Alpha's Spoiled Princess - Burgov Series VI

15. Cilia

"Which one do you prefer, black or golden?" - Letitia asked, standing in front of two gowns I was hesitant about.

"I don't really care." - I said absent-mindedly, truly having a bit more pressing matters on my mind.

Igor's words made themselves at home in my head. Was he serious when he said all this? Was it possible that I was so wrong about his intentions all this time?

I sat by my vanity and kept on replaying each of our arguments in my head. The ones we had during our vacation in the States that drove me to spend more time with my cousins and see on their example how much my life was lacking.

The one on the day of his ascension, when, with a stoic smile, that I took for mocking, he informed me that I would always be part of this Pack as his sister. I thought he was making fun of me. But what if he wasn't?

Even the argument that pushed me to go on my journey. He accused me of stealing Letitia's attention from him. I thought he was a jealous bastard, who wanted to take away even the only friend I had in this place. But now I think he might have wanted me to look for my own mate. To find the same happiness he did.

Was it possible that through all those years he had my best interest at heart?

I hadn't even noticed when Lettie approached me, until she rested her hands on my shoulders.

"Talk to me, Reinita." - she said, smiling at me through the reflection.

"Was my brother telling the truth?" - I asked.

Lettie smiled at me and nodded.

"I think so. Although he's sometimes a mystery even to me, I know he loves you. If you had just seen him when you were away." - she shook her head with a small smile. - "He was beyond himself with worry. He wanted you to meet your mate, but at the same time he was terrified when, week after week, nothing changed."

"Did you know what he was planning for the tournament?" - I asked.

"No." - Lettie shook her head. - "But I'm not surprised. He wouldn't give you just to anyone."

"So you believe him?" - I asked and her dark eyes smiled at me through the mirror.

"With all my heart. The man I love isn't as cold-hearted as everyone thinks he is." - she said, squeezing my shoulders one last time before turning back to the two gowns. - "So which one? Black or golden?"

"I think black." - Lettie arched her brow at me - "What? It matches my mood better."

She giggled and shook her head.

"Maybe it's for the best, that way the golden one will be for the grand finale." - she said thoughtfully.

Yes, because it has nothing to do with me feeling more like mourning than being festive today.

Lettie helped me get ready. She was patient and understanding, taking on herself ordering the team of stylists to fuss over me so that I wouldn't have to. She was a saint like that, she knew that even in my tight schedule I needed a moment alone with my own thoughts. And man, I indeed zoned out, slightly surprised when they were done.

Thoughts of Igor, Sean and the tournament left me blind to when the hairdresser curled and pinned my hair in an elegant low bun. Or when the makeup artist left me with the most amazing smokey eyes and deep red lips. I looked great, at least on the outside. On the inside, however, I didn't know what I was doing anymore.

The women left once I was already in my gown, ready to go downstairs. But I had one more thing I wanted to know from Lettie.

"What do you think Igor did with Sean after we left?" - I asked.

"I don't know. Hopefully he broke his legs and hid his body somewhere deep in the forest." - she said with a melodic giggle, that I hadn't joined in. - "Why do you ask, Cilia?"

"Just curious."

"You're wondering if you have misunderstood him too, aren't you?" - Lettie asked, and without even getting any answers from me she sighed and shook her head. - "He will probably be at the ball, you can ask him about his side of the story. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Yeah, I guess." - I muttered - "But I'm not sure if you had noticed it, but Orlovs aren't that great at admitting to their mistakes."

Lettie released a lovely laugh that sounded like spring rain.

"Oh, I know. Yesterday, when I asked Rodin who did the poo-poo in the diaper, he pointed at the poor Omega standing nearby. I thought she would faint from fear." - she said, making us both laugh. - "But you know there always has to be a precursor who starts a new trend."

"So you think I should hear him out?" - I asked.

"I think it's your life. And however you steer it, make sure not to regret anything."

I nodded, just in time a knock was heard on the door and my brother poked his head in, with a tentative, wary smile.

"How are my girls? Ready? Need another minute or two?" - he asked, and I just couldn't look away from him.

My only brother. My twin. The younger version of me, who I thought was the bane of my existence.

But do I know him at all?

Igor seems pretty well oriented in me and my feelings, providing earlier today that I'm as easy to read for him as an open book. He seems to know my deepest secrets, the despair of my life, yet he never let that on. He left me believing I hid my emotions well. But did I really?

I guess not.

And what's more disturbing, I didn't have the slightest idea what rested behind the mask he wore everyday.

"Lettie, would you give us a second?" - I asked my sister-in-law and, after a questioning look at her mate, she left my suite to wait outside.

Igor watched me without making any move or uttering a word. He didn't know what I wanted from him, and that must be killing him. So I decided to cut short his torment.

