His brother’s Luna, his mate

Something is off

*Josie*

In death, it seems Ethan is accomplishing what he hadn't been able to in life: causing me to lose Nathan. Since his return, Nathan seems to welcome any excuse not to be in my company.

I despise that I am experiencing petty jealousy toward a dead man because all of my mate’s focus is on him, that I have begun to doubt myself and question his love for me.

I rather wish now that I hadn’t encouraged him to go, to take one last trip with Ethan, but I know how much he had enjoyed traveling before I came into his life. Bless him, he has always sensed how much I worried that something awful might happen while he was away, so he had curtailed his exploits, which had created a fissure between the brothers.

I thought the trip would do us all a world of good, might make Ethan more accepting of me. It was no secret among the High packs that we didn’t quite approve of each other. It saddens me that we had not been on good terms when he parted this earth.

Suddenly I become aware of a hand closing around mine on my lap and squeezing.

“Where have your thoughts gone?” Melina asks.

Tea has been prepared and brought to us, but it has grown cold with neither of us touching it. “My apologies. I’m being an awful hostess.”

“Posh. Under the circumstances, you shouldn’t feel as though you need to be a hostess at all. You looked so sad just then. I think it’s more than the funeral or Ethan’s death that’s troubling you. I’m here to listen if you want to talk.” She says.

It seems at once a betrayal and a weakness to voice my doubts, but perhaps another’s perspective could shed some light. “Nathan’s not been quite himself since he returned.”

“No doubt grief is taking its toll,” Melina assures me.

“That’s what I have been telling myself. But he has been so distant, offering and accepting no affection whatsoever. And that is so unlike him. Although I’m a beastly she-wolf for finding fault with his lack of attention during a time such as this.” But how can we console each other when he takes all his meals in his room, and has yet to visit my bed?

She gives me a small smile, “You’re not at all beastly, but I do doubt he is in an amorous mood, considering the circumstances.”

“I don’t expect him to make love to me. I know I’m hardly attractive in this condition, swollen with child as I am, and as you say, he is distracted, but a gentle kiss would be welcomed.” Even a smile, a soft touch, a reassurance that he still cares for me.

After months of being separated, when he finally arrived home he just stood there staring at me as though he hardly recognized me. I am the one who wrapped my arms around him, the one who squeezed. His only words had been, ‘I’m sorry.’

Then he marched into the residence as though that was enough.

“Have patience,” Melina suggests. “The brothers were extremely close.”

“I know they were. But we were separated for four months. It was supposed to be only three; however, Ethan’s death delayed Nathan’s return. Not that I realized Ethan was dead. The telegram Nathan sent merely read, ‘Delayed. Return as soon as possible.’ It wasn’t until he arrived in a wagon bearing a wooden box that I learned the truth. That in itself was odd… not sharing his burdens.”

She looks thoughtful, “He probably didn’t want to worry you, not in your delicate condition.”

“Yet I want to be there for him. We’ve always had the sort of marriage where our joys were doubled and our burdens halved. But that’s merely a small indication of how he changed while he was away. During this week, I have had moments where I felt as though I don’t even know him at all any longer. Which is ludicrous. He’s my Nathan.” I sigh.

“Which, my dear, is what you must focus on. He no doubt feels as though he lost half himself in those jungles. The twins, I know, seemed to have a special bond, an attachment far more intimate and stronger than that found between other siblings.”

I nod, “I know you are right. I just feel as though he is keeping me at a distance.”

“Men are odd that way, striving to never show any weakness. I suspect he fears needing you and so he pretends he doesn’t. The very last thing he needs is for you to be pushy. It will just make him dig in his heels. Men are stubborn that way. Patience is all you require. He will come ’round.” Melina says.

I hope so, as I truly don’t like this oddness in our relationship. It makes me feel out of sorts.

“How are you feeling with the baby?” She asks.

Welcoming the change in topic, I can’t stop myself from smiling as I fold my hands on my belly. “Wonderful. Happy about my condition in spite of the sadness over Ethan’s passing. I do believe this one is going to stay around to play in the nursery.” I glance at the clock on the mantel. “I think we have given the gentlemen enough time with their scotch. Shall we join them?”

As Melina and I stroll into the library, the gentlemen stand, the somberness about them as they sit remaining with them, maybe even closing more tightly around them.

“Our apologies for being gone so long,” Nathan says. “We got caught up in reminiscing. Time got away from us.”

“We thought as much,” I say. “Dinner will be served shortly. Perhaps we might all like to take a moment to freshen up before.”

“Splendid notion,” he says, then tosses back the amber liquid that remains in his glass. With a grimace, he clenches his jaw, gives his head a barely perceptible shake. It occurs to me that Nathan never seems to relish spirits with the enthusiasm of his brother.

Setting his glass aside, he joins me, offers his arm, and I inhale his familiar tangy bergamot scent. We leave the room in silence, with the others following behind just as solemnly. Because the Alpha and Prince are more family than friends, I have arranged for their bedchambers to be in the family wing, just down the hall from the master suite.

As we reach my door, I turn to my guests. “Shall we plan on meeting back in the library in half an hour?”

“That should be sufficient time,” Melina says. “It’s not as though we will be changing out of our crepe.”

No. I will give Ethan the full six months of mourning due him as my mate’s brother. I will go into labor wearing black.

“Grey,” Ashebury says with a nod to Nathan, before nudging his Luna down the hallway.

“Thank you, Josie, for everything,” Killian offers quietly before heading to his room.

Nathan opens the door to my bedchamber and follows me in. It’s the first time he has been in the room since his return. I don’t know why my stomach flutters with the thought.

Glancing around, his gaze seeming to dart past the four-poster bed, he walks over to the window, looks out on the dark clouds gathering in the distance. It’s a cold, dreary day but at least the rain has held off. “I have not had a chance to thank you for everything you did for...my brother. The service you arranged was lovely. You went to a great deal of bother to give him a nice send-off.”

Cautiously, I approach, stopping just shy of touching him. Quite honestly, he looks as though he could easily shatter. “I’m sorry more people didn’t come.” I had been appalled that so few of the High packs had attended the service. If not for the servants whom I had required to attend, the church would have been embarrassingly near empty. “I think with the distance and the storm threatening…”

“I think Ethan wasn’t as well-liked as he thought.” Nathan mumbles.

“We received many letters of condolence. I placed them in a black box and put it on your desk, so you can read them at your leisure. I think you will draw comfort from them.” He had been too sorrow-filled, lost in his grief, to pay much attention to correspondence, so I have seen to it for him.

“I’m certain I will.” He shifts his gaze to mine, and as always I find myself falling into the dark depths. “You are very thoughtful.”

I give him a small smile, “You say that as though you are surprised.”

He gives his head a quick shake and looks back out the window. “No, I just...I can’t seem to regain my footing with my brother gone.”

“You will.” I rub his upper arm. “You will. But speaking of footing, I must sit down. My feet are killing me.”

He swings around. “You are in pain? Why didn’t you say something?”

“It’s only my feet. They’ve begun swelling of late. I just need to put them up… Nathan!”

He sweeps me up into his arms as though I weigh no more than a feather pillow, as though I’m not this ungainly creature. Then he glances around as though he doesn’t know quite what to do with me now that he has me. My heart is hammering, my fingers clutching his shoulders. He hasn’t carried me since our wedding night, and when he sets me on the bed…

I warm with the memories of our coming together as mates. Surely, we are not now on the verge of engaging in frenzied lovemaking.