Bearly alive

1

Stella

I woke up with a big smile on my face for the first time in many years. There will be no cake today, no one singing ‘happy birthday’ to me, not that there was ever. But what finally makes today special is the likelihood of finding my mate and maybe, just maybe, him treasuring me and making all the pain go away. Heck, maybe the Goddess was feeling generous and my mate will even take me away from this forsaken place, the Thunderbolt pack.

The fragile spirit that still longs for that out of reach happy ending fights harder than ever with the part of me that knows better, that knows just what my place in this world is. And so far happiness was never part of it.

Tell me, when one thinks about the ranks that werewolves have, what comes to mind? Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Omega, that's what. The thing is, I'm neither, I know it, but despite that, I've been labelled Omega and have always been treated even worse than if I were one.

Much to my wolf's disapproval, I’m happy with being an Omega. I’m happy with being the helper, the one that cleans, cooks and runs errands. I have no complaints about that. But what’s less than pleasant is the constant mocking, bullying and hating that I get for the simple fact that I’m an orphan. No matter what I do, no matter how flawlessly I finish a task and no matter how stupidly fast I pull it off, there are always complaints and subsequently even a beating, depending on the mood that the high ranked wolves are in.

I don’t know who my family is, I have never met my parents. Well, I have, of course at least my mother if anything I know about the birth of a child is real, but I must have been too young when I last saw them, for I couldn’t pick them out from a small group in front of my eyes.

I was found near the pack borders and taken in by a warrior who had too much heart and refused to kill me on the spot for trespassing. I was six at a time. He took me home and although his mate wasn’t thrilled about the new addition to their household, I got a bed to sleep in and a warm meal. Things were good enough for a little while, I was safe.

Unfortunately, only months later, the same man got killed fighting with a gang of rogues who were trying to break the borders and rob the nearby houses. Needless to say, those few months while my protector was with me were the only kind months I have had. His mate kicked me out of their house immediately, but I couldn’t blame her. Losing your mate is said to be the worst type of heartbreak one could possibly experience, so she must have been hurting more than anyone could know and I have never held anything against her.

I was only a child, but I had to learn to fend for myself. I wasn’t seen as a threat, so I was allowed to stay in the pack and try to survive on my own. And I did, by doing every single job that I could, from fetching things that would earn me a piece of leftover bread, to now cooking and cleaning, which gets me a room in the basement of the pack house.

It’s a small closet, but it’s my own space. Well, when others aren’t having a laugh by filling it with manure, that is. I still shudder remembering that day when the whole pack house smelled like a turkish toilet. Though, I think the young Alpha and Beta suffered more than I did, because I can’t imagine their sleep being more pleasant than mine until the smell finally cleared.

By the time we figured out where the smell was coming from, I got blamed, since it was from the same place I sleep in. It took me a good couple of hours and a lot of bleach to get rid of everything, but let me tell you, werewolves have extremely sensitive noses, and no amount of cleaning could rid the pack house of the stench for weeks. And guess who got regular beatings because of it? You are right, it was me. I must have been about fourteen at the time, but I still shudder at the memories. My tormentors only got more creative after that, making sure they would never suffer the second hand consequences of their pranks again, or as they like to call it, they have refined their methods. Lucky, lucky me.

But today has the potential of finally being a good day. Today I turn eighteen if what my wolf says is to be trusted. Since I have no idea when my birthday actually is, I can’t contradict her, but she swears she feels it’s today. She knows from today we can sense our mate.

“Stella!” A voice booms through the kitchen. I scramble to swallow the little piece of bread I thought I would award myself with since, you know, it’s my birthday. The hard crust scratches the inside of my throat and it feels like it goes down the wrong pipe. I swallow my cough because that would do me no good, and wince as I feel the lonely piece of bread make its way down my esophagus. It feels odd, and I will it to move faster, an irrational fear that Benjamin, the future Alpha will notice I ate it. He doesn’t sound in a good mood, and I don’t want to give him an extra reason to take out his anger on me.

“Yes, Alpha.” I try my hardest to answer, not too loud but not too faint because I know he hates that.

A few months back, the King of beasts came to visit the Thunderbolt pack as part of his rounds around the kingdom. I still get giddy because I actually got to see him when our Alpha was showing him and his entourage around the pack.

I was so excited, like seeing the biggest celebrity, it truly made my day. But just as that was the most exciting day for me, it was one of the worst for my future Alpha, Benjamin. As it turned out, Benjamin’s favourite girlfriend, the one he was planning to make his Luna, is the mate of one of the King’s men. A young Gamma or something, definitely someone far more important than a future Alpha. Benjamin’s father did not want to upset the King of beasts and so Benjamin lost his favourite toy.

Or at least that’s what I heard whispered around the corners and I tend to believe it, because a- I got one of the worst beatings of my life, so bad that I blacked out for a whole day, and b- said favourite girlfriend is gone. Her whole family moved out of the Thunderbolt pack.

I make sure that by the time Benjamin enters the large kitchen, the tray with his breakfast is ready, and so am I to deliver it to wherever he wants to sit and eat. He’s usually not up this early, no one in the pack house is, so I barely make it before his huge frame darkens the doorway.

“Good morning, Alpha. Your breakfast..” I stutter.

“f**k this.” He plants his large hand under the tray and swiftly overturns it, sending everything to the floor. Then, for good measure, he slaps me across the face so hard that I almost follow after the buttered toast.

“You useless piece of s**t. Clean this mess up.” He barks at me. I’m not even sure what I did wrong, but I manage to scramble down and start cleaning the bits I can. I can still hear him pacing, so I prepare myself for the onslaught that is to come. When I’m almost done collecting everything onto the tray and no punches or kicks come, I dare to look around to locate some paper towels. It’s when the future Alpha starts talking again.

“Margo is coming to Thunderbolt today. I need you to wait just outside the northern border and intercept their car. I want you to deliver this to her and only her. Got it?” I quickly nod and stare at the young Alpha as he hands me a folded piece of paper. I take it and put it straight in my pocket, not wanting to give him the impression that I might read it and get slapped again as a consequence.

“What the f**k are you waiting for? Didn’t you hear me? Leave!” He grabs a fistfull of my hair and practically drags me out of the kitchen, the mess on the floor forgotten. I try to keep the tears at bay as the sting of my hair being tugged gets too much. Finally, he releases me and I start walking briskly, nevermind that it’s the wrong way or that it’s barely five in the morning. Of course Benjamin didn’t tell me what time Margo might come or who she might come with, but I guess she still must have some sort of family here because it doesn't look like she’s coming to see him. If that were the case I wouldn’t need to hang around the border like a rogue wolf and psych myself to possibly jump in front of the car of a girl who once set my hair on fire just because she didn’t like my hair colour, all so that I can deliver a secret note from her ex.

Goddess, this mates business is complicated, but at least I’m not mated to Benjamin. I laugh out loud at that ridiculous thought, taking advantage of the solace of the woods. I was so lost in my ridiculous thoughts that I didn't even realise when I not only reached the border, but I also managed to exit the Thunderbolt pack's territory. And I would have stayed oblivious if it wasn't for the tiny hairs on my body standing up and my crazy wolf practically howling in my head one word, almost obsessively. Mate!