Alpha's Spoiled Princess - Burgov Series VI

19. Cilia

Last night's dinner was exhausting. Maybe for all the days to come I could ask Lettie to organize a banquet with dancing and music. This way, I would at least be able to get a moment of break from four very intense men, even if only for a second.

I was secretly glad when the dessert was served, announcing the dinner was almost over. But it turned out to be a torturous few more minutes during which my suitors started shouting their questions one right over the other, just to get a bit more of my attention.

That made me feel like a slab of juicy meat the dogs were fighting over, and I wasn't particularly fond of that feeling.

But I guess the dinner brought me some clarity in my situation. I learned that it would be next to impossible to spend a lifetime with Alpha Galloway. His flirtations were crudish and at times made me feel awkward and embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with a handsome man showing you affection. But from my partner I would expect to know the time and place for it. And wiggling his brows and suggestively licking his lips at an official function such as this dinner with my parents wasn't acceptable behavior.

Alpha Schwerin, on the other hand, was Galloway's complete contradiction. He was overly proper and his stiff behavior and only socially acceptable topics he brought up made me think that had I chosen him, my life wouldn't be much different from that in Dark Woods, full of rules and ridiculous etiquette, I would have to follow. And I don't see the point in sentencing myself for all the same of what I've been trying to run away from.

Alpha Enberg seemed different, more gentle than the rest, but it was probably the aftermath of the loss of his first Luna. He gave an impression that all he was looking for was a companion able to be of help in leading his pack. I know that with him I would be respected and have a certain freedom to do as I please. But even though I truly feel for him, I have a suspicion that he wouldn't be able to commit his heart to this relationship. Grief tends to make your heart more guarded and I won't lie that passion is just as important to me as all the other aspects.

And then there's Sean. He really proved to be the best candidate. Thanks to his upbringing and frequent visits to my homeland, he knows the etiquette like the back of his hand. He can behave himself in social gatherings without putting an Orlov's good name in jeopardy. He proved to be very thoughtful, and even if he wasn't already part of the family, yesterday's gifts would have bought him affection from my parents and brother. He wasn't smothering me with the most ridiculous questions. Actually, he barely joined the conversation, but when he did, he made sure to uncover something about me that he didn't know by now. Doing exactly what this dinner was for.

He would have been without a doubt my top candidate. But just like with Alpha Enberg, my broken heart is extremely guarded and I'm afraid to risk its injury once more.

I sighed, looking at the carvings on my ceiling. Today I will most likely sport huge bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep, but how could I not? The dilemma I threw myself into kept me up all through the night thinking, assessing and deciding my next moves.

I couldn't either choose a lustful partner, who I would most likely end up avoiding. The one that would make my life look the same as it does now. The one with whom I would have most of the things I was looking for, but love. And the one who is perfect for me, but who has already not once but twice shattered my heart and trust.

That's what I think the Americans call a pickle.

I sighed once again and looked at the heavy, closed curtains and I forced myself to go to the window. It was still dark outside, the sun would rise in about forty minutes or so, yet I don't think sleep was on the cards for me.

Yesterday's lunch and my conversation with Maddox popped into my head, and visiting my old spot sounded very promising. This room with its echo felt as if all my thoughts and doubts were swirling around me over and over again, pushing me to the verge of insanity. I could use the peace and quiet of the wilderness, something simple to take my mind off the four men I forced myself to choose from.

Making a quick decision, I undressed from my nightgown and threw a heavy winter robe on my shoulders and left my bedroom. I tiptoed through the corridors trying to catch as little prying eyes as I could, but a few bustling servants noticed me either way. Igor would know about my run first thing after he woke up, but I didn't care at that point.

I went to the garden and shifted into my wolf form, a jet-black terrifying creature with eyes as cold as ice, a beast that looked exactly like my brother's in everything but its size. My she-wolf was big, even for an Alpha female, but I was still smaller and more slender than Igor was. But at least that made me extremely fast.

So I darted through the gardens, heading north, where the village ended and the hunting terrain were. This was a part of the land that was uncultivated and almost untouched by a man's hand, if one didn't count a few trodden paths in the woodsy area.

The route to my favorite spot, by the shallow riverbank, took me about twenty minutes. It was this amazing clearing with trees on each side and a stream slicing it in the middle. I found a patch of taller grass and I laid behind it, hiding my presence from any wildlife that could come to have a drink of cool water, yet giving me a perfect view of the area.

