Loving My Mate

Clearing Through Emotions

It’s my last day of the conference and I couldn’t be happier.  I decided last night to book a flight a day earlier because I couldn’t take it anymore.  The scent on the pillowcase and t-shirt can only take a girl so far.  Not only was I missing Harrison, but I was missing everyone else and home.  I have gotten a lot of prospects during this time, but I realized that nothing would be worth leaving home like this.  It’s a great opportunity, but my place is with my family.  It’s time to go home.

I am in a taxi heading to the pack house.  The council dinner is in a couple of days, giving me plenty of time to greet everyone and rest up.  I haven’t told a single soul that I would be back, not even Dustin, and I know who the first person I’m going to see.  The taxi took me to my house where I dropped off all my luggage.  I left a note for Sally and Dustin for them not to worry when they see my car is gone.  When I get to the pack house, it’s closer to 8pm.  I’m exhausted and anxious, but none of that will matter once I see him.  I take the stairs two at a time to the second floor, figuring he would still be working.  With the biggest smile plastered on my face I grab the door knob and barge in.

What. The. Actual. f**k.

My smile instantly forms to disbelief as I see the blonde b***h from the Crescent Moon pack, basically naked in a thong, in front of Harrison’s lap.  There pure shock on Harrison’s face, but I’m too busy staring at her.  She smirks.  The b***h actually smirks.  When my eyes start to burn, I turn around out the door I came. 

“BRIGHTON STOP!” I hear shuffling as I slam the door shut, actually breaking the doorknob in the process.  I try to fit it back in, but after it falls to the floor from the banging on the inside, I start backing away.  I hear Harrison screaming for me, but I turn around and start walking down the stairs.  I try to appear calm on the outside, but I know I’m slowly breaking down.  Mark is walking up and I look at him through teary eyes.  His face immediately becomes concerned, but before he can ask, “Just keep him away for a while Mark, I’ll be back for dinner tomorrow.” 

I didn’t’ say anything else as I trotted down the stairs.  As soon as I hit outside, I start to sprint, then  shift into my wolf.  The traction of my paws to the dirt is what I need right now.  Speed, wind, exhaustion to get my thoughts right.  Slowing down my emotions is the only way I can process things before I blow them up out of proportion. 

Running faster and faster, I run through the trails and up to the pike.  This same peak I’ve come to many times to deal with my issues.  A place to clear my head.  When I finally get to the peak, I climb the boulder and shift back to my human form.  I look over the moon kissed tree tops.  The night air is chilly, but nothing abrasive.  The wind blows my hair across my face and I force the tears to stop.  Inhale.  Exhale.

The thing is, I know nothing happened.  If Harrison really cheated on me in any shape or form, I would have felt it, even before I went up to the office.  I know he had a reputation, but he has my full trust, and has never given me reason to think otherwise.  No, I’m upset with myself….

I remember the night we all had dinner together.  Seeing her there, beautiful, regal, born into that world… she looked like she belonged there with him.  But that would just be a picture.  There would be no truth there.  I am Harrison’s mate for a reason.  I need to believe in myself that when I’m in the presence of others, no one would dare to question my role for him, to be with him. 

 I can’t allow my self consciousness to rule my decisions as future luna.  I need to learn how to live in the moment, to choose the right actions and make sound decisions.  Throughout my life, I’ve had to deal with not being able to feel good enough, or up to par, but when I’m with Harrison, most of those doubts go away. 

I hear him howling in the distance.  I know Harrison wants to talk with me, fearing the worst, but he has nothing to be worried about.  I hope Mark is able to keep him occupied- I really need this time to myself. 

I sit on that boulder for hours, thinking about my life here at Opus Moon, all of the mental struggles I have pulled myself through, and all the strength I can give to my mate.  I know with the support and love I have from my friends, my chosen family, and my mate, I don’t have to feel so unworthy.  I stand up and shift back into my wolf form for the trek home.  I know my purpose, and it’s time to finally let my wolf shine as she was always meant to do.

HARRISON POV

Brighton comes home tomorrow and I am f*****g stoked.  My surprise that I’ve been working the whole time she’s been gone was completed today and I know she’s going to love it.  Nathan and his family came to our territory a day early for the council dinner/meeting, and needless to say, Tara has been trying to get me alone all day.  I’ve had Mark and mom intercept her and now I’ve locked myself inside my office.  It’s almost 8pm, and it’s weird that I haven’t heard from Brighton yet.  We’ve talked almost every night since she’s been gone.  I know it’s hard for her to be away from home, but I’m glad she got to experience this.  I hope she didn’t love it too much, because I will have some serious withdrawals with her gone on monthly excursions like this.  But whatever her dream, I will support it. 

A knock on my door gets me out of my thoughts. “Enter.”  

I see Tara poke her head in and I do absolutely nothing to hide my eye roll.  “Hey there mister.” Gah, she has such an annoying voice.  “Someone seems to be trying to avoid me all day… now why would you wanna do that sexy?” 

“Tara, get out.  I have a mate, and I’m not interested.  Please leave.” 

