Alpha's Spoiled Princess - Burgov Series VI

3. Cilia

Six years ago

Christmas at Harvest Moon has always been one of the things I looked forward to. It was unbelievably comforting to sit around the crowded table where everyone shouts one right above the other, throwing countless jokes and not having a care in the world about who's who and who should get the first scoop of turkey. That was so vastly different from when we stayed at home in our small circle of ten, that I wanted to cry each time we were readying to go back home.

But I'm Orlov. Not Burgov. Not VanWoert. But Orlov. My place is in the Dark Woods.

However, I tried to make the most of each trip. Especially as I knew he would be there.

I love each and everyone of my cousins. They are all unique and each holds a special place in my heart. But the brooding, quiet Sean always seemed the most interesting out of the crowd that, with each passing year, got bigger and bigger. Not to mention how nice he was to me.

He was the reason why Orson's childish tortures came to a stop. He was the one that always acknowledged your presence, even if only with just a small smile. He was always polite and simply nice. Not to mention that this unspoken mystery hidden behind his warm brown eyes seemed to be pulling you in.

Maybe that was just my imagination, but ever since the day he stood up for me while Igor was belittling me at the age of nine, I started seeing Sean as a knight in shining armor. He was already thirteen, with his wolf present and posture of a growing teenager, not a child like Iggy, so faced with the argument of power, my brother listened. And each time I have seen him since then, my young vulnerable heart fell for him just a little bit more.

Things fueling my crush were usually small, like the respect he showed even the weakest of us. Or how he made sure that his siblings weren't pestering aunt Sasha's dogs too much. Small things that others find insignificant, but I noticed them, and even more, I was becoming more and more sure that behind this aloof demeanor hid a heart of gold. A quality so rare and noble that it set him somewhere between a unicorn and a saint.

And as the years went by, the nice boy started turning into a man, getting more and more handsome every time I saw him and taking over my thoughts one right after the other. I wanted him to like me, to see me as something more than a four years younger relative. And most of all, I wanted to know him.

Meticulously gathered facts about him were like my mantra. I knew his favorite dishes, colors, and the books he read. I even claimed to like them too, even though Orwell wasn't my favorite writer. I picked dresses in his favorite forest green shade so he would compliment me, and I always sat close to him begging for even a scrap of his attention.

And so, the handsome future Alpha became someone I watched from afar, hoping that one day he would look at me with equal heat and longing. He became a perfect and unreachable benchmark to whom I compared all the other boys, who, sadly, never even came close. I know, I know, it's hard to fight with an idolized figment of my imagination, but at the same time I was absolutely okay with it, hoping that he and I were an end game. This would have been perfect, wouldn't it? A childhood crush turned into a deep and meaningful relationship later on. Life couldn't get any better than that.

But the painful wake up call came on that fateful Christmas party when I was just a seventeen-year-old half-wit.

Being old enough to pursue my dreams, I decided to confess my feelings to him. I hoped that somehow he always felt the same, and that maybe, maybe this would be my luckiest day ever.

So I waited patiently for the right moment, when all the parents were good and tipsy, with little to no care about what their kids did, and when I saw Sean standing up from the table and heading to the restroom, I decided to follow. He was already around the corner, when I heard someone else's voice and decided to wait until he was gone. But I had no idea that the conversation I was about to witness would shatter the remnants of my innocence and bury my dreams six feet under.

"Igor, I heard congratulations are in order." - Sean said, making me frown.

What was he talking about? What was he congratulating my brother for? Passing to the next class without Father having to threaten his teacher?

"Shhh, it's still a bit hush-hush." - my brother silenced him.

"Why?"

"Cilia doesn't know yet." - Igor whispered.

My heart skipped a beat. What was he talking about? What did I not know about?

"Really? I don't think anyone should be surprised. Your sister doesn't have a leadership bone in her."

My nose started stinging hearing how, without even so much of a second thought, the man I would follow anywhere belittled me.

"Yeah, well… Mom and Dad don't want to hurt her feelings. But it's not like she could lead Dark Woods in any way. Mom wanted to leave foreign relationships in her hands, but Dad and I disagreed. Can you imagine being the Alpha for whom his sister speaks? I would have been a laughing stock." - Iggy said with a chuckle.