I already felt better. The birds chirping and a calming murmure of the river splashing on the rocks were enough to make my heart race more evenly. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the soft gust of wind ruffling my fur. That's what freedom feels like.

My animal counterpart huffed in agreement right before she caught a whiff of another animal. I lowered my head and peeked through the grass blades at the river. Tentatively, from among the trees, a small herd of caribou stepped into the clearing. Five adults, with the biggest stag keeping a watchful eye on his surroundings, and two calves.

The little ones immediately started running through the shallow water, splashing it around in their shenanigans.

That picture brought a bit of nostalgia, because I actually started envying the damn caribous. I realized that I wish there was a time in my life when I could have been as carefree as those calves, just having fun with no fear or rules hovering over my head. To be able to run around the ice-cold water and just have fun, not carrying over who might see me and what they might think.

But I never had that.

Ever since I can remember, I have been molded by my parents or nanny into the shape of a perfect woman, an Orlov princess, and I don't think either one of them ever realized that, because of that, I never had a real childhood.

But I can't turn back time. However, what I can do is make sure that my own pups have everything I did not. A proper childhood, free reign to laugh and smile whenever they feel like it, an opportunity to be themselves always. That would be a nice picture.

I was snapped from my daydreaming when the caribou stag raised his head and started frantically looking around, without a doubt sensing some kind of danger close by.

It was impossible for him to sense me, since I hadn't made a move since I came, and I purposefully chose the spot on the leeward side. But something must have spooked him.

I started sniffing myself, wishing at that moment to have senses as sharp as Ellie, but my eyes caught up with the threat way faster than my other senses, when an enormous dark brown wolf emerged from the treeline, running straight for the herd, making them dash in all possible directions.

That fucker was hunting them!

I didn't think twice before abandoning my hiding spot in the tall grass, and I chased after what unmistakably was an Alpha wolf. I was so furious trying to protect the defenseless calves that I hadn't even given much thought to who the wolf was. But when I caught up with him, thanks to my outstanding speed, and tackled him to the ground before he could harm any of the caribou, pressing my front paws to his throat and towering over him, I had an idea of who that was. I snarled at the brown wolf but its warm amber eyes were so familiar that even before he shifted back I knew it was Sean. And yes, he did shift back with a smile on his face for some reason.

I growled seeing his grin, but it only made him chuckle.

"I wasn't about to hurt your friends, I just wanted to lure you out of your hiding spot." - he explained himself, but the question of how the hell he knew I was here popped into my head, making me c**k my head to the side. - "I caught a whiff of your scent, but I couldn't find you anywhere, so I assumed you were watching the animals from somewhere." - he explained further.

That I was, but the idea he scared those poor animals just to find me angered me and I growled again, baring my canines.

"I yield, don't bite." - he chuckled, not even fighting me, or trying to shove me off of him. - "Maybe shift back so we could actually talk?" - Sean suggested with that damn lopsided smile.

The bastard knew that once I shifted back I would be naked like the day I was born and he clearly found it quite amusing.

I snarled at his ridiculous idea and I got off of him, turning on my heel and trotting away from him and his impertinent ideas.

Sean quickly caught up with me, still in his human form, and it took everything in me to not glance at his southern regions, which, may I add, hasn't lost much of its size even on a cold April's morning.

"Is it weird that during all the years I've known you I've never seen your wolf?" - he asked, and I glanced at him in passing before focusing back on the path before me. - "You're beautiful."

The brief movement of my ears was the only outside indication I heard him, but on the inside my heart skipped a beat. I guess I'm a sucker for his compliments.

In my peripheral vision, I noticed his hand reaching for my shiny black fur, but before he could touch me, I hit his palm with my snout in a warning.

"Feisty as ever." - he chuckled again, but thankfully got the message and didn't try touching me again. - "Since I'm already here, how about a run?"

I locked eyes with him, and huffed with exasperation.

"I bet you're scared you won't be able to keep up with me." - he said smugly, and partially to get rid of him and partially to prove him wrong, I started running. Not at my full speed, but fast enough to leave him behind.

It made me extremely satisfied that I rubbed his nose and I didn't slow down for even a second, deciding to lose him and visit my second favorite spot.

But as I was sprinting away, something pushed me to look behind at where he was supposed to be. Yet he wasn't there.

