in their own ways.

"I will be the bridesmaid, you know that right?" She said out of nowhere.

"What?"

"On your marriage with the movie star." And that got me laughing out loud.

She also laughed with me on saying something so ridiculous.

In the midst of the laughter, I felt myself choking up as my vision blurred with sudden tears. I turned my head pretending to look at something else, pretending to still laugh as tears trickled down my eyes. A wedding was already out of context for someone like me and now I am dying.

If Sam knew she would be scared to see how calm I was about it. I blink my tears back in hurry and look back at her. She seems to be in some kind of daze smiling at the nothing.

"What is it?" I asked trying to sound normal and keep the emotion in my voice in control.

"The dreams we all have even though we know they are unreal." She said with an edge to her tone like she was mocking fate.

"Everyone is like that, not that just us Sam. Everyone dreams of what they desire and can't have." Look at me consoling her, how noble and wise.

"I wish we had a chance, just a chance."

"At least we don't turn out like some girls from her group." I didn't say out loud about the part of them being sold off or addicted to pills and other stuff.

"Look at you, always finding good in everything shit." She gave me a wry smile.

No, Sam looks at me keeping the facade of being the optimist when I am welcoming death.

"Promise me one thing Sam," I said taking her hands in mine.

"What?" She looked surprised at my gesture.

"You and Jack take care of each other," I tried to make it sound a lot less serious.

"Yeah sure b***h, just keep adopt me and Jack when you get married to Jeremy." She gave me her toothy grin and I can't help but laugh again.

***

Dying is a strong reason that could make you do stupid things. That is all I could say in my defense when I sat down in the break time at my work shift to make a stupid thing people call a bucket list.

But the thing about the list is you should know what you want to do. I had no idea what to put down on the list because I never had any aspirations or dreams. It was just surviving through the day. Earn your money might have been on the list but I was getting it now, even though it was a meager amount.

I leaned back on the wall and felt the sharp stench of blood and medicine fill my nostrils. I closed my eyes and tried to think of one thing, one real thing that I should put in my bucket list. In that moment I felt like laughing at myself.

"Trying to make a bucket list?" A girl with her head shaved of came down and sat next to me.

"Well, that's the usual point of direction, right?" I tried to sound brave about this.

She laughed, a laugh devoid of any mirth.

"It's just in the movies and books. Once people find out you are sick few remain around you to help you fulfill the list." She said with a sad smile.

And the list of people near me was even fewer.

"So, what should I do?" I asked genuinely curious.

"Be crazy." She said simply and I let her words sink in.

"Be impulsive." She added.

"Yeah, right. And do what?" I don't have the money or the courage truthfully.

If I am caught, I might end up in jail or worse back with my horrible foster family.

"Fall in love." She looked at me with a soft smile.

I realized her eyes were the nicest shade of blue I have ever seen and even though she was sick, she had a glow about her.

"I have few weeks left at the best." She whispered and there was a familiar sense of relief in her tone.

She has accepted death, welcomed it.

"Maureen." I offered her my true name.

And the girl's lips lifted in a genuine smile, "Kathleen."

The sudden rush of footsteps got our attention and doctor and nurses rushed to us.

"It's not our fault sir, she might have pulled her out of her room." A nurse said pointing at me.

"Excuse me?" I said shocked at the situation.

"I came on my own," Kathleen said pertly for a girl with an angel face.

"Please, Miss don't try to protect the careless workers." One of the doctors said.

"Fire her then." The familiar tone of the movie star said.

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