So that's what this was all about… My parents had finally decided to deprive me of my birthright. All of it.

I knew that they were concerned if a woman could take such a big responsibility, which twenty-five thousand wolves were, but so far all the plans circled around splitting the role between me and Igor. Igor was the strong one, stronger even than Daddy. It seems obvious that he will hold the Pack with an iron fist. But what he lacked was my patience, which turned him into a loose cannon when facing other leaders. Yes, we had the numbers to intimidate, but even we couldn't make it on our own. Without proper connections with other packs, we wouldn't be able to offer our people the very best lives they deserve. Without a proper diplomatic approach, we wouldn't have a flourishing economy, a stable free market, and opportunities. And after all, we were twins. We were born together to rule together.

That's why I spend countless hours polishing my Spanish, German, French, Swedish, Italian, Mandarin and, not to mention all the Slavic dialects. That's why I had the best public speeches, body language, self presentation and political affairs tutors. That's why each night before going to bed I studied history, literature and went through all the news from around the globe to be able to hold myself in any conversation that could come my way. I did it all to be a spotless face of my pack.

But it looks like I did it all for nothing.

"I think it's better this way." - Sean spoke and at this point I barely kept my tears in. - "What would she even talk with other leaders about anyway? Romantic novels and the last fashion show?"

"Ha! That's a good one, Maslow." - my brother laughed as the first tear left my eyelid.

And I didn't even cry because of Igor. He was always spiteful and jealous that things like foreign languages and the complexity of politics came easier to me. It was understandable he had his gigantic wolf and brute force, and I had my fast wit.

But no, my tears were the cause of what Sean said, because at that moment I finally understood. He was no knight in shining armor, he wasn't nice to me because he saw a person behind the last name. Actually, he didn't see me at all.

My tears were brought to the front by the last resort of my trust crumbling to the ground. They were caused by hurtful words from the man I thought was honest and honorable. They were a sign of grief over my lost innocence. And the way to finally start believing my father's mantra, that Orlovs can't trust anybody.

All our conversations flashed before my eyes. All the smiling in my face, that was probably just the aftermath of snickering behind my back. All the times I beamed after he complimented my dress. All the times we laughed. So it's only logical that I started questioning each of those moments, knowing that neither was honest.

And there was one that stood up in particular. That one time, a few months back, when we discussed The Animal Farm, about which I said I could relate to Snowball, the most clever pig in the whole farm, and Sean jokingly suggested I should take a closer look at Napoleon, as he was a true-born leader. I thought he was praising my abilities, it never occurred to me that he was mocking me right in my face, comparing me to the most spoiled, self-centered and oppressive character in the entire book. And to think I stupidly admitted he was right.

For some reason that I truly can't understand, he saw me just like the rest of the world, as an entitled, spoiled princess, never even trying to take a deeper peek. He saw me as the sum of all my flaws and the worst gossip about me. And my mistake was in trying to see him as something he was not - a good guy.

I ran from the hall and that night I promised to myself to never let myself be this misled again. The naive seventeen-year-old girl was gone and in her place was taken by a cynical young woman, who smiled and laughed, but never fully, and after that, I never let another soul in.

I clung to the last thing I was left with, my dignity, and I swore to never face him again, not sure if I could keep my true feelings hidden. And if I couldn't, the family ties might get broken, and that I would never do.

And as the years went by, I started hating the very person I've become. I hated my loneliness that, after my parents appointed Igor to take everything, got even more acute. I hated that in every smile that came my way I saw the long list of things someone could want from me. I hated that my skin got thick and unpenetrated, leaving me an empty shell. And most of all, I hated that Sean Maslow was still a man responsible for shattering my heart that never fully healed. He was the reason why I stayed guarded, why I never allowed myself to get close enough to be burned again. He's the reason why I was unable to love.

And he didn't even know how much of an impact he had on my life.

Six years of avoiding another encounter for the sake of my family and those small pieces of my heart that still ached, just to find my mate in Sean f*****g Maslow. Someone must really hate me up there. The man, because of whom I was afraid to meet my mate, turns out to be one. The man who stole that little faith I had in people came to challenge the sense of justice in my life. And that man is currently watching me as if he encountered a real-life yeti, slightly shaking his head in disbelief.