"How is it that you know me so well?" - I asked without sugar-coating, and he seemed visibly relaxed about my thoughts going that way.

He crossed the room and sat in front of me, dropping the smirk, dropping the unbothered facade and showing me a tired young man underneath.

"Because I feel the same way." - those must've been the first true words I heard from him in years.

"Then why? Why would you go through with becoming Alpha? Why not start over somewhere else and say f**k you to this place?" - I asked.

"Because Dark Woods is a lot more than just a pack. We are the reason why there is peace in the region. Why hasn't our species jumped at one another's throats yet. The world needs villains, they need something to be afraid of in order to stay in line. And we, the Orlovs, have been just that for generations."

"I never thought of that this way." - I said.

"Believe it or not, you were the sheltered one." - he chuckled.

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"No. At least not so much since I found Lettie." - he shrugged - "With her by my side the burden feels lighter."

"What about Rodin? You're sentencing him to the same fate. That can't be fair to this small, lovable baby."

"Cilia." - he said with a sigh - "Our lives are far from being easy, but I have twenty or so years to prepare him for it, just like Dad prepared me. Maybe even better." - I snorted - "Yes, it's not as easy as our cousins' lives, but someone has to do it. And this time Alpha Orlov won't be alone. I have every intention of keeping a close relationship with Alejandro, because I know my son will need his cousins, just like we need ours. They keep us grounded. Family is an anchor that helps with the biggest s**t storms." - I nodded, finally starting to see his point - "But this is my destiny, yours is with one of the men waiting for you downstairs."

My eyes met his, and without even me asking, he chuckled and shook his head.

"No, I haven't killed him. I was tempted to, but I didn't." - he said with a smirk, which I reciprocated.

"Would you if I asked you to?"

"Reluctantly, but yes." - he answered, more amused than truly threatening.

"Good. I'll keep that in mind." - I said, standing up from my vanity and straightening my gown. - "How do I look?"

Igor groaned and rolled his eyes.

"No. That's where I draw the line. I may stop being an asshole to you in private, but I'm not complimenting you. That's just disgusting." - I giggled, covering my lips, as Igor extended his arm to me. - "Shall we?"

We fetched Lettie from the hall and all three of us went to the grand room, where the ball had already started. The calm tunes of the orchestra were heard from far away. We entered the room, and even before the footman announced our arrival my eyes met Sean's. He looked like he was watching the door especially for this moment to arise.

He nodded at me, just once, and like a silly teenage girl I was still inside, I looked away from him. I wasn't ready for any interaction just yet, even though before this night was over I knew I would have to face him.

Surprisingly, he stayed back, when all the other suitors, one right after the other, flocked around me, demanding even a second of my time.

Alpha Galloway was the first one to swoop me on the dance floor. His moves were in perfect sync with his wild appearance. He was definitely the life of the party, and from the brief conversation we had between pirouettes I gathered his home was a rather merry one. He told me about his sister and a younger brother and how they wanted to come with him, but he knew they would only try to embarrass him.

All and all, I liked him. He felt honest and laughed so sincerely that it almost felt infectious. His accent was at times hard to follow, but in all honesty, the Scottish Alpha had that rugged, unpolished, easy charm surrounding him. I could definitely do a lot worse than him.

As soon as Alpha Galloway released me, I fell right into the clutches of Alpha Schwerin. It seems I won't be getting even a moment of break or a glass of champagne for that matter.

The Austrian leader was less prone to making jokes than the previous suitor. He was more level-headed, well-spoken and with impeccable manners. Instead of wooing me with the picture of his home, he turned more into a listener, asking me what I sought in my future mate and future home.

It was actually surprising that he even chose this approach. Normally, I would suspect all the suitors bid one over the other on how great their packs are and how much I would be gaining entering their families. But Alpha Schwerin took me by surprise. He wanted to know where my head was at, and he respected my opinion.

That's why I returned the favor by holding the entire conversation in German, and now that I think about, it was a bit rusty. But nevertheless, I got only praises from my dance partner, who was clearly impressed.

He seems to be the kind of man who wouldn't shun from including his Luna in day-to-day business and Pack's life. I got a feeling he was looking for a true partner in every sense of the word, and I could definitely work with that.

Alpha Enberg, however, was a mystery. He was quiet for most of our dance together, letting the rhythm speak for itself.

But when the music came to a stop, he showed me unusual thoughtfulness, by escorting me to the buffet and making sure I got something to eat and drink to sustain myself for the evening.

It was at that table where I got to know that he already had his Luna, and he lost her. Why, I wasn't sure, and it felt wrong to interrogate him. But he mentions he has a two-year-old daughter from that union, a little girl who clearly was an apple of her Daddy's eye. There was something very caring about this quiet man, something that almost pushed me to wrap my arms around him and assure him that everything would be fine. But I didn't.

