*Ethan*
I am going to sleep with her. But first, I need some scotch. With any luck, Ashe and Killian are still up, they will join me, and I will have an excuse for not returning to her bed until I am well and truly foxed.
I catch them and Melina on my way down the wide sweeping stairs as they are on their way up. “Care to join me for a drink before retiring?”
I would even welcome the Luna. She has a reputation for favoring spirits, for favoring all things wicked, which is one of the reasons she is an excellent match for Ashe.
“It’s been a long day, Grey,” Ashe says. “We plan to depart early tomorrow, so I think Melina and I are better served calling it a night.”
“Sleep well, then.”
As the couple walks past me, the Luna reaches out and places a comforting hand on my arm. “In taking care of Josie, don’t forget to take care of yourself.”
I grin. “I’m about to take care of myself in the library.” As soon as the words are out, I know they are ones that Nathan would never speak. Fortunately, Melina hasn’t been familiar enough with Nathan to know that. Ashe, however, scowls and shakes his head before placing his hand on the small of his mates back.
“Let’s go to bed, sweetheart.”
I wait until they disappear down the hallway to turn my attention to Killian. “Ashe was correct. While Nathan and Josie have separate bedchambers, my brother did sleep in his mates bed. She just mentioned that she missed her husband being there. My following through on that particular habit of his necessitates a drink first. I prefer not to drink alone.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Killian leans back against the banister. “You are going to go to Josie’s bed reeking of cheap alcohol?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of expensive scotch. I need to dull my senses so I don’t do something stupid.”
“Dulling your senses is doing something stupid.” He mumbles.
I want to slam my fist against a wall. I hate when Killian is right, but I see no other option. “She is a she-wolf. If I climb into bed with her, my c**k is going to react.”
“She would expect that. You’re supposedly her husband.” He points out.
Plowing both hands through my hair, I hiss a vile curse before admitting, “I don’t know how to sleep with her.”
Killian stares at me. “Christ, Ethan… Grey… you’re not a virgin.”
“No, but what do I do with my hands?” I ask.
“Pardon?”
I splay my fingers. “Do I cradle her breast? Cup her backside? I don’t know what she expects.”
Killian shrugs nonchalantly. “Just hold her.”
Easier said than done. Nathan never shared the intimate aspects of his relationship with Josie. Wouldn’t she be suspicious if I did something my twin never did, reacted in a way that Nathan never had? The intimacy of being beneath the sheets with her, even if my body isn’t joined to hers, makes me break out in a sweat. “I’m going to give myself away.”
“Don’t overthink it. Assume she is in need of comforting, reassurance that nothing changed between her and her husband while they were separated.”
“Everything changed. That’s the bloody problem.” Giving my ear a hard, unforgiving yank, I shift my gaze toward the foyer that branches into multiple hallways, one that leads to the library and solace. With a deep sigh of longing, I turn back toward the bedchambers and, with Killian beside me, begin trudging up as though climbing a treacherous and demanding mountain. “Will you be departing early as well tomorrow?” I ask.
“Long journey back to the castle.”
“I haven’t even asked after your father,” I say as I come to a stop outside my bedchamber door. I will call for a bath before going to my brother’s mate for a long, interminable night.
“He deteriorates a bit more each day,” Killian says. “You should come to see him once Josie delivers the babe.”
“Are you going to tell him the truth of things?” I ask.
He nods. “I want to ensure that during whatever time remains to him, he is mourning the proper loss. Your secret will be safe. Out on the moors, he has no one to tell.”
“Except for the ghost of your mother. I thought I saw her once.” I admit.
Killian gives me a laconic grin. “Everyone thinks they have seen her. It’s just a wisp of fog. Ghosts don’t exist.”
“Still, I can’t help but believe that if I look out toward the mausoleum, I will catch a glimpse of Nathan watching. I don’t want to let him down.”
“Then tonight hold his widow a bit more tightly than you think you should.” He tells me.
With that bit of advice, my friend turns on his heel and heads toward his bedchamber, leaving me to stare after him. In all the days, hours, and minutes since Nathan’s death, I have been so consumed with my own guilt for my role in what came to pass that I have never once thought of Josie in that solemnized term: a widow.