What an irony.

"Sean." - I nodded, acknowledging his presence, yet trying my best to hide how much this moment cost me. But I'd rather be damned than show him anything else than my chin held high.

"Cilia." - he nervously cleared his throat and I enjoyed with the utmost satisfaction how his eyes nervously skipped from me to Nicky and both his Betas. Yeah karma is a b***h. - "Long time no see. How long has it been? Five years?"

"More like six." - I answered with a smile.

"You'd been counting?" - Nicky frowned.

"Not at all, I have a pretty spectacular memory." - I smiled at my cousin, a bit more sincerely than at Sean. - "Especially for grudges." - I added off-handedly and the bastard had the audacity to frown. He probably still had me for a stupid ninny who drank each word from his mouth as if it was the only existing truth.

"That, I know." - Nicky pointed his finger at me with amusement. - "Igor can't live it down that you befriended his father-in-law just out of spite."

I rolled my eyes because, as usual, they chose to twist reality and paint me as a villain because I went against my brother's stupid orders and saved the day.

"Did it ever occur to you that I nurture my relationship with Ramiro because A) he's Lettie's family, B) because he's actually a very nice man and C) because I genuinely found his interests fascinating." - I said with exasperation.

"Oh so it's Ramiro to you?" - Nicky snickered - "I actually thought his name was That Latino Rat-bastard." - he joked, recalling Igor's most frequent nickname for his in-law.

Of course, he would grab onto one of the most insignificant things I've said. Because no one seems to notice that if it wasn't for me, Igor could not have his precious Luna. If it wasn't for me, my stupid brother would be in the middle of waging war that would swallow at least one of Letitia's closest men, leaving her heartbroken, ergo, he wouldn't be playing happy family right now.

But sure, I'm the bad one because I found a way to charm and persuade a stubborn Alpha male who saw my pack as nothing but a threat full of barbarians.

"It's actually Alpha de la Cerda, but my brother always struggled with his Spanish, so the mistake is understandable." - I answered, making the Beta female, I believed her name was Lana, snort.

"Your family is so funny." - she commented, and I don't know what devil put me to glance at Sean, but seeing him again after all this time and knowing what I know now, all the worst instincts awoke in me.

"Yes, we're hilarious, don't you think, Sean?" - I asked him pointedly.

"Um… Yeah." - he answered hastily, still glancing nervously at everyone else, trying really hard to avoid my gaze.

Hmm, judging by his skittish behavior, he didn't want our little secret to get out. Hurtful, but I can't say I'm surprised. I'm not entirely sure what my own thoughts are, but the little self-respect that I have will never allow me to chase after a man who doesn't want me. And with that said, I need to get rid of Nicky, settle things with Sean and find myself a hotel for the next three days.

"Didn't you say you were in a hurry?" - I asked Nicky, snapping him from watching Sean and me.

"Yeah, I guess." - my cousin shrugged, yet didn't make a move to leave.

"You guess?! So I had to take my breakfast to go and pee at a gas station, because you wanted to gossip with Sean?" - I snapped, raising both my brows.

"Okay. She's all yours, buddy." - Nicky said, clapping Sean's back in a friendly manner. - "And may I add, she's in a delightful mood today. Have fun. And I beg you, stay alive. Both of you."

Sean nodded, looking as if he barely heard what was being said to him. He was the worst actor ever. How could I ever fall for his fake smiles is beyond me.

But his behavior did go unnoticed by Nicky, who stopped in his tracks, watching him curiously. And Goddess knows that Nicky is the one who could actually sniff that something was up.

"Sean, you're okay?" - Nicky asked, and I decided to step in.

"He looks like he just woke up. I guess some people don't live with the Gestapo banging on their door at 6am." - I said pointedly to my cousin and he chuckled, but at least he seemed to lose interest in Sean.

"When you have kids on your own you'll learn that 6am is actually the middle of the day." - Nicky joked, but his words brought nothing but a nervous lump in my throat. Because there in front of me stood a man with whom I was supposed to have said kids, but who looked like sticking his d**k in an opossum hole was way more probable than engaging anything with me.

Fine by me. It's his loss anyway.

"Yeah and when I do you can call me each morning at 6 to exchange experiences, but for now respect the boundaries, Cuz." - I said, making Nicky chuckle and shake his head.

