Inside the plane, the aisle was predictably clogged, and I waited. There was no longer any purpose to my life. I moved when I was allowed, stowed my bag, and dropped into an aisle seat in the next-to-last row. Near the tail, I thought, picturing it falling off en route to L.A. Tears welled. The flight attendant had to remind me to fasten my seat belt. Then the plane was airborne, and I imagined Raymond driving away free of me. I had never felt so alone. When the drinks cart came by I declined, but the guy in the window seat ordered a bloody Mary. When it arrived, he mixed it and handed it to me. “What’s this?” I rasped, barely able to speak. “You look like you could use it.” My hand flew to my cheek. “Oh, God,” I said as I frantically wiped the stream of tears. The drink was still in