The amount of honesty he poured on me must've cost him a lot, and I didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable. Especially after Igor warned me how men with a little bit more attention might end up.

After Alpha Enberg left my side, I was expecting Sean to swoop in and steal me away. But he didn't.

Actually, I started wondering where he went, because as I danced with Igor and then with Lalo and my father, he was nowhere to be seen.

I was completely on edge. Feeling like a lonely doe wandering around a dark forest just asking to be attacked by a vicious predator. But the attack never came.

And that's why, after another dance, I slipped out of the ballroom to give my feet some so much needed rest on the balcony.

I managed to sit on a marble bench, and take one of my heels off, when from the dark corner came a voice.

"Are you having fun?"

I froze, immediately recognizing Sean. I looked to the side where he was leaning against the unlit railing.

"I am." - I nodded, deciding that massaging my feet was more important than keeping appearances in front of him, and I took my foot, kneading it to make the soreness go away.

"Good, you deserve it." - he said, pushing off the railing and coming closer.

"I deserve a moment of fun before you mark me and steal me away?" - I asked mockingly, arching my brow.

The bastard only chuckled at that, sitting on the same bench, but at a respectful distance.

"No. You made it quite clear you wouldn't want it that way." - he said.

"That's right, I don't." - I confirmed with a nod. - "Then what are you doing here, Sran?"

"Catching some air." - he answered with a grin.

"I don't mean the balcony." - I rolled my eyes. - "I told you we weren't going to work. So why are you participating in the tournament?"

He watched me with an unreadable look in his eyes. It felt like there was a lot he wanted to say, but for some reason he didn't.

Instead, he looked ahead to the ballroom, purposely avoiding my gaze.

"Because you're still my responsibility, Cilia." - I opened my mouth to object, but he silenced me with his finger pressing to my lips. - "Before you start arguing, and I know you want to, let me finish." - I nodded, and he took his finger away, making my lips feel cold from the lack of his touch. - "I still think you're making a mistake with this whole tournament, but it's your life, and no one will live it for you. But think of me as your safety net."

"What, you want me to choose you because you're my mate? A familiar guy I have already slept with, so there will be no surprises?" - I scoffed.

"Well, all of that is true. But that's not what I meant." - I arched my brow awaiting his further explanation. - "I will never force you into anything. So if you feel like all of this is getting out of hand, and I'm pretty sure there will come a time like this, choose me, and if that will be your decision, you can reject me after and be free."

My eyebrows shot up.

"And you want me to believe that when you're the winner with your official right to my hand, you will let me go, just like that?" - I asked in disbelief.

"If that will be your choice, then yes. I can even place a pinky promise on that. And my sister claims it's the highest of promises." - he said with a lop-sided smile to lighten up the mood. And to my utter dismay, he succeeded, because I snorted even against myself.

My stupid heart still fluttered for him. Now, even more than before, making me forget all the vile words he had said.

Sitting on this damn bench and seeing him in his well-fitted tux, I could almost forget about our unfortunate history together. Almost.

But maybe, given the opportunity, I should hear him out.

"Have fun, Cilia. I'll see you tomorrow." - he said, standing up from the bench, as if he knew I was about to ask him something else, and he disappeared into the ballroom.

I sat on that damn bench completely speechless, no, dumbstruck, that's a better description of my state. I needed a couple of minutes to gather my thoughts and my composure, that shattered to pieces, but when I finally returned to the ballroom Sean was nowhere to be seen.

I was thrown into another round of meaningless dances and conversations that I participated just half-heartedly in.

Damn Sean once again played with my mind. The stupid bond and my childhood crush that seemed to still be going strong, were playing tricks on me.

He thought that with those warm eyes and smooth voice I would fall at his feet once again?

Never!

He's just an evil man, who twists everything that's good and pure in my life. But I won't let him. I refuse to give him even more power over my life than he already has.

The clock in the hall struck 1am when I finally freed myself from the attention of my contestants and started heading towards my suite.

I kicked off my heels as soon as I entered, and I fought a moment with my gown before it dropped to the ground by my feet. Right away I went to take a shower and wash off myself this eventful day.

Sean's words were still going loud on repeat in my head. Was he seriously thinking I would believe that?

I wrapped my bathrobe around myself, tying the knot angrily before I returned to my bedroom. But as I got near to my bed I stopped in my tracks.

Someone was here. At least a single blue rose on my pillow indicates as much.

I looked around, but I was alone. The intruder was long gone.

I slowly reached for the flower and brought it to my nose, smelling its sweet scent, before checking the card attached to it.

'I can be whatever you want me to be, even if it's just your easy way out. - S.'

Goddammit!

Why is he making everything so hard?!