"Fine. I'm going." - he raised his hands in surrender. - "We're coming back on Sunday evening, so if you're still alive I'll pick you up on Monday morning." - he said to me.

"As long as it won't be at 6, I'll be waiting." - I said pointedly and finally, after exchanging handshakes with Sean and his Beta, Nicky left.

It was probably the most awkward ten seconds of my life from when my cousin left the room to the moment the front door slammed behind him, but the click of the shutting door was like a wake up gong for Lana.

"So Cilia, do you want to go see your room? Are you hungry? Maybe you would like to see the pack? I don't think you've been here before." - Lana asked.

"No I haven't. But that's alright, I've seen enough packs in the last couple of months to last me for a lifetime." - I smiled at her - "But coffee would be great. I think I got decaf in the Stealth Death."

"Oh sure, then let's…"

"I'll take her." - Sean cut Lana off and this time I was forced to look at him.

His deep brown eyes betrayed his determination and the edge of his patience. And I knew Sean well enough to know he never lost his temper. He was cool as a cucumber, so finding out about the small inconvenience we share must've been a tough blow for him.

"You will?" - I asked, raising my brows challengingly.

"Yes, we could have one in my office, and… catch up." - he answered with his face being as emotionless as ever, while his eyes were on fire. But he didn't know I could see right through this stoic facade. I grew up in a place where having two personalities, one for your family and one for everyone else, was just as natural as having two hands.

"Alright, let's catch up." - I agreed.

He nodded stiffly before showing me the way with his hand and I followed. On our way, the clicking of my boots was the only sound that accompanied us as neither made an effort to break the silence. But when he opened the door to let me into the most hideous, mismatched office I've ever seen, I almost laughed. Only someone as fake as Sean could think that combining a heavy gothic fireplace made of white marble, with bright burgundy wallpaper with a golden pattern straight out of pre-revolution France, and a fairly modern resting set of black leather, was a good idea.

"This place is very you." - I said before I could stop myself, but at least it could be taken as a compliment.

However, I don't think he was fooled, judging by the grimace he sported looking around.

"Cilia, I… You probably know what I wanted to talk about?" - he started, and in his defense he at least sounded as if he wanted to approach the subject delicately. I should probably be grateful that when he chose to break my heart for the second time he at least did it in private and with some regard to my feelings.

"I may have an idea, but I don't like guessing." - I said nonchalantly.

"You're not going to make it easy on me, do you?" - he asked with a sigh, rubbing his face with exasperation.

"It ain't no romantic novels or fashion shows that are clearly my field of expertise" - I said with a healthy dose of pettiness, crossing my arms.

"What the hell are you talking about?" - he frowned.

Of course, he didn't remember. He has probably said many worse things about me since then, so how could he possibly know that I was quoting him.

"Nothing." - I murmured - "Say what you have to say and let's be done with it." - I added, tilting my chin high.

He watched me for a moment, searching my face with those damn chocolate eyes, but I was far better at keeping my resting b***h face. He won't find anything there. No hint of my own feelings, no hint of my thoughts. Nothing.

"Look, the situation is tough. We aren't exactly family, but we share one. So I think we should discuss how this…" - he pointed his finger between me and him - "would affect everyone else."

He could even say the word. He couldn't even call me his mate. Instead, I was a part of this.

"This isn't going to affect anyone. Actually, I'm waiting for Nicky to get far from here so I could call myself an uber and go to the hotel." - his brows shot up in surprise, but before he could say a word I raised my hand to stop him. - "Don't worry, I'll be back on Monday morning, and we can pretend I was here this whole time. So unless Nicky goes through the bedsheets, which I think he won't, we're safe." - He was taken aback by my solution, but I wasn't about to give time to retaliate, my stay here was already too long. - "Any objections? No? I thought so." - I added quickly, and I rushed to the door.

Swinging it open, I shouldn't have been surprised to find his Beta couple right outside, obviously eavesdropping, but I wasn't. I forced a smile on my face, and I acknowledged the odd duo with a curt nod.

"It was lovely meeting you all." - I said politely and I went down the hall, where I knew Nicky had dumped my bags.

Yes, I think it went pretty well.