“Just because you have a mate doesn’t mean s**t Harris.  It was not even three months ago when you fuc—” 

“Since I have to put you in your place I will.” I say dangerously low.  “You will address me as Alpha Harrison.  You will refrain from these useless attempts to seduce me, because it’s not happening.  You will also watch your tongue when talking about my mate.   Is that clear, Tara of the Crescent Moon Pack?” 

She’s glaring daggers at me as if I give a s**t.  She goes towards the door and opens it to exit as I go back to my computer.  The next thing I know that’s going on is having this crazy ass chick stripping out of her dress in my office.  “What the fu---”  I go to stand up to open the door, but she rushes to push me down in my chair.  Before I can even blink, my office door bursts open with a smiling Brighton, which turned into a horrified Brighton. 

All of us are silent for a second, Brighton staring at Tara with watery eyes.  When I see her turn around, I snap out of my trance.   “BRIGHTON STOP!” 

Tara grabs my arms to hold me back and I push her hard into the wall that it leaves a dent, knocking her out cold.  I don’t give a s**t.  The door slams hard and I hear something break.  When I get to the door, I try to open it, but it won’t budge.  I pound on the door calling out her name.  Right before I ram my body into the door to knock it down, I hear juggling on the other side.  The door comes open and I leap through, only to be stopped by Mark and my dad, holding me back. 

“GET OFF ME NOW!”  I’m clawing up their backs by the sounds of their shirts ripping,  then they somehow lift me up and throw me down on the floor, landing me square on my back.  It hurt like a b***h. 

“She said she wants time, and you’re gonna give it to her,” Mark says coldly with his arms crossed, assessing the office, his eyes landing on the naked b***h in the room.  My dad is eyeing the same thing and is looking at me with disgust.  I quickly get on my feet and into his face. 

“Don’t you dare think I did something with that b***h!  I could NEVER do that to Brighton, and you f*****g know it!”  I’m heaving deep breaths into my lungs.  I didn’t realize I had a tear go down my face, knowing what Brighton thinks I did.  I tried contacting her, but she closed off her mind link.   I try to barge past my dad again, but he won’t budge.  I try over and over again, even resulting in hitting him- not giving him my best shots, but I’m hurt, knowing she’s hurting. 

He grabs me in a bear hug as the emotions are running through me.  “Please dad…. please let me go.” I say defeated.  My voice is cracked and I’m about to break. 

“Mark, get that shewolf out of this office.  Come back with the ’47 scotch from my liquor cabinet,” he says and looks back and me.  “… and the ‘46.” 

When the door closes, he pushes me at arms length, hands on my shoulder, and stares me in the eyes.  “Don’t lie to me,” he says sternly.  I scowl at him, push his arms off and go to sit my chair.  I run my hands through my hair and take a breath before I beat my old man’s ass.  “No, I didn’t f*****g cheat on Brighton.  That stupid b***h came out of nowhere, took off her damn clothes, and pushed me into my chair, right before she popped in.”  Her smiling face fading from what she saw is all I can see.  She came home a day early to surprise everyone.  To surprise me. 

I take a glass and hurl it at the wall where I pushed Tara into.  If she causes anything to happen with Brighton and I, I will call for her blood.  She will be dealt with.  My dad sits on a chair and Mark waltzes in with two bottles and threes glasses.  “I placed her majesty ever so gracefully in front of her parent’s room.  I didn’t knock on the door… didn’t want to be rude,” he says with a shrug.  He sets out the glasses and my dad pours the drinks in, obviously filling mine up a lot more.  I don’t want to drink.  I want to see Brighton.

As if reading my thoughts, Mark states, “She said she wanted time, and she’ll be back for dinner tomorrow.  Don’t stress out too much man.  If she was able to state that much, she was in a good state of mind.”

“Brighton knows you didn’t do anything, if you truly didn’t do anything,” my dad says looking into his glass.  “She knows she would have felt the pain of betrayal if you did.  She’s a smart girl.”

“Then why is she not here with me, instead away from me?!” I yell out, then down half my glass.  “Why did she run- tell me that dad…. Mark?  No, you don’t have an answer, so get off my damn back!”

“Only Brighton can give you that answer when she’s ready, but you’ll have to listen to her..... and don’t be an ass about it.”

I swirl my drink around then down the rest of the contents.  We sit there for an hour in silence, dad filling up glasses when they empty.  When I’m good and numb, I stand up, needing some fresh air.  Mark and dad stand as well as if they are going to clothesline me if I try to get through the door. 

“I won’t go looking for her.  I just want out.  Mark, in the morning, send staff in here to clean up this mess.”  I know I look defeated, and it’s because I am.  My dad walks me through the front door and we look up to the cloudless sky.  He puts and arm around my shoulder without looking up to me.  “You’ll get her back son.  She loves you just as much, if not more than you love her.” 

With that, he pats my back and heads inside.  I walk to the back part of the pack house and take off my clothes then shift into my wolf.  I walk around the territory for an hour, missing my mate.  I arrive at the Glade, with the moons glow on the pond, crickets chirping, and lightning bugs flashing through the forest.  I howl at the darkened sky, hoping the sound will reach her, to let her feel how I feel without her.