There was no sign of him and no sound other than my own panting and paws hitting the soil. That left me cautiously looking around, and panicking a little when I hadn't spotted him.

Where the heck did he go?

Was it possible that he got the message so fast and he backed down, leaving me to my solitary run? Well, it was possible, but at the same time hard to believe.

I trotted closer to the riverbank, deciding to take a few sips of the magnificent cold water, while my ears stayed alerted to the sounds surrounding me. But aside from normal sounds of wilderness, there was nothing, and definitely no sign of Sean.

I stopped drinking and looked around one last time, feeling somewhat disappointed that he gave up so fast. I know, I know, my feelings completely contradict what I showed him, but sometimes a girl just wants to be chased for the fun of that and maybe that tiny bust of ego it bought.

Oh well. At least he learned to listen.

I licked my snout from the water and started heading back home. Sean officially ruined my time with watching caribou, so there's nothing here for me except for silence that makes the thoughts in my head even louder. But this time I was in absolutely no rush, so I decided to walk instead of running, enjoying my homeland probably for one of the last times before I would be set to leave with the winner.

Ah yes, the winner… I still haven't figured out what to do about those four. Had I believed in signs from the Goddess, I would have probably pegged the meet-cute I just encountered as a signal from above that he was the answer to all of my prayers.

But unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I still think he should prove himself, or at the very least assure me that by choosing him and giving us another chance, I wasn't on a straight path to crying for another four months. Yes, I still got the time to decide, although him having lost one competition already makes things more difficult. Maybe I should make sure…

Ugh!

It all happened so fast that I didn't have the time to react. One second I was walking back home, minding my own business and the next second I was pinned to the ground, by a way heavier wolf, with my head throbbing like crazy and vulnerable whimpers coming out of my throat.

I involuntarily shifted back, moaning in pain, and closing my eyes when I started seeing double.

The weight on my chest got a little lighter and, instead of thick fur, I felt a hot, hard body pressed against me.

"s**t! Cilia, I'm so sorry! I thought we were still playing and that you were well aware of my presence." - Sean said apologetically, yet I was too preoccupied with writhing in pain on the forest floor. - "Where does it hurt? Can I see?"

His calloused hand started surprisingly gently checking my head and arms for any sort of injuries and I must admit that the sparks alone helped a lot with my headache.

"f**k, you fell head first on the rock." - he said in panic. - "Can you open your eyes? Are you nauseated? Do you think you have a concussion? Can you open your eyes and tell how many fingers I'm holding up?" - he kept on asking frantically and, by the higher tone of his usually calm baritone, I knew he was sincere, a bit like an overprotective mother hen, but still sincere, and witnessing him that way, I started giggling against my better judgment and I opened my eyes to see his handsome face right above mine with the most scared expression anyone ever saw on always collected Sean Maslow.

"Are you messing with me? Are you actually okay?" - he asked, frowning.

"No, my head really hurts. I think I'm gonna have a massive bump, but other than that I should be fine." - I said.

He gently pressed his forehead against mine and released a hot breath of relief.

"You scared me. I'm sorry, Cilia, that wasn't my intention. But I guess only I can harm the woman I'm wooing." - he murmured.

"Yes, that wasn't the smoothest way to pick a girl up." - I admitted with a smile, gaining some clarity back thanks to the fast healing.

Sean raised his head and looked into my eyes with a wolfish smile.

"Maybe, but I still got you naked under me." - he pointed out, making fun of the situation just as I did.

"You sure do, but which one of you should I pick?" - I grinned, switching my sight line from right to left as if I was really seeing double, which I no longer did.

He immediately stopped smiling and looked at me with the utmost concern, losing a bit of his color when blood started draining from his face. I could help myself, and I started laughing, betraying I was just messing with him.

"You are a cruel, cruel woman." - he said with his dark brows knitted tightly, but that lopsided smirk present.

I shrugged and did my best to smile smugly.

"That's what you get for attacking women."

"I wasn't attacking…" - he started explaining himself, but with every word my smile grew bigger and bigger. Seeing him like this, so taken aback and truly scared, made the bump on my head totally worth it. - "You are gonna be the death of me." - he said instead, seeing right through me.

"I do what I can." - I said slyly.

He smiled right back at me, feeling the situation got lighter and definitely not life-threatening. But soon his gaze started becoming more heated than merry and I reminded myself of the awkward position we were in. Both naked, with him on top of me, and I swallowed hard.

Sean brushed his nose against mine and my breath caught up in my throat. He slowly kissed the corner of my mouth carefully watching my reaction and when I didn't make a move to stop him or turn away, his lips tenderly captured mine, making my stomach flip. With each second the kiss grew hotter, deeper and more possessive, until he was tongue deep in my throat, muffling my moans.

My legs got wrapped around his waist and I felt his hardness poking at my entrance, yet he hadn't made the last move to breach my folds. He restrained himself to slowly rubbing my slit, sending a pleasurable wave with his every move.

It was so long since a man touched me this way, and this exact man was my last. It felt like my body missed him dearly and I secretly wanted him to make love to me, even here, on a dirty forest floor with my head slightly throbbing. But he didn't.

He was so close, yet so far away, keeping the appropriate distance, or maybe not exactly the distance, but not making the final step. It was both perfect and excruciatingly torturous.

His lips descended from my lips to my neck, which he cherished with soft pecks, making me arch my back to be even closer to him.

"You have no idea how I've missed you." - he murmured husky against my skin. - "I never stopped looking for you, and I promised myself that when I finally found you I would tie you up to my bed and never let go. You possessed me."

His words both shocked and excited me. I never knew he cared deeply enough to search for me. And the prospect of his bed wasn't that awful with his lips caressing my skin and his hard c**k rubbing slowly against my wet slit.

There was no denying that I wanted him just as much. But was there more for him than just lust?

As if hearing what was in my head, he kissed my neck one last time and lifted his head to look into my eyes.

"I want to take care of you. Let me carry you back home." - he said.

I had no idea if he only meant now and care for my mild injury, or the rest of our lives. Something in his tone made me think it could be both. But either way, I had to decline.

"You can't. We can't be seen together outside of official parts of the tournament."

He huffed in exasperation, but nodded, understanding and accepting my wish.

"Let me at least trail after you, in case you need help. I'll stay at a safe distance when we reach the village, but you're not walking alone through the wilderness."

My lips slightly curled up and I nodded. That was actually very sweet of him.

He helped me up to a sitting position, carefully inspecting my head one more time, before locking eyes with me again.

"Would you be able to shift?" - he asked.

"I think so." - I admitted, nodding.

Pushing my wolf to the front, I shifted with ease and Sean followed suit, with his big dark brown wolf nuzzling my side affectionately.

We started walking side by side, with him constantly glancing my way and checking whether I was alright and staying close enough that I could lean into him had I needed to.

It was very comforting. And it made me think if that's how my life would look if I ended up with him. He wasn't a man of many words, but he sure could show affection in gestures and respectful boundaries. He simply honored my wishes and left the decision to me, clearly showing he was ready to take whatever I would be willing to offer. And wasn't that exactly what I wanted from him?

Sure, professing his undying love for me would be better, but something tells me those words come hard for him. Besides, aren't the actions speaking louder?

At the edge of the forest that bordered Pack House's gardens, Sean nuzzled me one last time, stopping in his tracks and pointing with his snout for me to go ahead. I left him being sure that he was watching over me as I crossed the short distance to the palace. I looked over my shoulder a few times and, even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was there.

I finally reached the spot where I left my robe, quickly shifted and put it on, and then I entered the palace.

I should have gone to my room and started to get ready for today's task, but instead, I went to my brother's office, hoping to find him there.

I swung the door open without knocking, only to find Igor lying on the carpet, holding Rodin above his head as if my nephew was flying. Both were laughing and it was such a bizarre picture that I equally wanted exactly that for myself and it made me realize I didn't really know what was hidden in my twin's heart. It is true that not everything is as it seems, and there often can be more than meets the eye.

That realization only made me more sure of my decision, and when my brother turned a questioning look my way, I smiled and went to sit on the floor with him and his son.

"You know, you should share him, since I'm basically the other half of you." - I said teasingly to Igor, who snorted, looking amused. - "So why don't I get him for the night for a little autie-nephew quality time?"

"Sounds good, but I have a feeling you want something in return." - Igor answered.

"How do you know?"

"Like you said, you're my other half." - he said, nudging me with his shoulder.

"Okay, fair." - I agreed - "I will take all the nights with this handsome fella, if you agree to change today's task." - I offered.

Igor smiled victoriously, knowing he read me well, and he nodded.

"I'm all ears, sister."